Last update : 12 February 2012
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Chapter One
A. Cooking rice without adding water.
I know i said this is Phase 57 of my life, but it feels like chapter one of a new book. it really does. It's a lazy Sunday morning, and even more so since my phone was left with a loud profile and unfortunately facebook was teeming with active users since 7am. Anyway so I was cooking brunch and just.. how the hell can somebody cook rice without water man. .. I was so embarrassed I almost threw it in the garbage. Pero shempre I just cooked it again. Thank God it was lack of water and not excess of. I feel no better than a toddler learning how to walk. I mean it's not like this is the first time I've cooked rice or lived alone or anything, but for some weird reason it still feels like i'm winging it. It's still exciting and scary and enlightening and fun and I miss my family a lot.
B. DIY's bordering on stupidity
Yes, I miss my family a lot. But I haven't cried the way I did first year high school, first night spent in the dormitories. :) (ahhh, good(ish) times). It makes me happy when they visit - God knows I didn't see this coming. And when they leave, my heart hurts a little bit each time. Honest to goodness. It's ironic how right after I've decided that I'm completely independent, that's when I realize I'm in over my head. I tried uhh moving my furniture around by myself and in the process I kind of cracked the back of my dresser. (When Dad noticed it, I was like "Oh my God, those Brick's guys, I'm never ordering from there again". Brick gave me great delivery service btw.) And also I tried installing the mirror on my dresser and I scratched the dresser top. Turns out I can't do it myself. Oh and when I assembled my display shelves, it fell over and chipped my baseboard. :( but it's nothing white nail polish couldn't fix. Although now I know, when ikea says it needs two people to assemble, I shouldn't scoff.
C. Mom-clean and Dad-sturdy
So now I've settled in, the rug's comfy, the tvs are mounted, and boxes have been unpacked. It's so awesome having my own place despite my lacking uhh maturity but hey - I can do my grinch hairstyle again! (yay) And I'll say this, I could not have gotten here if it weren't for my parents. I'm unbelievably fickle and I'll be saying the exact opposite once we fight, but I'm so lucky to have them. Undeservingly lucky. When I moved out, I knew it was going to take a lot of work setting up, cleaning, unpacking and all that shit, but then voila. When I stepped into the kitchen, my mom has unpacked and washed my dishes and lined the cabinets. My dad carried all the heavy stuff and helped install everything for which a drill is needed. Gosh darn it I'm a pathetic excuse for a daughter for what I've put them through. I should change.
D. The Bar Accident
Anyway change is coming to me whether i want it to or not. I can just feel it. And it's manifested in little ways - kind of like little uhm for lack of a better term, omens. Like this horrible new haircut. Oh and this past week I came to grips with my friend leaving and although it saddens me to lose my lunch buddy, it's really not about me, is it? I've decided to see the bigger picture and be happy for her. But still it's sad because she was such a good friend. Last Friday as we were leaving a bar, I stupidly slipped and fell on the floor. If you know me, you'll also know that before even getting up, I will whine first or try to do a cover up that's just so silly no one will buy it (like "Omg that girl just tripped me" or "I was just picking up my keys. That I dropped."). But she was behind me and one step ahead the quick thinking ladder. She just cut me off as I was saying "The stupid floor was wet" and just picked me up and rushed me out the door. When we were outside she said she knew me and that I'll die - no, she said I'll kill myself - if I didn't get out of there sooner. I couldn't even express my gratitude, I mean I don't even have the words. But that's how it always was, my life I mean. Somebody always needed to pick me up and I have to learn to do that myself. I always pride myself on my super strength and independence and brilliance, but I don't really have those things per se, not when it really counts. So Chapter One of this book is for An Onslaught of Changes and Learning. Here it goes.
~15h36~
Phase 57
Well well well I was on the verge of forgetting that I had a blog. Almost forgot HTML too. Kase naman no, seven months?? Feelingerang busy. .. hahaha :) and for that I apologize. The only explanation I have for it is that I had so many other things to organize physically and to take care of that it felt like my thoughts have the least need for it. Mind you, many a time I was bordering on insane. I have an eternal need to blog I'm afraid.
So I was trying to box things up. Rewind. I was boxing up because I'm moving soon. Rewind. My sister's finally able to get her own mortgage so now I'm free to buy my own place. Zoom in. Not really iron clad yet, we're still finalizing details with her lender and mine din. However, I guess it's good to go - that's why I'm boxing stuff up. Because I'm moving in four weeks.
:) because it's in downtown and 6 minutes away from work. Because I'll have my own kitchen. Because I'm now entering phase 57 of my life. (that's an estimate. leave it.)
:( because I'll miss Robyn soooo terribly. And Byron too. Ahh rewind again, my new nephew was born last July 20th and he's absolutely adorable I just might squish him. I'm sad I won't be there for him the way I was there when Beany was growing up. I'm also sad because the truth is, my parents and I are parting ways and not exactly on the best of terms. We're ok, but not the way I want it. It never was anyway.
So I was boxing stuff up and I came across albums of my old letters from friends et cetera. So I said well it's time for a break and then I started reading and suddenly found myself a tad more cheerful.. My letters never fail. These letters are so important to me that you don't know how thankful I am to be such a dork so as to keep every single one I've received. They remind me of who I should get in touch with again. Or who I should visit when I uhh visit. (toink.) Or you know, who were important then and why they're not as much now. That's why I had to blog. Every closed drawer in my brain was opened and then everything was jumbled up. Geez.
Then I made the mistake of looking at old photos. That one has a much more unpleasant effect. Sadder, kind of. Cue acting chops. Oh the irony! You know that human nature of always wanting what you can't have? Photos have a cruel way of showing that... (Disclaimer: the following are thoughts of a person who's mind is in an almost hopeless disarray and might not be true in all cases. Plus this is her blog. So leave it be.) When we're young, usually we want things we could have if only we were older. It's like our discontent is rooted in impatience and frustration. However, I found that being a witness myself to my peers' impatience is actually engaging and it makes it easier to bear. Plus you know it's going to come eventually so best you can do really is wait.
Then you reach an age when the switch is flicked and the world is reversed. Suddenly what we want and can't have are things from the past that are looong gone. If before it's stuff we can't have yet, this time it's stuff we can't have anymore and it's kind of sad. Because now your discontent is rooted in regret and loss. Which are pretty much irreversible. God knows I'm not there yet and I always promise to never let it happen like this and to always employ the carpe diem attitude. But everyone knows it is inevitable. I'm not a mutant. I will always be subjected to the balance of nature and will always lose one every time I take one. And this is again very sad. God damn it, why did i look at my old pictures? And more importantly why the hell am I not a mutant?
Well whatevs. I'm probably just going to do what I always do when these changes come - grin and bear it. I think I've sorted out enough clatter between my ears for now. Btw, a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ;-)
~17h28~
Hiatuses
Omg is that even a word? I'm too lazy to check right now. I'm entering my lazy phase unfortunately. And it sucks because there's a ton of stuff to do. *sigh* my procrastinating powers are at an all time high and my seasonal apathy is drowning out that tiny voice in my head that says 'move your ass' when i need to. I am just soooo tired. :) ye ok fine, i got a healthy dose of vacation last month, but it was FAR from restful. Which was my fault, really, because it was going to be either a sleep-deprived and make-the-most-out-of-it thing, or a relaxing restful clump of boredom. Course i chose to tire myself and complain about it now. Shit that's the second thing I forgot. Spa. A haircut and a full body massage. Baket nawala to sa isip ko God knows.
Although I have to say, my vacation was worth every penny. Everyone tells me that I go home every year kase bago palang ako sa Canada yadda yadda, and that eventually I'll be going home less and less. .. Well I'm sorry no, I'm going home again next year. How could I not? Just the thought of Filipino food makes my stomach growl. Shit. That's the third thing I forgot. Mango Bravo. Plus anyway, I miss everybody. And I hate it.
So obviously ndi sha perfect vacation, seeing as ang dami ko pala nakalimutan. Plus a few things didn't go well, which i'd really much rather forget for like ever. Haha but hey, lose some and gain some. I'm really so happy I saw everybody and i'll see them again in a year. unless 2012 is really the apocalypse, in which case, shit. May plano pa man din kame magbangkok and Coron and CDO.
Now it's back to reality right. :) back to work, back to school, back to busy. And I dunno, it feels like i'm still wiped out. 'swy I said it looks like i'm headed to my lazy phase. I could feel it. I could feel the unwillingness to care slowly creeping in. I haven't shopped. (No I'm just kidding I went to the mall already. But I only bought a sportsbag because my 11 year old Speedo is officially dead). Then I've been waiting for Dead reckoning for like a year. Now it's here and I bought it last week, and i haven't even opened it. (No I'm just kidding I already opened it to smell it. New books smell gooood.) But I haven't read a page. Same goes for Sweet Valley Confidential. Pero actually, kaya hindi pa, kase mamamatay si Winston Egbert. So now I kindof don't want to read it, because of that spoiler. I'm digressing. And anyway I'm never in the mood to go out. I'd much rather stay home and complain about being not in the mood. (No I'm just kidding, I watched Thor last week, but that's it. And Fast five. Yeah that's it.) And I haven't touched my guitar, or my paintbrushes, or my wii. :( Schoolwork's racking up and it's so disheartening to see that pile of shi.. I mean papers just growing week by week.
So now I'm taking hiatuses. Or whatever the stupid plural form is. One, from blogging - I'm really sorry pero sa totoo lang, bunga to ng petiks ko. Two, from tv (No i'm just kidding, I can't do that. Only in excess of 5 hours a week). Three, from using the internet while at home - except for studying purposes. Four, from online shopping - mind you, not from going to the mall and shopping there, at least I'm getting exercise from that. And five, this annoyingly popular habit of counting air molecules. So there, good friends. I'll be back in a bit. (pero sa totoo lang ha, sa dalang ng pagbblog ko nowadays, it won't really make that much difference.)
~23h03~
Not Enough
24 hours - not enough. See, I forgot about my blog. (gasp) Seriously, sleep deprivation and fatigue are catching up with me. *sigh* kung baket 24 lang ang oras sa isang araw i really dunno. Between work and school and a little fun here and there, (and yeah, sleep) there's no time for anything else. ..! Weeks ago I tried squeezing extra stuff into my schedule. It just can't work. I haven't shopped since Boxing Day, how effing sick is that? I stopped playing the keyboards after Pachelbel. Our scheduled night of drinking (well they'll be drinking, i'll be stuffing my face) that was supposed to be in January has been postponed indefinitely. My outfits for April haven't been planned. If that's not a testament to how insufficient the number of hours in a day is, i dunno anymore. *sigh* I'm tired.
Now I'm blogging kase i got confused. I promised myself mag-aaral ako tonight, but then I realized kelangan ko magpack ng konti or at least make a checklist for April, and then I also remembered I have to do my nails which are now bordering on pathetic. At naguluhan nako, so now I'm blogging.
So probably the whole world knows already, two weeks from now babalik ako Philippines! Ain't that grand? :) I haven't seen my friends for two years, some of them more than that so I'm so excited I can't wait. Unfortunately, the day before I leave I have a big stupid exam. So it's kind of like a push and pull. On one hand I just want to fast forward to that date, on the other hand I want time to slow down. Now I'm confused again so I'll just blog.
So anyway at least makikita ko na ulit them repapips. Omg mejo jologs pakinggan. I need to unwind real bad. Hell yeah I deserve it. And I need to be a tad more frivolous. I'm getting way to prudent for my own sake. Seeing as the end of the world is in the horizon and stuff. Mejo kinasasama lang ng loob ko e late ko na nalaman na may free stay si Ren sa Bellarocca. Mother of all sayang. That would have been a gggreat trip. O well. The 3 B's would just have to do. Bataan Bohol and Batangas I mean. Plus Tagaytay and Iloilo. But still, 4 B's would have been better. Unfortunately, ndi na kasha. Kahit anong gawin ko. As of today, my schedule is deadly blocked off. I'll be there from April 11th midnight to April 27th at dawn. 26th afternoon nalang ang open ko and that's only for emergencies. Like honestly, it's really allotted for last minute shopping, pero just in case. Anyway I'm almost almost done with pasalubong. Two or three stores to visit nalang and then I'm donezo! Good luck nalang sa school work because I'll be gone for 2.429 weeks but really let's just forget about that for now. What's important is that I get a 1-dollar haircut and a 5-dollar manipedi. And that I get to eat seafood again like there's no tomorrow and I revive my friendship with the sun and the heat. And that I see my friends and nana and that I get to visit Lola. Mother fudgies I really can't wait.
~22h38~
Ludwig
My sister just bought this piano, well keyboards, a few weeks ago and I jumped at the chance of reviving my relationship with it (Well pag walang tao sa bahay lang). I knew that I had to reacquaint myself with the piano, kase it's one of the things I plan to buy for my new place. Ang tagal ko nang hindi nagppiano. ..! And it was quite understandable that I was only able to remember a few of my pieces from before. I kind of stopped studying when I was 7.
So anyway I tried learning the Moonlight Sonata kase super ganda nya. I heard it from the Pianist and could've sworn it was in Corpse Bride too. I was able to learn half of the song. Ang hirap kase wala naman akong piece. It's absolutely lovely. Just imagine a world without Beethoven. Then the immensely popular piano composition dedicated to me (hello, fur Elise) would not exist. That's right, Ludwig and I are great friends.
Mejo sad lang na of all the things that could happen it had to be him losing his sense of hearing. I can be wrong, but I think that's why he never finished his Requiem. Like as if I'm going to ever learn how to play that. My piano skills are mediocre. Pero wala lang. Maybe if he didn't go deaf he could've composed a few more. Or like Fur Elise teil Zwei (part 2). Ha ha.
And I guess that's why he started drinking and stuff naren. He just never got the chance to confide in me. (Ha ha ok, i'll stop). Pero imagine not hearing anything?! That's like everything he lived for. I read there was one concert where he had to look behind him because he couldn't hear the thundering applause of the audience and then he cried. Well that is just so sad.
If I lost my sense of hearing, I'll lose a fifth of my happiness (senses, figure that out). Hearing certain things make us happy. For me it's Beanie coming home from school, and Beanie singing or humming to herself. A puppy barking. Brandon Boyd and Greg Laswell. Stepping on crisp autumn leaves. Kwitis taking off - but not exploding. The crunch when you bite into an apple. Hearing people conversing in Ilonggo, kahit mejo hindi ko naman maintindihan. Larry's beep and the sound of my guitar. Hayy a lot of things. I guess you know where this is going. God gives us lots of things in hopes that they make us happy. We don't really need them (things that we need would require a separate discussion altogether), but they're just a little extra to make life worth it. Some of them are not noticeable, like say the leaves, but others are blatantly obvious - like meteor showers. I'm turning all soppy and sentimental kase it's Christmas time and high time to start being appreciative and all that.
Speaking of meteor showers, last night was supposedly the peak of this year's meteor showers. But unfortunately, the heavy heavy clouds were feeling right at home atop Toronto and I couldn't freaking see a thing. I was so looking forward to it. Tsk tsk. They were expecting around two meteors per minute from 1 am onwards - imagine how many wishes I could've gotten in an hour?!?! Oh well. There's always next year. Plus it was too cold last night anyway.
Well, just in case, Merry Christmas in advance! And it's almost Beethoven's birthday coincidentally, so Happy Birthday in advance, Ludwig!
~12h31~
Age, what gives?
I looked at the mirror and noticed something absolutely horrible. I have brow lines! Pero when I raise my eyebrows lang. But still. .. Convinced that they weren't there before, I headed straight to body shop, determined to splurge on their Natrulift line. Lamo yon, yung anti-aging masks and stuff. Then this girl came up to me and said, "That's not for you, dear. That's for forty-somethings." And I told her I was looking for something to take care of my brow lines (with a matching "see?" and a demonstration). "Everybody has that," she said, laughing to mask how weird she thought I was. She all but patted by head and said "scurry away, little girl". Anyway I ended up buying a bunch of other stuff instead.
it's just so strange. I've been affected by the popular need to halt each one's aging process and attempt to mask age.. Sa Pilipinas, most of those i know don't give a rat's ass. Kahit yung mga 20ish at 30ish. There were no qualms about letting people know how old you are or how may kids you have.
Here in Canada it's so much more different. We had a birthday celebration for one of our co-workers. I asked him "So how old are you?" Cue aghast faces all around. I mean it's a birthday celebration, for chrissakes. It would have been on the cake anyway right? Or my best friend at work - it took me a year to know how old she was. Does it matter that much? It's not like it's an abstract thing that would be hard to figure out. We're all in the same space-time continuum - you're x years old four years ago, then you're x+4 now. Wait, let's stop with the nerd talk.
I dunno. It's a difficult custom to understand. They always tell me it's because I'm not at that age yet - you know, when it starts to matter. Well gusto ko parin i-accept ang age ko and the experience and opportunities that came along with it, but maybe so. Maybe it's one of those things easier said than done. But for now, I'm twenty four and I'll tell anyone who asks.
I recently got back in touch with my friends back home and it's been great to hear from them again. Some are partying up their yuppie lives, but a lot of them are like me - embracing their nerdy nature, as you may very well know by now I have. Yes, we're all back in school. Ha ha ha. You would think we're all sick of school, sa countless times na sinumpa namin ang pag-aaral during times of stress. But yes, a lot of us decided to pursue postgrad stuff. And I love that we're doing it, taking time to think and prioritize a bit. Sure that's 2-4 years of the best phase of adulthood thrown to the dogs (or books, in this case), but that's part of the investment, right? So forget the years and the fact that when I'm done with this I've passed 33.75 percent of my life expectancy. Forget the stress and the additional brow lines. Forget the opportunity cost of staying home and spending hours at the library. It all comes down to how you'd like to spend your minutes and this is how I'd like to spend mine. For now. Well actually I'd like to spend my next sixty watching the super super super amazing Walking Dead. So there.
~21h59~
Whack-a-mole
Wait, Advanced Happy Birthday Marian! (not really advanced, it's already her birthday sa Pinas)
I really didn't mean to blog today - I was supposed to sit down with my computer and get back in touch with my nerdy nature and you know, study, pero mukhang wala akong choice. They bought Robyn this new toy today, a portable Whack-a-mole game and it's slowly killing me. It really is. I love Whack-a-mole and I usually beeline for that booth whenever I'm in a carnival. But it's really horrible to hear all that whacking from morning til night. Mother of annoying. This goes high up on my list of trying, trying times. *sigh*
So of course, I do what I normally do during trying, trying times. I am now simultaneously shopping for a condo. Like the closest possible one to work. Ang nag-iisang hindrance nalang talaga sa posh downtown condo dream ko ay yung ability ni atebem to get her own mortgage. She's more responsible now for sure, but still a tad apathetic about finances and all that, so I'm still worried about all of this. And I'm not sure she gets the gravity of the situation.. Gravity for me. Well course I won't leave them hanging, I mean I'll stay here despite that vexing whack-a-mole, but it would be great (by great, I mean of life-saving sanity-sustaining degrees) if I can move out. Soon.
I can't believe it. The whacking has temporarily stopped.
~20h30~
Where is the Love
I just read on the news that there's been a surge of gay suicides over the past weeks. I read about a couple last week, and one this week and they were enough to bother me - now I find out there's been at least nine reported for the past three weeks, six from this week alone and all deaths prompted by bullying.
This is beyond wrong. I'm literally getting a stiff neck from shaking my head so damned much kase I'm extremely appalled. How have people - let alone teenagers - gotten this hateful? Don't answer that. Since napapansin ko nga naman na dumidilim naman talaga ang mundo little by little.
I myself am not gay, and ok fine, I was not a saint in high school. Yes, I was also guilty for using 'gay' as a derogatory adjective. But I'm smarter now and so should everybody. These acts of hate are stupid and unwarranted and bordering on criminal. Numbers are rising at an alarming rate and I really hope it stops soon. I know and care about people who went through the same things. I know these kids were suffering enough on their own, you know, with finding and accepting themselves amidst all the wrong notions and repercussions that being 'gay' has. Being a teen is hard enough, we all know that, and they have more on their plate. Those other kids who beat them up, or ridicule them, or those who turned their heads the other way, it's all just so sad. They should know how vulnerable most gay teens are.
How can anybody dare persecute them for something they have no control over? I honestly can't think of any reason why there's hate directed towards gay people. Can anybody? ... Sa totoo lang sa ellipsis na yan, 10 minutes na ako nagiisip anong ilalagay ko dito na possibilities, I really am stumped. The differences that they have with straight people do not even affect or harm anybody in any way. Most of the time, at least for those I've known, they usually just try to deal on their own and see if maybe they can find an outlet to express that part of themselves somehow. Like art or music - for which we should be admiring them if anything. I honestly don't know. Most I can do is attribute this to that damned venom of hate against them created eons ago that unfortunately surpassed time by swinging from one closed ignorant mind to another. Other than that I dunno what gives. Intimidated by or scared of them? Doesn't make sense. *shakes head*
I hope to God there's no more of these unnecessary deaths. I hope educators get through all the thick heads coated with bigotry and the bullying and discrimination goes down until it stops. I hope people speak out and recognize that this is a serious matter and silence only makes it worse. I hope them suffering kids can find a bit more strength to wait a little more. I mean everyone has a purpose and God loves them and He'll help them get there. To that place where they can be who they want to be doing what they want to do surrounded by people who understand and love them. As, you know, all people should. They'll get there, usually not in high school, but yeah, there are a lot more accepting people outside those walls. I would not come close to ever knowing exactly how hard it is, what the plate that is their lives has on it, but I know hate is not everything the world has to offer. Just, I hope somebody's able to help them before it's again too late.
~01h41~
String Quartet Tributes
Hey what do you know. .. Two posts in a month - that's unusual. It's not because my to-dos are at an all time low, cause they're not, but i'm maybe sick. And I can't call in sick tomorrow because i just did that two weeks ago. Kailangan i-limit, kase the youngest member can't be the sickliest one in the team. It would look fishy. psssh.
So anyway, since we've recently adopted a rather positive view on life's random challenges - stemming from the realization that we might be on the edge of human existence - something good came out of being bed-ridden. String Quartet tributes!! I mean I wasn't that willing to move too many muscles so i ended up facebooking. It's so funny, a lot of people hate on facebook and twitter and such. Pero if used right, it could be a great source of the finest goods out there. People share a lot of stuff. All you have to do is find out who you have similar tastes with. Then you can leech on their shared posts without them knowing. Or you could let them know din, whatever.
So back to the String Quartet. Vitamin String Quartet. They're this L.A. group of string players who make their own string rendition of rock and alternative songs. The rap and pop songs they did I'm not too crazy about (Pretty Fly for a White Guy in strings? I don't think so). Pero Metallica and Coldplay tributes? and Incubus! grabe. And so using the concept earlier mentioned about leeching, okay sharing is a better term, I took part in the social networking wave phenomenon. I shared and introduced that same gem of music to other friends. And they've shared it to other friends et cetera.
But it doesn't stop there. We could utilize a corollary. Those who leeched, okay again, shared my link probably have the same taste in music as I do. So I scan their music preferences and find these buffets of euphonic delights. It's a great cycle.
On repeat: I Miss You by VSQ tribute to Incubus. My sulking for not being able to play the violin is back (I heard Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 a year ago while watching Criminal Minds). For some time, nagresearch ako on violin lessons here in T.O. Kaso I really can't find the time for it. I barely have time to paint or play video games or shop. Sayang. Sana instead of piano, my mom got me violin lessons instead. Or cello. Or maybe that's too heavy to lug around. Anyway whatevs. One can still hope. In the meantime, my lovely lovely music plays in the background.
~19h28~
New Era
How time flies. I'm twenty four. More importantly, Robyn's five.. (!) Parang kahapon lang pinapaburp ko pa sha sa balikat ko. So many changes around me too. I keep saying it, but it feels weird. In that painting that is my life, I stay the same. And yet the background flips one picture after another. Pero shempre, debatable. For all we know it could be the other way around. You know, relativity and all that shoot.
I've lived in at least ten places since i turned 13 - not including my dormitories for summer school. And soon I'll be moving again. It's funny - some people hate moving. But I kind of like it. It's like your real life 'reload page'. Wipe everything off and start anew. This time better equipped, kase i've taken something with me that i've just learned. And yes, I have a new era coming up. It's confirmed by the fact that I've run out of pages in my outfit journal. Ha ha ha. Well yes, meron ako nyan. My daily outfit for school and work since college (we had uniform in high school) has been religiously listed down. Top, bottom, accessory and shoes. Don't look aghast, it's proven to be really helpful in identifying dates for important events. Plus it helps to be careful about not overwearing something. Kase madali sha mangungupas plus iisipin ng mga tao konti lang damit mo. See. So now new outfit journal, new era. Every week nagffeeling vampire diaries ako, pero sa totoo lang outfits nililista ko. :)
Anyway then there are those people we meet (met) that we'll never see again. Or people we're just about to meet. Or life changing events - catastrophic or favorable - that have been set in motion way before we ever sensed they're going happen. Or things that will alter us forever, or our own hand in infinitely many butterfly effects.
It's a mystery how astronomers keep themselves sane, when they spend their lives predicting and understanding something that's ultimately beyond anybody's comprehension. Physicality is just one side of it. We don't know all the other forces that keep it moving.
I read they're now trying to develop this satellite that's supposed to knock off the next comet that threatens to hit Earth. Should be ready in about ten years or so. Obviously our respective lifespans are immaterial, but are we actually on the cusp of human existence? Should I start assessing my life and work on a bucket list? All of a sudden my outfit journal makes a lot more sense. How many of those outfits were worn on days that mattered?
*sigh* it's Labour Day weekend and I stayed home because it's cold outside. can't you tell?
~15h34~
Quotes
Well wala ako magawa kahit dapat nagnnumber crunch ako ngayon. So I wasted a couple of hours searching for the exact date of a particular event in my life, which of course will remain private, and anyway while doing that, i dug up things I've said that pretty much proves I haven't changed. Sana magets na ng ibang taong nagmmuni muni jan.
07/03/05 Jargon Somewhere along the lecture my braincells allotted for math all just die and leave me looking like a moron.
09/03/05 the Pertfectest Things Ung mga babies kahit helpless sila at suka ng suka at tae ng tae, they still manage to be the prettiest perfectest things ever.
12/08/05 A Perfect Circle The fact that they're never not there, that's worth being happy about.
01/28/06 Procrastination It's primary function is to stress you out til you get used to it (if you're lucky) or til you go crazy and waste away and die.
03/09/06 Haggard Let's just pray na hindi magka opportunity na ako ang maging nag-iisang candidate to save somebody's life.
04/04/06 A-churning It's an enormously horrifyingly dreadful manifestation of karma.
06/18/06 learn I learned as far as friends go, hindi ka mawawalan niyan as long as you've done at least one good thing in your life.
07/01/06 July Diba may sense. I know, wala. Pero the fact na wala, considering it's me, makes everything sensible.
04/09/06 Unsure And my dad makes the butterflies turn into monstrous dragons.
10/08/06 Coffee I let go of something I'm really proud of. My friendship with the tv.
02/19/07 Keep breathing My day's gone so bad ... Shit. Ang special pa man din ng outfit ko for today.
03/28/07 Ahhm oops Wala nang Nana (although lagi ko shang inaaway, it's inevitable however much it pains me).
05/04/07 Lemon chicken It's strange, no, how lemon chicken is considerably sweet, sort of like how orange juice is yellow.
10/21/07 Palawan Puro slash slash yung paa ko dahil sa mga corals na parang upturned knives and axes.
02/10/08 Teeth Sobrang contrite ako that while driving home I was apologizing to my teeth.
03/03/08 Pseudo Preparation Over my dead body. Albums and letters and mementos stay with me.
06/17/08 Mumblings Oh God, I'm as underqualified as the Pope is religious.
09/05/08 Bye-bye yet again There was this hideous vomitrocious monster of a little lizard. That just did it for me. I swore off branches that day.
02/12/09 Bow kay Nana Age. There always comes a time when it starts to matter. When for the first time, Time is not on anybody's side.
05/22/09 Knives vs. Oranges I got some great news. For myself. I'm sure you wouldn't care.
08/17/09 Love August People here love it. They bask in all that kalagkitan and pawis.
09/18/09 Sleepfast My adventures were insane. Attacks of the centipedes sa taas ng oak tree, obstacle courses sa hills ng Bene, knights and knaves and crocodiles...
03/06/10 Home and Home-not-really Unfortunately for me and my inopportune sense of humor, she meant Lola wasn't breathing anymore.
05/13/10 Everything-block Wait and see. Keep an eye on it and see if eventually the fantastic promises are brought to life.
~16h20~
Solace
Hey would you look at that.. .. July na. July 2010 na. That means i've kept this blog for more than 5 years. See I was looking though the html code para magtanggal ng mga javascript (like say tinanggal ko na yung fireworks at earthquake) and woah 2005 pala yung first post ko. So it's really been 5 years. Ang galing no? :) Ang mas magaling pa dun, parang hindi ako nagbago. ha ha ha. Like yung mga qualms at speeches ko dati, ganun ko parin idedeliver ngayon. that's so weird considering that's twenty percent of my life so far. Anyway whatevs. A discussion on time is not something i want to get into kase nowadays every definite concept has gone theoretical. Abstract. Thank you, Inception. (must watch pala ito. i swear. this is one movie worth our intelligence.)
Well anyway wala namang surprise na ganito na nga ang nangyayare. I mean time swooping by before I'm able to bat an eyelash. Ang bilis bilis bilis. I'm saying this kasi next week ay finals ko na. And then couple of weeks after that I'm going to be 24. gee-heez. And then a couple of months after that bagong sem na naman. And we all know sa mga ganitong bagay bumibilis ang panahon. Plus the fact that we have four seasons. Mas mabilis daw ata pag ganun. Whatevs. But I love it. I love that my life feels accelerated. As long as you have a destination, it's nice sometimes to speed up. Yeah yeah i'm missing out on the scent of the flowers along the way pero see on this road, there are a lot of weeds. No flowers. Just weeds. :) So we take solace sa 'idea' na at the end of the road, there's a big fat flower bed waiting and then we could finally slow down.
Nagddrama ako. ha ha ha. I dunno what gives. Baka naaalala ko lang apartment ko. I mean nakatagal na ako dito sa house for five months now and that's a nice thought, an unbelievable feat. :) yun lang, nammiss ko lang magkasariling place. A place for solace and meditation. :) Hindi kasi ako nakapagbabay ng maayos diba. I would have wanted to say goodbye to each wood on the floor, each wall, window and door. pero whatevs diba. we all have to give up lots of stuff. That's nature's inevitable reminder that we can't always have everything we want. So I'll just wait a few more months and I'm going to get it back. Kaya masaya na mabilis ang panahon. Helps with the waiting.
~20h06~
Everything-block then bam. Upsurge.
Whoopers. Two months na pala akong hindi nagbblog. It's getting irritating, really, kase for a while I had the worst case of everything-block. Wala akong maaccomplish na kahit ano. Wala ako sa mood para sa kahit ano (Well except plants vs. zombies - that one i had time for). Kala mo naman ang dami kong ginagawa sa buhay. ha ha ha. well madami na ngayon pero as of last week wala..
So see, kahit sa pagppaint, i'm currently on hiatus. It's one of the things I enjoy doing the most, and yet hindi ako mamotivate. It's a little devastating. One lazy March day I sat on my couch in front of the blank canvas and... nothing. Mejo naconclude ko na na hindi inducive sa artistic creations yung environment sa bagong house. Unfortunately, I need to do 13 more paintings by the end of the year. Well too bad nalang kase my classes have started. And I'm behind on the readings. .. Whaww eto hindi na ako nagbubusy-busyhan. Pero wala na talaga akong minutes to spare. Well marami dito sa work. Pero kasi kahit petiks ako most of the time, I did promise my boss na hindi ko gagawin yung homeworks ko dito.
So anyway where was I. Yea, naapprove na kase ng company yung plans ko to get a designation. Pffft. Nagffeefeeling feeling lang ako. I mean, obviously importante dito sa industry yung post grad degrees and designations and such. I mean sa lahat ng welcome aboard emails na natatanggap ko, all our new hires have desigs or are working towards getting one. E alangan naman magpahuli ako. I'm underqualified enough as it is. Plus when better to start, right? God knows etong age bracket ko yung pinaka madaming free time. (well excluding post retirement age brackets). So there.
Plus alam mo pa, I bought this nice wii game like last week and hindi ko pa nabubuksan! i mean if that doesn't show how short my days are I dunno what does. Thank God all my tv shows have finished their respective seasons. Well except True blood, season 3 starts in June. I'm rambling.
So anyway, now I'm enrolled in economics and fin accounting. Good grievances, kung alam ko lang na magwwork ako sa finance edi sana kinuha ko na to sa UP. At hindi na ako nagsasayang ng oras sa pagbabasa ngayon. Grabe kumain ng oras yung required readings. Shheeet. Although I have to say, namiss ko yung classroom atmosphere. I've strategically taken a seat at the back close to the door, keeping in mind the amount of coffee (as much as I hate coffee) or tea that I would be drinking to stay awake and would thus force me to take inopportune trips to the washroom. Unfortunately, yung mga katabi ko, they're the meanest people ever! ha ha ha. They're nice and smart and all, pero pag may mga nagtatanong sa prof ng mga admittedly katangahan naman talaga, nagagalit sila. Maririnig ko nalang 'Shut it, grandma!' or 'I'm close to killing that guy!' or 'They're so dumb, it's right there in the book!'. It's distracting at times, pero I could also take it to mean that they're smart enough and when I fall asleep or get confused, that could come in handy.
ooh which reminds me, i need some help with homework. I need four newspaper articles to analyze. I mean, four for chrissakes! I guess kaya skeptical yung mga boss ko nung sinabi ko kaya ko magtake ng 3 classes in one semester. Ganito pala dito. Basa basa basa homework homework homework. Darn it.
So Noynoy, huh.. Hmm k. We'll see. Basta lang wag si Erap. He kind of embarrasses me. It's mean, but he does. Ah, I'm not even going to talk about it, not when I've been unbelievably apathetic for the past 5 years (ok, 23 - because babies and kids can also have their own political opinions). Well anyway i guess we'll just have to wait and see. Keep and eye on it and see if eventually the fantastic promises are brought to life.
hrmf ok i'll get back to work now. kaya lang naman ako nagblog kasi i was opening my piled up mail at napapercut ako and I took it as a sign that i should blog.
~13h57~
home and home-not-really
I just got back from the Philippines. Actually last Saturday pa e. But i've been sick. .. thank God for Benylin plug ins. .. Or else matutulog akong nakaupo. Anyway. As I said. I just got back. Well let's start the story right yes?
Tuesday, February 9th. Mom and Apol had just left for the Philippines the day before. When I was over the house the weekend before that, we were discussing the change in their itinerary because word was, Lola's health is rapidly plunging to the depths of sorrow. Ops napadrama ako ng konte. So anyway, that Tuesday I told my manager that that was indeed the case and that if anything happened, I would have to go home. And then she said what became the turning point of this whole event. She said "If I were you, I'd go home while she's still alive. And really, I'm going to let you." Wala talaga akong plans umuwi unless may mangyare kay Lola, but then the opportunity presented itself. So an hour after deliberating with myself and talking to Atebem and Daddy, I was talking to our travel agent. She said the only ticket I could get was for Saturday night. We could try for Thursday night, pero antay daw like 24 hours before kung may magopen na seat.
Wednesday, February 10th. Our agent suddenly calls at 4 pm and tells me, "Woohoo you have a flight. For TODAY. you have to be by the airport by 9pm." And I was like well shit naman, I haven't packed and all my summer clothes are in my parents' house. Pero what the heck diba. I just ran and prayed to God hindi ako madelay. One hour to get to the bank and pay the agent. One hour travel to my parents' house. 30 minutes to pack my summer clothes. Thank God Bopito was asleep. One hour to get home. 30 minute bath. 15 minutes to pack everything else. By 8:15 pm, cab was waiting. 30 minute drive to the airport. No delays. Buti nalang tumuloy narin ako. And I mean buti nalang. Wala nga lang ako pasalubong for anybody at kulang kulang lahat ng pinagppack ko at hindi ako nakakiss goodbye kay Bopitito but I made it. At around 10 pm, 11 am Thursday sa Pinas, I called Auntie Heidi and told her I'm on my way and could she please tell Lola. Shempre nashock daw sha. Nobody was expecting me.
Friday, February 12th. I arrived in Manila at 11 am, then flew to Iloilo at 6:45 pm. Got to Lola's bedside at around 8 pm. And for the first time in this story, I cried. Lola was way too thin and she was bed ridden and she was crying herself. I knew all of this already but seeing it was harder than I anticipated. Feeling ko, baka first time akong naniwala non na I might really lose her soon. Then I said "Dito na ako, Lola." And I was trying to appear cheerful and all that shit, pero honestly, ang hirap ngumiti at the time. I can't really see it through my stupidly teary eyes, pero ngumiti naman daw si Lola. Apparently, she almost passed away the day before but she held on. Nagpractice daw, kumbaga. And then they said it was kind of a surprise that she was lucid that time, kase usually hindi din sha fully conscious.
So it was me, my sister, Lola's two nurses Ron and Novi, Auntie, Mama (tita ko) and my cousin Keiser. We were mostly cheerful that night. Dun lang kami tumambay sa tabi ni Lola, nagtutuksuhan pag walang magawa, kuhap kuhap sa arm ni Lola kasi touch therapy daw and she liked it. One time, I was leading the rosary, I put my hand on hers tapos biglang pinatong nya yung isa nyang kamay sa kamay ko. Ops tears number two. Isang beses, Apol and I were talking beside her, and I told Apol that I would rather Lola not suffer anymore. Ron told me days later that Lola probably heard it.
Saturday, February 13th. It was 12:30 am, It was me, Apol, and Ron sitting in Lola's room. I was getting rather sleepy, might have been jetlag taking its toll on me, pero honestly, feeling ko nagthreaten na magshut down utak ko kase si Apol at Ron puro satsat ng nursing mumbo-jumbo. Lola's breathing was getting irregular already but I didn't think much of it. So nagannounce lang ako, "Matutulog na ako. Good night!" and went to bed. Three hours later, I was woken up, I ran to Lola's room. Auntie and the nurses were there. They were sort of not doing anything. And Mama was holding Lola's hand and shaking her head. Eto naman ako tanga, akala ko iksabihin ni Mama "Hinde, wala lang. false alarm." so mejo tumawa tawa pa ako. Unfortunately for me and my inopportune sense of humor, she meant Lola wasn't breathing anymore. For around 10 minutes I was shocked. When Auntie started praying the rosary, I cried for the third time.
It was the barrage of sad thoughts that broke open the tear ducts that are usually reliable dams. Na ako yung inantay ni Lola. Na hindi ako naggoodnight properly. Na sinabi ko pa kasi na wag na sha magsuffer. Na wala na talaga si Lola. Si Lola na ako yung favorite. Si Lola na lagi kong tinatake for granted and yet forever akong pinrioritize sa lahat ng bagay. Throughout the rosary and the final prayer, mga ten times akong lumabas ng kwarto at umiyak sa cr. I can honestly say that it was the most painful thing ever. The realization that I'll never in my human life hear her chuckle again.
And yet masaya din kami. Pagatapos nga ng iyakan and stuff, mejo nagtatawanan na kami e. I guess it's because her death didn't really come as a surprise. And that this is the next best thing. No more pain. And she was ok. They're all actually insisting that Lola was smiling when she passed away. I personally couldn't see it, pero kasi sakin, nagiba ichura ni Lola e. So I'll take their word for it. Although similarly, madami din akong iyak after. One day they opened Lola's wallet and found that the only picture she had there was of mine. Tears number four. O kaya ang magaling na si Ron, kung kelan asa gitna ako ng maraming tao sa living room, biglang magaannounce, "Oooh may final letters palang iniwan sa inyo si Lola." And then proceeded to read them out loud. Tears number five. A few minutes later, yey dry na yung tears. Then Ron continued reading "..I'll be so glad if Elai comes home. I miss her so much." Ops tears number six. and seven. and eight.
Wake for two weeks. Throughout that time I tried to help as much as I could. With the finances, the errands, greeting and serving the guests, I thought it was the least I could do. And you won't believe the fun I had as well. Between scanning the ceiling every fifteen minutes to see if there are lizards in the vicinity, and staying up until 5am with the guests or just sitting by Lola's coffin. Or between playing Langit Lupa with my cousins at 2 am or trying to dodge a drunk when I was out buying load at 9 pm. The brownouts and the scent of fresh air. The tales of aswangs and childhood crushes. The stray dogs, the mosquitoes, the food and the people. I truly felt I was home (no offense Canada). Pero hindi ko rin masabi. It have no idea whether it'd be the same with Lola gone. Kase at the time, I knew she was still there.
Moving on. Saturday February 27th. Lola's funeral went by so fast. Feeling ko kasi I didn't want it to end yet, because that would in turn mark the end of Lola's stay with us. Iyak dito, tapos tawa doon. Tas iyak ulit. In the end when they closed the stone grave thing, when we saw our last glimpse of Lola, all in all, I was ok. Because I came home and saw her. Sabi nga ni Daddy, it was the best decision I ever made. True. Feeling ko hindi ko mattake yung regret pag hindi ko yun ginawa (and thus the special pasalubong I brought back to my boss). Plus Lola led a complete and happy life and that's all that mattered. Never mind her soppy children and grandchildren. She's now ok and I just have to try wrap my head around that.
Sunday, February 28th. Flew to Manila at 6 am then flew to Canada at 12 pm. Got home-not-really at 7 pm. The temperature was better. It was positive 3 degrees celcius, from -9 when I left. The moon was lovely. Canada won the hockey gold. Bopitito was there to greet me with a big hug. For a moment it seemed Canada was wooing my favor back. Pero duh, nagkasakit parin ako. Obviously I got the flu, pero pwede rin homesickness yea? *sigh* I know walang lizards dito, and the future looks bright and swell in a posh downtown condo. But this is still not my real home. For now, it's still just my home-not-really. I kept telling everyone, when I was back home my life was so natural. Now that I'm back here, everything feels new again. Canada's been great to me, and I'll be eternally grateful for each good grace I've received here. Pero Pilipinas parin ang uuwian ko. I dunno when I'll go home for good, ten or thirty years later who knows. But I'm already sure it's where I'll end up. Oops mush.
~03h05~
Lola's Eulogy
When it was tasked upon me to share some of my experiences as part of Lola Pinang's life, I thought it was going to be hard. But I also knew it was going to be an honor. So here goes.
It was still dark that early morning, the thirteenth of February. My sister and I were woken up, and soon thereafter, we were by Lola's bedside and a big part of our lives was suddenly gone.
When we received news a month ago about Lola's condition getting worse, we hastened to leave for the Philippines to get here in time and see her, as it probably would be the last time. The last time we could hold her hand, kiss her, talk to her, and look her in the eyes and tell her just how important she is. We knew that the most we could do was be here for her, if our current situations permit us.
I'm extremely thankful that I was given that opportunity. However, seeing her during those last few moments was extremely difficult. It hurt to witness the complications of cancer cause her so much pain and eventually claim her, with me not able to do anything to at least alleviate the pain. But more than that, it hurt to think of the impending future without my Lola.
Having a grandmother like Lola had its perks. When I was younger, she'd wipe my tears or simply sit with me after I had just gotten some serious scolding from my parents. Sometimes she'd even talk to them and defend me a little. That one's my favorite, because after that what could my parents do, right? She's Lola.
Being a teacher herself, she encouraged me and my sisters to do well in school and give importance to education. She checked my essays and was always ready to help with schoolwork. And although she chuckled when I tell her of my recent mischief, she always reminded me that my parents' rules are not without good reason and that parents are naturally paranoid, and that they are that way because they love me. As did she.
And she made sure I knew it. Whether it be serving my favorite dishes day after day whenever I'm here on vacation or being ever present during birthdays, graduations, and other events, she showed it every chance she got. In her last few hours that was what she did for me too. She endured her pain for one more day so I could make it in time and see her. For that alone I could say Lola was the person who love me the most. She loved all her children and grandchildren the most.
She was the kindest, most doting person in the world. I'm sure everybody says this about everybody else, but really she is. Not once did I see her do anything that was for her benefit alone and not once did I witness her put herself before others. Even on her last night with us, when I arrived, the first thing she did was to motion for us to eat already. Imagine that, with her waning strength, she still worried about the grumbling tummies of her grandchildren. I hope she knew it was the last of our concerns.
This one's the best - I loved how each time somebody arrived in Manila from Iloilo, Lola always managed to send me my favorites. Di bale nang hindi madala yung mga gamot, Lola would say, basta madala yung butung-butung at daing na pusit ni Elai. She was that great.
She was everything a grandmother should be and I couldn't ask for anything more. And I could keep on talking about all the reasons why she was the best, why I tear up every time I think about what I'll be missing now that she's gone. But somehow I'm happy that she doesn't have to endure the pain and discomfort anymore. I'm happy that she's now with God. I'm happy that when she left, she was content and she was accepting, and we know that because the last thing on her face was a smile. I'm happy that everybody did their part in making Lola happy as well in her last few days. My dad will thank everybody later, but still I want to say that we sincerely appreciate all the love you've shown Lola.
So here's to hoping she's now in a better place. While I'm sure it will be hard to live a somehow incomplete life from here on out, we would just have to make do with remembering Lola who loved all of us unconditionally and without reservations. A woman who embodied strength until her last hour. A woman who gave all and wanted nothing in return. A woman much missed, much appreciated, and much loved.
So Lola, for all these things and so much more, thank you. For sometimes being a brat and for the time we spent away when we could have been with you, we're sorry. I hope and pray I see you on the other side, and we love you very much. Feb 27, 2010
~02h12~
Looking back
Hey, December na!! :) that means 12 months nalang and i'll get to eat fishballs and isaw again. and it also means Christmas is a few days away! I could not even begin to explain how sad I am not to see dear friends and family and wish them Happy Holidays and all that mushy shit, but it's kind of ok. I'll see everyone (I mean it - EVERYONE - kase makikipagkita ako sa lahat sa inyo when I come back, whether you like it or not. hehehe) soon. For now, I have to settle for the fact na kumpleto family ko dito (well except Nana) and we're ok and God has blessed us as much as He did. (Dad and Atebem have jobs and we've bought a house. A small house, but it's fine.)
Apol and I got into talking a few days ago about past relationships and mistakes and unbelievably juvenile qualms and all that stuff. And it's so funny. Kase I remember every bit of my past. Highschool at college at least. Yung grade school memories - really hopeless. ha ha ha.
Where was I. Ayon. Mostly kase I kept all letters. Every single one. Since grade 6. I swear. Kahit ichallenge nyo ako. :) i mean if you've given me one, kaya ko itype dito yung sinulat mo word for word. I can pull it out. Well siguro may isa or dalawa na sobrang napunit punit or nabasa or nahulog sa putikan na beyond repair na. Pero everything else is still pretty much 'alive'. I think I've mentioned it here before, when I was packing for Canada. Dibale nang hindi ko madala stuffed toys ko at yung harry potter books. Letter albums are top priority. Lahat - retreat letters, poems, birthdays cards, gift tags, love letters, letters of apology after petty fights, mimistulang drawings na binigay saken. And I dunno, I was feeling like I wanted to look back and remember the funny stuff. And the sad stuff. And the happy stuff. And the mistakes (e.g. the one I shouldn't have bothered with or the one who got away. ha ha ha). So I read them all again today.
Masaya balikan, in fairness. Well it's kind of stupid na nagddrama ako, pero hindi naman talaga. Gusto ko lang basahin, like you would an old book you've read a thousand times already.. Highlights. hmmm.
1. Tienne's retreat letter. Wala shang purple paper daw. So she cut up the blue and pink one. At pinagalternate nya each line. At kasing laki yun ng yellow paper. At kasing rami din ng lines. It's the most touching thing ever. I think this was the first letter that made me cry during the retreat that year.
2. Kiko's retreat letters. Nung third year, sinabi nya blatantly sa letter na maarte daw ako. .. at baguhin ko daw yon. :) (Kiko, don't deny this, I have proof). One year later, fourth year retreat, he said narealize nyang mas maarte pa daw sha sakin and that I'm an 'oath of God' as my name means. ha ha ha. Good we got that settled then.
3. Pio's card nung inaway ko sha. Which was absolutely my fault. He wrote sorry 12 times on that card. And enclosed the money he owed me. Hayy hayy hayy kung ganito ba naman talaga magkakuya, then I missed out because I didn't have a real one.
4. Iiko's goodbye letter when I packed my bags and left Kalai. I guess she knew as well as I did that an era was ending. One of the funnest times ever. Performances in public which was surprisingly appreciated, bonding sessions at kalandian ng Circle, friends we made there, fights at pagbabati or as Iiko said 'pag-aalay naten ng kagaguhang mga hanep na peace offerings' - i swear may mga gumamela at yema at songs composed just 5 minutes before that.
5. Mary's third year retreat letter. She was really worrying then kase napunta sha sa Cesium (cisco or however the hell it's spelled) at nahiwalay na sha forever samin ni Karissa at Mervin. And I remember sa retreat letter ko sa kanya sabi ko naman na nagwworry ako kasi hindi na kami mashado nakakapagbond. Mary and I had one of the most useless and yet engaging conversations of all time pag nagbbonding kame. Meron kaming pinag-uusapan na imaginary person na ayaw madumihan yung kamay niya. At nahulog sha sa quicksand at nung inabutan sha ng branch e nagpakuha pa sha ng plastic. Or the tiny microscopic people who live by the creek. Na binigyan namin ng piso once at malaking yaman na sa kanila yon. At tinutuloy namin yung kwento every time.. Sadly, I really doubt makakatanggap ulit ng piso yung maliliit na tao.
6. Gift tags ng Circle. 'Hope you like my gift, night shift', 'what the hell, tinkerbell', 'Mamen, Happy bday. Love, Yamen'. Signature greetings ng Circle. I truly truly truly miss them. I know nagkahiwahiwalay din at nagkarifts after some time, pero pag nagkasama sama everyone's pretty much the same. Silly. Dorky. Mean. Inventive (sa words). Happy.
7. Karissa's retreat letter and her ABC's of friendship. At pinag-alternate nya yung tatlong ballpens sa bawat line. (Ewan, efforts na ganito, they get me all the time) And she carved it in stone - na tuloy parin communication namin habang pagtanda. Hey, we still send each other lengthy emails week after week. Ain't that grand?
8. Love letters!! ha ha ha. I guess totoo sinabi nila, all relationships have value. Kahit yung mga errrm nag-end badly (which would be ninety percent of them). Ang sarap pagtawanan ng sarili ko. Were we really that corny..? I didn't ever think I was corny. Was I? Pero in global fairness, nakakatuwa parin magbasa.
Looking back, it still baffles me how I got to be these people's friend. Reading their lovely reassuring letters reminds me of the countless times na inaway ko sila or naginitiate ako ng arguments. And I wished I could've been nicer to them. That might make me deserve them more. I don't think it would've been me though.
Mejo sad, na kahit anong gawin mo, you can't keep all your friends. Feel ko impossible din naman, I mean for everyone. Like they can be your best friend back in high school, and yet when you end up in the same class during college, hindi kayo nagpapansinan. Or you gradually move to different posses and stay there. Or you just suddenly lose touch. I'm just really glad I kept all the letters and little notes. I sure as hell don't want to forget. Not ever.
~22h40~
World Vision
Well well well. This is rare. I just blogged last week. Actually, i called in sick today. Nobody smirk please, may sakit naman talaga ako. Kaso nakakabore magisa. Ayoko naman manghawa ng ibang tao.
So anyway fnflood ng world vision yung ad time sa madaming channels for the past how many weeks now so I finally took some time and sponsored two kids. I figured, kung kaya ko gumastos ng God knows how much sa shopping at chocolates, walang akong excuse para hindi mag-alot ng tiny portion para sa ibang kids na hindi as lucky. And you know, I really think if not luck, may uncontrollable factor or some random process na naglagay sakin (at sayo) sa isang magandang environment when we were born. Hindi sa aids stricken or impoverished places, which some children got, and which none of them really deserve. So since mejo inaattribute ko narin sa luck of the draw, this means i (we) also don't deserve how easy we got it and the best thing to do really is help out.
I was watching wv's program on tv this morning, tas nakakaasar narin talaga minsan yung ka-unfairan ng mundo. Meron isang family from Niger. Widow yung mom tas nirrent nila yung mudshack nila for about 4 dollars every month. And they're two months behind. Kase ang income nila solely nanggaling lang sa paglalaba ng mom, who charges 75 cents for each job. And of course she has to feed the kids first. Tas may isa pang family. They can't afford medicine for one of their kids who has an infected eye. And the medicine costs only about a dollar. They don't even have one dollar.. .. This is very very sad. Then there's this other girl, she's 9 but she weighs only 30 lbs. And she has scoliosis or something, yung extremely serious kind. And then when wv brought her to a doctor to treat her infected wounds, she was crying but she never made a sound. And I was like shit, if a kid has forgone complaining about pain, that's saying a lot.
Sana maraming nacconvince yung adflooding ng wv. after watching all that upsetting stuff parang hindi tamang hindi tumulong. That means it's good advertising. :) well anyway may part din naman sa program na papakita nila yung differences na nagawa na nila with the help of all the sponsors so maganda rin makita yon.
So anyway one of my kids is Elisee from Rwanda. Sha yung unang kid na nagappear randomly sa site, at feeling ko tuloy meant to be kase tignan mo naman yung pangalan diba. So anyway he's 5 and both his parents are unemployed. And i was definite na gusto ko sha isponsor kase what with the 1994 genocide and Rwanda's being the 10th poorest country in 2009. Lamo yon, people there have been through enough. And it's good that wv is working to help them, kase magkakahealth care, education at clean water na sila. And specifically para sa family ni Elisee, i might also be able to help them get access to daily food and meds and all that stuff that EVERYONE should get anyway.
May next kid is Mark from (drumroll) the Philippines shempre. :) he's 4 and he's parents are farmers. Well shempre without a doubt obviously i would be partial to the Philippines, pero kaya din ganun kase i really think giving kids access to education will change their lives a lot. I've seen first hand na maganda naman yung education system natin, so parang para sakin just let the kids get there and they'll be ok. Lamo yun. So hopefully with wv's help, mababawasan yung hindrances ng family ni Mark in letting him have this basic necessity.
It's a good gift to give, especially this season. At since halos lahat naman na tayo yuppies (and/or may allowance *raises eyebrow*), we can afford this. sponsoring one child costs less than a cup of coffee everyday you know. And coffee's not good for you anyway kase it stains the teeth. Click here. Sige na, give back. :)
~13h33~
Minitroubles
One. While we're at minis. I bought Cadbury minifingers yesterday. (along with other errrm chocostuffs - it's my chocolate season) It cost me 17 dollars. And lo - they're just pretzel sticks. Lamo yon, yung pretzel sticks sa Pilipinas na tig twenty pesos. Shet. This troubled me a lot.
Two. It's Nana's birthday (Happy Birthday Nana!) (ooh and Happy birthday Tita Mimi!) (as if they read my blog. hahaha. whatevs) so we bought her a really expensive musical card and sent it a couple of weeks ago. Sinamahan pa namin ng drawing ni Bopbop na pinaghirapan nya. .. And Nana says she hasn't received it.. (*wails*) please God sana hindi sha missent mail. This troubles me and will continue to trouble me until next year. When we send her another card. I don't care that I spent 15 dollars on it. Nanghihinayang lang ako sa drawing at letters namin. Plus they joy it might've brought. *tears up*
Three. In case you guys don't know yet, i fell down the stairs. Wait, that's not the worst part. I fell down the stairs sa subway. Wait, that's not the worst part. I didn't just fall. I tumbled and rolled. I trip all the time, but this was by far the worst. Mejo naging blurry na yung paligid ko kase i was like, this can't be real. Pero narinig ko sumigaw yung mga tao. And before anyone marked my face to memory, I shouted 'im ok!' then i walked briskly away. Subsequently, though thankfully walang nabali, napuno ako ng pasa. Again. and now i can't wear skirts. .. And i won't be able to for a long time kase malamig na. This troubles me.
Four. Speaking of lamig. Winter is looming. This troubles me by itself.
Five. I'm moving back in with my family. Kase we bought a house and I'm helping. Im happy that it means we're on the right track and Bopbop will get to make a snowman this Christmas (we'll get the house this December pero sa Feb pa ako lilipat dahil sa apartment contract ko). Pero nakikini-kinita ko na ang frustration ko in terms of noise, personal space, and privacy. Not to mention my oc habits and mom's worse oc habits. *sigh* ako may hawak ng mortgage and it's gonna run for five years, so until then i can't move out. I did tell them, after five years i definitely will.. Like gusto ko paren ng super posh downtown condo. ha ha ha. that's like minutes away from work. at underground access sa mall at subway. :) *sigh* pero wala lang, i doubt my patience won't run out in five days, much more five years. This troubles me. But i can put this off for two more months.
Hayy hayy hayy anyway hindi naman ako nagrereklamo talaga about the littlest things. It just makes sense to list them all down and try to fix them all para wala na ako ikakabother when im staring into space at work. Surprisingly wala ako problema sa work except na minsan dahil badtrip ako hindi ako super nice sa mga kausap ko sa phone. ill try to be nicer tomorrow.
~21h56~
Must-knows
Huuh I never thought I'd find painting classes this useful. In fairness ang dami dami dami kong nalaman. .. Well anyway so in case you haven't read, I've been taking classes since last week and it's going great. .. :) our instructor's Ewa Stryjnik and she's really nice. plus may mga nakilala narin ako sa class so at least hindi napapanis laway ko, kase like three hours kame nagppaint. Oh the only downside to this however is that it hurts my back. i absolutely hate artist stools and tall easels. *sigh* nakakangawit. Kase sa bahay I sit on the couch while painting. And the weight of my painting materials does not help at all. To think na mahal ang massage dito. .. omg omg i miss the Philippines. I'm digressing.
So anyway for any of you planning to paint using oil as well, you might find these bits useful. Some are very important. Deadly important. Literally. ha ha really.
1. When you say oil painting, you don't really need to paint with linseed oil. Oil makes your layers dry slowly and I was told this medium is more for those who paint everyday or paint bigger paintings, like grand master painters and stuff. I'm none of the sort so instead of oil, Liquin original would suit me more. It dries the paints faster. And for even faster drying, there's Liquin impasto. This one could dry your layer overnight. So hindi na kelangan magtiis sa pagaantay.
2. With watercolors or acrylic, diba you have a cup of water to dip your brushes in when you want to switch colors. With oil, you use mineral spirits (otherwise known as turpentine or solvent). This is stupidly poisonous. It can affect the brain or nervous system and can be fatal. And if you don't use it with adequate ventilation, it can cause headaches or nausea. Well if you're not an idiot like me, you may read this on the label. Otherwise, there you go. This is extremely important because before I knew about this, I'd put my sandwich beside my turpentine and not care. Or spill it on my hands while eating chips. And then continue eating anyway. Tell me if I sound like i have brain damage already, ok?
3. Kind of connected. When you're finished with your turpentine, never pour it down the sink. (Oh.. .. the countless times I did just that) Because it's very flammable. You should recycle it or bring it to any garbage disposal company and they'll take care of it for you. And nope, can't pour it into the soil kase biohazard sha. Btw, apparently it eats through plastic too, so better use a glass container for it.
4. When cleaning your brushes after painting, do not hold them under running water because this would ruin them. And they're stupidly expensive (like the big brushes cost approximately fifteen dollars each) so you wouldn't want that. Instead, clean it with turpentine, special brush cleaners and a dry paper towel. Or if you're cheap, dishwashing liquid is ok too.
5. For some, it's the brushes. For me, a palette knife is the most pleasant thing a painter could have. They have the greatest effect on canvas. .. I swear, pag gumagamit ako palette knife, feeling ko magically nagkakaeffect na fluid and yet textured yung background ko. And don't hold these din under running water when cleaning. Btw, like turpentine, this is a great weapon to hold onto when walking home at 11pm.
6. Vaseline removes oil based paints from your hands wonderfully. Water and soap wouldn't do a good job.
7. When drawing or doing outlines, do not use pencil. You can use a thin brush kase this would train you daw on your strokes and consistency. And anyway a pencil would leave a depression on the canvas.
8. Lastly, there's great appreciation for abstract paintings. I mean ever since I never really liked them, kase I thought appreciating them seems so pretentious. Like how can you say when an abstract painting is good or not, when it's you know, abstract. I guess that's why they people like it. Kase it has many dimensions whatever schmever. Like how the artist paints is a representation of himself and then how the viewer sees it is a representation of himself din. Kaya parang multiple degrees yung impression nya sa tao. Lamo yun. Whatevs. Point is, we should try everything. That's why I'm painting in the first place. :)
Unfortunately wala pa akong nagagawa sa list ng mga kailangan ipaint. Unless meron gusto ng painting ng oranges and pitchers. We're on still-life for the next two weeks. And I'm getting tired of pitchers. After that abstract landscape na. *hayy* I'm really happy about the class. I mean if I hadn't taken the class, who knows. Baka nainom ko na yung turpentine or something. It looks like this is going to be worth walking out in the cold during winter. I really hope it does.
~01h18~
Phase Six or so
You know i really spoke too soon in my last entry. So stupid. Sabi ko gumaling insomnia ko. Ha ha ha well three days after that post, after i've thrown that disorder out the window, i jumped out and took it back.
See when my indep life started, i had phases. Like what I did when I could do whatever I want. Phase one was bad food. That ended when i started cooking my own food. Phase two was Benix. :) i got addicted to cute housewares like candleholders and ashtrays and even baskets (wtf diba?). that stopped when i started giving them away as gifts. Nawalan na ng sense.
Anyway painting came next, then spices, then wii, then finally, books. I frequented Coles a lot. So anyway what-ev. Basta one day i bought these books about, um, serial killers. World's most evil serial killers, world's worst psychopaths, you know, those kinds of books. I really liked bloody shows, so I thought I could take on the horror. Pfft. I barely finished the cannibals chapter when I started having trouble sleeping again. oh geez geez geez.
It's not like the books were horribly detailed. Like wala namang blow-by-blow account or anything. (oh man pun not intended). Nahirapan lang ako tanggapin na on this side of the tv screen, may mga taong talagang ganun. As in really. Like shempre hindi naman natin alam kung hanggang saang extent yung influence ng environment or even ng genetic makeup nila, pero still. Tendency is to overlook that when you read about how a victim's intestines were put under her head like a pillow. *shakes head* and it bothered me a lot how lucky we've had it. How safe we felt every time we went to bed. How somebody else felt the very same way and was in a ditch somewhere by the end of the night. Nakakabother talaga. Like how could you continue to ask God for safety when more often than not it's at the hands of another person? Who has God-given free will? It just I dunno. It just bothered me a lot.
So anyway tinigil ko muna yung pagbabasa and i lent the books to other people because I don't want to see them in my apartment for now. In fairness may nagsabi sakin na nakikita at nahahalata nyang naaapektohan ako ng crime books. (like what the hell does that even mean?). Anyway I'm just kind of hoping the effect wears off soon while I busy myself with other stuff. Like books that are less gory and painting.
Speaking of painting, go na pala ang oil painting classes. .. i actually backed out, dahil sa survivor at grey's anatomy. at dahil natatakot ako sa snow. But then this nice lady called and gave me free membership to the art gallery and I got a fifty dollar discount. I thought if that wasn't a sign that i should proceed I dunno what is. *sigh* whatever keeps me away from all that blood right? *shudder* that sounds weird.
~19h13~
Sleep Fast
Napapansin ko lahat ng blog entries ko are dated between the tenth and nineteenth workdays of the month. not surprising. eto na idle days ko sa work. kung kelan nagkkunwari akong may ginagawa yun pala nagbibilang lang ng dust particles at ng ticktock ng clock. kung kelan naglalagay ako ng madaming papers sa desk pero sa totoo lang mga scratch papers lang sila at puro drawings sa likod. ugh. anyway, not important.
when i moved into my new apartment it felt similar to how Bill Compton would've felt when he first came out of his coffin. masaya diba. more unconfined. something like that. kaya siguro hindi ako ever nagkanightmare ever ever, kase i felt refreshed or something, kahit panay laro ko ng house of the dead late into the night or kahit panay basa ko ng true blood or kahit panay nood ko ng criminal minds.
until july 31st. i swear, suddenly, to me, the headlights sweeping through my ceiling looked weird. and somehow naassociate ko yung screamer sa chapter 2 ng overkill kay sadako. ha. pero i swear. yung mga sweaters na nakakalat at nakahang sa mga doorknobs mejo mukhang little monsters pag madilim. i dunno why.. siguro may nangyaring hindi ko talaga napansin and yet naapektohan yung subconscious ko or whatever schmever. or dahil sa mga zombie games na pinaglalaro ko. anyway so for a few days that silliness took most of my precious precious slumber away.
'swy i bought Sleep Fast. apol's been using it, and she said it worked for her. so i tried it.. .. i was warned, really, pero mejo wala akong pake, so tuloy tuloy lang. 'it will turn your crap green' - pfft. .. so? if anything that makes it look better. 'you'll get eyebags' - meron na ako nyan. 'you'll have vivid dreams.' - really?? and did i.
sabi ni apol as in adventurous dreams daw. nung una mejo hindi ako naniwala kase feeling ko this side effect must really be subjective. tipong case to case. pero in global fairness ha. when i started taking the meds, my adventures were insane. attack of the centipedes sa taas ng oak tree, obstacle courses sa hills ng bene, knights and knaves and crocodiles. they're really funny. minsan telenovelas tungkol sa old friends ko na tipong part one part two the following night. iisipin mong siguro may hallucinatory component sa sleep fast pero excuse me all natural daw yon at over the counter pa.
i've stopped taking it. dapat daw 30 days straight, pero meron pa akong like 10 na natira. nakakapagod narin kase them adventures. feeling ko nauubos energy ko sa adventures then when i wake up groggy ako. it promised on the label na hindi daw ganun, na restful sleep daw. but no. well who knows, malay ko ba kung nagssleepwalk pala ako at totoo yung adventures.
well anyway, magaling naman na insomnia ko, like hindi na ako natatakot sa sweaters at less vivid na yung dreams. they're more blah now, and usually when i wake up, alam ko kung bakit yun yung napanaginipan ko. so i guess we could say that sleep fast worked. hmm. i totally recommend it sa mga insomniac whose lives lack a little adventure. otherwise.. stick to counting sheep. green shit is not that better looking really.
~14h10~
Love August
Ok. it's hot. like drop-of-water-on-the-floor-will-evaporate-in-five-seconds hot. and humid. pero sa keri naren. i can overlook it. (pero sa totoo lang. people here love it. they bask in all that kalagkitan and pawis.) kase mejo philippines-ish yung feeling. plus ang daming activities sa labas. oops i already said that. well what-ev. so pumunta kame taste of the danforth where you can buy all the greek food you want. we had loukoumades and baklava. haha and sarap sabihin ng food nila. anyway tas pumunta kame ontario place at umulan habang nagllunch kame at asa loob kame ng theater so we got free tickets for another day. kahit hindi naman talaga kame naapektohan ng rain. then we went to the filipino festival. where i bought taho. TAHO omg, i misses. (si atebem nagpakalunod sa carioca. shes never had one.) next week we'll go to centre island for Bopbop's birthday. Then after that CNE. Ooh and then Atebem bought all of us coachbus tickets to Montreal for a dollar each. May promotion kase. (which i still think ikakalugi nila. it doesn't seem to make any sense.) Like for 8 of us we paid 15 dollars. Round trip. Hayy hayy shempre sa ganito ba naman bigla nalang mapapansin natin fall na pala.. (!) tas maya maya winter na (!!) shit. freezing sipon na naman ito. oh well.
Well anyway we should also all love August kase it's the month before September! And coming this september - Dexter!! at Criminal Minds, House, Survivor, Amazing Race, Gossip Girl. It's a crapload of stuff to look forward to. But seriously, why why why why the hell do they do this??? edi magkakasabay sabay yan diba.. (?!) plus sa totoo lang, i kindof hate to admit it, pero nanonood din ako ng, errrm, so you think you can dance at dancing with the stars. new seasons in September din. tsk tsk. hahaha. i like watching them do what i can never do. i dunno what gives.
Where was I. Ayon. Ang mejo kadiri lang dito, pag nagkakasabay sabay sila, nahihirapan na ako gumawa ng kahit anong iba. Seriously - all these shows belong to the 8 or 9pm show club. Ok, forget dinner and laundry and all other chores. Pero pano na painting at house of the dead? (thank God walang nagiinterfere sa movie night Tuesday). And this gets more um hopeless kase may 3-hour painting classes ako after work from october to december. (pfft hahahaha) every thursday. and i'll bet you alexander skarsgard's abs, thursday yung survivor at amazing race. dexter's always every sunday. i really doubt magsasabay sila ng time ng trueblood, so that's ok. criminal minds malamang wed. house at gossip girl as always same hour every monday, pero house always comes first. oh this is annoying. sana tipong lahat nalang to sunod sunod sa isang araw ng week lang. tas lagi akong magssick leave. or uuwi ng maaga. unless weekend sha. diba? that's like the best scenario.
omg, we're so old!! i just found out na yung last miss universe e 23 years old lang din. .. meaning as far as age goes, batchmates kame?? good grievances. ang corny corny talaga. pffft anywho salitoo. im tired of typing. at least hindi ako nakamiss ulit ng isang month dito.
~21h05~
Summerlicious
Aharrgh I missed a month. ha ha ha. in global fairness i got busy. kakapaint kakawork kakalabas. kakabake kakatulog kakamovies. it's summer that's why. super daming activities. ang daming movies. at hindi nakakadiscourage yung weather sa labas. and then same as the one during winter, meron summerlicious festival sa mga posh restaurants wherein you can get a 3 course meal for 20 dollars. yahuh. .. so you can't really fault me for getting fatter.
i learned a whole lot about myself sa first 6 months ko of being completely independent. like i can carry a (medium sized) sack of rice on the commute home tas paakayat sa third floor. ha ha ha. well aantayin ko sana bilhan ako ni daddy kaso pumunta ako sa loblaws to buy nutmeg and i thought i couldn't be that heavy. it was. and im never going to do it again. pero at least nagawa ko no.
may oil painting classes ako sa fall. ha ha ha. ang loser ko. hindi ko mapigilan maginvest sa budding friendship namin ng pagppaint. at inuna ko pa sha kesa sa cma. (ahh right im going to get a designation. at least im going to try.) pero ewan ko pa kung kelan. im like so tinatamad to move forward with it. kahit magpaassess ng transcript tinatamad ako. i dunno. baka procrastination lang to.
ahh congrats kay atebem, she passed the first step para madala nya dito husband nya. and then pag complete na sila dito good luck kay robyn. ha ha ha. she's going to have the most liberated parents in all the world in all dimensions. kita nyo pride parade? ha. brow-raising yung ibang, say, involvements ni robyn pero fun naman. saka i didn't want to rain on the parade. pun not intended.
hayy have to clean the house kase bukas pupunta kame sa food festival. and it's mighty time i cleaned my kitchen.
~13h48~
Knives vs. oranges
Friday today, another slow (as in reaaallly slow) day at work. mejo ok narin. kesa naman busy, crazy busy. so anyway this isa actually good, at least may time ako para pagsawaan yung kawalan ng ginagawa before month-end. next week manonood kami ni apol ng terminator (yey christian bale) tas manonood din kame ni grace ng movie (yey two toonie tuesdays) tas dadating si mervin (yey good old friends) tas gumaganda na yung weather - nice prep for summer (yey open-toed heels). goodness gracious yung binigay nila karissa sakin na huggable na sweater hindi ko pa magamit ulit.. .. kase mainit na.
bopbop got a nasty nasty nasty bump on her head last week. pauwi kame and she was running, nangunguna pabalik sa apartment nila daddy tas biglang *pog*. hula namin nadapa sha then hit her head on the wall. like lahat kame nanlambot yung tuhod. we were all scared shitless, lalo na it was just recently that that actress fell while skiing and then died *knocks on wood 300 times*. so parang mejo paranoid pa kame pagdating sa internal bleeding and concussions and such. she's ok now, pero imagine mo nalang yung panic nila sa bahay the next day when robyn said masakit ulo nya. feeling ko nakalimutan na namin yung normalcy of kids getting bumps and bruises and whatever schmevers. like as if naman walang ibang batang nauuntog diba. pero ang sakit sa heart isipen grabe.*cringe* *still knocking*
may bago na akong plans. i'm going to study throwing knives. ha ha. well pumunta kasi kame sa festival thingie last weekend, tas meron don juggling booth. so tinuturuan ako ng juggling guy magjuggle with just two balls. kelangan daw yon before progressing to three balls. shempre ako tipong "duh, like yun lang pala e" tas biglang wtf hindi ko kaya. throw throw catch catch. hanggang throw throw catch lang ako. letch yan. you'd think anybody can do it. so anyway so i decided to learn it. pero naisip ko, wala shang pratical use sa life and death situations. like what if maholdup ako or something diba. as if naman madididstract talaga yung holduppers pag nagjuggle ako ng oranges or something. so since may knife juggling din sa festival and it looked really cool, and chuck the tv show got me perked up about knives and killing bad people, edi yun nalang muna. pag natuto na ako ng knife handling, knife juggling naman. tas chicken nalang yung oranges. sayang sana natuto narin ako gumamit ng balisong before coming here. im sure prerequisite yung performance before the actual stabbing.
i got some great news. for myself. im sure you wouldn't care. anyway swerte din pala ako somehow. bumili kame lottery tickets, 17 kame sa office. tas ako yung stupidang naatasan bumili this time. and we won 15 dollars! yey (!) i know less than negative 50 percent return yan (a ticket costs 2$, so this really constitutes a loss) but that's better than nothing, rahight? kase dati, nung iba yung bumibili wala kame nakukuha e. so there.
hayy hayy hayy minsan ko lang gagawin to, pero aarte ako na masakit ulo ko para pwede na ako muwe kahit 3 palang. kelangan ko pa dumaan sa market at bumili ng broccoli at oyster sauce at flour. kase nagluluto na pala ako ngayon at nagbbake. biruin mo yon.
~15h10~
refreshed
I got my daily fix of laughter today.. (ahh hindi pala ako papasok sa work hanggang bukas kase tinatamad ako).. so dumating yung technician para ayusin yung connections ng phone ko. after looking around the living room, tinanong nya kung rock star daw ba ako. woohooo hahaha. ang funny.. ... however so why diba? that's like asking Susan Boyle if she was a supermodel. Feeling ko dahil lang sa guitar saka sa uber loud music. ahh right plus yung smeared mascara pa pala na ayaw matanggal kagabi. hahaha. pero sige lang. ang saya naman, rockstar, e puro purple na abubot everywhere.
so i just got back from the philippines. nahihirapan ako magunpack.. .. ayoko pa iturnover yung luggage ko kase that will really mark the end of my trip. which was super super worth it by the way. daming pictures! on a side note, naexplain na sakin ni kiko kung bakit palaging red yung eyes ko sa pics. yung tipong lahat ng tao black yung mata, tas ako lang red. kase unusually large yung pupils ko. o diba.
so anyway shempre definitely as expected without a doubt bitin sha, and it really really makes me sad na hindi ko kaya makipagkita sa lahat ng friends na gusto ko makita, but you know hindi naman yun yung last na paguwi ko e, not by a long shot. asar lang kasi talaga, hindi ko natake into account yung traffic (ang stupidang traffic na mas malala these days kase ang daming inaayos sa road na kagagawan daw ng upcoming elections) at hindi ako makakapaginternet as often as i planned plus yung fact na napapagod din pala ako. ahh saka nakalimutan ko na may color coding pala. ha haha ha. Nakaschedule na sana lahat ng lunch merienda coffee at dinner plans ko. Pero wala, i wasn't able to follow through with some of them. and im really really sorry. so added motivation nalang yon na makabalik ulit ako according to the plan. which should be 2 years from now. so iksabihin either christmas 2010 or summer 2011. joke na kase kung sooner, parang hindi na ko umaalis. :) ha ha ha. mabbwisit na kayo sakin, para san pang nagddespidida at nag hhomecoming e every year din pala balik. woohoo lokohan na yun diba. (plus lugi ako sa pasalubong..)
so anyhow thanks thanks friends for taking time off from your busy lives. love ko talaga kayo. kahit yung iba sa inyo may crush kay mam orate or natutulog ng pnprito or nilalason ng roommate nya or napakaemotional maglaro ng poker. (ooh shoutout pala para kay iiko, everybody go get your cosmo 2009 planner. si iiko po ang illustrator nyan. ehem ehem ehem. thanks for my copy iiko! i will write on this proudly while im in the subway. kase ako lang meron nito sa canada.)
I was also able to see Lola. And im really happy kase she's sort of better, at least she seems so. well her cancer's worse.. .. but she looks a little stronger. Super dun palang na i got to see her again worth it na yung trip e.. and i was able to bond with nana. nakapagthank you narin ako sa kanya sa lahat ng kadiring chores na ginawa nya for me since the world began. (like magtupi tupi ng damit. .. .. pati pala yun nakakadrain..?) then my cousins have all grown up. nakakaengot isipin next time i see them they'd all have proceeded to the next age group. yung mga pinsan na dati ginagawa kong barbie or ginagawa kong hairdresser kahit guys sila, adolescents na. see, i keep saying it, time is just so weird. pero lamo, naappreciate ko narin yung absence ko kase it prods you to make the most out of stuff. saka mas madaling maappreciate yung mga bagay bagay. Diba no. :) so anyway have to go bum around for a bit.
~14h05~
Homecoming
Yahuh, tuloy na ako in three weeks. hindi pa nagddawn sakin. that i'll be home really soon.. kase im not planning my clothes to bring yet. (altho nakagawa na ako itinerary ko) well actually andun ako for ten stupid days lang. that's ok. for a homecoming trip, that's really worthless, but im going home for lola. she's not doing very well. and id rather shoot myself dead than let her think that i don't care or i won't do anything for her. *sigh*
shempre while im there i'll go see my friends. and of course shop. .. . grabe i actually have to look at the ceiling or squeeze my eyes shut pag may nakita ako ditong gusto ko bilhin (well except food, i buy all the food i want).. kase iniisip ko sa philippines nalang ako bibili. at shempre anjan yung problema ng pasalubong. i went to toys r us yesterday and bought a shitload of errm toys. which i carried. on the commute home. pfft. pero sige lang. obligations as a ninang and such. i still have to go to costco or bulk barn for things to give friends and older relatives. i dunno. ewan ko. could i like just treat you guys out and not bring anything?? shorts.
so bopbop and atebem are coming back next week. (thank God) babawiin ko millions of gazillions of kisses and hugs ko kay bopbop. i guess my plan worked. or everything just magically fell into place. omg, robyn's so big. mejo nabbwisit parin ako that i missed some part of her growing up, but i know that's already asking too much. well what-ev. so she went to pre-preschool habang asa Pinas sha, tas may dance presentation sila sa mall. and i so totally swear, as in no bias talaga, sha lang talaga marunong sumayaw. (you can click here if you want to see it - meron nga lang halong video kase may pinatungan sila). basta talaga no shit ang galing galing nya.. like sha lang sa kanila nakakaalala ng steps. in fact sha lang talaga sumasayaw. as in walang binatbat yung ibang kids. swear. omg, was i ever so proud. if atebem wasn't as hardhearted she would probably have cried. obviously since nakakaalala sha ng steps at yung iba hinde, magiging matalino sha paglaki. like shempre, kamaganak nya ako e :) tas shempre knowing atebem, nilagyan nya ng tattoos si bopbop. ha ha ha. darn, im just so sorry wala kami don.
anyway im happy to say i've marinated without help for the first time today. like hindi naman pala mahirap e. ewan ko nga lang magiging lasa nung spareribs ko pag binake ko na. oh well shrapnel at least diba. matuto nalang talaga ako magluto ng mga tipong may sabaw and all the fancy stuff i swear pwede ko na talaga ipagmayabang na domesticated nako.
well anyway mejo nakapagchikahan kame ni apol during our trip to montreal and apol told me her boyfriend's terrified of me. well actually samin dalawa ni atebem. pero mas takot daw sakin. like wtf? atebem's definitely scarier! sabi ni apol kase si atebem gets na daw nya, like given na na sindakera sha. pero ako mukha daw may hidden intentions tas hindi daw magets ugali ko. .. . which actually makes sense. malabo pala talaga akong tao. i also tried to pinpoint the kind of person i am, and i was stumped. wala nga siguro akong 'in a nutshell'. so that makes me a.. nobody. wengk ang funny, parang may mali sa logic jan somewhere. :) ha ha ha. oh well papel, i have to go. iniwan ko lang yung spareribs para magmarinate for an hour.
~22h51~
Bow kay Nana
Ops, belated happy birthday kay Lola at kay Mommy. Age.. There always comes a time when it starts to matter. When for the first time, Time is not on anybody's side. .. . hayyy hayyy hayyy. Anyway wala rin naman tayo pwede gawin cept make the most of what's left and show people how much you love them and all that stuff. i'm really bad at that, (i know i know) but i swear to God im trying. Im really trying.
anyway happier things. i've moved out.. love it love it love it..! hahaha. i can play music as loud as i can. i can dance stupidly. i can go home late. i can style my hair the way they do in the grinch. i can eat and watch tv and chat while i soak my feet and im not in anybody's way. and then of course my apartment is 30 minutes away from the office. yey. :) pero shempre mejo nakakatakot din, i mean i have to quadruple check the locks, the oven, the windows, et cetera. pero what-ev. you're gonna have to start doing that eventually anyway.
ang hindi ko lang talaga ever kinatuwa yung paglilinis on my first day. shi-it. Nana, how in the world do you do it...?! im gonna make my pasalubong for her extra extra special. i mean my place is not even that big, and i already felt my arms starting to fall off two hours into it. actually kitchen pa lang natatapos ko nakakakita na ako ng circles e. ha ha. oh my gourd. and don't even let me get started on the fridge and the bathroom. ick. i mean even those spots that look clean, you have to scrub anyway kase goodness knows what's been there (thank God for vim). well at least nalang i'll only be doing it once. i mean i can maintain it.
so my next crime (first one is being shamelessly silly around the apartment) is stuffing the fridge with the wrong kinds of food. chocolate covered pecans. ice cream. werthers. binigyan nga ako ng dessert tofu ng officemate ko just so kahit pano healthy yung pangsatisfy ng sweet tooth ko e. omg hopefully this is just a phase. then my boss showed me 20 minute recipes for healthy meals and i want to try making some of them pero wala pa ako sa mood. wala pa akong courage pumunta sa grocery and look for ingredients, when i don't even know what they look like. see i've been looking at the recipes.. and they just made my head whirl. anong pinagkaiba ng shallots and onions?? how the hell do you broil?? and why didn't i ever give a flying fart about cooking?? *sigh* again, bow kay nana. but.. i have time. i can learn. and i've been watching iron chef and jamie oliver. surely kahit konti may na-gain akong culinary skills however imperceptible diba? i promise seven months from now my cooking will be worthy of gordon ramsey's applause. ha ha. anyway i have to go mango. :) ill do my nails.
~21h55~
Hundred seventy-three
Before I start rambling, here's to optimism for the new year..! Well alam nating lahat na anjan lahat ng signs na hindi magiging ok yung year, what with all the economy going down the drain and the wtf-ing effects of global warming, pero wala naman tayo ibang magagawa except make the most out of the present.
So anyway i just bought the Sookie Stackhouse series from amazon. hahahaha. wala kase sa lahat ng bookstores na hinanapan ko e. kase nainlove ako sa tv series. One, it was created by Alan Ball. Two I like the premise a lot. I dunno. Yeah hindi sha Six Feet Under-ish but there's something about it that's so addictive. Ok fine. Hundred seventy three year old vampire Bill. Omg.. what it's like to hang out with somebody that old. Who's technically dead. It doesn't hurt that he's also hot. :)
Vampires are so in these days i dunno what gives. Sa totoo lang I've been into vampires since i was 16. Hindi ko alam bat ngayon lang sha naging fad. Naalala ko binasa ko talaga lahat ng origin at mutation nila. Like the seventh son of the seventh son and stuff. Well what-ev. Nauna ako sa twilight i swear. I never really liked twilight actually. It's so.. for teens? And it needs more bloodbath. Charlaine Harris said if vampires from Fangtasia (vampire bar sa true blood) battled with the Cullen family, Fangtasia will win. Ha ha ha. Obviously. So now i have to finish reading all seven books. Im thinking it might make me feel better since i found out season 2 is like 7 months away.
So anyway sort of peak pala ng winter ngayon. Kadiri forever pero ano magagawa natin diba? It just really bothers me sometimes when im outside tas maffeel mong nagffreeze up sipon mo. tas pagpasok mo your nose gets all runny. I never thought I'd appreciate the heat of the summer this much. Well at least -20 nalang temperature ngayon. Ha ha ha. At least tapos na daw yung -30 days. On the other hand hindi pa dumadating yung three or four snowstorms one after the other. So I guess after pa non ko mapaparinig senyo yung sigh of relief ko. Oh well.
~19h16~
Happy Holidays
Ye-hes..! This is my second post for the month. The pattern has been broken at long last. Before anything else, belated merry Christmas and advanced happy new year..! Let's all hope this coming one is a good productive one. Super miss ko na talaga lahat ng tao at lahat ng stuff na naiwan ko I can pull my hair out and scream and it can already be understandable. Aww but our first Christmas here wasn't that bad.. :) sad parin, kind of, that we're away from family and friends, pero that's why we all love the internet so much.
So i got a couple days off from work (kaya 6-day vac din to) but i have to go to work tomorrow kase month-end. Then holiday on Thursday tas pasok ulit Friday. Oh well. New year's eve will be relatively boring kase bawal magpaputok sa bahay. Dapat ata tipong sa parks or sa parties lang. On the other hand the news on tv will be a bit more bearable. Walang shattered fingers and bloody roads.
Arrgh i was hoping to be able to attend to my mail and my blog while im on my 6-day vacation kaso ang tungek wala naman ako ginawa kundi kumain saka manood ng movies saka kumain saka magshopping. Good grief ang saya ng Boxing Day (week). So it's a holiday for giving to the poor and all that kindness whatever schmevers but it's really more known in Canada dahil sa mga super sales. Pero limited stocks lang. So nag-aagawan palagi yung mga tao saka nagsusuntukan and hence the name. Ha ha. Actually the name dates back to the time when there were lords and serfs. Tas nagdadala ng boxes yung serfs para sa mga papamigay ng lords blah di blah. Mas may sense parin yung suntukan. Pero in fairness sa sale, super magllight up talaga mukha mo pag pumasok ka sa mall. And then nobody leaves the mall carrying less than seven bags. Ibang klase. Unfortunately something's wrong with me now, i mean bad timing, kase house stuff yung mas naaatupag ko. Subconsciously. Like i bought these candle holders and centerpieces and I was happier about them than the coats and shirts. Plus sayang din yung furniture stores super jaw dropping yung sale, but i couldn't buy yet, too soon. Tipong leather sofas for 400. Shit diba..? Ang laking kasayangan. *sigh*
Anyway have to go eat dinner. I hope you guys had a meaningful Christmas and enjoyed stuffing your faces with bibingka and puto bungbong. Sobrang nakakainggit.
~19h22~
money matters
Craps. I was trying to break the recurring pattern na isang post per month lang. hayy nako nako nako. i got too busy trying (just trying) to get enough sleep. oh well. Happy birthday pala Kari twin! Saka good news first. i already found the perfectest apartment. well hinde, hindi sha perfect. kasi one bus ride away yung grocery. at hindi sha situated sa harap ng mall. pero oks paren, the apartment's great. and the neighborhood's like wisteria lane. :) a little more than my expected rent, pero sige lang. Ohh saka pala the bus stop is like 10 steps away. Hindi na kelangan maglakad mashado! I can wear heels again! Less chances of slipping and falling! plus, and a big plus, it's only 30 minutes away from work. That cuts my travel time by half. i already told dad. he did attempt to sway me, pero see ive already decided. kaya sinamahan narin ako ni daddy mamili ng stuff. like plates and a rice cooker and iron and all that household loser items. anyway i already met with the, say how do you call her, apartment counterpart of a real estate agent. Then my application for the apartment was approved yesterday. Ha ha. This marks the moment I have to start worrying about expenses. And I'll be cashing out as in big time dahil mamimili pa ako ng furniture. And then when i've sort of adjusted, bibili ako chow chow.. :) hahahahaa. see magkakatotoo narin. i've wanted a chow chow since like 5 years ago.
speaking of expenses babalik narin pala ako philippines.. (kamusta naman daw savings ko) at long last. yun lang, 11 days lang ako dun. good grief diba. at least parin. im really really happy about it kaya kahit na nagpareserve palang ako ticket, pinagkalat ko na.. hahaha. mother of excited. may itinerary na nga ako e. meron pampanga, greenhills, salon, and shopping. tas meron din batangas and bonfire and hongkong (fat chance). tas meron din amusement park beach breakfast. at shempre, walang kamatayang dinner sa makati. pero shempre top priority parin spending time with the family i.e. lola and bopbop and nana. so, as deadly hard as it might be, i've decided to sleep just 5 hours a day during then. good grievances ano, hihirap na nga ako papangit pa.
anyway ang kinakasama lang ng loob ko ay yung kumakalat na rumor na may tuko daw sa bahay.. as in. sabi ni ate bem saka ni bopbop saka ni mic (asawa ni ate bem) (ahh oo, kinasal na pala si atebem) (ahh saka congrats pala sa kanila) (or sinabi ko na ba yun sa previous post? whatever). anyway. yun lang nagccause ng sakit sa heart tuwing iniisip ko na uuwi na ako. like omg naman ano, how the hell did those hideous monsters get there?? omg, may gustong magsabotage sa homecoming ko.. hayy we'll see we'll see. i'm planning to call nana and ask her to kill them all or at least hire an exterminator. is that what they call them? hayy sad sad sad. hindi na ako makakatulog ng mahimbing sa pinakamahal kong kwarto. oh well. i have to continue tomorrow. it's 5 so i can go home. *pfft sa p&g*
~16h51~
shelter from the storm
Oops I forgot, belated happy birthday Nana and happy birthday Apol!
It's getting kind of pathetic really. Isang post per month. Arg. Sa totoo lang. Naglipat lipat kase kami ng pwesto sa office. And my new desk is so open. As in kadiri. Parang downtown ng floor. Gets? (bwehhh) Pero seriously, tipong ang daming dumadaan sa gitna ng block namin. 'Swy i can't be noticeably idle anymore. Actually last August pa naglipat lipat. Pero since then kahit makablog or magchat. Wala. Well anyway oks lang. I could blog at home. anyway bumalik si mommy dito. actually pati si daddy, one week later. pero for 3 weeks lang. she left already last night. I have a strong feeling na altho they want us to think that they trust us to do well on our own, they're still worried. Good grievances. Well whatever. Actually kahit papano mejo ok parin, kasi at least i get to eat good food. And the apartment is mom-clean. Hindi dormer-clean. Which is the most I can do. Pero sa totoo lang, i was really sad when mom left. Umiiyak kasi sha. And i was feeling kind of guilty kase busy ako the whole time she was here. But she'll be back. Saka kahit san mo pang anggulo tignan, the fact that she's going back to the philippines means she's getting the better part of the deal.
Pero as always meron parin ako privacy and personal space issues and stuff which after much thought, i already know aren't anybody else's fault but mine. Shempre nabbwisit parin ako when terms - my subjective and usually unfair terms - are breached, pero I get that it's just me. kaya actually naghahanap na ako sarili kong apartment. actually may nahanap na sana ako. and i thought it was already perfect. Kaso mejo nagtanong tanong ako sa friends at sa relatives kagabi and i found out that the neighborhood is not that safe. So wag nalang diba. Plus sabi ni atebem sakin sila ni bopbop temporarily magsstay when they come back. If they come back. And since the chance that they do is growing because they can stay with me, ayoko magbackfire yung plans. And honestly, kung may kahit anong reservation kahit sino regarding the safety of the place, with robyn there, then i'll have to pass. kaso shit, now i have to look again. and it's harder because it's snowing. As in may accumulation. So mahirap magpunta punta sa apartment para tignan yung place. I have to make sure that i find a good place. a shelter from the storm. winter storm.
speaking of, in fairness ang ganda ganda sa labas. it's stupidly cold and wet and slippery, and my hair is ruined everyday because i have to wear a hat, pero super picturesque ng lahat ng bagay.. mas maganda pa kesa last march. kase last march may leaves na sort of e. now the trees are all kind of barren and dry. So everything outside makes sense. hindi ko lang magets kung pano hindi nagkakasakit dahil sa lamig yung mga tao sa tv na naglalaro sa snow all day everyday every damn day.
actually hindi ko natapos yung post ko. so today's tomorrow. and i have the worst news. i fell on my ass today. darn it. as in DARN it. well thank God nalang i was wearing a hat so hopefully nobody recognized me. and it's really funny kase yesterday i was wearing heels and today i was wearing flats and i fell today. ha ha ha. kung hindi lang ako napahiya matatawa ako e. i cussed so loud the surrounding neighborhoods probably heard it. and i wanted to cry. pero naisip ko. Mabuti nang madulas ngayon, and find out that its better to walk on the snow instead and that i should walk a LOT slooowwwer, when it's a friday and I wearing jeans - black jeans. So as painful as my ass is, this is probably a blessing in disguise. anyway so now i have to find an apartment na hindi malayo yung nilalakad, para hindi nakakadulas. ayoko din madulas sila bopbop.
~17h07~
buckling knees
Ahhhrrrg these are trying times for me. *shakes head* Grabe, ever since pinanganak ako feeling ko ang tatag kong tao. feeling ko i'm one of the strongest people alive. Na pag may problema friends or family ko, it would only be natural for them to come to me, because i'm strong. Well i'm not. Just found out. i'm really not. apol is way stronger than i am.
Shempre alam nyo na na bumalik na Philippines sila Beanie. which is great for them, really. At least dad would get to take care of Lola, who's already recovering but still not in good shape. Altho, Lola is definitely happier now, with them around. Si mommy rin, at least may kasama na sha pag weekends. She doesn't have to continue with those dancing classes now. Haha. Atebem's also ecstatic, this is putting it mildly. Naikot na siguro nya lahat ng spa at salon at mall at beaches sa pilipinas. Tumaas narin siguro sales ng sisig at shawarma around our area. Plus at least super maaalagaan na si Bopito kase Nana and Mic are there, saka andun na yung friends nya saka mas malaki na yung space na pwede nya paglaruan. That leaves apol and me. I don't really get how my sister's coping and i don't really get why she seems to be ok.. I'm not. I mean she never left home before, she's always pampered, hatid sundo sa school, and her friends' houses are close to ours. I never had any of those. So diba dapat mas makakaadjust ako sa situation. Ewan ko. It just comes as a surprise. She's always willing to do her share of the chores. She's so responsible na minsan gusto ko na sha bilhan ng gift. Mas madalas nga sha magluto kesa saken e. Well actually naman kase for my share, i just buy. (He-llooo. I swear, if you get home tired from work, standing throughout the train ride - wearing stilletos - would you cook dinner? would you?)
Anyway, for the past couple of weeks, right after they left, ok naman yung takbo ng mga bagay bagay. My work's fine, apol's school is fine, so far we're healthy and we're safe. Sila Bopbop din ok naman. Well yeah, umiiyak parin ako, lalo na pag tumatawag ako sa bahay and when i talk to Bopbop her voice seems to have changed. And yeah, I get sad a lot kase like 99 percent of what and who i live for, like a million miles away. Pero i thought oks lang, andito pa naman sila Tita mimi and our three sets of grandaunts and granduncles. plus cousins. So i tell myself to wait for it, that i'll adjust naturally. Until teeny things went wrong. My knees just buckled. For the tiniest things. I actually cried sa washroom ng philippine consulate. Shit. (Omg, and by the way, you've probably heard this before, and i can attest to it - minsan, kapwa mo pinoy, sila pa yung hindi willing tumulong sayo. I swear. Yung ibang officers dun sa consulate, they're absolutely horrible. It's just so disappointing. Para silang mga matatandang asa gitna ng menopause at minalas sa casino at naticket-an yung car. I swear. Pag ako talaga nagkafriends sa Philippine newspapers, I'll have them exposed. Ugh.)
anyway where was i. ayon. buckling knees. So there i was so down dahil may issue sa work, plus I found out na by March next year, one week lang ako pwede magvacation leave. And I also lost twenty dollars. Tapos pumunta pa ako sa consulate at walang napala. When i got home, I found out na kailangan ko imove yung car from the garage to the parking lot outside everyday next week. before 8 am. And I don't have my license yet. Next week pa, that is if i pass the stupid exam. Anyway so if I don't move it, maddamage yung car kase may construction sa garage and if I do, tas God forbid may mabangga ako, i'll freakin go to jail. I broke down again. At this point I just about gave up. I just wanted to go back. Life would be so much easier back home. Happier. More normal. Like to hell with Canada diba, none of it matters (well except sa super great bosses ko). But then i see apol trying her damnedest to make it through this stupidly difficult phase with a straight face, and i call home and my parents were so willing to help me out, kahit ginising ko sila kase madaling araw don. Then i talk to my friends and they listen like they've done for the past months. Then finally i asked God for help, and surely he will - he's never let me down. So another shot. Iron out the wrinkles one at a time (like omg, my hands are the most hideous they've ever been. sobrang pagod na sila sa kaka plancha at kakalinis. tae yan o. i swear bibigyan ko si nana ng super great gift pag balik ko sa march.) *sigh* i'll just try and sort things out i guess. Kung ayaw paren, saka na siguro ako bibili ng stupidly expensive plane ticket. I dunno. But for now tatanggapin ko nalang muna na it's just me getting weak and i just need to lighten up. Tama ba? :) hayy hayy hayy starting over is so much easier said than done. Starting over by yourself is ever harder. God help me. To think na binalak ko pa non lumipat sa sarili kong apartment by November. Ha.
~21h50~
bye-bye yet again
Before anything else, belated Happy Birthday Bopitito! and well yeah, ako din pala. birthday ko rin pala (aww thanks pala kay Kari twin and our other friends for making sure i smiled and laughed that day) Pero for most people, myself included, mine's so much less important. oks lang sakin, beany's worth it. :) so pumunta kaming zoo for her birthday. Then we also went to CNE, Apol, ate Michelle and me. Tomorrow we'll go apple picking. Hindi pala natuloy yung cherry picking dati, kasi for a couple of weeks or so mejo maulan dito. (actually it says on the tv uulan bukas pero it's been so hot lately that nobody bothers to believe it) anyway so kailangan ko pa pala magplan ng comfortable get-up that would permit me to climb trees. Kailangan ko din pala ipagdasal na may hidden talent ako. Well at least we'd get to try it. Thank God nalang talaga walang mga lizards dito. Kase kaya din hindi ako makaakyat kung san sang trees dati kasi madaming lizards sa trees. ewan ko lang kung lahat. pero when i was like ten i attempted to climb a chico tree because it seemed to be the perfect hiding spot. yeah taguan days. and there was this hideous vomitrocious monster of a little lizard. blech. and that just did it for me. i swore off branches on that day.
well actually kaya naman tadtad ng activities yung weekends namin kase aalis na sila bopbop. My guess is, after my much-dreaded september 27th, Apol and I will just be killing hours of boredom at home. *sigh* to be honest, as in really honest, it's only bopbop that i'll really terribly, miserably, horribly miss. Nothing against Dad and Atebem. it's just for the simple fact that Robyn is currently the only apple of our eyes. pun definitely not intended. saka the fact that she's unbelievably cute and pretty. Lamo ba tuwing umuuwi pa ako from work, yung greeting nya saken, 'tita lai, i missed you'. o diba san ka pa. 'swy it's perfectly understandable how extremely sad everything's going to be. I always make her promise that she'll call me all the time and come back soon, and she always does. Her memory span is not that good yet, kaya pinapapromise ko sa kanya yun like five times a day. Well sana lang somehow matatak sa utak nya tas maalala nya. Pwede naman yun sa mga 3-year olds diba. Like may naaalala parin naman ako nung 3 years old palang ako e (it involves sniffing flowers, a seed stuck in my nose, everybody panicking). hayy well oh well. i hope it works out for Robyn. however things turn out, alam ko naman we'll all kill to make sure of that.
oh well have to get back to work. kailangan maaga ako umuwi today kasi magllaundry pako. good grievances.
~16h16~
whoops
It's really one thing I should change about myself. I speak too soon. So often, na minsan I suspect doing it jinxes things. Changes ulit sa family situation. Dad, Atebem and Robyn are going back to the Philippines. They'll be there until end of January. So since mom's already there, it's gonna be Apol and me throughout fall and winter. Dad's going back kasi he wants to take care of Lola. Atebem's going back kase some trouble with her boyfriend's visa. What-ev. Well Im devastated and utterly heartbroken about not seeing Robyn for that long. Pero What worries me most is when Apol and I have to go to church or buy stuff sa chinese grocery store. During winter. Dad's leaving the car with us, but I haven't driven for 5 months. Actually as if naman papayag si Daddy na dalhin ko yung auto nya. Overprotective sha sa mga naging car nya e. So i was thinking, hindi ko nalang ipapaalam. Diba duh.. But now I have to resume my lessons and get a g2 license. Then find out where the gas station is. And find out where the grocery store is. Omg. I don't even know where the hospital is. Shit. I can't believe I have to accelerate my growing up. It's not just hard and close to disastrous, it's also so stressful my hair frizzes up again. Oh man oh man oh man gusto ko na bumalik sa Pinas. Magpaparebond talaga ako.
And of course, they asked me to postpone my moving out. Ugh. Right when I have just finished picking furniture from ikea's catalogue (in fairness ang saya.. I spent like 3 whole days planning my rooms-to-be with it) and now it's all wasted. Good grievances. Plus hindi ko na ittry maimagine kung gano kahirap magmove during winter. I already hated it when winter was waning last March. Pano pa sa February. Oh darn. I have to force myself to put these thoughts away. Shove them into a faraway drawer. Same as before, one that I can still see, but really far. :) things will work out, they always do. diba no? and you know, days go by real fast. that should work for us.
omg. ren and i have another plan. punta kaming uk! hahaha. sana makasama din sila hani.. erngk oops. i won't speak too soon pala. I did say it was only a plan. Ren said we'll forget about it for months muna. Then we'll talk about it again next year. Kase you know how plans made too early on don't push through. ayun. Pero safe to say magiipon na ako big time. Kase yung trip ko will be from here to Philippines, then from Philippines to uk. yey. at least that's one thing to look forward to. If it does push through, we'll visit harry potter places. hahaha. what-ev.
hayy nako have to go, my head is spinning. halo halong emotions and this and that. plus nakakasawa na tignan yung monitor. monna go eat.
~15h18~
changes and slices of pie
Aww i wanted to write sooner, but because the typhoon in the Philippines scared me shitless (I had this great scare because for a while we couldn't contact nana, asa iloilo sha then, and you know how iloilo fared, right) i just didn't. Ayoko kase maging concerned sa ibang bagay or magpatawa or whatever until i already had info about her. Well thank God she's ok now. Shiela, however, lost her parents and sister. Sobrang devastating.. Wala ako masabi talaga. A terrible terrible disaster that was. I really really want to be there to help out in some small way. This so totally sucks. My deepest condolences. Hindi ko alam yung feeling na mawalan ng taong i've been with all my life, so i could only imagine. not that i want to know or not that that knowledge is ever welcome. Pero we all know these things happen.
Sabi sakin para shang sampal. Baka nga.. ng isang kamay na may protruding knives siguro.. Wounded for a while scarred for life? Hmm. Then you make room for changes. which weren't really part of the deal. so you thought huh. so you thought.
speaking of changes my sister and i are moving out. separately, and she's taking robyn with her (sad, shempre, pero it's about time we let go, i guess. hindi naman talaga normal na mabuhay ka kasama ng niece mo e.. but sure as hell i'm gonna visit them like every other day). reasons..? family issues and and fights and stuff. i know my moving out might seem like a stupid decision, pero sa totoo lang, i'm not looking at it in a financial practicality based point of view. emotional na sha. hmm.. maybe it's gonna be my ticket out of misery, so to speak. Yeah.. I'm getting miserable.. not seeing any of my friends, cleaning up mess made by other people and doing chores for other people, not having my own room, pinapakealaman every minute of everyday.. You know the list really reaches pollux. Arrg it's getting too hard. And i'm too young to be miserable. Kakatapak ko palang sa third decade ko, for chrissakes. Oh darn darn darn. Well anyway, im giving myself about a month to prepare. Then i'm off. My dad kind of heard about it from Apol, and he already told me how wrong that would be. What-ev. I do think I need it. Baka mas madalian ako makapag-adjust. I know i'm edging my way to it inch by inch, yung pag adjust i mean. Pero feel ko ang bagal ko parin. *sigh*
anyway at least i'm starting to like my job. i know i shouldn't say anything kase i might jinx it everything could be ruined, pero wala lang. natutuwa lang ako na nakakakuha din ako kahit pano ng slice of the lucky pie. i do have my concerns, pero who gets a perfect job anyway. my slice of the pie is not that big.
hayy and more bad news.. lola has cancer. She had it, at least. She's had her operation and thank God it went well, pero may chemo pa daw and she has all these other sorts of things she'll need more treatment for. Jusko naman. Ang winish ko lang naman ever para sa kanya ay remaining months na painfree. Kulang pa dasal. Kulang pa pikit, kulang pa pennies sa fountain.*sigh*
less of a concern but still more bad news. Coldplay concert tickets sold out. Grabe naman talaga. Coldplay ito. Magcconcert a few blocks away from where i work. Coldplay. arg. I was willing to pay like seventy dollars for a ticket, pero leche, nagtriple triple na yung prices. Errm my fault, i started looking for tickets like two weeks before the concert. Well it still sucks. Dati napapanaginipan lang ang opportunities na ganito. Looks like hindi ko rin nakuha yung cherries on top of that lucky pie.
speaking of cherries, we're gonna go cherry picking next week. nakakatuwa din yung activities dito. May apple picking pa sa september. Well I was never really allowed to climb trees before, and i was only able to get one step up dun sa favorite mulberry tree namin sa pisay, pero what-ev. Malay mo may hidden talent ako. hayy oh darn. I have to go home. Ate Lev's gonna visit tomorrow and we'll probably go out tomorrow night. Magttour tour at kakain and stuff. Yey makakakita na ako ng familiar face na hindi ko kamaganak. Ha ha ha. :)
~16h56~
mumblings
Oh.. darn.. I'll never ever get used to this. waking up early. it's the same as before, my first year sa p&g. it sucked. and i was in heaven when they moved me to ceemea. ngayon.. ayon. whatever schmever. i swear i'll retire by 50. sobrang kakapagod. i'm struggling with waking up early (robyn actually shouted "bilis tita elai bilis" after saying goodbye kaninang umaga) then when i get home i just sleep right away. well if my joules permit it, nagttriplejack ako for a while. hahaha. ang funny funny don. pinapag-away ko yung mga tao.. i throw a pie at some random player, of course making sure na hindi nya ako pagssupechahan. like when i folded or something. then he would always assume na yung kalaban nya from the previous hand or the current hand did it. tas maggagantihan na sila. hahaha. so funny.
oh erratum, apol's work is not at 1pm. it's at six pm. safety issues, but we've discussed it and she's agreed to carry a pair of scissors all the time. hindi kasi pwede dito yung pepper spray and swiss knives kase mag-bbeep yung security thingy sa doors. so they say. i say just try learning jiu jitsu. it's the best form of martial arts (subjective) and it's designed to make your weaknesses work for you. Well yeah, malas mo kung nagaral din ng jiu jitsu yung assailant mo. Pero more chances that they're carrying bigger knives diba. And there they do teach you how to unarm the bad guys. and to break some of their bones. aww darn. nammiss ko na sila sensei raffy. wala na pala sila sa stanley's, sa villa verde na. just so you know, if you want to enroll or something.
anyway, so my trainer has already left cibc, and upon taking over his files and stuff, shempre, i started making pakealam. came across his resume. sa miscellaneous files nya. oh God i'm as underqualified as the pope is religious. he's got an MBA and all these sorts of awards. darn. that just about clinches it. hahaha. shit. i'll have to double up on my pogi points. and start looking the farthest thing from lazy. which im not. dad says i am but im not. *sigh* sige sige. i'm just making use of my free time, the day is really dragging, nawawalan na ako ng pwede gawin.
~14h56~
from the bottom
oh it sucks. really really does. and by the way i missed a whole month again. sucks. hindi naman ako ganun ka-busy (well now, yeah, but last May, no) i was just too tired kase i spent to much energy fretting and fussing and brooding. it's not that i don't care enough to try and have a positive attitude about this, kase i tried doing that. tried about seven million times. kept on failing. arrg never mind. the secret (that book - akala ko kasi book sha na mysteries davinci-ish whatever schmever so i borrowed it. was i wrong) says if you keep thinking about it maattract mo sha one way or another. so begone bad luck and negativity. for now.
hayy darn. started working last week. i kind of don't like it. sort of. i like it kase it's like my previous job and all and it's not that jargon-packed, but im kind of not feeling it that much. or else it's still too early to evaluate my fortunes. or lack thereof. haha. kung ittake natin lahat ng bagay into consideration, on a scale of 1-10, 4. shempre, this could be a stupid rating kase for all i know it's already pleasant compared to other jobs. hayy what do i know what do i know. i'm two seconds away from giving up and going back. hinayang lang saka nakakahiya and then of course guilt sa parents et cetera. darn i just can't get the bummed part of myself out. kanina pa ako kain ng kain ng yogurt e wala naman ako malasahan. kase i'm so preoccupied with the sucky things. *orders self to stop* i know this kind of pessimism is bad. pero since narrealize kong ganito ako (as of the moment) then it should count for something. i mean iksabihin hindi pa sha pathological.
oh by the way atebem and apple have jobs now too. atebem's work is from 6-2, mine is 9-5, apple's is from 1pm. morning afternoon and night. weird ano. so far it appears that things are shaping out okay. hopefully it stays that way, okay for them. (pero for me, with the way i'm taking things, haha. i have to be kidding myself) oh and dad's bought a car narin. at least.. pwede na kami mamili by the bulk. and we could go to ikea and buy those much needed shelves. good luck nalang kung pano nila mauuto si robyn na sumakay sa car seat every time. oh and robyn has a new catch phrase now. "you're wonderful and beautiful for everything". feeling ko more than everything yan or forever or something, pero cute parin. her tantrums are much less, i assume it's because she was getting too much attention nung wala pa kaming jobs. ngayon, konti na ulit ka-interact nya. hayy. she does make it worth it sometimes.
i borrowed this amazing book and fell in love with it. actually naintroduce na sha samin ni sir samson dati nung math 7? math something. basta yung elective nung high school. satan, cantor, and infinity. actually nainlove narin si kiel jan and she bought that book online a few years ago and paid like a fortune. thank God reliable yung libraries dito. pwede ka magpaship from another location. anyway, super doooper galing ni mr. smullyan. it's about puzzles and logic and infinity at kung ano anong paradox. ang saya, mostly because it's a very humbling read. nothing works faster to make you realize your logic is lacking. and sooo slow. it's the smartest book ever. hahanapin ko nga yung ibang books niya. you should read it. it's really fun. sincerely.
ren and i have a plan. real plan. nagconfide kase ako sa kanya about the lows. my lows. and we decided that after 5 years, when every stupid thing still doesn't pan out, babalik ako sa philippines and then we'll be roommates again. as in. sha sa condo ako sa car. hahaha. and then we'll buy a real dishwasher and a washing machine and all that jazz para hindi na kami mahirapan sa chores. our plan is actually laid out. magsstart na sha magkalat ng ghost stories tungkol sa adjacent condo so that no one would buy it. I suggested she put blood spatters too. Then when i come back, we'll buy it and smash the wall in between. para may allowance na for our ultra-fab shoe room. and our ultra-fab media room. oh and of course the ultra-fab kitchen. hayy naku. how i wish i could just do that without all these complications. what with my parents and the future and the opportunity canada brings. what-ev. at least there's something to look forward to. and it's nice to have a backup plan. it would cheer me up through the lows. *hayy* anyhow. work na ulit. yeah right. pero sa totoo lang. oo nga.
~16h45~
cooking 101
darn it. who would have thought matututo ako magluto. nakapagluto nako spareribs at shrimp.. :) hahaha. ang tungek talaga. i dunno how it came about, pero nakatoka na saken yung pagluluto when mom and dad are out. i know you know i really suck at cooking, and you're thinking how bad our dinner must be, pero sa totoo lang kase ano, mas hindi marunong si atebem at apple. well yeah, apple bakes, pero hindi narin sha marunong pag may apoy na e. hahaha. oh well. at least hindi na ako naghuhugas ng dishes pag nagluluto ako. like omg, tumitigas na kase kamay ko. hindi na ako pwede magmodel for tiffany & co.. and anyway natutuwa narin ako gumamit ng knives at magslice slice ng gulay. yun lang, matagal pala matanggal yung amoy ng garlic sa kamay. oh well.
mom's leaving for the philippines next week. she'll be coming back on december pa. magiging twice as hard na sa bahay, pero easier narin.. mom is kind of driving all of us crazy sa pagka-oc nya. i'm oc, but you should see her.. leave drops of water on the floor or not clean up after you take a bath and expect it, she'll freak out. it's unnerving, and at times gusto ko na magwalkout, pero sige, carry. pag alis nya hindi na magiging malinis yung bahay every second of everyday, pero normal naman yun diba? diba diba?
thank God for the man who invented earplugs.. mashado kase malaki yung space sa gitna ng stupidang pinto sa kwarto ko and the floor. so magsalita ka lang sa labas ng room ko magigising nako i swear. being the light sleeper that i am, and being the noisy child that robyn is, edi sirang sira araw ko. so after my first week of undersleeping, i went to the mall and bought ten pairs of earplugs. kaya heaven yung tulog ko ever since.
anyhow ayon. tatawag na pala ako sa cable at magtatatanong kung pano maginstall ng hdtv. ako narin pala na"assign" dun sa pagtatatawag sa cable internet phone whatever schmever. *sigh* being responsible for so many things is not that fun.
~18h08~
on getting on with it and getting lost
Aww pfft. OUr landlord sucks!! hahaha. pero sige, kunware nice nice muna, kase being a bitch would not help if you're new. anyway our apartment is looking more like a house now. :) pero madami parin kulang. this coming week is career back to zero week. arg. pero hindi muna natin paguusapan kase i might jinx it. just have to get on with it, or else diba. *sigh*
oh we got lost the other day. my sisters and i explored the mall across our place (ang heaven-ish diba..??) and we got lost. inside the mall. kase we couldn't find the exit. how stupid can you get. hindi kasi namin napansin that the mall was built sort of underground, so the exits are at the top floor.. hahaha. anyway when no one was looking we ended up taking the fire exit. the scary fire exit with the long empty hallways and blinking lights. hahaha. ang funny.
i've decided to study again this september. argg wait lang a. we have visitors again.
~20h13~
mighty morphin
Aww i've got to stop complaining. at least if ever sa sarili ko nalang. i realized it gets harder to adjust if i announce my despair. so sige, quiet nalang muna ako. btw, the rest of my family's here. :) i was so glad to see them, pero hindi ko narealize na the moment they get here, mas hihirap trabaho ko. kase sa totoo lang, maniwala ka man o hinde, ako yung responsible daughter sa aming tatlo. stop smirking. :) totoo nga. i'm immature and clueless around others pero if the need arises, kaya ko magmorph into somebody mature and responsible enough. pero may parang battery lang sha, so it goes on for a while lang, and you should charge it after. hahahaha. oh shit wait lang. nagising si robyn.
i'm back.. one day later. we've moved in to our new apartment. it's still close to empty, pero at least the beds and tables are assembled, kitchen and baths are functioning, saka na set-up na yung cable, phone line and internet! :) that's the set that makes up livable.
hayy it feels weird to say it, kase honestly hindi ako madalas nakakakita ng reason dati to do so, but i'm really glad i'm a Filipino. dunno if we'd be where we are now, alive and semi-settled (temporarily), if it hadn't been for our relatives here. ewan ko if it's the same with other cultures, but the hospitality and support na binibigay ng mga fellow pinoys dito, really really golden for us. relatives or not. ang galing. well yeah, most of them are our relatives, pero kahit pa. i don't think sa iba ganito e, and i am very very thankful.
hayy anyhow maguunpack muna ako ng konti konti.. there's WWE and arthur here! hahaha. ain't this all glorious? but i still miss everything. :)
~14h38~
tinge
We went out (translation - we battled with the excruciating cold) today to look at the apartments from the list that we've short listed. Mom liked the first one so we didn't look at the rest. We'll probably pay na tomorrow. And then start from there - buy furniture and appliances, complete government forms, enroll in schools.. *sigh*
I'm still finding difficulty shoving a tinge of optimism down my throat. Ang hirap. Naiiyak parin ako all the time. *sigh* I miss Lola and Nana. I miss my friends. I miss my room and my house and our dogs. I miss Spru. I miss my friends. I miss every every everything. Nammmiss ko narin si Beany, but they'll be here next Thursday. So that one's ok. God give me optimism please. Kahit just a tinge.
Ay naku. You won't believe how hard it is to keep warm. Sabi ni Ren the secret is more layers. Right, more and more and more, pero the thing is I can't go more than four diba, kase pangit na yun tignan.. Saka pag sasakay ka na at bababa sa bus or sa car, edi tanggal lahat tas balik lahat.. diba? Ang weird. Is it really this hard? Or mataas lang yung freezing point ng dugo ko for some reason? Arg. For some reason din nakakahilo magsuot ng scarf. I guess nakakasakal. Darn. Spring dating ka na. Dali na dali na.
Apol's going crazy. She made me a poem, confessed to finishing my brownies, then accused me of taking a dump. Kawawa naman kapatid ko. I think she's super dreading leaving for Canada din, and it's taking its toll on her. Hayy hayy hayy. Good luck sa tear glands nya.
~18h49~
starting over
So weird that it's still Friday. I wrote the previous post friday din, but that's 1 am. I guess my body clock has started to adjust, kase ngayon na ulit ako nagnnet, 11pm. Hayy I so miss Lola and Nana. Hindi ko naman kase sila maemail. Darn it. I'll have to call home.
Thank God nga pala my aunt has internet. On the drive right after we stepped out the airport, I was praying like crazy na sana may internet sa bahay. Meron nga..! *heart jumps* I was sure that I would pass out had there been none.
Holy Week pala ngayon. (time to reflect and be sorry). And coming here at this time is hard, kase everything's closed. So now mom and I are confined at home. We'll start with our checklist on Monday or Tuesday pa siguro. Which sucks, because two weeks from now Dad, Atebem, Apol and Robyn would be arriving, and everything - the house, the bank accounts, necessities, phone, internet - should be ready by then. Gosh ang lamig.
I'm kind of thankful that mom and tita mimi don't expect too much from me. They haven't asked me to cook yet..! :) ain't that just grand? The most I've done here was wash the dishes. And that's easy. mejo maaksaya lang siguro ako sa tubig. Konti lang. pero at least diba. Shemmies sana by Tuesday the snow's gone. My allergies are acting up. Oh and omg, my charger works here! :) kala ko kase hinde, kase 110 V lang lahat ng outlets dito. Pero pwede pala yung charger ko. At least I get to watch videos and see pictures and listen to my music. I guess that's a good sign. That Canada will be somehow nice to me. *sigh* I miss everything.
~23h28~
Thanks Friends
Got here safe. Thank God.
Up until dun sa labas ng airport iyak ako ng iyak. hahahaha. I felt so ugly kase puffy na yung mata ko. Kakahiya sa airport. Tas everytime may natatanggap akong message nanginginig yung lower lip ko. hahahahaha. It's all so sad.. Up until that moment, hindi pa nagdawn saken na anlaki ng chunk na nawala saken when I said goodbye to my friends. Sabi ko nga sa kanila kunwari nalang hindi ako umalis tas kunwari nalang lagi akong may sakit tuwing may lakad. Pero who am I kidding. It's not the same. Don't freakin laugh. Kase what with the distance and the time difference. Sure internet helps, but a lot will change. Diba. Changes we can't stop from happening. Bwisit talaga ang sad. Eitherway some part of me masaya parin, na given that I had to leave, it was a good, heavy, farewell. Diba. Kesa naman quiet lang. Na tipong walang nagbabay. Or walang nagcare. :)
Thanks nga pala kay Kiko for bringing us to the airport. And for his overly dramatic blog entry. Ang Marian for her added entry. Thanks to Pio and Ren din for their overly dramatic emails (how cruel could friends get, making me cry the moment I set foot in Canada). And Pitet for my portrait. Hahahaha. Art for the book, Dennis for the message, C10 for threatening to impeach me from my (ahem) muse post, Babafuhme for dinner and seeing me off, Maimai for our one week vacation, BC for coffee and a miniadventure, Adong, Karissa, Mae, Che, and Vicki for my 'elise' shirt, Pisay friends for our great reunion, and each one of my many many 'blessings'. Enough na kayo for probably a lifetime, so I wouldn't expect to have as much here, 'swy I'm hoping to come back. Pffft. There's no telling, I know. Pero if ever I find a reason not to or not to be able to, mabigat na usapan ito. Hayy nako. So thanks friends. I'll so definitely see you guys again.
~05h52~
pseudo preparation
Oooh darn it March na. Which reminds me, happy birthday kay En-en and Pitet today! Well kanina pala. Past midnight na pala. Went to Mama(Tita ko)'s house kanina for lunch then we had to go home super fast kase may lakad pa sila dad. It was really funny, kasi all the while I forgot na the next time I see them, malamang sa malamang matanda na sila RB at Abbe at Anne at Austin. How weird.
Anywhoo as much as I hated to, nakapagprepare na ako slightly for the 20th. Bumili na ako ng bagong guitar case.. O diba? Galing no. Haven't really packed or listed to-brings down yet but im getting there. at least diba, nasimulan ko na. tiny steps. Mejo ayoko lang talaga simulan agad yung packing and stuff kase alam kong iiyak ako pag ginagawa ko na.. kasi hindi kasha lahat ng gamit ko and i'm going to have to leave a lot of things behind.. *about to cry*. in fact, dad keeps on insisting na iwanan namin yung mga albums and stuff and just bring like a flash drive na andun lahat ng pictures.. Well, over my dead body. Albums and letters and mementos stay with me.
I'm going to Iloilo again on Friday. Kasi naman ano, baka hindi ko na makita ulit si Keiser before the 20th. And several other friends there. Diba kase the last time we were there Mom and Dad kept on changing plans and ruined everyone else's itineraries. Magppicnic nga kame ni Maimai sa mountain. hahaha. Good luck nalang kase we would still have to climb and we intend to bring all this food. Anyhow then magdday-out kame ni Dianne and Bing. Then when I come back here, ayun na. No turning back na.
Grabe it still seems inconceivable how soon we're leaving ano. New life new house new people new everything. Pinakakinakabahan lang talaga ako sa fact na kelangan na namin matuto magluto. Chrissakes. You know how pathetic my culinary skills are. Hmm. Magpapasulat nalang ako kay Nana ng very very detailed manual or say cookbook para sa mga usually kinakain namin dito. Thing is, I don't think andun lahat ng condiments na usually ginagamit dito. Whatever schmever. Dad says malapit dun sa most likely magiging place namen, may Filipino restaurant. Woohoo. At least diba.
~00h15~
getting ready.. not
Had dinner with my second year high school classmates (plus Che) last Saturday.. Uhh Feb 23 I think. Chrissakes naman sobrang nakakamiss..! Malas ko lang na pinanganak akong babae saka sa las pinas ako nakatira.. kase marami nang kinidnap dun sa dinadaanan namen pauwe, hence the curfew and this despite the fact that i'm 21.. I would've climbed the seven hills of rome to stay, pero ayon, had to go home at about ten. Pffft.
Aww nakakatuwa sila. Tumanda kame ng mga 2 years, sige fine mga 7 years, pero hindi parin sila nagbago. They're still the same people I'd known. And we would have passed for high school students parin. Hinde sige, college naman.
I'm so tired of posting pics here and sa photobucket and sa multiply kase triple work, so tignan mo nalang yung multiply (link sa taas). arrrgh it still bothers me why sobrang nalulungkot ako na aalis ako, e hindi rin naman kame nagkikitakita talaga. senseless matters of the heart.
so it's almost march and I haven't even done anything yet. haven't done spring cleaning to sort out kung ano dadalhin ko when we leave or what not. haven't even cleaned my room for that matter. yung mga inuwi kong stuff galing sa office nakatiwangwang pa sa floor. ewan ko ba. i guess sinsavor ko palang ang stressfree days, kase goodness knows what the next few months will be like. oh gosh i'm so sleepy.
nakapaginvite na pala ako ng mga tao sa last farewell dinner ko. which was stupid.. kase wala pang venue or time or specific plan.. ugh. just never got the time to sit down and organize things.. ironic kase i have all the free time in the world. except pag weekends. hayy nako.. i've got to stop procrastinating. lahat tuloy ng bagay na supposedly settled na, nakasaksak lang sa utak ko in no particular order. arrrgh. arrrgh. sige. magooffline nako tas aayusin ko kahit yung march 15 plans man lang.
~01h39~
last chance to bum around
As you know nagresign nako so i finally have the chance to watch tv 12 hours a day and sleep 12 hours a day. Well actually hindi pa mashado pero kkumpletuhin ko next week I swear. Nag last dinner out ako with Babafuhme friends last Monday. aww. I'll miss them. Pero thank God YM exists. Pero before that, we went to Bicol for the last of the bonding moments!! :) ibang klase yung whale shark adventure grabe.
Let's start the kwento properly. Ate Ria, Marrie, Pitet and I arrived Friday am. And as luck would have it, umuulan at sobrang ginaw. (kawawa naman si Marrie, puro spags yung dala) Kaya ang labo ng Mayon at the time, kase foggy. Anyway, nagfx kame, then nagjeep, then nag tricycle to the resort (as in diba, pwede na kame mamuhay mag-isa, amazing race material.. diba??), and met up with Ate Derek, Ate Amor and Ate Aday there. As it turned out, the Woodland Resort was super ok kase the food was so great.. (buttered crabs - grabe shit, ang sarap). The rain stopped, so we walked along the beach picking up shells and all that kadramahan. Then we did the river cuise that night saka firefly watching. Actually mejo natakot ako e. Kase feel ko may multo tas sobrang dilim. Whatever schmever. The fireflies were great too. Anyway so I ended that day with a plateful of buttered crabs (Crabs for breakfast lunch and dinner). Some of us went to the karaoke bar pa, pero natulog nako, super antok.
The next day was the best, we went to the tourist office at about 8am, paid, and we got on boats to start looking for them butandings.. Sa unang butanding, kame muna ni Ate Aday Ate Amor at Pitet. We sat on the side of the boat with our snorkel and fins tapos pagsigaw ng officer ng "jump" edi we jumped. Yon, swim swim. The water was sort of dark, so mejo wala ako makita tas biglang.. OMG. The butanding.. In front of me. Hahahaha. grabe ang saya. Napakapit pako kay Pitet kase shit naman ano, may shark sa harap ko tas kita ko na yung mouth and all that jazz. Laki nya in fairness, pero maliit pa daw yon comparatively. E since tatanga tanga ako, napasigaw ako kaya nakainom ako water, so I resurfaced. Pag balik ko, asa ilalim ko na sha..!! And it was swimming so freakin near na abot ko na talaga yung fin. Pero for the life of me, I dared not grab it kase baka sipain nya ako or something and then I might die. We got to swim with six whale sharks that day pero madami pa kami nakita, hindi lang naabutan or nahiya lang yung shark samen. Ah basta ang saya. Once in a lifetime.
I'll post pictures later. O baka sa multiply nalang. The view of Donsol isn't as breathtaking as that of Palawan siguro or Bohol, pero san ka pa makakaswim kasama ng butanding diba?
That afternoon we went back to Sorsogon. Nagcommute kame ni Pitet and Marrie kase hindi kaya ng car yung seven na tao paakyat sa slope. Whatever schmever. Funny thing was, after nagbutanding kame, saka umulan ulit. So thank God for the convenience of the rain's rest. Then we shopped for our pasalubong and checked in sa bagong resort. We weren't able to spring hop kase nga maulan na. In fact, bagyo na ata yon kase ang hirap na isara ng pinto, super super wind. hahaha.
The next day, parang nabobo na kame, kase paikot ikot na kame, hindi namin mahanap yung airport at bus terminal. Good luck sa Amazing Race. Nonetheless, we made our flight. :) oh gush. It's the best experience I had to date. sayang lang, kase endangered na sila and stuff. so I decided to make a lot of money later and contribute somehow.
Anyway, as all that's over, need to continue my goodbye anthologies. Great...
~16h44~
office despidida
aww last day ko sa work
kanina.. woohoo. :) pero honestly *whispers* mejo nalungkot ako e.. hahaha. kasi everyone was
very nice. naghanda pa them friends ng food and video (which was nice, may acting acting pa na
kung ano). tas all the while akala ko ipagiice cream lang nila ako ('swy I brought cake) pero
marami din palang food. aww kung cooperative ang tear glands ko maluluha ako e. haha.
shit.
i sort of regret not getting to know everyone as well as I should have. pero as if naman ano.
1.18 years palang ako ano. so that's kind of short. and yet i was lucky to have them nice
friends. then among those may sort of group of seven din kami na sunod sunod na new-hires. well
there were other new-hires after us but we stopped with seven. tas kami yung parepareho autistic
at maingay at mababaw na minsan nakakahiya na. :) and we are all casts sa isang made-up story
about a barangay called Babafuhme. Well shempre ngayon they had to kill my character off. si
Duday na batang sisinto-sinto daw na may mysterious na balat ng kung anong mapa sa likod nya. as
it turns out, mapa pala daw yun ng canada. hahaha.
anyhow as you know cheater ako pagdating
sa mga ganitong goodbyes, so babalik nalang ako sa office sa monday. actually babalik naman
talaga ako to return the laptop and ID and stuff. so i'll say my goodbye then. actually we'll eat
dinner out muna and then goodbye na talaga. and now i realized mas weird itong good bye kase i
see them everyday. and i won't anymore. ahh oh well. dami naman memories na documented e. so that
should make it easier.
oh and i'm going to bicol on friday! :) last trip ko na with some of
them officemates. then ria was able to buy a disposable underwater cam. sana lang maayos yung
maging picture namin with the butanding.. ay grabe exciting. i'm going to have to finish packing.
shit sana wala samin malunok ng butanding..
~23h47~
teeth
grabe ano bang klase to.. This is a big disappointment for me, not being able to find time to write. Sorry a.. clicheish sha, pero I've just been busy. deadly busy. Belated Happy birthday kay Mommy at Lola..!
Ugh.. lapit na ng march 20!! darn it darn it. good grief. ayan na. nagddawn na sakin. (i still find it funny though na nalulungkot ako, e as if naman hindi ako babalik. saka as if naman i'm not used to not seeing my friends for years). oh well. last week ko na at work this week. ang saya ano. it's a very very liberating feeling to not care about work while everyone else is running amok.
just came back from island cove. omg. I'll die if I ever have to share room again!! Grabe. mga 3 na siguro ako nakatulog. pero when i did, putol putol parin. kase we were all in one room sa hotel and dad was snoring. Naiinggit ako sa ibang taong kayang makatulog pag may humihilik. as in. feeling ko tuloy mukha nakong eyebag ngayon. darn it. I was also sharing the bed with Apol and she was freakin kicking me. Dad woke up finally, and I thought sige, pwede pako matulog. Oh I thought wrong. Apple started with the tv then Beany started with her bakit questions then all started with the talking then the screaming then the jumping.. I swear, if they asked me to share room with anyone again, I will not have it. And I thought horoscopes were baloney. Tignan mo friendster.. Sharing resources brings stress daw. I swear! Tignan mo ngayon na. Yung virgo. Good grief.. I really wanted to get sleep pa man din kasi may pasok ako today.
Anyway so the schedule goes like this. Bicol next weekend, then pickup stuff sa work, then seminar whatever, then kitakits circle, then second to the last na shopping series, then maimai's sleeping over the weekend, then ewan ko kung tuloy yung babafuhme overnight party, then iloilo, then despidida, then last minute things like shopping or flu shots, and then bienvenue canada.
speaking of medical whatever schmevers, finally visited the dentist.. omg. and here I was thinking that my teeth were absolutely fine. grabe marami na palang sira.. shit. I have to make like five trips to the dentist. third trip ko was last friday. sobrang bad trip. nung sinabi sakin ng dentist yon, ako parang "hwwhhhaaat..?!?! they seemed ok!". Lamo yon, I take care of them like a normal person does (or so I thought pala diba) pero goodluck nalang yung mga taong nagyyosi or hindi nagbbrush araw araw. siguro pati front teeth nila may cavities kung ganon. aww sobrang contrite ako that while driving home I was apologizing to my teeth. Should I have brushed for at least thirty minutes all three times everyday? Sobrang high maintenance pala ng ipin. Shit. Sobrang hindi parin ako makapaniwala hanggang ngayon. it all feels stupid.
Anyway, ang ong-ong naman, kung kailan ako paalis, dun nagka gamerooms si P&G at naglalalagay ng mga wii at table tennis don at foosball tables sa pantries.. ang saya. nabawasan yung pake ng mga tao sa work. narechannel din ng mga tao yung stress. Yun nga lang. That foosball is dead by next month. everyone loves to play it tapos we all know how much rage everyone here builds up day after day.
anyway ayon, i have to go home now. wala narin tao sa office. hahaha. actually sa totoong totoo lang kaya lang naman ako pumasok para iuwi na yung mga gamit ko dito na ayoko makita ng ibang tao e.
~18h39~
phase one failed
Happy new year!! Year of the rat.. hmm fine. :)
Oh gosh oh gosh. Malapit na ang march. *sigh* super naguguluhan nako at nawiwindang.. issues at work I could handle and set aside (actually pinagtataguan ko na lang e.. hehe) pero losing every every everything is really the pits.
went to Iloilo just this last Christmas to say goodbyes and to eat loads of stuff to go to the beach and get a tan when nobody else would. shemmies mejo wala akong napala. except the tan. yep i got the tan :) pero namayat daw ako. haha. dunno why, i really thought i'd eaten a lot. Erngk.
Anyway plus hindi ako nakapag goodbye ng maayos sa mga tao kase one, naiiyak ako agad so i just say my goodbyes very very fast. two, ang gulo kausap ng parents ko - paiba iba sila ng plano, so hindi ko na nakita yung ibang friends ko kase tipong sabi bukas pa daw kami aalis tas biglang ngayon na pala. lamo yon. (you can't believe how mad i got at them) hayy nako. so in the end i just cheated my way out of it - kase babalik nalang ako sa march. darn it. phase one of the goodbye anthologies and can't even do it. nakakatawa pa si keiser, pinsan ko. he was crying na tipong sobrang sipon na. then apol and i were pretending to laugh nalang pero pabalik balik kami sa kwarto para magpigil ng tears.. hahaha. tas nung goodbye naman sa mom's side sobrang nagiiyakan narin yung ibang tao pero panalo yung grand aunt namen.. umiiyak - e taga canada din sha.. hahahaha. hayy nako. anyway it was really touching to see everyone waving goodbye. really. and this makes it it equally hard.
phase two would be the friends. phase three na si nana. shit. good luck nalang sa pagpipigil ko ng tears. kakahiya. i keep thinking and thinking na ang tanga tanga ko naman, kasi surely babalik pa naman ako e..diba.. ewan ko lang. lamo naman. things change. ewan ko lang kung bakit mas ok parin yung feeling na malapit ka sa mga tao (kahit hindi naman talaga kayo nagkikita kita) when changes do happen. ewan ko rin why it really sucks na malayo ka kahit wala namang magbabago sa means of communication nyo - text, chat, or phone calls. diba. diba diba diba.
anyway they said i have to cheer up. hindi ko naman alam what awaits us. whatever shmever. :) bahala na. found the time to book myself a vacation to bicol and then babalik nga ako sa iloilo. si atebem naman sa palawan then sa boracay. passthru din sha sa iloilo. apol i don't know with her. kawawa naman sha. may class pa kase sha e. *hayy hayyy hayyyyy* i guess this is it. til about last month i was still trying to find a way for me to stay. pero wala. i kind of realized that there's no point dreading something when i'm not even sure if it's good or bad. in fact chances are good pa nga e. hmm. o well. i'll see everybody when i see them :) pero i'll really miss everyone. like crazy. :)
~16h49~
last christmas
Merry Christmas Eve! :) hahaha. oh darn it. LAst na to a in fairness. At least for a long time. *sigh* natanggap ko na to dati pa e. as in. pero ngayon, no offense, leaving nana behind is the only only thing that's still hard to handle. shit. naisip ko nga, maghahanap nalang ako ng pwedeng asawahin ni nana sa Canada para makamigrate din sha. hehe. *sigh* hayy nako darn it. anyway it's not like we won't ever see her again. babalik balik nalang kami dito if we already can. ooh nakapagsabi na pala ako sa boss ko na aalis nako. galing. i feel glad. actually sa strategy pa yung course ng pag-iisip ko when i did it, pero what the heck. i'll cap off my employment with a grand vacation. then it's on to getting ready for stuff. *hayy* anyway, don't forget to do something nice this Christmas day. :)
~15h48~
shift change
stupid shhh i can't believe i missed the whole month of november.. argg well belated happy birthday kay Nana and Apol..! actually nabati ko naman sila on those days really. Darn it. Ewan ko. I guess mahirap lang yung bago kong time sa work...... Well that's a lie kase actually i absolutely adore my new schedule.. uwi ako at 10pm, i sleep at about 1130 then i wake up at 1130!!! then i start work at 1pm. (actually lagi pa akong late) ain't it grand?!?!? that's if im feeling lazy. If im not, i spend time with the tv or play with bopito or i eat. And nakakatuwa pa dito, pag may kelangan ako, i could so totally go to the mall and buy it before i go to work.. ahhh galing talaga. :)
my sched's not jampacked, i know. pero mejo ayoko parin kausapin lahat ng tao.. ewan.. i guess naooverwhelm pa ako sa amount of free time for myself now. kaya tinutulog ko nalang most of the time. so in a way, busy parin ako for most of the time that i'm awake. diba. hmm. and anyway i'm also avoiding additional stress. i'm so over stress and i abhor feeling stressed or feeling that i'm about to be stressed. 'swy i've officially submitted my leave of absence from my stresswall duties. in fact, ngayon pag may problema i don't do the right thing anymore. i just hide from them kase pretty soon i could leave them all behind. (kaya ng nakasick leave ako ngayon e.. haha. kase there are problems at work - model employee) shit. nasstress tuloy ulit ako sa kakaisip about canada. anyway change topic.
hmm Merry Christmas!! I don't feel it yet, pero whatever. We're going to fly to Iloilo on the 25th to say our goodbyes and all that jazz. Shit nasstress ulit ako. sorry sa curses. actually that word's not a curse. it's just something fetid. anyway ayon. i booked another vacation - to Donsol :) so that i could finally swim with whalesharks.. exciting!! hahaha. sana lang hindi ako malunok ng whale kase although it only feeds on plankton, it's mouth is really oh my gravy big. i'm going with my officemates. hayy nako. them officemates. i really like them. sobrang iba sila from how i expected officemates to be. at least most of them. in fact babafuhme celebrated yesterday. it was nice. puro mga walang hiya kame saka feeling magaling kumanta. kaya ayon. the best thing was, mejo taboo narin ang stress-related issues kase we've all had enough of it i think. so all was fine for me.
~23h59~
go with the flow
Hmm it's the best option when you're in a vortex. Chances are mas mahihirapan lang ako pag nakipagaway pako e.. *sigh* Let's all just give up. :) anyway recently I made it a point to reconnect with my friends. Some of them at least. (You can only do so much when work and stress are in an all out war against you). At least isa-isahin ko man lang diba..
Oooh I almost forgot, congrats to Hani and Franz..! :) Ren and I will visit tomorrow. Hmm. This presents a problem. Magmmall pala ako bukas ano.. Shemmies. Hmm. Oh well. Kaya yon. Malls are so scary these days. Kawawa naman mga tao. *sigh* ewan ko kung taboo pa to e.. Pero might as well be safe and not talk about it, kase I might jinx everything.
Good luck talaga saken!!! Next next week 1-10pm nako sa work.. Darn it. *sulks* oh well. actually mejo mas gusto ko sha e, kasi at least i don't have to wake up early. Ewan ko ba.. parang autistic yung takbo ng utak ko e. even if I sleep for ten hours, basta mas maaga sa seven ako gigising, my body still feels cheated out of sleep. So siguro mas ok na 1-10. More time to watch good tv. Ooh which reminds me. Yung Heroes pala 11 episodes lang daw yung season 2. Which means six episodes nalang and the season's over and then we'll have to wait a long time again. May officemate kasi kame ng super nice, she downloads the episodes the moment they are uploaded by someone from US. So we take pride in the fact na nasa first one thousand kami sa country na nakakapanood. Teehee. You better watch it if you're still not watching. It's really kewl. :)
Politics. Hate it. It's stupid and vomitrocious. Yet alam nating lahat na sa corporate world, if you don't play that game, you'll die. Pagalingan nalang siguro sa plastikan at poker faces. *sigh* shemmies ang sarap ng mango bravo ba yon or something sa contis. shemmies.. parang sans rival at mango cream all in one. I swear before november ends i'm going to order two. One for giving and one for myself. good grief at nagpromise daw akong magpapapayat na ako. Who cares. Malay mo walang ganung cake sa you know where. Edi I missed out pa..
~14h14~
palawan
Darn it.. Can't post the pics because they're so many (I took like a hundred) and it would take an eternity to resize them all. So just open my photobucket site.
Anyhow, ayon. Enjoy sha, in fairness. They call me egay now. Kase when we were in palawan pa-tan lang ako ng pa-tan all the while forgetting the fact na madami akong fuchsia and dark blue na shirts and they're not good with the tan. *sigh* oh well. I don't really care all that much. Basta enjoy. I almost drowned by the way. :) hahaha. Yung stupidang snorkel whatever let me down, nasamid tuloy ako and i wasn't wearing a vest. Anyway oks naman. Pero from then on i wore the orange vest. Which was ugly and it brought about a very ugly tan line.
Then nakita namin yung school ng jackfish or whatever.. Omg. They're like a million. Para silang ung current sa finding nemo that turns into some sort of vortex and they go all the way down hanggang sa hindi mo na makita. Shucks scary talaga. And they were swimming right in front of us na tipong pag nasagasaan ka ng current nila you're probably gonna die because they'll eat you alive and they're so many!! Well wala namang namatay. Pero going back to the hotel I was wincing like stupid kasi as in puro slash slash yung paa ko dahil sa mga corals na parang upturned knives and axes. Stupid corals.
Anyway if you're planning to go there, it would be best if you availed of all the tours that could fit your vacation span. Saka dapat may guide kayo and a hired van. Then you go sa underground cave.. Grabe ganda. Yun lang, you won't be sure what it is that's dripping on your helmet, if it's just water or it's actually bat pee. Kase sobrang daming bats sa loob.. Tas mejo scary talaga kase without our flashlights it would be pitch black. Tas andun yung uncertainty na may lumalangoy nang kung anong shark (or worse, komodo dragon) right beside you. Pero maganda parin. Certainly madami nang namatay sa caves so malamang madaming ghosts!! Hehe. And then we ate seafood like there was no tomorrow kaya pagbalik namin, well, piggies na kame. E pag pumayat ka naman kase, it would be a little stupid kase nagvacation ka na nga tinipid mo pa sarili mo. Diba.
Oh yeah, and we missed the plane going back to Manila. Hahaha. First time. And they wouldn't hold it for us, like we weren't important at all. Oh well. That gave us time naman to buy more pasalubong and taste the famous bird's nest soup (which was useless - tasted no better than clam chowder but three times more expensive). Hayy saya. All in all super mura nya. Air fare, food, accommodation, tour, and hired transpo - mga seven thou lang. Diba?! San ka pa.
Nagiisip na nga ako ng isusunod e.. We're thinking Cagayan, kase dun yung may white water rafting. Para maiba naman. Kase everywhere else, it's just swimming and beaches. Kamusta naman, by the time all my vacation mood is used up, I'd be darker than ebony. *sigh* Hmmm. Basta try Palawan. It's really great.
~14h14~
open forum again
(forum participants - gcel, monch, ren, lala, elai)
gcel asks: anong pinakamabahong part ng katawan mo
monch says: nose
monch asks: san masarap jumebs?
ren says: UP shopping center
ren asks: ilan buhok mo sa ears?
lala says: 22
lala asks: kamukha mo ba si Tado?
elai says: yes of course, how dare you
elai asks: ano theme song ni lala at abi?
gcel says: 12 days of Christmas
gcel asks: e bakit?
monch says: sunset
monch asks: would you consider making love in the rain?
ren says: yes
ren asks: ilan magiging anak nyo ni ogie?
lala says: 387
lala asks: bakit mainit ang panahon?
elai says: kase lamo na, sira cellphone ko e.
elai asks: sino may pinakamabahong hininga satin?
gcel says: ren
gcel asks: anong size ng brassiere mo?
monch says: 13
monch asks: Sino satin nagkaroon ng lesbian lover?
ren says: gcel
ren asks: kelan kayo ulit magiging friends ni abi?
lala says: 2008
lala asks: gano kahaba dila ni ren?
elai says: kasing haba ng buhok ni Rapunzel
elai asks: ano iniisip ni Lala nung sinagot nya si ogie?
gcel says: Weee!
gcel asks: gusto mo mapangasawa si RC no?
monch says: no
monch asks: gusto mo ba ng hariy butt crack?
ren says: yes :)
ren asks: kung magpapatattoo si gcel, anong tattoo?
lala says: diamond
lala asks: bakit mo idol si abi?
elai says: mabango
elai asks: ilang beses mo naisip na gwapo si ceazar?
gcel says: 5
gcel asks: umutot ka no?
monch says: yes
monch asks: biggest part of your body?
ren says: tuhod
ren asks: why me?
lala says: kasi sinipa nya
lala asks: anong pinakamabahong part ng katawan mo?
elai says: nose hairs
elai asks: sinong sinisisi mo sa kadilimang dinulot ni Bronson?
gcel says: Brad Pitt
gcel asks: anong size ng a**h*** mo?
monch says: 22cm
monch asks: anong kulay ng undies mo nung first kiss nyo ni Ceazar?
ren says: periwinkle
ren asks: pang ilang birthday na ang cncelebrate ngayon ni elai?
lala says: 3rd
lala asks: inaamoy mo ba pwet mo?
elai says: no
elai asks: anong gagamitin mong pamutol ng buhok ni victor?
gcel says: hairbrush
gcel asks: tingin mo, san na nakarating yung lump ni lala?
monch says: sa boobs
monch asks: sa anong pagkain ka pinaglihi?
ren says: seafood marinara pizza
ren asks: kung 2 tao nalang kayo sa mundo, sino gusto mo makasama?
lala says: peypey
lala asks: sino kamukha mo?
elai says: lala
elai asks: kung wala ka dito, ano ginagawa mo na?
gcel says: badminton
gcel asks: nakakailang meters si J*** in one leap?
monch says: 22
monch asks: gano kalaki legs mo?
ren says: 33 yards
ren asks: anong lumalabas sa ilong mo?
lala says: sipon
lala asks: sinong gusto mo kasama maglaba?
elai says: Janice de belen
elai asks: bagay ba si abi at ogie?
gcel says: no
gcel asks: bakit mabaho si M**?
monch says: Law of attraction
monch asks: sino gusto mo maging tatay ng anak mo?
ren says: Darbene
ren asks: anong family name ng magiging asawa ni elai?
lala says: Makapal
lala asks: ilan booger mo ngayon?
elai says: 73.65
elai asks: anong pinakagusto mong part ng katawan ni victor?
gcel says: hair
gcel asks: ambaho mo talaga no?
monch says: yes
monch asks: if your were a guy, sinong gusto mong girlfriend?
ren says: Bronson
ren asks: anong diameter ng pimple ni elai sa nose?
lala says: 84
lala asks: anong pinaka flexible na part ng body mo?
elai says: lalamunan
elai asks: sa totoo lang, mahal mo ba si Bronson?
gcel says: No
gcel asks: may kulugo ka sa pwet no?
monch says: yes!
monch asks: fruit that would be shoved up your ass
ren says: avocado
ren asks: pano mo sasaksakin si M**?
lala says: electric fan
lala asks: sino secret crush ni monch?
elai says: Tim
elai asks: magkasing itim na si ren at abi no?
gcel says: No
gcel asks: naghuhugar ka ng pwet after tumae?
monch says: no
monch asks: weight mo pag thirties to forties ka na?
ren says: 233.30
ren asks: kung ibebenta mukha ni Bronson, magkano?
lala says: 1,565.75 PHP
lala asks: tuwing anong oras ka nauutot?
elai says: five minutes ago
elai asks: san ka umuutot during slumber parties?
gcel says: at home
gcel asks: ideal man mo si palito no?
monch says: no
monch asks: anong color ng n****** mo?
ren says: monochromatic shade of green
ren asks: kelan kayo magpapakasal ni ogie?
lala says: i will be crowned as a goddess (?)
lala asks: anong kulay ng ngipin mo?
elai says: rainbow colors
elai asks: kamusta naman
gcel says: Duh!
gcel asks: Anong song gusto mo iplay sa funeral mo?
monch says: Hate that I love you so
monch asks: kelan nga ikakasal si Lala and Ogie?
ren says: March 3, 2008
ren asks: bakit bagay si mac at abi?
lala says: Law of Magnetism
lala asks: bading ba si mac?
elai says: yahuh
elai asks: anong ginagamit ni Victor pan-gel ng buhok nya?
gcel says: ice cream
gcel asks: sino nauutot satin?
monch says: Lala
monch asks: sino satin magkakaroon ng madaming asawa?
ren says: iiko
ren asks: san mo gusto magchop ng fish? (?)
lala says: Horsham, Pennsylvania
lala asks: kaya mo bang pabilugin yung sipon mo?
elai says: oh of course not
elai asks: sa anong hayop mo ihahalintulad sarili mo?
gcel says: parrot
gcel asks: gano kadami butas sa mukha ni peypey?
monch says: 11
monch asks: maitim ba you know what mo?
ren says: no
ren asks: kelan magkakaboyfriend si elai?
lala says: January 24, 1987
lala asks: addict ka no?
elai says: ummm.. sige na nga leche.
elai asks: anong gagamitin mong pang-undies pag fhm covergirl ka?
gcel says: electric fan
~08h30~
on being an arc
As what normal people do during their birthdays, I treated my friends out. Actually birth"weeks" ito kase yung circle kakatreat ko lang last saturday. Anyhow same old same old. Shempre we almost depleted the world of all its fun. Kain. Tawa. Busog. Tawa. Wrinkles. Tawa. Lait. Pictures. Tawa. Same old same old talaga. Iba din sila, i mean i know they're not my oldest friends. Pero sila yung pinaka-kaugali kong friends. Needless to say, I am most myself when I'm with them. Mapanlait. Haha. Joke lang. E sila kasi tinotolerate e.. Actually sa kanila ko naman napulot yung pagiging mapanlait. :) hahaha. Well actually. Mejo sad lang na hindi na kami complete, hence may few or a couple or arcs na either gone or fading out. Hindi na kasi maaccomodate na magkasama sama lahat e, due to past events. But being with the rest is ok parin. Ren just came back from UK and Mindanao (o sige, fine, nice tan) and then Hani's of course married and about to have a baby (hani, wag kakalimutang tumawag pag sinusugod ka na sa hospital a) and then Monch just came back from the horrors of the Board and then Giselle is still treading the dangerous waters of college and then Lala has a semi-serious medical condition. Pero masaya parin nonetheless. Ang saya pag lahat kayo pareparehong conceited and bitchy and maarte and pretty and loud. Hahaha. Sana we'd all stay friends until like makalipad na ang pigs. Usually ganun naman kase, when you go on separate ways, you tend to not keep in touch anymore. Shemmies. Pag nagshift na ang path ng life ko pano nalang yon, it's going to be pointless. *sigh*
anyhow i've posted pictures. ippost ko narin yung open forum namin siguro bukas.. galing.. sana lang nakasama si hani sa slumber party. o well edi next time dun nalang sa house nya kame magsslumber party. :)
~12h21~
third decade
Nakalimutan ko may blog pala ako. Darn it. Well ayon, i'm officially living the third decade of my life. Shockers, when you say it that way parang dapat may apo nako or something. well anyway, kung birthday ko, shempre birthday din ni beany and she's now two years old :) she's big enough to be three. darn.. may sakit pa pala sha ngayon. good grief. sana pala hindi dengue. goddamn them mosquitos.
so anyway pumunta ako ek with work friends (oh and i posted pics) and then magddinner slash slumber party slash open forum kame ng circle this weekend (i'm probably going to post more pics). then magttagaytay ako with family next weekend. (i swear, galing lang ako dun e, but no, their choice shall govern) and then after that halloween and then christmas and then after that you know what comes after that.
pilot na ng heroes next next next week! darn it. magpapadownload nga ako. gusto ko na sana magpost ng spoilers kaso baka may mga taong ayaw ng spoilers. For chrissakes.
lamo, i've been having a hard time lately. nagbabago nako. hahaha. hindi nga. hahaha. nagdrama daw. pero hindi nga. apathetic ako dati, pero grabe, you should see me now. Mas apathetic pako ngayon. Actually hindi lang jan. I've also lost interest in investing in cds and shoes. and clothes narin. and career and friendship. ewan ko nga ba. saka pinapayagan ko narin sarili ko maging mean. hahahahaha. errm this ain't funny pala. e who could care less diba? :) erngk. not making sense.
anyhow ayon. ang tanga nabinyagan ako dalawang beses sa sa ek. who would think that the most enjoyable ride could pick on the same person over and over. anduga leche. anyhow. at least. september na september na. friday na bukas let's go home na.
~18h29~
have i grown
Oh God. Eight months into the job and yet sandamakmak parin ang hindi ko gets. For chrissakes. Volumetrics, unrealized gain, nos... What the hell naman ano. Ano ba iksabihin nyan...? *pulls on hair* hindi naman kasi ako nag accounting.. Hahaha. Never even had a class anywhere near Econ ano. Well minsan hinala ko tuloy, yung gumagamit ng words na yan hindi rin alam iksabihin tas nagpapa-smart smart lang sha. Either way as they're still valid words, nakakabobo na. Hayy ewan.
Just received news from my boss and i don't really know what to make of it. Hindi ko alam kung good news sha or not. Somehow ok kasi i think it's about time na i had a change of "scenery". Pero ewan. May certain concerns din kasi na *hmmf* tumatama sa pagiging freeloader ko. Hahaha. Anyhow ayon. Darn it.. We're supposed to wear orange on Monday to support Tide Orion. E good grief. Isa lang ang semi formal shirt ko na orange and I wore it today. O well.
Oh for Chrissakes. mga 9 pa ata ako makakauwi today. Pano kase. *sigh*
~18h49~
too fast
Ahhh hindi ko na pala natapos post ko last time. Kase nag-mahjongg na kame after we bought food. (Yep, nagm-mahjongg kame sa office) (and to think na workplace of excellence daw dito) (well, excellent kami sa pagpupumilit maattain yung work-life balance) (pero impossible yon - kaya excellent din kami sa pagiging optimistic). Anyhow, En-en gave birth yesterday. Ahh she's my cousin. Who's half a year younger than me. Ngayon lang nag-dawn talaga saken. As in may anak na si En-en. Yung dati kong kasa-kasama mag roller blades. Or maglaro ng polly pocket. Yung parati kong ka-trade ng Sweet Valley Kids. Yung parati kong kaaway saka ka-kompitensha sa height (and well, wala din nangyare, kase parehong tanga yung epiphyseal line namen). :) Days go by so fast, no? Or baka mabagal lang pagtanda ng utak ko. Anyway, whatever. Good for En-en, I think both she and her babe are safe.
goodness gracious friday na! na naman! ang saya... yung down side lang ang bilis bilis na talaga ng panahon, i wouldn't be surprised kung after seven months gigising ako and then it would seem as if today was just the day before that day. darn it.. anyhow ayon. masaya parin naman. Posted pictures pala from Hani's wedding. Pero non-grabbable, kase that should really cost you, diba??? :) hahahaha.
Good grief may gift na naman saken ang skies. Mars ulit. Pero exagg yung mga tao ha. Hindi nga, kasing laki nya yung moon? For chrissakes. four times the size of the moon lang yung mars, and it's more than a hundred times farther than the moon from us. Sinong math major niloko nila? Hahaha. Oops. Manonood nako Ratatouille. :)
~18h37~
seven months
Nakakaasar naman.. nahalata ata ng super boss namen na parati akong may ka-chat or nagbblog.. ako tuloy inassign sa monthly meeting, na by "raffle" daw... e ako lang yung last last month e.. erg. long story. long explanation. long thread of complaints. pero sa totoo lang ha, kaya lang naman ako nakakapagchat at nakakapagblog kase pinipilit ko magkatime for it. hindi naman ako nagtatamad tamaran for chrissakes. pero hey, at least hindi naman siguro ako mamamatay pag pumalpak yung meeting, especially since short notice sha.
anyway anyway. hani got married last saturday. ang nice nice ng wedding.. :) kase purple yung theme. diba.. so my dress was purple the souvenirs were purple, invites flowers et cetera. nice to look at diba. thing is, pag ako na yung kinasal, madami na akong hindi pwede gayahin. darn it. anyway, that same day harry potter came to town. good grief naman ano, wala kasing tulog the night before kase flower arrangement blah di blah (imagine mo nalang eyebags ko sa wedding pics). E pag uwi ko, as much as i wanted to, hindi ako pwede matulog else magkakanightmare lang ako about not having read the book. so kahit parang seventy five kilos na yung eyelids ko, go lang. hahahaha. so natapos ko rin, pero i swear.. ang lungkot. erg sige, wag na nga lang. madami pala ayaw ng spoilers. i for one love spoilers and i thought lahat ng tao din, hindi pala. hahahaha. pero sa totoo lang, mabuti nang alam mo kesa hindi mo alam diba? diba..??? ganun din naman e. element of surprise later is like element of surprise now. diba? mas madami ka ngang magiging speculation kung later pa e, hence mas malaki yung probability na hindi ka ma-surprise kase mas marami ka nang naisip na possibilities. diba? hindi ko lang talaga gets sa iba. i'd really rather know. anyhow bala kayo.
pupunta pala kame mamaya sa ccp para manood ng pisay.. :) in fairness naexcite ako a. parang meron akong 1 hour or so later to be in high school again. awww. *sigh* hayy nako. hay nako nako nako. high school. they say it's the best time of your life kase your old enough to know what's right and wrong, but you're young enough to say "pake ko". And this is right. And dami ko rin palang ginawang katarantaduhan nung high school ako. hahaha. pero that beats not daring to do anything kase i lost nothing. and i was with friends who accepted me and i accepted them din. and we fought and cried and climbed trees kase we can and our age could justify it. hayy masaya talaga. iba kase nung college, career conscious na ang mga tao at crab na sila (as in i swear). at wala kaming block so talagang bahala ka sa buhay mo, mag-isa ka talaga too bad. pity pity.
mars is here again. ewan ko naman, baka tanga lang ako at visible naman pala talaga ang mars the whole year round.. mashado lang siguro ako nagffeeling na anjan lang sha pag malapit na birthday ko. either way that's nice that its there. kesa naman bumabagyo pag birthday mo diba.. hahaha. Darn it.. kelan naman daw kaya ako makakaswimming kasama ng whale sharks ano.. kelangan ko na pumunta sorsogon fast!! ay wait kain lang ako.
~18h59~
now no can do
My duties are exasperatingly complex! *screams* hayy kung pwede lang magscream dito, as in yung blood curdling, gagawin ko. Pero hinde, quiet muna. Quiet quiet, ngiti ngiti, work work, tawa tawa. *sigh* anyway, as of now I'm most definitely not talking to Atebem. Puno nako e. Parang, 'that's it'. She's getting herself into a big pile of horsecrap. At ang kinabbwisit ko, hindi nya narrealize na tangay tangay nya si Beany. I know this is just like her. hindi naman ka-bigla bigla e. pero sobrang naaawa ako sa mga tao sa paligid nya. Minsan naaawa din ako sa knya. Normally, when she gets herself into a humongous pile of fetid stuff, tutulungan ko naman sha. Gagawa ako ng isang napakahabang iron clad argument that would justify what she's done, at ako na bahala magexplain sa parents namen. Normally i would have told her na tatanga tanga sha dahil sa ginawa nya but at least i'd let her know na kampi parin ako sa kanya. Ngayon, hayy ewan. Ngayon, ako na ata pinakagalit na tao sa kanya. Precisely because tinatamaan si Beany sa bawat pasabog na ginagawa nya sa life nya. What she's done, doing, going to do, whatever, now, I've seen this coming. Alam ko narin kung ano parating. In fact tnry ko na remejohan. I went with the "alam ko na yang pinagdadaanan mo. alam ko narin kakalabasan, kasi pareho tayo e" but she never followed my advice. Which most of the time naman happens. However, hindi pa nagdawn saken then how detrimental it would be, na talagang do or die kelangan nyang hindi gawin yung most likely gagawin nya. Yeah yeah, sana ginawa kong deadly strong yung case ko, na talagang bull's eye yung analysis ko ng situation. Siguro may mali din ako. Pero hindi naman kasi namen duty na pilitin isaayos buhay nya ano. Alam na nya dapat lahat to. Hay robyn robyn robyn..
and then it gets more complicated, kasi my dad tries to make me a pawn, and my mom makes me her stress wall. Aaarrrggghhh sasabog na ulo ko kaninang umaga. Mabuti kung bum ako... Pero hinde, I'm out for work more than half the day. And i have friends. Friends with problems, friends who are fighting, friends with plans. Good grief. Ako narin lang yung taga consolidate ng plans kase ako lang yung naka-line. Good grief magpprepaid na talaga ako I swear. And then I have to do everything (relatively everything) in eight months!!! *screams* *sigh* In fact, baka hindi nako makatour or something. aayusin pa DOST. in fact hindi ko pa nakukuha transcript ko.. in fact, wala pakong up clearace. in fact, nawawala yung clearance receipt ko. Darn. Napaka bad timing naman, naubos na sour gummies ko.. wala nakong food na perfect para sa mood.
~16h59~
pisay movie
Awww nakakaiyak naman yung trailer ng movie.. hahaha..kung cooperative lang yung tear glands ko feeling ko may tutulo na half a tear. In global fairness sa trailer, accurate sha sa pisay a. Feel ko lang. Hahaha. Plus sa pisay talaga sha shinoot kaya nostalgic tuloy. I'm so totally going to watch it. Pero weird lang, kase yung mga kids don parang wise na sila and all. Ewan. Feel ko kase nung nandun ako hindi naman pa kame ganun ka-wise (or baka ako lang haha). Of course they're smart enough to evaluate their reasons pero kids paren sila e, so most of the time, it's inevitable for them to be apathetic. Wala lang. Saka weird din kase although 80's yung setting, parang 90's or so parin yung atmosphere. O baka naman kase hindi drastic yung changes sa pisay or hindi sha parallel sa rate of change ng attitude ng mga tao outside the gates since it's kind of enclosed and separated from the rest of the world, na parang may sarili na kayong community sa loob. Specially sa dormers kase for like most days of the week (if not the whole week), hindi ka rin naman talaga makakalabas ng gate. and then you'll meet kids there of all shapes and sizes and financial categories and EQ rankings. *sigh* i miss it i miss it i miss it. Mejo nakakadiri na talaga sipen na at least four years ago pa yon. :) good grief. High school parin talaga best days of my life.
eto nga pala: Pisay Movie
~11h16~
gritted teeth
Naaasar nako.. lagi nasisira araw ko. There's a certain time everyday, after manila 360, bale mga 8:17 am, ung time na usually nasa tapat ng Atrium yung car namen, na sinisira ni Ney Dimaculangan yung umaga I swear. I totally swear. Naiimagine ko na sarili ko grabbing a shotgun and shooting at the radio. Darn darn darn. Nakakasawa naman na kase ano, to the point na nasasaktan ko na sarili ko kase super gritted na them teeth. Ugh. They should change or else i'm switching. (Haha, as if importante ako sa buhay ng nu)
Anyway, you know what today is?? Today is Harry Potter day..! Kaya half day muna tayo sa work today. Buhuhuhuwahahaha. I won't dare be late for this. Anyway, kelangan ko pala pumunta sa gateway ng maaga kase nagpromise ako kay Beany na bibilhan ko sha ng "pops and toysh". Kase hindi sha nakasama samen sa mall nung weekend, kase antok daw sha or something at baka maghurumentada lang sha don and like for all babies, wala ka naman magagawa. Kaya ayon. Spoiled na kung spoiled, basta super cute kasi sha. All my sympathy is for her din, kase I deadly disapprove of what Atebem's is cooking up at the moment. *sigh* basta kung ano man yung mangyare, I've got Beany's cute baby back.
Sabi samin ng isang Director dito you could only play 5 roles while you're not dead. I counted mine and came up with.. 6! Darn it.. kaya pala hindi umayos ayos buhay ko. :) At kaya pala kulang para saken ang 10 hours of sleep. Gets ko na. Pero if that means kelangan ko i-omit yung isa don, either magiging ulila ako o magiging lonely ako o magiging loser ako o magiging miser ako. Oh for chrissakes. I'll stick with 6. Darn it. Nagffeeling na naman ako. Feeling ko naka leave ako. Haha. Dressed like I'm on leave. Pero darn, half day lang pala. Buhuhuhuwahahaha. O well. Fine konting trabaho then I'm off.
~11h16~
my own problems
Sabi ng dad ko pag hindi daw ako tumigil sa pagiging masungit ko magiging old maid daw ako. Haha (and this is said the most spiteful way). Wait lang magrereboot lang ako.
darn it. sabi ko na nga ba mangyayari to e.. actually pagkareboot ko nagtype nako ng pagkahaba-habang post. unfortunately naghang yung pc. thus, ayon. tinamad nako ulitin. anyhow, july na pala. it's another day so iba na feeling ko, pero sa lahat ng sinabi ko at the start of this post, i'll try to recall where they came from. anyway ayon.
Nung day na yon kase, nagaway ulit kame ng parents ko. i had a problem with them, and they probably had a problem with me, pero ako lang yung nagalit actually. (super buti nalang nagovernight ako sa antipolo that night to think things through and breathe) Kase mejo fed up nako sa fact na kelangan ko saluin yung burden ng mga problema nila at ni atebem. Thank God Apol knows better than to shove her problems at me. Wala lang. It probably is my responsibility to fret about their lives, pero nahihilo nako. Sobrang daming issue sa buhay ko (hahahaha. Who would have thought) then they drew me a good ten million square-mile burden and in fairness, mejo kindof mahirap sha i-handle while keeping a straight face. Wait lang. Magulo ba.. Teka.
Let's start again. May style kasi parents ko na pag ayaw sila pakinggan ni Atebem, paparinggan nila ako ng lahat reklamo nila kay atebem. Mga 30 minutes yon. Tipong parang naguusap sila ng malakas habang andun ako. And then parang makikipagdebate sila sa "air" kasi i-aargue nila side nila, whereas wala namang nagrerebut. Mga thirty minutes ulit yon. Tas after mga 37 seconds of silence, "Elai could you talk to her..?" e that time, naasar ako, so sabi ko "Kayo nalang kaya." Ayun. pinalitan na nila reklamo nila. Ansungit ko daw sa kanila. Good grief. Shempre as expected of course naturally I denied it. "E ganyan naman talaga ako magsalita e". Tas andami na sinabi na tipong "Blah di blah old maid blah di blah di blah". You know I really do have my own problems. Problema ng parents ko si Atebem, problema ni Atebem sila, tas apart from a tremendous amount on the other side of the fence, pproblemahin ko silang pareho. It really really sucks. Gusto ko tuloy magvacation sa Albania or something. *sigh*
Hayy nako. Nakakaguilty na most of the time, pero ba naman kase, I barely have time to fix my own messups.
Nako. Anyhow, nagddrama lang ata ako para magprocrastinate sa lahat ng kelangan gawin. :) cge, fine.
~19h16~
stampede
Supposedly nung last month pa tong post kaso as I was typing the last word of my first sentence biglang nagdagsaan yung mga ka-eerrrmm-loser-an ng pagiging working errrmm person. hahaha. Anyhow natapos ko naren yung heroes yey.. Ang galing. Kung hero ako gusto ko ako si.. sylar.. hahaha. Yuck. Pagkagory-gory na tao. Anyhow sa mga shows na ganyan shempre, one of the things most people (most people meaning me) wait for is the soundtrack!!! Ang galing.. Pero actually wala pa e. So tipong habang nanonood ako ng dvd tas may music na jaw-dropping or tear-jerking or goosebump worthy, direcho nako sa net tas research research and then limewire tas download download. *sigh* napakastrange lang talaga isipin na music has the ability to reach out and pull you into the scene and make you feel what the scene wants you to feel, kahit pa kaya na yon ng scene by itself. The music will see to it na maaalala mo na yung scene na yon forever and ever and ever. Parang sa greys. Saka dati sa one tree hill. Although in fairness sa prison break wala. Whatever is there, that's what you get. But it's enough so ok paren.
Ayon. Separately nagkakaconenction na ulit ako sa 'real' world. Dati kase wala. As in nil. Tipong pag may nakakasalubong akong taong I went to school with, whichever school it is, kahit pa sino sha, kahit wala kaming intersecting interests, I'm really really glad. Hahaha.. Ngayon nakakapagreunion na ulit kame them friends. At magddinner ulit yung Electron (fourth year high school) and then bibisitahin ako ng one-third ng circle on friday.. which is why I have to concoct a plan para makaalis ako ng maaga. It's kinda ironic.. Kase yun din yung day na marregularize ako sa job, that is if i'm going to get regularized. Pero sa totoo lang ha, I could twist the irony back kase my career is not that much of a shindig. More of chaos. Hinde, mas swack yung term na stampede. And at this point in the stampede, I need friends. :) hahaha. I'm not smiley pero if I appear to be happy, I'm not deadly happy yet. Super kelangan ko paren ng setting wherein maaalala ko yung feeling nung pre-stampede era. Honestly kase, ngayon, I'm kinda lost. :) hahaha. In fairness. Hndi lost in terms of choices. Lost as in lost talaga (yes, back to before, nagsisi-gago gago na naman yung mga pinagsasabi ko). For your imagery, parang kung bawat aspect sa buhay ko is a line, at bawat plan para sa life ko ay plane, then lahat ng aspects ng buhay ko ay skew sa isat isa. I friggin swear. Wouldn't be able to attain the ideal kind of life, kase wala man lang common plan yung kahit anong aspect. *sigh* this sort of kind of sucks. Per o sige, go lang naman kase ng go, so sige lang. As if naman titigil yung oras porke nagrereklamo ako.. :) anyhow sige.. as much as i would hate to, balik nako sa stampede.
~13h55~
sixth month
Oh in fairness.. If i did most of it right, magkaka gas card ako. If not, oh well. Oh freakin well. :) Anyway Nana's taking a break right now. So we're very very careful that we don't remind Beany of Nana. So far, five days, we're doing fine. Minsan pag biglang hinahanap ni Beany si Nana, tipong ako, "Errrm sino yon?" o "Oh my gosh, naalala ko kanina may nakita akong dog kinain yung cat tapos..." o "Beany tignan mo may lizard!" o "Aray may sugat ako! *fake cry*". Anything to make her forget. It becomes sort of stupid at times, pero ayon. Kesa naman umiyak sha.
Mom promised na maaga kame uwe this week kase nga kelangan may magpapatulog kay Beany. However, late daw kame uuwe, so ayon. Yung ayoko dun, laging may sumasama samen na officemate ni Mumi. In fairness, as in IN Fairness, and ingay ingay niya. Ewan ko kung narerealize pa ba niya na andun ako kase at times he freakin hits my chair. And he sits behind me so minsan pag sumisigaw sha, imagine my despair. Naka-earphones nako nun a.. O sige, beneficial for Mom kase mas hindi sha naaantok. Pero lintek yan, hindi ba pwedeng yung sound waves niya hindi parang bazooka? E cammon, may natutulog e. *sigh* Minsan pa pag-uusapan nila ako as if I wasn't there. Papakealaman pa nila yung paggastos ko ng sarili kong pera as if I wasn't there. Diba naman. Ewan ko. Walang choice kundi 'fine'. Anyway ako uuwi na. Kase manonood pako dvd.
~17h16~
sorry hanimen
Oh darn darn darn.. Hani, Belated!! Sorry talaga. Hehe. Six days late. Nagtampo daw e. (bakit daw lemon chicken parin yung latest post) So as promised,
Hayy nako. Pero sa totoo lang ha, kase bago na yung calendar ko so ayon, e alam mo naman kung gano kaliit yung puwang sa memory cells ko na nakaallot for dates. (excuses) Haha.
~15h03~
lemon chicken
It's strange no, how lemon chicken is considerably sweet. Sort of like how orange juice is actually yellow. Wala lang. Parang tao. I'm sorry. Ngayon lang ako nakapag-generate ng mahahabang thoughts and reflections about the cruel, cruel world. Kase for the past few days sobrang ngarag ako sa work so all it's been - sleep work eat work konting chikahan with friends work then work work work then pout brood sulk work work work. So lahat ng kabadtripan at kalechehan ng ibang tao I just shoved them into a drawer sa isang far away corner. But I made sure I could see it. 'Swy ngayon that I have the "luxury" of time. Haha. Ni hindi na nga ako nagkatime para sa kasalbahehan ko e. Kase mejo it would take up a lot of time. Losing time equals messup equals kalechehan all over again so that would make everything senseless diba. *sigh* how strange.
anyway, speaking of time, or lack thereof, how the hell am I supposed to watch all the dvds I have now?
Darn.. sa totoo lang May 8 na ngayon e. Tinuloy ko lang yung post kase it's sort of bitin. Speaking of May 8, Happy 41st monthsary sa circle! :) yes naman. anyhow. natapos ko na yung kalahati ng greys season 3 tas kalahati ng one tree hill season 4. now i could concentrate on prison break. In fairness naman kase it's deadly impossible na hindi ka ma-inlove kay Wentworth no. Hahahahaha. Saka it's one of those shows na habang pinapanood mo you'd rather die of thirst than stand up and get yourself a drink. Saka walang forward forward. Gusto mo na malaman yung mangyayare but you can't afford to miss a second. Kase baka may importanteng mangyare sa moment na yon. How strange. :) Anyhow, open na pala bsr namin. So i have to update stuff. So there goes my ten minute rest. :)
~09h23~
the pass
Who knew. Haha. akala ko weird yung work environment ko kase konti lang yung problema ko (cept for yung mga human errors ko). But then but then. Grabe, nung isang araw may major major major MAJOR messup dito. Then I thought everything was my fault, kase I felt that's what's implied. So I was worried. Then I found out that it wasn't my fault. So I was relieved. Then I found out that everybody thinks it was my fault. So I was pissed (in the deepest sense of the word). Then mejo naisip ko din later that day na hindi naman bago na mali yung taong naka-tag sa messup. Basta pag ako tinanong, I'll tell 'em. So I was like "Ok fine". Pero mejo pissed paren. Then at the end of the day, we got to explain to my manager kung ano talaga nangyare, so now I'm fine. Alam narin naman ng team ko na hindi ko talaga sha miss, although may mali din ako. Meron talaga akong mali, pero hindi naman sha talaga mali, hindi lang sha yung better option at hindi sha yung nagcause ng messup. Errm mejo mahabang kwento e. Basta yon.
Hindi ko na nga alam kung ano talaga maffeel ko about this, kase yung maldita self ko sobrang nabbwiset parin sa lahat ng nag-imply na kasalanan ko yun in the first place at sa mga taong wala lang (talagang wala lang) (talagang malabo ako kausap. hahaha). Sabi ng mom ko quiet lang daw ako muna. Pabayaan ko nalang daw. Basta daw I make sure that I defend myself, without any kind of confrontation from my part. It's kind of hard, kase kung may ikakagaling ako, yun na yung manugod ng tao. :) hahaha (naalala ko dati sinugod ko yung kaaway ko nung grade 5 ako tas kahit Angelus na inaaway ko parin sha kaya lahat nakatingin samen. Hahahaha.) Anyhow, on the other hand, alam ko din naman na it would do me well to just forget about feeling shitty about this because it really affects my work. Especially when I need to hurt my eardrums (go deftones) pag naiisip ko tas nababanas ulit ako. Then I couldn't hear anybody and I couldn't concentrate. *sigh* I guess pilitin ko nalang sarili ko to adjust from *glare* to "I'm trying not to care" to "Ok fine" to "La di blah di blah". Mahirap din kase yung transition so there should be this many steps. So from deftones, try ko din magadjust to finch? De, chevelle nalang so it's a little bit nicer. Anyhow cge.
~24h35~
graduation
Oh darn. Feel ko pag 30 nako, tas tahimik akong nagtatatatype ng kung ano anong dokumento sa computer. tas may nahulog na paperclip sa floor. tas ttry ko abutin. Madidismember yung arm ko sa balikat ko. I swear. Pangit pala yung all afternoon nakaupo ka lang. Mabuti nang maghapon kang naglalakad lakad. Edi pumayat ka pa. Magkaka one million spasms ka pag hindi ka gumagalaw. I swear. Kakagaling lang ng pinamasahe ko tas ngayon masakit na ulit. Tas bukas may parang sports fest. At kelangan tumakbo. At although pwede magstroll, pag ikaw yung last may turtle sash or something ka daw. Kaya bawal magstroll forever. Shemmies.
Sa sunday pala yung grad ng math. Oh well. I don't think I could go. Ooh no kelangan ko na ata muwe. Wait lang magtatanong lang ako.
~19h01~
summer
Hayy summer. When you're in school you like summer because it means no classes yet you hate it kase it's freakishly hot. Now that I'm working already what's to like.. It's freakishly hot and you can't really go on a vac kase madedelay ka sa work. That is if you're already entitled allowed leave, which I'm not. Buti nalang, may cdoe ako 'swy I could take a day off. 'swy monna head to the beach with them high school friends. :) unfortunately as it turns out, halos lahat ng resorts fully booked. Whatever. Bahala na. Basta the most important thing is I'd get to walk on sea shells by the sea shore. :)
who the hell is max tiu..? how weird. may email saken tungkol sa kanya. i'll check.
as it turns out, host sha sa wedding receptions. how strange. hayy salamat.. hindi ako ion today.. I could bloggerize and friendsterize and chat. Yehp. And finally i get to delete things sa blog. Fix it.
They say it's good to bloggerize because it trains your mind to organize thoughts more efficiently. Sa totoo lang classified statement naman yan ano. In fairness mas nagiging madaldal na utak ko. Kahit habang binababa ko ang phone or naggugupit ako ng paper or ino-on ko yung pc, ang daming dinadaldal ng utak ko. Unfortunately, this assumed improvement in thought organization is not manifested vocally. For me. *stutter* *mental block* yep. Anyhow, ganun nalang siguro talaga. I'm assuming I'd get used to talking to older corporate people with the use of an intellectual tone.
summer's here summer's here. Nakakaiyak minsan pag nagigising ako at dawn. Tipong on a normal day it would have been freezing. Pero naka on na ang aircon at lahat pero I swear the heat's still fatal. shemmies uwi na pala ako. 7 na. Shemmies. lalabas ako ng building. Mainit. Shemmies.
~18h55~
football drama
Ahh this is the life.. For five nights now kumpleto na tulog ko. One more day then it's back to the real cruel money-matters sleep-is-undefined world. But anyway saka nako magsstress about it when i get there. Everything is so stressful my hair frizzes up. Anyhow so ayon, after four months now I finally get to do again what I'm good at. Pigging out in front of the tv the whole time my eyes were open. Haha. Being a bum. *sigh* nakakamiss. Nonetheless, I know this is not aomething you should do so often (goodness naman ano, feeling ko kasing taba ko na ulit si jabba) kaya sige, sa totoo lang, gusto ko narin bumalik sa work. Nyehehehe.
Anyhow strangely enough pag ino-on ko yung tv parating football drama thingies yung napapanood ko. Apparently the tv's agreeing with my current state of being and the (freakishly) hot weather kase diba, ewan ko. Football equals couch equals wolfing down chips equals ice cold coca cola equals summer diba?? Shempre, deduced partially by my special logical skills. Pero actually natutuwa na nga ako sa football e. Na movies and tv shows I mean. Kase first of all it's all about good-looking guys. (are you insane?) Yet who are also deep and dramatic and smart and noble (in a kind of sporty sense). In fairness ha, tuwing natatapos yung mga pinapanood kong tungkol sa football, nagiging crush ko lahat ng players. Hahaha. Then the movie's gory - and (well, my preferred football movies would have to have blood everywhere. :) ) it makes all the drama conceivable, see. Then it's definitely full of action. Tipong may mga tackle tackle na tipong sa sound effecs na nilagay ng movie crew, the athlete in reality would have died. Or at least all his bones had to be broken. Then since it's a game, shempre makikibagay ka sa game mood nila na tipong pag may nakakascore, nagtataasan din balahibo mo. Diba? Wala lang. I'm really kind of starting to believe na destined ako maging football player (oh shut up), except nalang sa fact na hindi ako guy at hindi ako six feet tall (far from it) and I'm only about as heavy as Umaga's leg. But still.
Separately, my family's telenovela-like story had another telenovela-like event. But I can't say yet. :) hahaha. Pero so far hindi naman ako directly affected.. Wala lang. Oh gosh, Beany's screaming. Wait.
Back. Actually kase kumain narin ako kaya gabi na. Oh gosh.. I stumbled upon a trivia site at alam nyo bang si Garrett sa Eragon at sa Friday night lights ay si Patroclos sa Troy? Bloody strange, they don't look anything alike..Anyhow, can't help myself, manonood lang ako tv.
~20h27~
ahhhm oops
For some time i forgot I had a blog. Parang vortex na kase ang lahat. (Yihee) Saka nagtatampo nako sa takbo ng life ko. (Nyahahahaha). Anyhow can't say anything kase wala pang finality, for me. Pero at the very least I'm deadly sure I won't be delighted whichever choice I make. Fam's moving to Nunavut (yeah right) April next year, at the latest. (oy, nobody's allowed to blab it around) (as in magkakaoverly enormous green zits ka pag nagsabi ka) On one hand, super masaya ako kase that means Beany's not moving to Australia. Kase shempre they would fare better than by themselves sa Australia diba. On the other hand, ayoko din kase shempre shempre shempre. Shempre, wala nang Nana (although lagi ko sha inaaway, it's inevitable however much it pains me), wala na yung pinamamahal kong purple room, iaabandon na yung house, yung tv, yung dogs, yung friends, yung colleagues, yung pollution, yung weather, yung blue skies, yung animals, yung food, yung malls, oh gosh.. I'll really miss everything to death. Well actually yung lizards at bananas at raisins I couldn't care less if they phase out. Anyway, on the other hand pa, gusto ko rin kase shempre more room for progress there, saka hindi naman sha part ng Discriminatopia kaya I guess adjusting would be easier than expected. On another hand still, established na naman yung ground ko dito, kase may job naman ako at kung magtitiis ako (oh you wouldn't believe..) mabubuhay naman ako. On another hand (ah well, madami akong hands) ayoko din mahiwalay (especially kay Robyn) and I'm not sure I'm mature and great and wise enough to live alone for some time (at malamang matagal yon). On still another hand (bale fifth hand na) I want to distance myself from them kase yung fact na kasama ko na sila everyday induces me to treat them badly. I swear. Suffice it is to say, I'm not elated that my privacy has been dramatically decreased since the time I left the dormitory. Ang weird nga e. You'd think na sa dorm mas mababawasan yung privacy mo, but actually, personally, mas wala akong privacy sa bahay. Makamiss ka lang ng dinner, may inquiries na here and there. Tapos susundan yan ng pangangaral. Pag nagkasakit ka pa, oh you're so going to die kase sa dami ng "Sabi ko na sayo" na maririnig mo hindi ka na makakahinga. *sigh* . Going to another hand pa, I've prayed hard for this to happen, about the time na naging word for the day namin sa bahay yung "Australia". And now that God answered it, nagrereklamo parin ako. On my last hand, I do acknowledge that it's the best thing that could happen to them. Good for Robyn, Good for Atebem, Good for the rents, Good for Apol, however, not necessarily good for me. Naguguluhan nako in fairness.
My parents don't know it, pero I am considering not going. It probably is the stupidest decision I would make, not to go, pero mejo sa totoo lang, kung di lang dahil hindi ko na makikita si Robyn, super maooutweigh ng current location ung Iqaluit. At dahil narin sa ibang ummm stuff na andito at wala don. Oh well. Ive got time to decide. Pero realistically speaking, kung gusto ko magpaiwan, as if naman papayagan nila ako. Agad. And anyway pala, kung sasama ako, there's no need to please anybody here anymore.. Nasasawa nako magplaster ng fake smile sa mukha ko. :) haha. Joke lang. Well, alam mo na. Pashush, I'll just go over the decision making process as time goes by. Diba?
~15h49~
hahahaha
I messed up bad again. Somehow hindi nako as panicky as I normallky would pag milliones na ang nadamay sa katangahan ko. Piniilt ko nalang magcool down at mag-ayos. Pero I swear I would give anything not ever to screw up again. Darn. Buti nalang hindi sadista yung mga tao na tipong yes you're forgiven, pero you're fired as well. Oh well. Alam ko diyosa ako. Pero actually nagkakamali din kame. Nyahaha. Hindi naman kase ako mutant ano. Kelangan maginstruct ng sandamakmak and you have to beat the clock, I'm really doing my best pero I swear, I would eventually oversee something. Nagkakataon lang na milliones yung mga nadadamay. Hehehe. Oh well. Hindi na mauulit. (so I swear)
Ren is going next week to Discriminatopia. Ugh. Swerte sha kase she could shop there, pero yuck naman yung mga tao don. My sister tells me na she knows sumbody who became an exchange student and went there tas super hindi niya ma-take yung discrimination sa Asians so she went home. How dare they diba. Black hole sun won't you come wash away the rain.
HHHHAAAAYYYY salamat, hindi nako yung daily operations for the day (probably for the rest of the week). Yes.. I swear I kind of think they relieved me from ion duties primarily because of my messups. Chernks. Oh men... just found out na kelangan ko umuwi ng super mega late today. Oh well.
~15h49~
vent
I've been here for almost 3 months now.. So far I think it's an ok job.. Konti lang yung nakakapesteng colleagues (actually dalawa lang), pero yung usual kind of peste. What you'd normally find in an environment that tolerates politics.. So far. Pero actually yung contacts ko sa ibang entities or banks as in ha. Heart attack at age 20. May isang contact ako nung kinausap ko sha sa phone i swear talagang i-mmute ko na yung phone tas sisigaw na talaga ako. "I hate you I hate you I hate you so take your freakin complaints and shove it up your ass you no-good wrinkled witch I don't give a rat's ass about your concerns you could fall stiff to the ground no one would bat an eyelash you whining piece of turd." Kaso I'm scared to turn the mute on kase baka iba lang ma-press ko tas marinig niya tas ma-fire ako or something. I swear habang nagsasalita sha paulit ulit lang sa utak ko "Moron" "Turd" "Jabba". Sorry a, I just needed to vent. Guess what's left to do is hope na mapalitan na sha or mag-retire sha or something. At least bilang lang yung mga taong ganyan so far.
Bean bean could talk!!! Marami na shang alam... Dog Cat Karga Gatas (actually "tash" lang e) saka marami pang iba.. Ang smart smart niya talaga, she's absolutely the best baby in the world (subjective, i know). But then she has to go away. *lower lip quivers* (oh she's so not leaving) Anyhow kahapon nung nagpplay kame ni Beany nagparinig na si mom na kung wala si Beany edi hindi na kame magkikita at magpapansinan sa bahay. Darn it.
oh wow I started writing kanina pang 11am. It's now 630p. Haha. Hahaha. Kung bakit 8 hours yung minimum i really dunno. Anyhow kailangan ko na pansinin them papers. Kanina pako nagpprocrastinate e. I believe I'm going to get fired if I don't stop doing it. Stop.
~18h37~
sins
For the past month i haven't been able to watch tv. Feeling ko nga it's beyond wrong already, it's sinful. I missed 3 episodes of desperate housewives, didn't watch the last 7 episodes of amazing race, clueless nako sa WWE, at ang pinakamasama, i missed the first 2 episodes of survivor fiji. (Oh yep, there's survivor na, pero wala sa studio 23, sa crime suspense na sha) This really sucks. So today, I'm going to try and set things right. I already watched WWE yesterday and Desperate kanina. Later it's CSI and survivor. Do or die.
Super pagod nako.. In fairness. I initially wanted to spend the whole weekend asleep in my room pero as if diba. Took care of Beany for the most of yesterday at nakakapagod talaga. So by this morning, not getting enough weekend time for myself, super may sumpong ako. (my attitude's getting worse, I mean it.) Couldn't help it though. And it saddens me so much. So natulog nalang ako for the whole morning at ngayon lang ako gumising. Super init pa man din (which is why I generally hate summer). I guess it's about time i book myself a vac. Sa holy week nalang. Papasama ako kay Ren at Abi et cetera.
April 22 ata yung Graduation namin. I believe my mind's made up that I'm not going. Kase by then super init na ng panahon at ikamamatay kong magsuot ng mainit na outfit with the sablay and all just to get my picture taken with it. And besides, we have grad pics. That's enough material to provide me the realization that I have graduated. Saka I really wouldn't want to spend one of the two days of that week when I could've slept. Party pooper ba? :) wala lang, saka hindi rin naman lahat ng friends ko ggraduate then e. Ung iba eng'g. Ung iba next sem pa. At shempre yung iba wala din balak pumunta. Kudos to us.
What the hell's wrong with my blog...It doesn't show some stuff... Baka pc ko lang may problema. Tignan ko nalang bukas if it's the same sa office.
Shemmies I can't do this, I'm still friggin sleepy.
~17h04~
keep breathing
Darn it. darn it. My day's gone so bad. Work's fine. But everything else is bad. Shit. Ang special pa man din ng outfit ko for today. I'll really really really go to the spa today. Promise na talaga. This is out of control. To cap it all off, may ginawang kataklesahan saken si dad. In my face a. And he thinks everything's so funny, pero I had no patience for any of that. Super bad trip tuloy buong araw ko.
Oh yes, nakapagpareserve nako sa spa. And it's so near my office, I already feel that it's meant for me.. :) Hindi ko na nga pinagkakagastusan yung sarili ko e, except nalang sa clothes (at nawawala rin lang sila) so it's mighty about time. I've figured out a plan for myself. Kukuha kame ni Ren ng place sa Makati (pero sa October pa ata yun.. either way it's just a plan). A basta. I'll get a place. By then I would've bought a car. I also figured na automatic nalang bibilhin ko kase come on, I could do without worrying about the timpla and stuff especially when work slaps stress across my face again and again. Realistically, hindi Porsche and mabibili ko. Corvette siguro. (nyehehehe). O never mind. Basta may car nako. Then, since tied nako to the company for at least 4 years due to their deadly strict car loan, I guess Canada won't be an option for me. Yet. Not sure yet if this is a good plan. Pero alam mo madami pa yan e.. Hindi ko na sinabi yung ibang in betweens kase baka tumawa kayo ng tumawa til you get irreversible wrinkles. Either way un palang yung plan. Career-wise, there's still a question mark. You know why.
Bought mango float kanina for my dessert pero nung kakainin na, the mango float turns out to be..... a banana float. Who in his goddamn state of mind would make a banana float? Diba either peach, mango strawberry o fruit cocktail lang yon? Nasayang pera ko in fairness. Kinain nalang nila marrie at pitet. Bitin ako. Mamaya bibili ulit ako dessert. Kase hindi ako nabusog.
~14h58~
breathe
I really need to breathe now. Super seryosong bagay na talaga toh.. Kase napapansin ko nag-iiba nako. Hindi nako nonchalant. Praning na actually. Finally after a decade, my tear glands come out of hibernation. Good? Not good. Kakaiba. Kase kagabi umiyak ako kase hindi ko mahanap yung isa kong damit. In fairness naman umiyak nako nung narealize ko na as in nawawala na talaga sha. Omg diba. Sobrang kahit iyakin na bata hindi iiyak pag nawawala yung damit niya. I guess nagatungan lang stress saka ng fact na Atebem's selfish. About Beany. Ah, hindi ko pa ba nasasabi? See, kase yung Canada it would only happen pag nakagrad na si Apol. Sayang din kase e.. (oi, nobody's allowed to tell on me) Anyhow Atebem decided na super ayaw na nila mabulok sa Pilipinas, (anti-nationalism dummies) saka ni hindi pa naman sure na makakasama si Beany sa Canada so they opted to move nalang to Australia. Atebem and Mic would be leaving on July. Beany would follow. So they say. It ain't over til the plane leaves the ground. Critical thinking. So Pio says. Anyway, that really devastated me. It still devastates me actually. I keep thinking na I'll never ever see Beany again. Shempre I will. Kaso not the same Beany. Not ever the same. By then she would have grown. hindi na sha as sweet. Hindi na sha marunong magdance at magsing like she does now. Not ever the same.
coffee break
Salamat nakapahinga narin ako at last while at work. Thank God for audit. Ako lang ata ever nagsabi non sa buong department. Everyone's stressing and stressing. E ako, hindi ako yung daily operations for the week so that's loads off my back. Did you get any of that? Basta, ngayon mas lax ako. But that's only for now. Actually plano ko nga mamaya alis ako maaga then I'll go sa spa. I'm stressed out of my wits. Halata niyo na ba? Supposedly nung sat ako magdde-stress kaso kelangan mag-overtime nung Saturday. Then nung Sunday family potluck lunch pala, e Apol hates kids, Atebem hates kids more, so ako na yung kawawang natira. "Ate Lai playstation ako". "Ate Lai pagamit pc". "Elai pakibantayan si Robyn". "Ate Lai si Abbe ayaw ako palaruin". "Elai samahan mo manood ng movie mga pinsan mo". "Ate Lai peram charger". Promise talaga I almost died of exhaustion. I almost feel guilty kase there was a time when I shouted "Ayoko na" kase tatlong bata na ineentertain ko. Upstairs. At malapit sila sa stairs kase gusto nila don. Diba naman. Bow sa babysitters.
shemmies.. hindi na naman ako natuloy sa spa today... parang marami rami parin ako inasikaso pero parang sobrang dapat wala. I swear. Bukas na talaga. Or sa Wednesday. Shemmies I've got to get home. Kelangan ko pa mag-ayos ng room kase kahapon I trashed it so bad kase hinahanap ko yung nawawala kong shirt. Darn talaga. I'll finish this post tomorrow.
~18h33~
cake
Wasnt able to update my blog as promised.. Nagkacircumstances na ba sa buhay mo wherein hindi mo alam kung ano talaga maffeel mo kase kahit pano super complicated sha and sitting down to organize your feelings feel as if you're trying to make a 70-page essay on, say, fihseanicts (<-- middle class vegetarians) ..? Kase that's what happened. Nung Friday. As in buong day talaga the air wasn't nice. By that I mean wala ako sa mood. Then mom says nine pa kame makakauwe kase may party sha. E like omg for me kase before 8 am asa office nako e. And I won't get paid for over time. Kaya imagine mo nalang kung ilang beses ko sinumpa yung buhay ko that day. Pero lamo naman, wala naman ako magagawa. Hindi naman ako pwede magcommute, and the car's mom's, and that day could still be considered hers, kase kakabirthday lang niya. So anyway ayon, wala akong choice. Buti nalang may ilan ilan din nagovertime samen. Nagdinner ako kasama tatlong officemates and I was glad I did that kase ang dami kong nasagap na cheezums. Who's what and who's not and what's bad and what's sad. Grabe, kakabother in fairness. Kala ko yung pinasukan ko isa sa mga konting companies na hindi political. *buzzer sound*
so un, went back sa office at about nine. By ten tatlo nalang kame sa office. And mom informs me that the party is far from over. And the aircon's turned off kaya parang timang kase before seven pm parang Siberia don tas biglang nag-oven. So nagkamigraine narin ako. So let's recap. Bad trip, distraught, pleased, horrified, mad, tas migraine. Ok. So I rechecked my mail and I found out na may tatlong transaction na naman akong hindi na process. Edi parang buti nalang asa office pako kunde isang cake na naman to. So na process ko sha before the day ended and that made me very very thankful na malas ang araw ko. So in effect, swerte na sha. By eleven, all good fortune forgotten, I was really steaming kase sabi ni mom pwede nako pumunta sa office niya and knowing her, hindi muna ako pumunta. After 10 minutes i called at aba, hindi parin tapos party niya. By the time na pumunta ako don, I called again, tas she said "pababa nako" whatever whatever. E ten minutes pako nagantay. Sobra ha, this is a one time big time thing kaya I swear the next time it happens, I'm gonna head straight to porsche sales office and buy a car. Any way mom arrives and she was very happy. At she was gonna bring home a cake. The cake. I talked about it before, pero hindi ko maalala kung aling post. Basta yung sinabi kong parang sanlibo tas one week pa yung ordering. I'll look for it the when I'm forced to go overtime again. Pero anyhow ayon. So bad trip, distraught, pleased, horrified, mad, migraine, relieved, livid pero no choice, really livid, defeated, then "ok fine". Parang minsan lang naman kase magbulakbol si mom. So to speak. Fine. Fine talaga. ayon so naorganize ko na sort of yung feelings ko for that day pero hindi ko parin naorganize yung over all feeling. That sort of sucks.
Anyway weekend passed unnoticeably AGAIN. And we're off to a new week half of which would be spent longing for the again unnoticeable weekend to come. Ironic naman. And it's also ironic, the way kahit one peso wala naman akong gastos, pero I find it hard tto buy everything I want. At ang masama pa dito, I'm reading confessions of a shopaholic. Kaya lahat ng pwede magprovide ng resistance sa harmful habit na to, they're like dead. Ugh.. by the time I could afford a porsche, mura na yon. Letch. OH men... It's nine forty-seven. By ten I have to be asleep kase gusto ko maka eight hours man lang ako everyday. Aww. That's just too bad.
~21h49~
what's wrong
with me.. Oh men. Belated happy birthday kay mumi kahapon. Nakakapangbwiset talaga. -not yung birthday a, ako yung nakakapangbwiset. Ako talaga as in panira forever. As in forever. sorry sorry *sigh* *sigh*
May nangyari pala sa work recently. Yep, mess up as expected. Pero naayos naman and all that.. Kaso diba. offense and defense. Naayos na yung defense. So to make up for the offense, tnreat ko nalang yung mga tumulong saken when i was in universal despair.. Ganun pala yung feeling pag as in malalaki yung mess up. Super nanghina na tuhod ko tas nanginginig nako like yung mga tao sa siberia tas uuwi na talaga ako nun e. If not tatagaktak na talaga them tears.. Pero lamo naman tear glands ko, madalas naghihibernate. Anyhow tapos na naman yon. Sana lang wala na ulit messups ever. Like that would happen.
Anyhow ulit, i've been a real bitch lately. World class talaga. The world could be burning and I won't give a rat's ass. Ewan. Siguro ngayon palang dumadating them effects ng pag-adjust sa bagong lifestyle. Example. Punta sa office ni mom. Magagalit kase sabi niya uwi na kame tas mag-aantay pako don ng mga thirty minutes. Magkukunwaring tulog sa car to stress na pagod ako. Pag-uwi may sumpong na. Hindi papansinin lahat ng tao even si Beany to stress na may sumpong ako. Kain ng dinner late to imply that i had to sleep kase i'm soooo tired. Maguiguilty at magdde-stress by fixing the mess i made of my just cleaned room. Bababa kakain. Makikipaglaro kay Beany so she'd still like me. Aakyat tas magagalit sa mundo. Sleep. My shark naman. Kahit ano pa kelangan gawin to change this habit, i'd do it. I'm starting to think na i have to get a place of my own, kase feel ko partly dahil din ito sa living adjustments kase for almost eight years i've lived away from home diba. Most days of the week man lang. O diba. nagsimula ako magsulat at 9 am... 3 pm na. Asan nako.. *scrolls* nye, ayoko na pala pag-usapan yan. change subject.
Til 9 pm pako dito sa office. Came here at around 730 kanina. so kung wala kang palang bahay pwedeng dito ka nalang tumira... Then you go nalang sa gym everyday so you could take a bath there. Wow... what a splendid idea diba.. Wala naman makakahalata siguro... Iisipin lang nila na super sipag mo kase super over time ka. yun pala nagbblog blog ka lang.. :)
o tignan mo, magf4 pm na. mahirap hirap din kase magmulti task... oh well. Since ako nalang siguro tao dito later i'll bloggerize again later. questionable redundance. noh?
~15h45~
porsche
Belated happy birthday Lallers...! Actually kahapon nagpost ako... So hindi dapat belated yung bati ko.. Unfortunately, it's a recurring misfortune na maexit ko yung template without saving what ive written, so tupanks, nawala. At tinamad nako ulitin. Actually kase may pinagawa saken bigla na work related. E nataranta ako kase ayoko magpahuling nagbblog. Kaya yon. So going back to Lala's birthday, I'm really quite glad na patas patas na ulit kame ng age... Darned age. As of now, it's valid for us to say, "Dati, nung teenager ako,..." As in yuck diba.. Pwede na tayo mangaral sa mga bata. And our inclusion sa "mga bata" is already questionable. Pero lamo naman kase, that reference is very subjective so I don't know why this is an issue for me or why I'm talking about it pa. *stops abruptly*
Speaking of, dati nung teenager ako, I wanted a corvette. Ngayon, narealize ko, porsche pala yung gusto ko.. Nyehehe. Kaso nagcanvas ako.. Even if I use the p&g's car loan, hindi nya kayang saluin yung porsche. Malamang. Sino bang tangang magpapacarloan sa new hire na tipong milliones yung subsidy. So kailangan ko parin ng 2 plus to 3 plus million pesos. In cold cash. Letch diba. So pinagisipan ko narin yon. Kelangan hindi ko babawasan ng piso man lang yung salary and bonus ko for at least seven years. Which is an invalid statement in itself. Either way, I'm still thinking. Basta magagawan yan ng paraan. :)
So anyway, Hani's so sweet for asking, Beany's fine now. Nana's fine as well. Tas parang *errrnngkk* din, kase everyone's so happy na magaling na sila, pero there goes Beany running around the house again and breaking everything again (pati yung miniature corvette ko) and spilling everything and getting everybody tired from running as well.. Pero you know, wouldn't want it any other way. :) There's really no doubt in my mind anymore that every minute of it was a blessing in disguise. Basta oks na lahat. So far.
Apol said may sinabi daw yung prof nila about red eyes in pictures.. Sabe sakit daw yon but unfortunately, hindi mashado nakikinig si Apol sa class so she didn't quite get what it was called. I'm not that convinced yet, that she's right kase I tried looking for it sa net, but i couldn't find anything.. Lahat sila sabi it's natural nag cocontract yung iris or whatever something something bleh bleh. Iedit nalang daw yung flash configuration sa cam so that wouldn't happen anymore. Pero and pinagtataka ko lang, minsan or i think madalas, pag red yung eyes ko sa pic, yung eyes naman ng iba hinde. The ratio of normal colored yung eyes ko to red eyes yung eyes ko sa lahat ng pictures ko ay like 1 to 100. Ewan ko. Papahanap ko na nga lang sa ibang tao. Baka kase hindi lang ako magaling maghanap sa net. Either way, malay mo it's just an indication pala of the ability to see everyone's dark, dark soul. Nye. Pero malay mo lang. Oh it's lunch time, my favorite time of the day next to whatever time it is that I sleep at night. Cge, lunch na tayo.
~11h45~
slightly gray nalang
I was wrong. I didn't mind Robyn's condition as much as I did Nana's. The other day, naconfine sha sa hospital kase yung gastro niya ay mejo malala na tapos baka ma-dehydrate na sha, which could really be fatal to babies. So anyway, ayon, mom and I had to spend the night sa hospital, kase si dadi kailangan sunduin sa Apol from her duty and after that he needed a timeout. And Atebem had to work.
As in sobrang nakakaawa si Beany. Kase iyak sha ng iyak kaya maga na mata niya. E like si Nana lang naman or si mom yung usually nakakapagpatahan sa kanya pag sinusumpong na sha. E Nana's also confined sa bahay kase although malakas prin naman latawan niya, pneumonia pala is nakakahawa. Anyway tas nakadextrose pa si Beany. Kase shempre lahat halos ng kinakain niya sinusuka lang niya. Tapos kinkwento saken ni Atebem nung pinaglaruan daw nila yung calculator tapos gusto magclap ni Beany napatingin nalang sha sa kamay niya....... Diba naman.. Sino ba nagimbento niyang gastroenteritis na yan..? Nakakabwiset.
So anyhow e since Atebem had to work, she couldn't drive yet, at walang taxi na available anywher near Asian kase mga past 11 na yon, mom had to drive her. So I had to take care of Robyn by myself. And the worst part of it is that gising sha. Tas ayaw niya talaga magpababa sa bed kaya nabugbog talaga yung katawan ko. Lecheng gastro yan. And she was crying kase gutom na sha, and I couldn't give her any food yet kase dapat pakonti konti lang kase isusuka din nya. And she was pointing at the milk bottles dun sa table. Kaya to divert her attention kinwentohan ko nalang sha ng sarili kong version ng alamat ng moon at stars. Like I knew anything about it. Nagimbento lang ako ng issue na pinag-aagawan nila si Sun or sumthing tas sumabog si star bleh bleh bleh. Tumahimik naman na sha kaso she started chewing on nothing. Literally. As in sa sobrang awa ko talaga umiyak nako... :) ang loser e noh. Kaya in-on ko nalang yung disney channel para matuwa naman sha kahit konte. Lecheng buhay talaga. E ang loser pa. Kase my mascara was running tapos hindi ko mapunasan kase nakapatong sa braso ko yung nakadextrose na kamay niya so mangangawit sha. So I kept that up til mom came. Sha na yung nagbuhat kay Robyn then. Past 1am pa nakatulog si Beany, So that's when mom and I slept. Before 3am naman ginising ako ni mumi kase nagpoopoo si Beany, e she has lbm, e tas kumalat pati kay mom (kung disgusted ka na, click mo yung x sa uuper right corner ng screen). So kelangan linisin si Beany pati nung mess, tapos kelangan maligo ni mumi. So ako na ulit kay Beany. I swear mahihimatay na talaga ako.. Makulangan nga lang ung 8 hours ko seryosong bagay na saken e. So anyway ayon after non I tried sleeping again, pero wala na. By the time we left for work, (atebem was there na) nakatulog na si Beany sa bed.
But everything's gonna be ok na kase mejo magailng na naman sha kagabe, naglalakad at naglalaro na sha. But she still has to stay there for a while kase hindi pa tapos yung pangtthreaten ng dehydration sa kanya. But at least she's better. That's all that matters for now. And Nana's better narin naman, nakakapanghina lang yung antibiotics niya, two hundred pesos ata isa. Kamusta naman.
Ung pangit lang ay yung demands ng trabaho amidst all the lack of energy. Tipong kahapon may dalawang training ako tas omg naman, full effort yung pagpigil matumba sa chair. Then after that may meeting naman at 530. By 730 hindi pa sha tapos, and mom was asking if we could leave na kase kami daw muna bantay kay Robyn. Kaya i excused myself and dashed to dbp. Hayy nako, ngayon nakikita ko na.. Ang hirap nga talaga pag may family, I mean of your own. Apart from the gastos, security, planning yadda yadda, kelangan super handa din yung body at yung bulsa mo for emergency. Wala lang. Nahihirapan na nga ko ngayon na tita or kapatid lang ako e. But you know, God is good naman. So thankful narin ako na wala naman nang ibang problema, apart from the condition itself ni Robyn at Nana. So there.
~10h32~
dark days
like I said. Jusko parang pag tuwing iniisip ko naiiyak ako. Tipong sumisikip lalamunan ko. Kaso yung tear glands ko naman parang paralyzed. Ayaw makibagay. Anyhow madami pala akong devastating news. Ewan ko, normal yung air pero underneath it sobrang nababahala ako. Nana has pneumonia. Mild lang siguro yon kase malakas pa naman sha.. Kaso hello, pneumonia is pneumonia. So Tito James said super imposibleng hindi nahawa si Robyn don. So mamaya pa namin malalaman.. Anyhow apart from that Robyn has gastroenteritis. Ewan ko lang kung tama spelling niyan a. Basta yon. Kaso since aanga-anga yung mga doctor (so Mom says) (feeling niya Tonsilitis lang yon, at mali yung doctors) we'll get a second opinion today. So Robyn's sick and nana's sick. Super love ko talaga si Robyn, pero honestly mas concerned ako kay nana. Kase I know at least a hundred people would die to make sure Robyn's ok. Kaya mas inaalala ko si Nana. Kase lamo, Nana's been working a lot lately. Tipong pag nakatulog sha nang 3 hours at night, mahaba na yon. Pano kase, Anjan si Beany. Tas umuwi si sheila. May bago na kame kasama sa bahay kaso kelangan pa sha i train and all. so 90 percent ng work si Nana paren.. At times, i know pinapabigat ko lang trabaho nya, 'swy this bothers me so much. I'm really just scared na kailangan niya umuwe. Nana's as much of a family to me as the pope is religious. Tipong nung bata ako dahil middle child ako at tarantado ako, lagi akong walang kakampi tas lagi ako may kaaway. Buti nalang Nana's always there tas sha nalang kunwari kakampi ko. And she's always been really kind to me even if i'm the one in the wrong. Pwera nalang pag sobrang pagod na sha at nagmamaldita nako.
I dunno. I don't think any of us is prepared to let her go, as she's been with us for more than 24 years. And she's the funnest Nana you could find. Isip bata parin yan til now. Although dad assures us na within a week ok na si Nana, i dunno. I've asked a thousand times sa taas to help her recover asap pero super natatakot parin ako. Matanda narin kase yun. 60 na siguro or something. Ewan ko. I have to do something about this fast. Critical thinking, so Pio says.
At isa pa pala yon. Hindi sha pwede lumapit kay Robyn for now. And like I said, robyn's sick. Isa pa yon.. Minsan ayoko na tignan yung bata kase I dunno what's wrong with her tas hindi ko naman masosolushonan and she's so frail and tiny. For me tuloy, mas magandang mag-ot nalang sa office para kalimutan yung facts na yon, but mom has to go home early naman kase sha na yung magpapatulog kay Robyn. Isa pa yon. Wala naring tulog sina mumi at dadi. Hayy nako.
Pero alam mo, kahit pano I still do feel blessed. Sort of amidst all the trouble, naiisip ko din na baka blessing yung sakit ni Robyn, kase otherwise hindi papaxray si Nana tapos hindi malalaman na may pneumonia pala sha.. I dunno. Oh I have to work na. Lamo naman, go lang ng go.
~10h34~
first blog entry
Happy birthday in advance kay Atebem! Her 24th birthday (yeeeww) is tomorrow. :) Eto pala ung first blog entry ko while at work. Nyehehehe. Training ako e, pero lunch time na naman, so resume kami later. :) oh man oh man oh man. ang tanda ko na.. Pag pumupunta ako sa mall, yung mga binibili ko na yung adult clothes. nakakawindang talaga ang life. but anyhow at least I have control over it already. Not total control, kase hatid sundo paren ako (nyehehehehe) (so in a way sobrang tipid ako sa transpo expenses). Next weekend i'll take a refresher course sa driving. Then after that I'll buy my own car then I'll buy my own house. Then pag ok na lahat, I'll buy my own country. Ang dali sabihin noh.
So anyway, tapos nako sa accounting crash courses. I swear, had i known better I wouldve taken at least one accounting class. Kung may balak ka magka work na finance related, magaccounting class ka. Kahit as a general elective lang. Issued with preferential divident or liquidation provisions. Wtf diba. Kahit anong section ng phrase na yan walang iniimply na sensible idea. Lintek.
Last night I was a total bitch after work. Minamigraine na kase ako. So pagdating ko sa office ni mumi, sabi niya magwwork muna daw sha kase ang dami pa niya kailangan tapusin. So dun palang na asar nako. I was in the wrong, I know, pero pag may sumpong diba, wala na tayong magagawa. Tapos paguwi ko super nabadtrip ako kase Inakyat pa ni dadi si Beany sa room ko kahit sabi ko wag. E gusto ko na sanang matulog. So since nabad trip nako, edi lumala migraine ko, hindi din ako nakatulog. Then i had to go down and play with Beany kase I had to make up for my world class behavior. Kahit sobrang pagod nako. 'Swy I know now na hindi ko kayang ipagsabay yung work sa family (duh, sa future yan). Basta. Pareho kase kailangan ng full attention.
anyhow, I have to read na. Stuff. And memorize stuff. Kase I'll have to do real work na this month. Yahuh.
~13h13~
fire pig
Oh my gosh naman noh. It's been too long grabe. Happy new year..! For the first time in a little over twenty years hindi ako humawak ng kahit anong paputok. Kase i was deadly sleepy kase ten na yung bed time ko since i started this new umm disappointing life. Wehehe. Errm.
So anyhow hindi naman ako naging total party pooper (since I recently realized that I was pathologically one) kase coincidentally yung pjs na suot ko kagabe was polka dotted. So good for me. Apol said I'm gonna have lotsa moolah.
So kagabe I couldn't finish my cruiser. Kase it's been so long since I drank anything na may bahid ng alcohol. Nangangalahati palang ako i swear talaga my head started conking out. Ang loser talaga forever. 'swy i won't ever drink sa labas ever. God knows kung ano nalang kahantungan ko diba. Wehehe.
Ay darn it. Belated Merry Christmas...! O, did you give to the poor or help anybody at all? Anyway, Beans has grown a lot o, see.
Super madami na yang alam.. Except lang magsalita ng recognizable words. Well most words. Yung mga Bopbop Ayaw Tita Dad Mama Mommy Nana no saka Halika she could say them. She's so damn perfect you wouldn't believe kung gano sha ka spoiled at ka pampered. She's so totally the star every time she's awake. Tapos we all make it a point to put her needs before anybody else's. I dunno if that's good pa, pero I think it's tilting over to the wrong side na kase hindi na tuloy sanay si Beanbean pag may isang taong hindi pumapansin sa kanya. Eitherway, hindi pa naman sha nagmamanifest ng kabitchy-han so saka na natin alalahanin yon. :)
how's work.. it's fine i think. I dunno what's fine and what's not, but i'm not yet nauseous about it, so i guess fine pa yon. I'm concerned nga lang about the fact na clueless parin ako as hell. And i'm not sure my officemates love their job. Pero diba, it pays well so i guess they do. *sigh* hayy shit talaga. It sucks to wakeup at 6 everyday. It sucks to sleep at 10pm every night. (pero buti nalang tapos na talaga yung six feet under, which starts at eleven, so no conflict there anymore) It sucks to be the new kid. It sucks to kill your feet with heels every day. And it really really really sucks that ive to endure crash courses everyday. Pero what the hell, we all go through that (except yung sa heels). Saka lamo na, I want to be good at what i do. (oh shut up) Saka wala pa naman ako don, I mean who knows, baka magustuhan ko din yung work later on. Find my niche there or something. :) whatever. Basta like pam says, go lang ng go. Hehehe.
~15h47~
new lifestyle
Oh darn it... Hindi ko akalain na mawawalan ako ever ng time for my blog.. Except nung asa height ako ng thesis. Well anyway habang wala si mom ngayon, nagmamadali nakong isulat na pasensha na talaga sa mga taong nagrerely dito for updates on their own group of friends. Or acquaintances. Or whatever. (pero hindi naman ako nanchichismis a...) Either way twas my third day sa work kanina, at super nakakapagod pala sha.. Don't get me wrong, wala pako mashado ginagawa sa office since im deadly new and i have to undergo training pa and all that. Pero shucks ha.. Sabi na nga ba dapat sinanay ko na sarili ko magising on or before seven am dati e.. Pano kase tipong 1130 or 1 pm pa usually nagsstart classes ko dati. Minsan nga 230 e. Tas minsan pa sa mga 230 na yan hindi pako gumising.. Ugh. I could barely stay awake kanina. Tas wala pako ginagawa. I swear Ive got to load up on apples when i finally get my desk. Which would be on friday.
Nung friday I went home at eleven pm kase mom had to go to tita julie's party. Shempre sino ba naman ako para magcommute diba. So sumama ako. The fun part about that was the fact na nanalo ako dalawam beses sa bingo dun sa party tas si mom isa. Out of six yan. O diba. Kaso nasayang yung ibang pera kase went we went sa mall, nasira yung slippers ko so i had to limp to the nearest store and buy a nice pair of slippers. So yon. Tas kahapon may party kame so I went home at about nine. Pero before that I had to run to petron megaplaza kase hindi ko naout yung id ko pati yung drivers license ko. Eh the building was almost closed. Either way im trying to survive this trying, trying times (use dramatic tone for effect). Hay nako promise talaga forever. Ang hirap magtrabaho. 'Swy i have a plan. I'll work my butt off til my next three generations could afford not to work. Tapos rreesstt..(prolong for effect).... This is so tiring talaga. I mean it.
Nga pala, baka hindi nako makablog til Christmas.. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Wow ha.. nakaka 20 Christmas days nako tas sabihin mo tatlo jan wala pakong pakealam. So 17 din yon. Pero five pa jan kay Santa Claus lang talaga ako may pakealam. So sabihin mo 12 Christmas days. Of peace and of giving. Pero anong ginawa ko.. Tv kain internet whatever whatever. This time its gonna be different. O sige fine. Next year it's gonna be different.
~18h00~
there
Belated happy birthday Twinnie! :) Sa totoo lang, nagsulat naman talaga ako kahapon, kaya hindi dapat belated greeting toh.. Kaso si Beany gusto panoorin yung slideshow ng pictures niya kase she's so vain (atta girl.. :) ) tapos nagpipipindot sha ng kung anoano kaya she turned the computer off twice. So nawalan nako ng gana ulitin for the second time lahat ng sinulat ko. Haba ng explanation... But see it wouldn't be conceivable enough kung hinde. So there.
Wow... December na... That means Merry Christmas!! Although not so merry kase im not so merry at the moment. But im merry enough to be officially merry kase I got a job! :) as a process owner sa finance department ng procter and gamble. :) yiheeheee (one third of that thanks kay ren) So nung tuesday, asa office ako ni Mom tas nung pinapunta ako at five pm, they briefed me sa company. The next day, I went there at two fifteen pm for the offer. So there I signed. Tapos narin ako magpa-pe. So kulang nalang are the papers saka pictures whatever whatever then I'm gonna start at december 15. So absolutely no vacation for me.. and I'm off to the workaholic world without having the experience of swimming with dolphins and stuff. *sigh* pero oks lang. I can't believe I'm old enough to live alone. Pero lamo naman, I'm not there at the bridge yet. Malay mo may super malalang sakit pala ako, so the pe people say tas I couldn't be hired..? *knocks on wood* *actually sa paper lang e* anyway as early as now nagbubudget nako. Atebem did an overly dramatic 30minute monologue kase I let it slip na hindi ako makakapagbigay ng kahit anong gift sa christmas.. Although I promised na sa january (kase that's when I'll get my first pay) i'll give her a gift worth two gifts. Pano ba naman kase yung mga tao dito pagdating sa gifts tipong one thousand worth lang yung acceptable.. Feeling nila ganun sila ka importante na sila lang ang kelangan bigyan ng gift. I don't have that bigga money ngayon noh. I mean shempre mauuna yung pagbili ko ng clothes para sa office. Saka may phone at credit card pako kelangan bayaran. Oh this sucks. Tas pag ako nalang mag-isa i'm also going to have to worry about electric bills and water and grocery and phone bills and the internet and cable and insurance and health and the the list really reaches pollux.
hayy nako tutuloy ko nalang toh bukas, kase atebem says she's going to go crazy if she doesn't get out of this house and spend some money. So she's treating me sa dencios. So i have to take a bath... *grins* On thursday we're gonna go sa glorietta and buy my clothes.. Jusko I need a lot.
~13h45~
almost there
Wow naman ano.. Asa office ako ni mumi tas yung date ba naman sa pc nya december 4. Earth almost stopped spinning kase I thought I had the nerve to forget karissa's birthday. Hehehe. Tas naalala ko wala pa mashado bumabati saken ng merry christmas so there's no way today's december already.
So anyhow wala lang ako magawa. Ang aga aga pa so naaantok ako na hinde na may kahalong migraine. Letch. We had to be here by seven thirty kanina kase mum has a meeting at eight. E my interview's at 10. E sa lahat ng araw na pwede mong piliin sa isang week baket yung color coding pa kame. So anyhow I had to go with her. So asa meeting sha ngayon. I tried playing minesweeper kanina (so naiimagine mo na kung gano ka boring diba... I could just die. Joke lang pala. Ayoko pa.) kaso I couldn't do it effectively kase it's friggin freezing here so my hands couldn't move properly. So kung hindi ka rin lang mabilis magpindot pindot, wag nalang. So nagsudoku nalang ako.. yung easy level's boring, and the medium's a little boring. Kaso ba naman, sinong magaakalang mahirap yung hard...? Ugh. I think I sound stupid.
Actually kaya ako nagdadaldal kase ninenerbyos ako e. Mamaya ko nalang ikkwento, kase I might jinx it. So anyhow malapit na magnine thirty. I hope mom's meeting's finished by then. Hahatid pa kase nya ako sa pagiinterviewhan. Well actually three blocks away lang yon from here, kaso hindi kase ako marunong tumawid..*sigh* :)
(tuesday, 14h15) O so anyhow kanina pa pala ako galing don.. Sa interview I mean. May mga developments na, actually babalik ako don mamayang five, kaso I still don't want to jinx it and be mad at myself and waste away and die. 'Swy mamaya nalang. Or i think bukas nalang. Diba. As if naman interesanteng mga bagay toh..
So anyhow, wala nako talaga magawa. And i can't play very exciting games of spider and minesweeper and freecell anymore kase mom said the vice presidents could walk in any minute and you know, shempre bawal maglaro. Actually nung tinry ko iopen yung yahoo games para makapagtext twist man lang (e hindi naman kase ako magpapahuli ano), aba may warning daw. Tipong this computer is only for business purposes whatever whatever. E like cge, magbblog nalang ako, that's businessy enough. Oh and the super big boss is here now. Mukha namang gumagawa lang ako ng isang complicated program (kase sa template nalang ako nagsulat) saka i'm putting on this im-really-really-concentrating face.
More babble sessions coming up. And as you've probably noticed, everything is useless and you know, who gives a damn diba. So you could leave. There are more pointless kwentos about to be bombarded ahead. I watched beautician and the beast last night. It was funny kase I find The Nanny funny, and it's the same old humor. Unfortunately, nakalimutan kong final episode na pala ng Project Runway. So I missed it for umm a surreal comedy. Very surreal. King nainlove kay fran. Yeah rrrright. I should have watched project nalang.. *hits head*
So anyhow (tenth time i said that) I've watched starwars four five and six. Umm it's nice. I think i'm going to try watching it again kase i didn't do it much justice. I watched the three of them straight 'swy my head hurt so bad while watching the last one. Either way, I'm glad I watched them, kase I was given a new character I could use to refer to people na kinaaaasaran ko. Or inaaasar ko.. Si Jabba the Hutt!!! He's the most hideous ummm living thing I've ever seen on tv. I swear. Though I don't really know what hutts are. I could only assume si jabba na yung pinaka pangit. Haha jabba jabba jabba.
Oh im really really really bored. We have new plans. Dad's at the mall right now. By six, (ay grabe, ngayon ko lang narealize...ten and a half hours nagwork si mumi... yuck.. that's a lot) i'm finished with the interview na, so we head to the mall kay dad and I'm gonna load up on my office attires. I guess maganda yon, except lang mamamatay na naman mga paa ko. I swear. They're critical right now.
~09h16~
gladiators
Jusko naman. Alam ko nanonood ako ng contender... Pero hindi ko ata masikmura yung laban ni pacquiao..Alam ko na for a fact na mananalo sha after just three rounds. Tas nanonood sila ngayon. Pero I swear. super nakakaawa. Lalo na si Morales... Bawat punch all I could mutter is "shit" or "ay shit" or "oh shit". Nakakaawa talaga. And dad's like "patayin mo na!" or "sige sapakin mo na!" or "tapusin mo na!"... Well, congrats kay Manny (oh yes, close..) and kudos to nationalism.. Pero don't you think it's all kind of barbaric? And this from the girl who watched wrestling since she was eight. Pero yun naman kase acting lang... I'm sure it hurts a lot more sa boxing.. Yung movie nga na Gladiator bothered the hell out of me e. *sigh* tapos yung mga tao naman, wow ha. Tuwang tuwa sa demise ng iba. Oh well. At least nababawasan yung crime rate.
Second interview ko na nga pala sa work sa wednesday.. I hope (really reeeaaallly hope) it goes well. If it does, big boss interview na.. What bothers me so much is that isang company lang inapplyan ko.. Makapal nga kase mukha ko. Hehehe. If it turns out that Im not what they're looking for, I'm dead. :) kase id spend one week locked up in my room, then id spend one week cheering myself up, then a month to get another job. *sigh* my teaching plans are long gone now.. I realized na mas maganda yung corporate attires kesa teaching uniforms.. diba..? hehehe. Which reminds me, kailangan ko pa bumili ng maraming maraming shoeseses. :) That's really one good thing about starting work.. You get to have a whole new wardrobe. :) and of course the money. and of course a whole new life of continuous growth all on your own.
~02h01~
for the life of me
Grabe a.. Galing akong UP kase nagcelebrate kame ng circle. Late celebration of Gcel's birthday and my graduation. Ay oo nga pala, nanlibre nako. Pasensha na sa mga hindi nalibre. Pero sa totoo lang, it doesn't make any sense to make libre when you graduate kase it's just actually the time when you have to live a life without baon so you have live with a pretty tight budget. That's not worth celebrating at all. So anyhow, sa mga dearest friends, sa first sweldo nalang yung libre. E siguro mga next year pa yon... Hehehehehehehe.... Actually hindi pala ako natatawa. Actually nababanas ako. Ang bagal ng life ko I swear. Hindi ko naman kase mashado maasikaso yung pagkuha ng job kase for one thing hindi pako marunong magcommute.. Tipong apat na nga lang yung main avenues or somethings sa Makati tapos hindi ko parin makuha... Actually kanina din, inexplain saken ni Ren yung mga avenues na malapit sa circle tas gumawa pa sha ng drawing sa air. Wow ha ano ako, amazing race material...? Ang hirap intindihin noh.. I mean it, kailangain ko ng map, twenty four hours, at open mind para magets ko yung QC. Unfortunately, that makes me a moron kase 8 years nako nakatira sa QC. Pero maganda parin akong moron. (O Hani wag ka magalit saken, hindi ko naman binaba totally yung pride ko :) ) Saka minsan lang ako moron.
So anyway, ayon. Kanina nagseparate ways na kame ni Ren, bumaba sha ng Ortigas tas ako sa Buendia. E good luck diba kase first time ko ever mag-isa sa mrt tas first time ko ever lumagpas ng ortigas station. As in ever. Ay hindi pala, we rode the mrt pala dati when we went to watch the uaap. Pero nakatulog ata ako non tas nagdadaldalan pa kame kaya there wasn't any time for learning. So yon. Anyhow super clueless talaga ako, kase I didn't know which way to go, tipong upstairs ba o downstairs. Saka left ba o right. So ginawa ko nalang inestimate ko yung number ng mga naka business attire tas pag kelangan pumili, I went with the bigger crowd. Tas yon, tama naman yung kinahantungan ko, and I specifically remembered the place kase malapit don yung place where they sell jaguars. As in drop dead gorgeous jaguars. Edi maganda na. Tapos malapit na, as in malapit nako kumuha ng cab, kaso tumawag si Daddy. E shempre sinabi ko magtataxi nako. I wouldn't have, kaso wala nakong ibang pwede ipalusot na gagawin ko kase wala akong alam na fx or jeep or whatever. Wait lang, 20.219 years old nako diba. Grad nako diba. Kukuha nako ng job diba. In fact pwede nako magsarili diba. But no. Dad said, "Hinde, bawal ka magtaxi." Then I said, "Wala akong alam na sasakyan." Then he said, "Magtanong tanong ka nalang, basta wag ka magtataxi." Then I said, "Cge fine." But no. I wouldn't dream of asking anybody for help. Yuck ha. Kung mukha akong thirteen oks lang saken magtanong. Pero mukha nakong twenty (o cge fine, fifteen) and that would be completely mortifying. Saka ang daming tao noh, kase that was like eight am then. So I walked.. *sigh* tipong parang from math to ilang I swear. E ewan ko... I wouldn't dare ride an fx nor a jeep kase I dunno which ones pass in front of DBP tapos I wasn't allowed to ride a cab. E feeling ko baka may masama lang na mangyare if I did, tas super lagot pako. Pero duh, in my lifetime mahigit seven thousand cabs na nasakyan ko noh, duh.. Nakakaasar lang talaga. Well yung point ko lang naman, matanda nako at alam ko banban ako sa pagcommute pero how else would I become a real adult kung hindi parin nila ako pinapabayaan diba.. Gush naman.
So I'm still in mom's office now, any almost everybody's gone kase they have a ten o'clock meeting. Buti nalang I could use her pc. Or else I'm going to have to read le morte all over again.
~10h25~
now what
nakalimutan ko pala sabihin, i've graduated already. not officially, kase hindi pako nagbabayad ng grad fee plus hindi ko pa inaasikaso yung clearance clearance whatever para narin sa transcript.. but i'll be getting my certificate of graduation on wednesday!!! plus yung tcg. i dunno my grades yet. so hindi ko alam kung summa ako o hinde... nye... hinde, joke lang. hindi man lang ako cum e.. :) pero at least masaya yung college ko, tamang tulog, tamang delinquence, tamang aral. diba. :)
actually nung friday ko pa alam na grad nako, pero naoverwhelm kase ako ng fact na no more school for as long as i want kaya i spent every hour, again, bumming around. so i didn't really have time to bloggerize everything. i swear talaga magvavacation ako, if not now then on december. anyway, may usapan na naman kame nila ren na magbboracay kame. so that would have to do.
so anyway, ngayon naghahanap nalang kame ng crack nila atebem para sa family feud... super nakakamiss kase. nung kids kase kame, like kinder kids, shempre hindi pa uso yung windows non. so yung pc namen tipong wordstar pa yung gamit tas black and white pa sha.. kaso the best thing about it is that super dami ng games as in... tipong may xmen family feud jeopardy wheel of fortune ducktales and stuff, as in madami talaga. kaso nasira na sha.. tapos nagka windows na tas mas masaya na laruin yung virtuacop. so yun. anyway i downloaded the new version of family feud, and we're now all crazy about it... kaso hindi kame makahanap ng crack. atebem will try again later. so as of now, five minutes per execution mo lang sha pwede laruin. like hindi pako ever tuloy umabot sa bonus round, e dun pa man din pinaka masaya.. hay nako, kung meron sa inyo may cd jan ng family feud pahiram nalang please? sige na, kawawa naman kame e.
so anyway for the past two nights ive been studying. hahaha. na mimiss ko kase mag-aral... nye ulit... hinde, i reviewed my deutsch francais portugues and russki yizik knowledge. pano kase sinulat ko sila sa resume e baka kausapin nila ako using those languages during my interview.. e matagal pa naman yon, pero at least id have enough time to brush up. pero duh, as if naman i don't have enough time. i swear being a bum is very very very tiring. nagtry nako maghanap ng secret door sa bahay. there wasn't any. there used to be one e, for emergency purposes.. but they had to seal it nung ni-renovate so it became part of the new shoe room. everythings so boring.
~14h44~
set things right
all saints' day pala ngayon, and you know what that means.. iksabihin fifty three days nalang, christmas eve na...! and you know what that means. iksabihin maglulustay ako ng sarili kong pera para sa gifts... kase wala nakong baon..! oh how cruel. so kelangan ko na magsave... dammit. ang daming kong gusto bigyan.
so anyway went to school yesterday. napabookbind ko na yung thesis ko, one for the department and one for cs. tapos napasign na sa adviser at sa chairman.. so yung kulang nalang, kunin ko classcard ko sa thesis, submit ko sa cs lahat yan, chcheck ng cs kung oks na, pag oks na hihingi ako ng transcript at ng certification na grad nako, aayusin ko yung dost, and then id officially leave college!! except lang sa cradle part, kase til march mangengealam parin ako don. so babalik pako sa friday..
nauntog nga pala si beanbean kanina. marunong na kase sha maglakad. since like last month pa. kaya malikot na sha. tapos para magpatigil yung pag-iyak nya, yung pwede mo lang gawin is hit and kick and spank the floor or the table or the chair kung saan sha nauntog. tas mayamaya pag ok narin sha aapihin narin nya yung kung saan sha nauntog. ain't she funny. hehehe. wala lang, shineshare ko lang naman..
nakwento ko na ba na may problema sa bahay..? if ever skip nalang the next few lines. kung hinde, kase may sort of cold war si atebem at daddy. e hindi ko na ieexplain yung details, basta sabi na ni daddy hindi na raw sha magaavdise kahit kelan kay atebem tungkol sa kahit ano. so consequently hindi na hihingi si atebem ng kahit ano tas more or less hindi na sha makikinig kay dad. like nakinig naman kase sha ever. so si tito james, nung pumunta sha dito (kwento ko mamaya kung bakit sha pumunta dito) (para nakong chismosa noh..? bear with me) tinry niyang ayusin... so the way i see it, sa mga conversations nila ni atebem, feeling ni tito james mashado overprotective sila mumi at dadi kaya mnay problema sa bahay. so kahapon, i made it a point to tell dad na apol and i don't think na may problema sa kanila ni mumi. kaya lang siguro ganun kay atebem kase yung friends niya, mashadong liberated. kaya siguro feeling niya sakal na sakal sha, which she isnt. wala lang.. ayoko lang naman kase na magwallow sila sa self pity for something that's not their fault.
so anyway, tito james was here kase may super overly traumatic happening sa life niya recently, and he wanted to take a vacation and go to a spiritual whatever place to meditate and give himself some peace. you might have heard it sa news, yung may bus na natrap sa bridge (that's the way i remember it) kase may bagyo or flashflood or flood or something. dun pala to sa city nila sa iloilo. tapos nung nalaman niya pumunta sha don, tapos he got there early enough to see the people die. so for days super traumatized sha, tipong nightmares and stuff. and he couldn't just set that aside, kase mayor sha so aayusin pa niya yung families ng mga victims, tapos papaayos yung bridge, tapos several other projects. kaya yon. so sa inbetweens ng trips niya, samin muna sha nagsstay. now he's kind of ok na, i think. kaso mejo maguiguilty ako kase he's got enough going on, tapos maleleche pa sha ng family problems namin.
so anyhow so far ang ginawa ko palang maliban sa thesis ko ay magpakacouch potato. saka net addict. saka of course play with beany. saka eat. 'swy pag may work nako the first thing im going to do is go to the gym. wala kase magawa dito. some stupid friend of apol's borrowed her gameboy and she hasn't returned it yet. nakaaasar talaga. so wala talaga akong magagawa. plus some stupid officemate of atebem's borrowed john tucker. and like apol's friend, she doesn't care about me. selfish talaga sila i swear. wala nakong choice mamaya kundi manood ng devil's rejects. and it's all souls' day bukas. you could just imagine what that would do to me mamayang midnight. *sigh* ieexplore ko nalang yung bahay... baka may makita akong secret trapdoor or something.
~14h08~
bummer
i guess hindi ako makakapagvacation before i officially become a working uhhh person. we were supposed to go to china on all souls day. kaso sumbody reminded me na madami pa palang kelangan asikasuhin regarding dost. stupid dost. o well. so kelangan pa ng bond and atuff. plus libo libong papeles. and i wouldn't be able to finish all that by the second. oh well. try ko imbitahan ulit sila mervin para magboracay or something. kaso ive been bumming around lately and my ass is like half as big as atebems. that would be big. (joke lang atebem) ugh.
im still sad about jorge's passing away, pero somehow i think like my batchmates ive learned to accept it. as in nagsisink in naren yung reality. yung kinalulungkot ko lang talaga yung fact na may isa pa kaming batchmate tas may sumthing sa kanila. and he had so many plans about that na daw. so parang sayang kase hindi sila nagkachance. since third year high school pa yun e. kaya tayong lahat, carpe diem nalang. para no regrets about having no regrets. diba.
hindi parin tapos thesis ko... darnit. pero may grade na naman ako. ooh that reminds me, ichcheck ko nga pala crs. so anyway kelangan ng revisions sa program e.. e hindi pa nagagawa.. after that i'll have to email it to my adviser. then if he says it's already ok i'll have my paper printed, then bookbound, then copy the pdf file sa cd, mga seven copies each of all that, then submit it to certain people i dunno yet who. sucker diba. deadline niyan is on november 3 i think. kaso punta nga china sila mumi at dadi on november 2. so my new deadline is on november 1. not unless somebody wants to be my driver for two days. shit talaga. pero kasalanan ko naman toh, so all's well deserved. oooh gising na si beanbean. imonna play with her.
~12h59~
goodbye
last friday, i received news that our highschool batchmate and friend jorge has passed away. akala ko joke. hindi talaga ako makapaniwala. i was just chatting with him nung wednesday night. and there wasn't any drama in that conversation that might lead you to think that jorge kinda felt it. that he was leaving i mean. usual lang na kumustahan saka asaran. saka sabi niya hindi pa daw tapos yung exams niya.
so that saturday, mumi went with me sa qc to attend his wake. uhhh prior to that i was already very very ... sad? ewan ko. i don't think it's the exact word e. parang ganon pero wala pang kahalong reality. pero upon arriving there and looking at him lying there.. looking at his mom and dad... hindi ko na talaga mapigilan. diredirecho nalang them tears. nagtatago na nga lang ako pag tumitingin mom niya e. kase parang i was just a friend. we weren't even that close anymore. basta parang how i felt wouldn't even compare to what his mom was feeling.. shit talaga. i know dying is just transition. pero alam mo yon, it hurts so many so much.
so anyway when we left a lot of jorge's other friends were already there. hindi narin naman ako makakaattend ng mass niya kase kelangan narin namin bumalik ni mumi sa bahay. but you know, i said my goodbye. it's also easy naman to believe na wherever jorge is , he's probably ok. he's probably in an even nicer place. where there aren't any peanuts. and where it's ok to be late for class. :) hayy nako. we'll definitely miss him. lalo na sha lang naman sa ym ko yung as in 24 hours nakaonline. ngayon offline na sha. it's sad but clicheish and icky as it may sound, we have to be strong, i guess. he wouldn't have wanted us to waste away because of his loss diba. i'll really miss jorge. and let's pray for him everyday, ok?
~22h44~
home
i've officially logged out. sa dorm i mean. wow grabe ha... for eight years i've been spending almost all my sunday nights packing my stuff for a week in school and almost all my thursday nights packing my stuff for a couple of days at home. wow ha. now that the dorm years are over, hindi ko pa matanggal sa sistema ko yung pagka-temporary ng tinitirhan ko. i swear. we brought home all my stuff sa dorm and i couldn't force myself to unpack. kase for eight years all my stuff remained packed. ugh.. baka bukas pag nacoerce ko na yung oc self ko na magayos ng gamit maweiweirdohan ako sa room ko. oh too much stuff. gotta throw some and some away.
anyway robyn got amoebiasis (forgive the spelling if it's unforgivably wrong) tinatamad nako magopen ng bagong window to check so leave it at that. she's ok now pero she has to drink this vomitrociously bitter medicine for one week. shempre she cries like really cries pag iniinom na niya and it really really really breaks my bitchy heart. kaya yon. para matuwa sha pinakilala ko sa kanya yung stars at yung constellations. o diba. naamaze sha na may ilaw na kahit anong gawin niya hindi niya maaabot ever (well, figuratively maybe). hayyy si beanbean. tamo she's so pretty now,
diba...?alam na niya magsabi ng "give give". o diba, one year old palang sha, pero halata nang kamag-anak ko sha. hehehe :) saka mangurot saka mangkiss saka mamalo saka iba pang lambing things.
oh anyway, plan worked. sa australia versus canada thing. i didn't even have to do anything yet. pero i was planning on having atebem and mic fight. (oh don't start with the "you evil evil evil bitch" statements yet) hindi naman major fight. just one big enough to make atebem see that if they fight, tapos asa australia sila, wala shang kakampi, kase wala kame. so anyway, i got help soon enough. nag-away sila that very same day. so naturally when atebem confided, pinaulanan ko na sha ng full force threatening scenarios. and she said she knows that naman. that's why australia's out of the question. or at least pag-iisipan niya ulit. so that's good news. one step at a time lang, right? pretty soon australia will be totally out of the question. it'll happen.
so anyway today marks the time of me leaving a very detrimental stage. kakaiba talaga. somehow hindi pa nagsisink in saken yung fact na hindi ko na malamang makikita yung at least half sa mga taong nagleave ng mark sa college memories ko. yahoo. 'swy kanina para mafeel ko naman yung reality, nagthanks ako sa lahat ng mga nakabond ko sa buong college life ko. well at least some of them. for some of them kase i'd rather feed myself to the leeches than let them know na naaalala ko pa sila, pano pa kaya yung alam ko number nila. naman diba. so anyway ang ikinarereklamo ko lang, baket kung kelan tapos na, saka mo malalaman na yung ibang tao, they're not errmm how do i put this in words. they're not who you thought they were. i swear. sobrang nakaka disappoint. apart from that i was thoroughly annoyed na hindi nako marunong magbasa ng tao. ang tanga e... akala mo ganyan, tapos you find out he's the exact opposite. ang labo e.. now i wonder kung biased ba ako or tanga lang talaga. in the same way, last minute mo din malalaman na yung ibang tao, they've got so much more to offer. sayang lang. bias is so stressful. *sigh*.
so anyway, nung aalis nako sa dorm, a teardrop threatened to fall as i was saying goodbye to them dorm friends. im sure ill get to see UP again. but i don't think maeexperience ko pa ever yung pagstay sa dorm. yung countless times na hinahagisan ko ng tubig yung ceiling sa banyo kase may hideous spawn of satan (also called a lizard by many) sa nagiisang cubicle available and i'm friggin late. or yung times na gusto ko nang ibato yung kutsilyo sa roommate ko kase yung alarm clock niyang like really alarming na ay hindi parin sha kayang gisingin, and it's only seven am and i friggin slept at four. (but we're very good friends) or yung times na yung friend mo ay may roommate na parang kapatid ni jeepers creepers or ni nolang tikbalang (in face and in ways - wow rhyme) tapos kailangan mong pakitaan ng ultra bitchy attitude mo so that she'd think twice about shushing your friend the next time your friend makes chika. or yung times na gutom ka na at hindi ka pa naliligo and your limbs feel like seven hundred grocery bags each so you can't bring yourself to take a bath anyway, and so you get your dorm food kase you can't go out, as much as you want to and you see that the food for the day is okra and kalabasa and whatever fish it was that they found dead sa shore. or yung times na ginamit nyo yung paputok nyo sa moondeck na akala nyo confetti paputok lang yun pala may explosion talaga as in gun powder explosion and then you see the guard looking for where that "gunshot" came from. ohh gush. at least naenjoy ko sha as much as i can. actually the same goes for college. it was a right decision not to join orgs kaagad. i had so much freetime i had the luxury of sleeping whenever i wanted or watching movies whenever there are good ones showing. or other social stuff. like i always say, tamang timpla lang ng good at bad. in the end, since tama parin yung timpla, you would inevitably find yourself still, in the better side things.
~23h59~
bad day
it's friday and it's the thirteenth.. fortunately lang, ever since pinanganak ako. thirteenths which are fridays have been lucky. got over two final exams today. isa nalang and i could finally kiss exams away.. like i deserve, (yes, the world revolves around me) madali yung exams kanina. dunno what gives, siguro kase naaawa na yung mga prof sa mga bata kaya ayaw na nila dagdagan yung hinagpis. so anyway, math 128 nalang. tapos ayusin ko nalang yung thesis tas goodbye college na..! oh yes. unless bumagsak ako.. like papasabugin ko yung math building pag bumagsak ako.
anyhow, while i was in the car kanina, i received some disturbing news. it turns out na cinoconsider ni atebem na sa australia nalang sha with her boyfriend mic and little bean bean, at hindi sa canada with us. it kind of makes sense, kase inoffer na ata sa kanila yung house ng relatives ni mic don. ewan... ang dami pang stuff stuff nyan e.. kaso hindi ko na mashado napakinggan kase pagsabi ni daddy ng bean bean at australia na magkasama sa isang sentence nagsound off na yung alarm sa utak ko.. no way... no stinking way. hindi ako papayag na walang puddle ng urine sa floor paggising ko sa umaga. hindi din ako papayag na hindi marinig yung ten little indians or yung three little kittens at least ten times everyday. shit. nakakaasar talaga. that's the one goodbye im not willing to make. australia sa canada? that's like ten stinking gazillions of light years away ano. *sigh* not beanbean... that's unfair. (and yes, the world revolves around me still). tapos hindi nako nakisali sa usapan, nagkunwari nalang akong tulog sa backseat while mom and dad talked about it. i was actually concocting a plan, para mapabago isip ni atebem.. hindi ko pa napopolish yung iron clad argument ko, pero i swear robyn's not gonna pee on anybody's floor but ours. tapos narinig ko pa sabi ni mumi na it's their life. ok lang sa kanya na ganun yung decision nila as long as atebem's ready for it. and i was like "i'm not..!" and the world keeps spinnin 'round. eh ang point ko lang naman kase, ako lang ba yung nakakarealize na this means no beanbean anymore..?? hayy nako tinatago ko nalang talaga luha ko kanina kase magmumukha akong loser. a basta. not gonna happen. hell would freeze first. :) hayy nako. we'll see how this turns out. it's not over til they're boarding the plane. anyhow this was yesterday's news so friday the thirteenth is still lucky and as always, thursday sucks. thursday talaga lahat ng kamalasan ko e. thursday ako napilayan nung grade 6 thursday ako muntik na makulong, thursday ako unang errrmm nadepress, thursday din ako nagkasore eyes nung second year. thursday sucks.
so anyway mumi brought home my favorite walnut fudge...!! mas gusto ko nga lang yung isambeses nag-uwi sha ng super napakalaking cake na parang refrigerator cake na parang sansrival na super laki na may caramel sa gitna tapos puro kiwi at apple at peaches at mango at orange yung taas tas white yung icing na hindi yung pangit na tipo ng icing... alam mo yon? kaso sabi nya tipong inoorder pa pala yon like a week before tas tipong one thousand bucks ata or something. leche yan. mag-iipon ako. then i'll buy it myself. for now brownies would have to do... shark naman... san ba pwede bumili ng isang sako ng walnuts...? tinitipid ko kase yung walnuts, save the best for last kind of thing. so kinakain ko muna yung chocolate tas tinatanggal ko muna yung walnuts. kaya puro lagkit na yung keyboard. kaya magllogout muna ako. kase ayoko na muna magtype.
~23h48~
coffee
wala lang... may class tomorrow in other words maaga ako gigising and i was dumb enough to feel like drinking coffee. so i did. and now i can't sleep. and i'm more jumpy than usual. and i get butterflies for no reason whatsoever.. ang labo.. i think coffee is not good for me. let's sit and talk a while. :)
anyhow, mejo oks lang kase i have an exam tomorrow. kaya kelangan ko din mag-aral tungkol sa birdflu at mangroves at flooding at kung ano pang kalechehan. but really, mejo wala naman akong pakealam e.. sa env sci i mean. kaya yun. what worries me is the fact that im so old already. shit. imagine mo ha, in like a month ako na ang nagbabayad ng sarili kong food. tapos ako na ang magbabayad ng sarili kong bills. ako naren magpprovide ng sarili kong shopping money. in short ako na ang bahala sa sarili kong life..! Inconceivable. lalo na for those who know me. hindi pa nga ako marunong umuwi from qc to las pinas by myself e. hindi pa nga ako ever tumawid magisa sa kahit anong road outside up e. hindi pa nga ako ever nakakaluto ng kahit isang sunny side up e. hindi pa nga ako marunong magdrive mag-isa e.. expired na nga yung license ko e. expired na nga din ata passport ko e. ay ang dami ko nang sinabe.
*sigh* nako talaga. ang pangit ng timpla ko ng coffee. deadly sweet yung last few sips. hindi namix ng maayos. o tamo, kahit magtimpla hindi ako marunong. There is HPAI A (H5NI) virus in a duck farm in Laguna. yuck noh.
lamo for the past few weeks, i let go of something im really proud of. my friendship with the tv. wala lang. so far yung mga pinapanood ko nalang are survivor and wrestling. ni hindi ko man lang nga napapanood amazing race saka antm saka house saka lost saka gilmore girls saka ufc e.. i feel like a traitor. *stares pensively* pero six feet under is coming back, final season, and i would engage in nuclear warfare bago ako makamiss ng isang episode. i swear. promise next next week magbbond ulit kame. oh boo, magttwelve na. i gotta go read the constitution. para makatulog kaagad. at nga pala, harry potter book seven's coming summer next year. :)
~23h56~
two weeks of hell
wow... two weeks nalang ng paghihirap and it's all over. kung pumasa, shempre...six more exams. ugh.. ang daming nangyare these past days. never had the time to post kase ba naman tipong six am na ako natutulog for some time now. kaya actually no surprise na really really bad yung week na toh for me. sa ichura ko at the very least. *sigh* hindi na nga ako nagkakaenergy na maging concerned pa sa nakikita ko sa mirror everyday. im becoming the ugliest zombie i know. i swear talaga pagatapos nito magpapafull facial treatment ako at spa.
which reminds me, for a while now ginagawa ko nang habit yung magpafacials. at nahatak ko narin si ren adong at hani. :) para lang walang breakouts. unfortunately, hindi ko pa pwede gamitin yung eyebag treatment kase masasayang lang. so sa end nalang ng sem. lamo yon, iba talaga pag face ng tao yung pinaguusapan e.. it would inevitably define you. (and she had the nerve to promise never to be vain again..) *rolls eyes* whatever.
anyway, im really happy to tell you na maganda ang kinalabasan ng colloquium. thank God. i was actually kind of delighted when mam pasion said "so if there are no more questions let us thank the speaker..." wow talaga. my dreaded fifteen minutes - over. now all i have to worry about is revising the c program. pero all's looking great. math 145 nalang. it's a pain trying to shove it into my brain, where wala nang space at may (partial) mindset na tapos na ang hinagpis. kaya yan... one step at a time.
shit. what the hell did i do in the past life. bat ko kailangan pag-aralan ang bird flu at flooding in the philippines. like hindi ko naman ever kakailanganin toh. lamo yon, sa computer screen may sort of reflection ng mukha ko tas oh dear napaka obvious ng hideous eyebags ko.. oh well.
may outreach pala kame next week. im too tired to be excited about it pero if i had excess joules, i would be. ugh. yung mga cradle members na super no show na ang habol lang ay yung membership, whatever. manda sila next sem pag nagkanerve silang magreaff. i really shouldn't care about this anymore. im too tired. spend ko nalang energy ko planning the outreach with the good looking members who are active.
ay si john cena na pala yung wwe champion. tsk. hindi ko man lang napanood. for the past month or so hindi nako nakakapanood e. this sucks. im so tiiiiirrreeedd.. tulog lang ako for seventeen minutes.
~10h39~
breakdown
wow...2am na... nakaka 2 slides palang ako sa beamer. goddamn beamer. kung sa buong college life ko, nagka one hundred pounds ako ng stress, 95 pounds don galing sa beamer. well actually, hindi ko alam kung sino sisisihin, yung circumstances nalang, i suppose. last week ko pa dapat nadownload yung beamer. everything was as good as ready. kaso hindi ko talaga madownload sa parehong computer. as it turned out, faulty yung cd. so i got a new one. kaso ayaw parin magdownload sa pc ko sa school. and this week would have been the perfect time to pour hours over it kase mejo wala pa ako mashado ginagawa. kakadownload ko lang ngayon, sa computer ng mom ko, e shempre naman hindi ko toh madadala sa school. So if i don't finish doing my presentation now (oo nga pala, beamer yung program na panggawa ng presentation sa thesis) i'm going to have to come home on monday, then probably on thursday. Deadline kase ng first draft ng presentation ko sa tuesday, tapos final draft sa friday. totoo na talaga toh, i'm so in distress.. ugh. pero actually, pwede ako pumunta sa office nalang ng mom ko. i guess that would be better. stupid computers.
tapos nung thursday pa, tumawag ako kay pio para magpatulong ayusin yung stuff sa pc ko sa dorm, kase baka may mali mali lang sa location location ng mga file file. i don't really know a damn thing about fixing it, tapos i was desperate enough to do anything just to be able to start doing the presentation then, kahit one hour na phonecall sa cellphone. dammit. so six hundred bucks din yon. pero hindi rin namin naayos. yung ok lang don, at least alam ko na wala na sa options ko yung pagtry pang ayusin yung miktex sa pc ko. At alam kong tanga ako para alalalahanin pa toh, pero sa totoo lang, nag-aalala din ako kung ano dapat outfit ko sa colloquium. *smiling with all the strength i could muster* oh great. anyway, to be fair, masaya din naman yung week ko, initially. sumali pala kame sa chambahan sa mbb. ang galing galing namen.. from ninth place naging second place kame - after ng average round. hindi ko nalang sasabihin kung ano nangyare sa difficult. hehehe.. let's just say wala kaming alam sa mayan mythology at sa lecheng service speed ng mga tennis players. whatever. *sigh* sabi ni pam dapat gumawa daw ako ng wish list. pero actually yung iniimply niya ata dare list. nung una game ako.. kaso narealize ko pag hindi ako nakagraduate tapos napahiya ako sa sandamakmak na tao dahil sa wish list, i'd hang myself. :) so wag nalang. bahala nalang kung ano yung mga carpe diem moments na magagawa ko before the semester ends. :) no pressure. anyway by the second half of the week everything became sucky, dami away away. kaya ako, next week, magiging mabait ako. promise. magtitimpi ako talaga. anyhow, im tired of being a bitch naren. at least for the coming week. oh shit, 4 am na. i swear asa preliminaries palang ako sa beamer. pero at least i've made at least 5 frames. darn darn... papatayin ko na tong pc na toh a.. sayang sa kuryente e. net kase ako dito tas beamer sa isa. morning calls for pain relief.
~03h59~
delinquency 2
everything is so going wrong.. one ang sama sama ng ugali ko, delingkwenteng walang kwenta. two ung pc ko sa dorm ayaw tanggapin yung updated miktex with beamer na sobrang kelangan ko to finish up my thesis. three ayaw din sha tanggapin ng pc namin sa bahay. (where im headed to, i don't freakin know anymore). four (who said misfortunes come in threes) dahil sa kadelingkwentehan ko nagkasakit ako. five sunod sunod na yung mga requirements na nagppile up and im not even in the mood to be worried about them. and that unworried state worries me. six ako na yung magppresent ng thesis sa class sa wed. seven the freakin colloquium is three weeks away... wala pa nga akong attire e..
*sigh*i broke my promise. hindi lang ako lumabas more than once this week. hindi pa ako umuwi nung tuesday... stupid idiot. we had a cradle meeting and although sangkatutak pa ang kelangan gawen, hindi man lang nila ako kelangan bigyan ng death threat para pumayag manood ng devil wears at magsleepover kanila ren. three na kame umuwi i swear, and i had thesis class wednesday morning. dammit. not to mention na sixteen na ata ang offenses ko sa dorm. that would have been ok, kung dead sure na papasa ako. pero shempre, at the rate im going, dream on, loser.
and the stupid beamer.. ugh ayaw sha talaga tanggapin... hindi ko alam kung bakit. i guess i'll have to ask sa math nalang kung pwede dun nalang ako gumawa ng beamer. e like that gives me a more limited amount of time. arrrgghhhh sa sobrang frustration konting tulak lang saken ihahagis ko na tohng computer na toh. ugh i hope i don't pull all my hair out... kanina ko pa sinasabunutan sarili ko. woah i think im going crazy. thesis is bad.
anyway, tinawagan pala ako ni marvin cruz last last week. para mag greet ng happy birthday i suppose. friend kase sha ni denise. e although i specifically said it's ira cruz's phone call i want, they settled for another cruz instead. kaso sha pala yung binabaan ko ng phone kase asa m128 ako. e akala ko job interview whatever yon, kase landline saka that was the time na i posted my resume sa net. so nagreklamo daw sha kay denise na binababaan naman sha. too bad.. i would have loved to ask him kung magkano binabayad sa kanya para ipahiya lahat ng mga nanonood ng games nila sa uaap. whatever. sana tumawag sha ulit. hindi ko parin alam kung magkano e.
i cut three classes since yesterday. buti nalang, i was given teensy bits of luck kase sa isa, nakapirma ako attendance tas yung dalawa, walang class. thank God for lazy teachers. un naman pala, not everything naman pala went wrong. plus our booth period for cradle's photo contest is over. about 70 people registered. o diba, ang dame... ang ganda kase ng tao sa booth e. (i can glorify myself and order everyone to bow down and sing praises to me and no one can do a damn thing about it kase blog ko toh..! hahahaha. saka duh, pagbigyan mo na ako. kawawa na nga ako e.) anyhow sana lang lahat don sumali.. we actually want like 167 contestants. para patas yung gastos namin. kaso like whatever.. ang dami non. either way, 70's good enough. we're gonna have a booth again, pero next sem na. which means mas konti nalang yung magrregister then, kase wala nako.. (*singsong* wala kang magagawa-a) hehehe. oh dammit. naalala ko, baka hindi pa pala ako grumaduate. wow. *glares* kudos to delinquency.
~23h59~
unsure
oh it's one am.. hulaan mo ginagawa ko.. gumagawa ng resume. it's all so sucky. kase wala man lang akong job experience nor seminar na inattendan... except yung stress management saka language teaching. and i only came for the food. and i'm not even sure kung ggraduate nga ako. kung papasa, edi no problem. kaso pano pag hinde. now that there are six weeks left, i get the nauseating jitters. sa thesis class last wednesday, we were only five. habang nagdidiscuss si sir tungkol sa colloquium, i mentioned to my seatmate (whose name i don't even know) na hindi pa ako ever nakakaattend ng colloquium. tas nag-tsk tsk sha. na hindi pa-joke yung dating. tipong, "oh you're dead" yung dating saken. wow ha, thanks for the most reassuring response. dammit.
and my dad makes the butterflies turn into monstrous dragons. out of nowhere bigla nalang sha, "wow, six weeks nalang and my daughter's gonna graduate...!" and then he starts this long (as in looooooooong) age old speech about how having their children graduate is the biggest accomplishment parents could ever have. ewan ko lang talaga... hindi ko alam pano niya nasasabi yon, when i couldn't even say "yep ggraduate nako" deadpan. not even sputter the words. madalas ang sagot ko lang "kung papasa". shiiiittt.... six weeks. im as worried as my face is nonchalant. it's amazing how a face could hide something as big.
like isang beses, (now talking about the powers of deception of another person's face) nakitulog dito yung friend ni apol tapos super tahimik sha as in mahinhin na mahiyain na parang magsabi lang sha ng isang sentence e pwede na maubos yung energy produced by ten trucks of sugar.. tapos ba naman, nakita ko nagchchat sila ni apol, i guess payabangan sila ng come back lines. tapos tipong yung mga sinasabi niya i monna bitch slap yo funky ass you skanky hoe. pasensha na, hindi ko lang talaga ever makakalimutan e. it was freakin funny. nakakashock e. hehehe.
anyhow a lot has happened this week. i realized na high school parin ako, in a way. (lalo na pag nagkacrush. haha. tipong kilig kilig blush blush giggle giggle parin. kala mo hindi pa pwede makulong) anyhow sabi saken nila kari ganun parin daw ako. i guess i should blame it on everyone else. e ganun parin kase lahat ng tao e. walang taga-induce para magbago.. (oh that's right, isisi daw sa iba). whatever.
omg, i so broke my promise. sabi ko dati hindi ako magiging lakwachera. when now's the time i'm supposed to be at my nerdiest, kase i have to finish. kaso talagang high school ako. hehe. oh it's not a laughing matter. stupid loser. tsk. lamo ba from monday to wednesday late ako umuwe...? goodness. i know i should be smart enough to stop being a careless idiot. pero wala lang. sinisimot yung time para gawin yung mga hindi ko na magagawa when school's over. (conscience says, sa kakaganyan mo school wouldn't be over as soon as expected, duh..) anyhow so by now meron nakong about ten offenses sa dorm. at yung maximum para ma readmit ay three. three cheers for the idiot person. hindi na nga makakagraduate, nakickout pa sa dorm.. as in nakapost pangalan ko about five times sa office ng dorm, kase weekly may late ako. cge, this week talaga hindi nako lalabas. nyek wag naman. this week hindi na talaga ako magpapalate. errrm let's not be hard on the idiot person. this week isang beses lang ako magpapalate. better.
may orgmate kme (wow.. orgmate still feels like an alien word) naabutan namin sha sa seattles nung wednesday. mga 11pm na yon ha. tapos nag-aaral sha dun. tas exagg as in maga na talaga mata nya sa kakaaral. like it's pretty darn obvious na ilang araw na niyang dindeprive yung sarili nya of sleep. anyhow nalaman kong ge lang pala inaaral nya. dun palang nagdouble take na yung utak ko. (ge...? ge lang...???) history kase ng physics yon, he justified. sige na nga... sabe ko, ahh exam mo bukas. hinde, sa saturday daw. like nagdouble triple quintuple take na talaga utak ko, hindi ko parin carry. magang maga na mata niya for an exam sa ge subject that's three days away..? holy fart naman ano. nakakagunaw naman ng mundo.. why couldn't everyone be like him. on the other hand why couldn't he be like errm certain idiot people.. wala lang. nakakagulat lang din.
ay dinagdagan ko pics sa slumber party. forgive the silly (so ren says) headband. it's not actually mine, hiniram ko kay bean. gusto ko lang magkunwaring fairy that day. (wow highschool daw... try preschool..?)
ugh. nakalimutan ko pala yung book sa complex analysis. now i wouldn't be able to study. i guess there's no other choice but to go to the mall. (idiot person idiot person idiot person) aww too bad, hindi gumagana conscience ko. boo. this is getting too long. its supposed to be longer, kaso wag nalang. i need to be a good student now. :) pazhaluista kak vas zavut? menya zavut blehbleh.. zdravsvuitye? harasho, spasiba. blehblehbleh. good morning! :)
~02h45~
color quiz
 |
Elise took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself.. This disturbs her, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome..."
Click here to read the rest of the results. |
what the hell..? in fairness, ang weird in a freaky way.
~23h08~
ber months
first and foremost, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :) tradition namin kase yan on september one. anyhow ang dami dami dami ko palang kwento... pero half of it would be on the other side of this blog. kase fatally mortifying pag may nakabasa. wehehehe. anyhow last saturday, nung birthday ko, twas the most miserable day of my life... errm hindi naman, most miserable day of my week siguro. twas bean bean's birthday party. e tapos mejo maikli talaga pasensha ko, kase i stayed up late waiting for my dear dear friends to greet (hindi nga, inantay ko... feeling kase ako e.. :) ) and talking to my dear dear dear friends, tapos bigla akong binulabog at about six in the morning. so bale mga tatlong oras lang tulog ko.. e yon. tapos super nabadtrip ako kase at about eleven am i realized hindi pa ako nagbbreakfast and lo and behold, hindi ako nilutuan ng breakfast (on my birthday) kase busy sila maghanda for beanbean's party (on my birthday).. and even when i announced, well sige, when i whined about my being hungry, hindi talaga nila ako maasikaso. well actually, i should have been more understanding about it, pero as i said, sinusumpong talaga ako.
Me : Oh my God, five hours nako hindi kumakain. Nana, paluto.
Mom : Madami sila ginagawa, may noodles jan.
Me : (spots the almost empty bowl of cold noodles) Malamig na sha.
Mom : Akin na, we'll have it heated.
Me : Edi nalasog na.
Nana : Ano gusto mo kainin...? teka hindi ka nalutuan ng rice.
Me : (through gritted teeth) wag na, hindi nako kakain.. (whispers) ****.
So anyhow, super pangit talaga ng araw ko. 'swy i spent most of it in my room. buti nalang, sinabi ko yung mga kabadtripan ko kanila giselle, and being the great friends that they are, binigyan nila ako ng surprise party..! :) actually, it's not really a party, tiny handaan lang with cakes and sweets. at may candle pa and all. kaya i was really happy for the most part of the week. actually, half of that was because of (see nextdoor). pero nonetheless.
tuesday 145 exam was stupid. and i couldn't whine about it, thanks to hostel and shrek..
tas ano pa ba.. ah, slave auction slash final rites last wed. thank God hindi ako napunta sa evil clutches ng kung sino man, thanks to my ever-reliable good old friend kiko. for nine slaves, we got almost three thou i think. in other words success sha. :) by the end of the sem, if everything goes well, may almost ten projects kaming natapos. (yehey) which makes cradle a very very fast moving org, not like how some people perceive it to be.
so anyhow (this post is darn much longer than expected) nagsleepover dito sila ren gcel dianne pam at lala kagabi. supposedly slumber party lang sha, pero i guess naging sort of late celebration sha. actually, si bean bean at yung magic sing at yung horror movie dapat yung agenda for the evening kaso one, the stupid magic sing conked out on us and two, we watched ice age 2 and high school musical instead (half-half). i guess yung company yung nagmamatter, kase kumanta kanta parin kame kahit ayaw gumana nung mic tas nakipaglaro pa samin si bean bean kahit past-twelve na. twas fun shempre. oh i posted pictures. puro tadtad ng autism nga lang.. madami pa yan e, kaso yan pa lang yung nauupload. oh darn. at may GA pala sa tues. at gagawin ko pa yung papers. at may exam ako sa monday. at kelangan ko pa magtranslate. kung bakit naman kase wala akong nabiling slave nung slave auction e.. ang mamahal na kase ng mga inabot ng iba. hindi na carry ng budget ko. kaya gagawin ko lang lahat without any help. *rolls eyes*
~17h01~
gore fest
may ginawa na naman akong katangahan. tanga tanga talaga. nakaschedule nako e.. darn talaga. sinira ko na naman. dapat m145 nako thursday after class, but no, lumabas pa ako after class tapos paguwe nanood pa kme hostel sa room... bobing talaga. shempre hindi ako makatulog pagatapos. so kelangan ko manood nalang ng shrek para mejo gumaan gaan ung mga papanaginipan ko that night. well if i suck sa exam on tuesday, i really would not be surprised. exaggeratory talaga yung movie in fairness. as in freakin groze man. true, mejo simple yung plot and stuff. pero disturbing talaga. sabe ng prof ko sa german nung summer wala daw kwenta yung movie. hindi siguro sha mashado naapektohan ng pagka-inhumane ng story. hindi ko talaga carry. heart wrenching scenes sa torture chamber. apart from that strictly for adults only scenes. swear talaga, from now on i'll stick to shrek.
~21h58~
dread
shempre asa dorm ako ngayon.. ppt sa biofuels sana inaatupag ko kaso the clock just struck twelve and a horrifying thought arrived. (yuck, exagg naman, hindi naman talaga horrifying) three days nalang.. promise talaga, hindi ako natutuwa and or naeexcite. tingin ko lang magiging madilim yung araw na yon (if I could have a penny for each time I say that). well actually, mahirap na mapansin yon, I mean yung kadiliman in its literary sense, kase asa zoo kame (unless daw umulan, in which case magiging dead obvious na yung kadiliman ng day), kase tingin ko kahit pano mag-eenjoy ako sa pagtingin sa lions and monkeys and tigers ang ostriches and giraffes. :) kahit itago ko pa. haha.
wala lang, it has been a really happy and peaceful year (thanks to beany) pero darn naman. it went by so goddamn fast and it sure does mark the end of a blissful (?) season. pero actually, pwede naman natin maextend diba. kaso well shempre, the order of things would not permit that anymore. darn talaga. hindi na valid excuse yung "bata pa naman ako" or "hindi ko kase alam" or "hindi ko kelangan malaman yan". wala pa nga akong alam tungkol sa bank stuff at tax stuff at kung pano exactly pumunta sa paranaque (e like, katabi lang niya yung las pinas). pero at least naghheels nako. un lang. saka marunong nako magluto ng french toast. pero hindi pa pala ako marunong mag-on ng stove. hindi kasi electric yung sa bahay. it's an antique. so I guess sandwiches nalang or salad hanggang forever. oh dreadful dreadful years ahead. nagpahula ako sa cradle app kanina, mas magaling kase shang manghuhula kesa saken. tama lahat sabe nya, I guess. may dndread daw ako. saken lang, lahat naman siguro ng tao may dindread? oh well.
nga pala, hindi ko na iuuwi yung circle sa bahay sa Friday. kase cradle na yung iuuwi ko next Friday. good luck nalang sa pagkasha ng thirty or so people sa bahay then. basta at least ako lang yung nakakaalam kung saan yung candies and food and stuff. mejo wala nga lang chickens and ducks and horses and werewolves don. oh well.
~00h39~
tickets
yes!!! tapos nako. :) teehee. thanks to apol's boyfriend. actually kelangan ko kase magbenta ng 150 tickets for CRAdLe's cake raffle, costing one peso each. apol bought twenty (a small amount, but nobody else is buying, so i was dead grateful). tas wala na. may mga nagpromise ng tipong five tickets, pero obviously, 150 is so far away. na-accept ko naren yung fact na ako din yung bibili. kase halos lahat ng friends ko na pwede ko pagbentahan nirecruit ko sa cradle, so lahat sila nagbebenta din.
fortunately, apol offered to have her boyfriend buy some. at aba, 100 daw bibilhin nya....!!! *teethy smile* nahiya hiya naman ako, kase kaya ata sha ganun ka generous kase may atraso sha kay apol tas saken. saka siguro plus points naren. anyhow, seventy nalang bibigay ko sa kanya. (nahiya daw..) so i guess having sisters who have boyfriends has its own perks. :)
slave auction na namin on aug 30. iniisip ko pa kung papayag ako maging alipin or not. well the org needs money. pero busy narin kase, one month nalang colloquium na. and there's that possibility na errrmmm "unpleasant" yung magiging slave owner mo. like hell no. pag-isipan ko nalang. siguro before the auction starts i'll look around and if there's no errrm unpleasant looking person, edi sige. hayy nako, things i do for cradle.
~19h57~
delinquency
asa brink yata ako ng bagong phase... kase parang ggraduate na, so sinisimot yung mga hindi ko nagawa na gusto ko sana gawin. last tuesday, after our cradle GA sumama ako sa inuman. and to think that i don't drink. ewan ko kung anong invisible force meron. school night pa man din. at violation yon kase ten pm yung curfew. went home at twelve. at maaga pa yon, kase hinatid lang kame tas bumalik sila ulit sa drews. kelangan lang talaga namen ni pam umuwe, kase after twelve, the next time the doors open is at 6. ang loser talaga. like i said, kumbento. actually mabigat nga yung feeling ko. kaya lang din siguro ako sumama kase like whatever. basta. so i guess i should swear that it won't ever happen again. lamo yon, the kind of thing stupid people do, right before making it as far as they aimed. kaso nag"threaten" si hani na manood ng butterfly effect this coming week. like what nice friends.. sa sequel pa talaga ng favorite movie e... sa week pa talaga before ng exams. uhhh kj o foolish. pick quick...
hayy lamo ba nasira ko yung ceiling fan last week. as in yung ceiling fan na andito na since pinanganak ako.. pano kase may shinoo-shoo akong lizard. e natamaan ng towel yung fan. so nahulog yung isang part ng propeller. nakakahiya. so hindi na sha ma-on. kase hindi na balanced yung weight. 'swy nagtitiis ako ngayon, kase hindi naman ako pwede magreklamo. nakakahiya lang talaga. kase hindi ako ever pinagsabihan ng dad ko. ang bait bait kasi nila e. had a talk with my roommate about that. narealize ko na sa lahat ng times na super convinced ako na ang evil ng parents ko, tanga pala ako. *sigh*
yey walang pasok sa monday. :) *singsong* i'm gonna go and sho-op. and buy beany's swing. her teeth are all coming out. mukha narin shang bungisngis pag tumatawa at last. hehe.
~23h48~
heels
actually nasulat ko na to late friday night.. ay saturday na pla yon. kaso namatay yung computer. had sumthing to do with the powersource whatever jargon i'll never ever understand. kaya pinaayos. anyhow, horoscope sa news said my timing could not be sweeter and i should recognize that thick slice of luck somewhere. so kanina, fourth quarter ng uaap, on ko tv. aba in fairness nananalo up. tas biglang tupanks. less than a minute matatalo na naman sila. i really hate to admit this, kase baka bigyan na ako ng mga fanatics ng death threats, pero malas talaga ako.. so i guess yung thick slice of luck was a thick slice of bad luck. so pinatay ko yung tv. now i dunno who won.
anyhow malapit na birthday ko pero you know what's even more exciting..? Beany's first birthday..! :) shempre walang kaduda duda, ioovershadow non yung akin, pero ano ba naman kase yung twentieth (uggghhh that is so cringey) kumpara sa first diba. bale on the day before my birthday, may sort of party, of course not for me, but for the luckiest prettiest baby in the world. (actually ako na ata in charge sa clowns and entertainment and noise kase punta sa bahay yung circle. at least some of them.) tapos on my birthday, which is a sunday, we'll go sa tagaytay - sa zoo. still obviously for beany. ngrmfgrmmggrmph. mejo nakakatawa narin isipin. sa zoo. sige. :) actually id be more than happy to spend my special day commemorating the day beany was given to atebem and her boyfriend mic. nakakaweird lang.. sa zoo. sa zoo. hahaha. so i suppose hindi na namin papasukin yung lizard cave or whatever they call 'hell' there. for my sake man lang? well whatever. apol and i have got to go to the mall and buy beany a swing set. next weekend daw. sana walang exam so i could go and shop. haven't done shopping for the longest time. baka eto na yung start ng pagiging mature ko. blech.
i tried wearing heels last week. kelangan ko na daw kase matuto ulit. for work. *cringe*. so anyhow, since never ako nagheels sa school for like almost three years, it was particularly hard. so anyhow nung monday was about to wear a four year old pair, tas buti nalang as in buti hindi ako tanga, pinractice ko sha sa bahay. tas ewan ko kung erosion whatever lang yon or kung bumigat ako or kung naging intolerable lang para sa mga heels yung mga paa kong loyal sa flats, kase nasira yung heels. buti na sa bahay kesa sa school. i would have died. so i tried again last thursday, with a different four year old pair and everything went fine. until nalaman ko na naubusan nako ng chocolate crackers and i had to buy some. so kasama ko si adong tas mahaba haba din yung nilakad namin a... kaya naging temporarily dead yung mga paa ko at the end of the day. ill try temporarily killing my feet again this week. hopefully by the end of the month sanay na sila maging temporarily dead.
russian oral exam went well. nung fri. written exam on tues. actually interestingly weird yung russian, kaso naman. i'll need about three years para matuto man lang magstart ng conversation. bale in a sense sinayang ko lang yung elective. sobrang sure ako hindi ko naman kase to matututunan by october. i don't even know how to spell numbers yet. actually, ngayon ko lang narealize, hindi ko rin pala alam yung good morning. at wait. hindi ko rin alam yung i'm very pretty. hindi ko talaga to matututunan.
late na pala and tomorrow's a school day. and it's raining. mayamaya anjan na yung chorus ng mga palaka.. how groze. halata pa man din na ang damidami nila. imagine mo sa garden lang considering na ganun sila kalakas kumanta, siguro mga fifty silang tatambay don. *cringe* natatangahan ka na naman saken noh. knconsume kase mashado ng latex yung almost depleted brain power ko. hirap kase gumawa ng graph using this deadening program.*sigh* sige na, one could appear stupid enough.
~23h02~
guilty
Soooo busy last week kasalanan kase ng pesteng uaap na yan.. E naprove ko naman nang malas ako as in really kase last thursday nanalo up. and i wasnt there. how obvious can it get.. E shempre bilang isang tapat na mag-aaral dapat hindi nako manood as in ever kaso kelangan. may game ulit sila sa sunday.. we'll see.
dad's sick. for a week now. tipong ayaw magsubside ng fever. tapos ang daming problema... blood pressure daw and yadda yadda and i really hate listening to it kase aside from wala naman akong magagawa kundi palalain ang situation, i know some of it's my goddamn fault. e nung kinwento ni mumi saken mejo sort of problems between dad and atebem yung lumalabas na reason, at least as she sees it. tas pag-uwi i was like, "holy moron, walang nakakaalala, ako kaya yung pinakamalditang sumagot kay daddy tuwing nag-aaway kame.." hayy nako talaga.. kung alam ko lang na nakakasama sa health ng tao yung mga away away na ganyan... dati kase hindi ako naniniwala sa bio books. anyhow bukas pa malalaman kung ano ba meron, kase we dunno what gives. errm i think he's never been sick this long. hayy grabe. i'm sorry as the pope is religious.
tas naaawa din ako kay mumi. kase since dad couldn't drive apple and me to school and atebem to work, edi si mumi na gagawa non. jusko naman. tas to add to that ang dami pa saken sinabi ni mumi na nakakaiyak na mga stuff sa car. buti nalang hindi ako mahilig umiyak, kaya hindi nakakahiya. sabe niya she misses pisay daw kahit hindi sha naging student don kase napaka special daw sa kanya na andun ako. (sniffle) tas naaalala pa raw niya yung first time ever na dun ako matutulog sa dorm tas ayaw daw niya tumigil mag-ayos ng room ko kase ayaw daw niya ako bitawan.. hehehe. inamin naman niya na overprotective kase sha tas feeling niya super paslit pa ako non. like ok.. pero ang sweet lang. hindi ko naman na kase sha nakakabond e.just goes to show how stupid people like me take life (and people) for granted. hayy sad.
cradle orientation went well. at least may masayang kwento. ang babait talaga ng members namen... na pumunta. sa mga hindi pumunta na walang excuse or fake yung excuse, you suck. hinde joke lang. pero hindi nga. what the hell. hindi na dapat iniisip yung wala don. anyhow we have a tamabayan naren. which means dun na yung interview. that reminds me..ay shucks naiwan ko yung folder sa dorm... oh darn. teka may tatawagan ako.
~22h50~
kulang
i'm going to have to stay up late again.. grabe, kahit anong gawin ko, may kulang ako.. may hindi ako maintindihan.. un na lang kulang sa thesis e.. pag nakasalubong ko si mam ocampo tatanungin ko sha i swear.
something i learned today. in my life i extend deadlines about as fast as bob bryar hits stuff. siguro dahil naren sa incompetence ng mga tao, usually ako din yon. pero since human nature na sisihin ang iba, edi ganun nga. sana lang mabilis ako mag-adjust ng iba pang deadlines after extending one kase nakakabwiset na talaga.....arrrrggghhh.
natalo na naman pala up kanina.. nanood kase ako kahit na hindi pa tapos yung war namen ng panahon. secret lang to a... *whisper* i think i jinxed them.. promise talaga.. kase nung tinignan ko sa tv, ten points pa lamang ng up. tas after 5 minutes of watching, four points nalang... tas nung pumunta nako sa stadium, oh good grief, lumamang na yung adamson. in the end, dapat sambahin nako ng adamson kase nanalo sila. actually hindi naman ako ganun kapassionate sa uaap, since wala naman na ung lasalle, kaso shempre since andun ako, with all the excitement and stuff, maganda naren siguro na hindi muna ako maging traitor or sumthing for a while. well ayon, natalo sila. balak ko pa man din manood na ng buo pag tipong asa semifinals na. dumadating kase ako sa stadium when there's no more than three minutes left on the clock. (secret lang). cheerleading kase e. well actually si apol kase nanood din sa tv nung mga huling part, so i guess nagatungan pa niya ung present bad luck ng up. si apol kase talaga ang pinaka badluck charm sa sports e. as in really. well for the sake of my new found preference to root for up, sana manalo sila. *whisper* kaso like good luck nalang kase feu ung susunod na game. good grief.
ay wala pala pasok bukas.. edi maganda, i can extend one deadline, ung pagsimulang mag-aral sa 128.that is, kung immove ni yung exam. *sigh* kelangan ko pa magpareserve sa balay kalinaw.. tas may problema pa pala sa reg tungkol sa isang form5 ko. oh dernn. tsk wrinkles, wrinkles.
~22h38~
blahdiblah
alam ko, july paren. gusto ko bumilis... tama na tong college na to..pero actually gusto ko din nga mas bumagal ung days.. kase and dami pa kulang sa thesis...two months nalang.. wala pa akong c program at chinese remainder.. but i'm working on it.. un nga lang wala akong nadagdag sa thesis this week kahit isang dot... pano kase inaway ako ng panahon. and this is one of those times when im really thankful i have a few good friends. tipong pupunta sa mercury kahit dead late na. o pupunta sa math kase nagpapasabe ka na magaabsent ka.. or sasamahan ka kase nahihiya ka mamili ng fruits mag-isa. tas tipong kahit inaway mo na ng sobra tutulungan ka paren.. mababait pala talaga sila.. and although i know i'm not, babawi talaga ako sa kanila bigtime.
so anyway before coming home i was kind of irritated about the fact na hindi ako makakalapit kay beanbean kase baka mahawa sha. pero nung umuwi ako, aba.. may sakit din sha. so pwede parin kame maglaro, buti nalang. well actually hinde, anong klaseng tao ba naman ako. pero basta. yun na nga lang habol ko sa weekends e..
anyway nainterview pala ako ng rpn nung thursday.. would you believe sa lahat ng taong pwede nila lapitan ung tao pang hindi nagbabasa ng newspaper..? kung sa monday nila ako tatanungin baka may alam nako tungkol sa lebanon, pero kahapon, good grief. but nalang may nasagot ako, ayaw kase kami tantanan. kaso may pasingit pa na *whisper* "magulo ba sa lebanon..?" hayy nako.. sana lang hindi na nila isama yon, or if ever sa 3am news nalang sha lumabas or sumthing. kakahiya.
so anyhow naluluha na ulit mata ko... bad pc.
~00h46~
long time
hayy july paren. actually wala sana akong plan magpost kaso naoverestimate ko ang tolerance ko for boring stuff. nagbabasa kase ako ng mga inupload ni sir na lecture sa envsci. good grief. ang dami pa.. pinapagawa pa pala kame ng reaction paper about the grand inquisitor sa russian. like would you believe..
anyhow so far, my thesis paper's fine. i mean, the hope of passing it still glows. oh and finally, i was able to play with beany. super miss ko na yung pamangkin ko. at lumaki sha, in fairness. at marunong na sha magnose to nose. tas pag tinanong mo sha, "bean bean nag-toothbrush ka na ba?" marunong na sha magshake ng head. teehee. oh and guess what. ewan ko kung anong klaseng pananakot ginawa sa kanya ni lalay pero ayaw na ata niya sa lizards ngayon. well it's about time she realized how horribly repulsive lizards are.
cradle's ok too. in fairness napapansin ko, orglike na kame. (was about to use a different word, kaso narealize ko it sounded really bad.) join up! almost 50 palang kame. bwahahaha. andami.. alam mo naman, magaling kase ako magrecruit. (bweh) hindi nga, 22 ung mga narecruit ko sa 50 na yan. tas may dalawa pang sasali na cheerleading classmates ko. :) ewan ko kung natatakot o nahihiya lang sila saken, pero nonetheless sumali sila. and besides, this is gonna be nothing short of a rewarding experience so walang magsisisi. and another 'besides', wala ngang formal application no. kahit hindi pa makumpleto yung sigsheet. o san ka pa. hehe. o cge na tama na. nabore na din ako sa kakadaldal mentally. ibobore ko nalang ulit sarili ko envsci. at least paibaiba. *sighs*
~01h20~
july
oh it's july. wala lang. i'm supposed to be watching this streetdance concert right about now, kase required for cheerleading. pero since ayoko magweekend stay, edi hinde.. plus next weekend i won't be coming home - stupid uaap. no offense. *sigh*
anyhow, ang dami na nga palang developments ni bean bean. (hindi ko parin sha kayang tawaging miki - miki sha kanila mum and dad) well since last week may two lower front teeth na sha at marunong na sha mag bye bye at tumawag sa phone. pero mejo hindi pa ata sha sanay sa phone kase iniiwan niya ung phone sa tenga niya, i think she thinks didikit yung phone or sumthing. anyhow she can also clap and dance and stand up, pero kakapit parin sa kung saan. saka in fairness, nagsasabe na sha ng "papa" at least that's how it sounds. tas madami na shang alam na words. tipong "bean bean san yung light?" tas titingin sha sa light. alam narin niya yung horse, ball, dog, flower, spiderman, necklace, nose, teddy bear and many many more. tick tock nga lang ung alam niya sa clock. plus eto lang, lizards fascinate her. like wtf.. gusto pa niyang kunin a.. yun lang. yun lang yung feeling kong mali sa kanya. (pero shempre, subjective to kasi baka according to the natural way of things ako pala may mali) like i wouldn't touch one with a ten foot pole. kaya ewan ko, pero hindi talaga sha nagmana saken. yung pagkasuplada lang daw niya.
hayy nako. how's my thesis. it's ok. i think. actually sort of may direction nako, pero this still seems surreal - ung fact na may pag-asa ako pumasa - kaya pinipilit ako ng utak ko maniwala na mali yung intindi ko sa lahat. diba may sense. i know, wala. pero the fact na wala, considering it's me, makes everything sensible. yahuh.. hayy nako God knows how important this is. feeling ng madame hindi ko matatapos. i swear. so i'm trying my damnedest. nakakabwiset nalang talaga pag minsan things i have no control over don't work in my favor. ugh like whatever. basta. everything will work out fine, sabe sa horoscope.
oh russian. who would have thought. sobrang hirap pala niya. *grimace* (speaking of, ang cute cute ni grimace) anyhow. buti nalang hindi ako nag chinese. grabe thank God talaga hindi available yung chinese sa crs, kase mas mahirap pa daw yung sa russian. sa cyrillic yung t mukhang m. ung d, g. ung p, n. lamo yon.. may letters pa na tipong "tvyordi znak" at "myagkis znak". at good luck nman, cursive dapat yung pagsulat. good grief. don't take it, i swear. sakit sa ulo.
gradpic taking is coming up. good luck nalang sa tanline kong t-shirt. may informal kase don na nakagown ka ata or something. whatever.
ang laking kalechehan ng panahon in fairness. i dunno what gives, pero lamig init lamig init lately ang i'm starting to feel sick. nawala ko pa pala sa law building ung pinaka faithful kong pamaypay ever. *sigh*
~22h09~
russian
ay grabe i'm really really really sleepy.. kaso i really need to stay up. for one thing, kelangan ko magtranslate translate ng russian words. good grief. since the letters are like dead different from the latin ones, i have to use a virtual keyboard. so bale hahanapin ko pa dun ung letter. so typing a five letter word takes about a minute. so sinasabay-sabay ko nalang. tipong "the language of the amber apple is the cloud and rain of the star of the lightning of the foreigner's opinion." leche.. pano kase mabilis magsalita prof namen... good grief. pero mabait naman ata. nakalibre ako ng isang 300-page handout kase nagrecite ako ng russian alphabet in front of the class. haha. buti nalang fourth year nako. pakapalan na tayo.
nga pala, sinabihan ako ni kiko na tinuan ko na daw magspell dito sa blog. mahirap daw kase basahin. well kung iisipin naman kase natin, getting used to typing texting-style is bad. *sigh* like fine.
ooh may problema nga pala ako. gagawa kase ako ng c-program tas kelangan ko ung library na pari.h where may functions specially for number theory applications so nagdownload ako ng pari sa net. anyhow, yung nadownload ko is a complete set, kase there's this programming language na gp pari or sumthing, kaya ung compiler nun nadownload ko naren. pero nung nagrun ako ng program sa c compiler ko na may include pari.h, ayaw magrun kase wala daw file na pari.h. pa-enlighten please. kelangan ko ba isave yung buong folder ng pari sa folder ng c or something? gaddemit. pag computers naman kase banban ako. pero in fairness marunong ako manahi. bwehh.. :) hindi nga ako marunong magluto pero at least my future kids would not be sporting shirts with holes on them.
capping kanina ni apol sa southville. so bale officially, she's a registered nurse or sumthing. pero may two years pa sha. so anyhow hindi naman ako sumama, kase i thought i should work on the legendre algorithm, kaso nakipaglaro lang ako kay bean bean. so anyhow what happened was sumabay yung boyfriend niya sa kanilang tatlo nila mum & dad magdinner. kala nila siguro nanliligaw lang kase may gift pa and all, pero nonetheless, pasadong pasado kanila rents. in fairness lang. kaso eto pa. (pasensha na apol, chichismis kita. wala naman may kilala sa inyo e) ung guy bestfriend ni apol and apol and her boyfriend, may sort of smallville story. except lang sa smallville, hindi super friends si clark at si whitney. o diba. super poor guy bestfriend. oh well. that's life. andun pa si apol's guybestfriend nung sumakay sa car namen si apol's boyfriend. arrouch.. too bad nalang talaga.
oh gush hindi kaya ng powers ko. matutulog na ako.
~23h31~
learn
kanina paggising ko direcho nako laro with robyn. pero nung natulog sha, instead of being smart and spending my time wisely (pano kase, kelangan ko na magdownload download ng kung ano anong kalechehan para sa thesis), nag isip nalang ako. how weird. although im kinda sure na binibigyan ko lang ng ibang tawag ung pagpapakatamad at pagpprocrastinate, may pinatunguhan naman sha kahit pano, the thinking i mean.
i learned that i am not gonna get any younger. iksabihin i better stop acting like an adult and start acting like a child. uhhh hindi ka na naniniwala na may pinatunguhan pag iisip ko no..? pano kase narealize ko na ung pagiging mature it comes oh so naturally. kunware, when bean was born, diba nasaksak ung pagiging mature sa mga baga nmen. parang hindi mo naman kelangan maging mature kaagad e. umm lahat ng sinasabe ko mukhang bad-- no, terrible advices. bahala ka. well if you happen to find letting the kid in you out extraordinarily fun , it should work.
i learned that as far as friends go, hindi ka ever mawawalan niyan as long as you've done at least one good thing in your life. if you haven't, uhhh kawawa ka nalang talaga, kase siguro murderer ka since you were like strong enough to hold a knife. im really glad na biniyayaan ako ni God ng friends. madaming acquaintances, madaming close friends, pero only a few proved to be true ones. and i wouldn't ever want to change that. ung tipong hindi ka talaga iiwan kahit ano mangyare peksman. true friend din naman ako if i want to be. *smirks*
consequently, i learned that nothing good ever comes out of loving yourself too much. promise, expert ako jan. although you should know that what you end up with relies on your inner resources, being self-assured is not similar to being vain. vanity, satan's favorite sin. shempre devil's advocate. kaya nga tntry ko na magbago e. hindi ko naman na kelangan nyan, naturally maganda nman nako. (what the...?) hinde, joke lang, as i said, magbabago nako.
i learned that risks may have you swimming in debts and shame, but if your lucky stars are shining, masaya talaga. i swear. iba magcarpe diem. lalo na pag maganda results.... :) tas kung sa poker naman, kahit parati ako nababankrupt, oks na lahat kase dumating na ung pinakamamahal ng lahat na royal flush.
lastly i realized na iba pala ang legendre symbol sa legendre method. how rich. here i am, trying to preserve my juvenile mindset tapos eto ngayon, kelangan ko mag-aral ng bagong factorization method.. *shakes head*
so yun ung narealize ko kanina nung "nag-isip" ako. bwehehe. sana may natutunan kayo. like "hindi ko na kakausapin si elise kahit kelan" or "she's demented". it doesn't really matter. it's a start. :)
~22h57~
last moments of anguish
kung pumasa sa thesis.. im actually very glad, kase kahit pano may chance ako grumad ng maaga. thank God naawa din sakin si sir nable tas pinayagan ako magoverload. actually din, fed up nako sa up. gulat ung friend ni dianne nung sabe ko ayoko na sa up. like for one thing sino ba nman kase hindi mabbwiset sa enrolment na hindi ever tumino. leche. sorry. anyhow plus mejo naaasar nako sa kalakihan ng school and hence the hassle. ironically cheerleading ang pe ko so required akong magoffer ng insincere cheer to show my bogus loyalty. *sigh* . initially nagbridge ako. e lahat naman tayo alam na si caces yon at caces equals 90 percent probability of failing. makikipagpakapalan sana ako, kase gusto ko talaga magcards, kaso biglang sabi nya required magclosed shoes at mag pants. like hell no. kahit hindi nako nagsskirt, hindi ko maaatim na hindi magcapri.
edi sana magjjudo nako, kaso naisip ko din na altho masaya, nakakasira ng get up kse pawis and all. kya cheerleading nalang. sacrifice nalang ng ilang weekends. ung pinakamasakit (yuck... :) ) para saken is that kung kelan mkakapanood nako ng maraming games, saka nman wala ung lasalle. *sigh* unfair. well unfair nga naman kase ung lasalle. pero hindi lang naman sila ung may illegal players no. altho ung up talagang wala. pero sa totoo lang ha, feeling ko up ung may pakana nyan e. pano kse hindi sila mkadaan-daan sa lasalle. de joke lang. anyhow basta ba pumasa without really doing any more thinking.
galing maulan.. kaso maputik tuloy. anyhow ayon, ngaconsult nako ka sir basilla regarding the thesis. and thank God i did that, kase kahit pano nagkailaw na sa dulo ng tunnel. i mean at least hindi nako naiwan sa gitna ng kawalan. at least may deadlines nako at goals. sino nagsabeng dadating ang araw na masarap marinig ung word na deadline. so just so may sinasabi akong may kwenta, ung thesis ko ay paggawa ng algorithm using legendre para makahanap ng solutions for a quadratic deophantine equation tas iaaply sha sa isang c program.. para sa mga hindi pa nageexit sa blog dahil nakakaleche ang math terms, hindi ko pa actually naiintindihan ung gagawin as in really, pero ill get there one way or another.
anywho ngayon ko lang nalaman na iba pala ung c programming sa linux at sa windows. God help me. ung latex cd na binigay saken hindi pa gumagana. ugh. ay malapit na mag12. nakakatamad na palitan pa ung date and stuff kaya sige, gudnyt.
~23h57~
magic sing
bumili sila ng magic sing. how weird. in fairness lang last weekend ngkatotoong family time kme.. Lahat kami kumanta. Kahit kelangan nila ako bigyan ng death threat. pero sa totoo lang hindi naman sha nkakahiya. kase once you start singing, kahit pano kakapal naman na mukha mo. oh and i topped them all. (at since blog ko to, kung may naaasar sa kayabangan edi shoo. bwehehehe.) hindi nga. ang kapal pa ng mukha namen ni apol. kase nung nagstart sila atebem kumanta, naasar pa kme. tipong "oh they're so pathetic" at "hindi ako ever kakanta pa andito sila" tapos kame pa ung naiwan na kumakanta sa huli. how weird. and to think na pag may nagvvideoke sa mga kapitbahay nakikikipaglaban ako gamit ang cradle of filth with a very very deafening volume. im a hypocrite.
so anyhow pumunta pala kame kanina sa sm mall of asia. ung biggest mall whatever shooshoo. just for the sake of seeing it. sige, in fairness lang malaki nga sha saka maganda ung stores. i mean khit pano kumpleto ung mga gusto ko (ok, so actually maganda para saken lang pala) tas astig (dead word) din ung structural design chka malinis (malamang kse bago). kaso una, amoy isda. katabi kase ung bay and all. tas dahil biggest mall sha, shempre madaling maligaw. tas ako pa ung ngkkwento, so talagang nakakaligaw as in really. imagine mo nalang ung pressure sa kasama ko, which was apol. last and certainly not the least, grabe shit talaga andaming tao. in fairness nagkamigraine pa nga si apol e. dunno kung may kinalaman, pero kunwari nalang. tas nkakabwiset. dami dami dami pang bata. oks nman saken ung mga bata, kaso kase maliit sila e. (alam ko maliit ako pero how dare you mas maliit paren sila) tas andalas nila mambunggo. tas malikot pa sila and all. hindi ko nman maintindihan, kase anlakilaki na nga ng mall, pero everywhere, nkakaiyak tumingin kse parang concert. jusko. ayoko pa man din sa tao. nakakatakot ung snatchers at disease. (not now.. like hindi maaafford ng acads ko na magkasakit ako) tas sabe pa ni apol, kung may one million na tao non, one thousand ung may disease. saka God knows kung gano kalaki galit ko sa mga nanunulak. as apol said, minsan nkakahiya daw ako kasama (what a sister). kase pag may nanunulak namumura ko. unintentional nman yon, kaso minsan masakit ung curses na nababato ko. *sigh* evil nga siguro ako. ayh nako. the sad news is hindi kame nkapunta dun sa 3d na movie theater. forgot what they call it. basta un. may lazy boy din daw pala don. kelangan kase mag mass. (i know evil ako, but hearing mass is still important) ayun pa. jusko, anlaki nga ng parking, pero punong puno. sa 6thflr tuloy kame napadpad. tas antagal makapark at makaalis kase traffic tas andaming tangang nagttriple park kaya masikip tas layo pa ng iikutin (tas traffic pa nga). hayy nako, isam beses manonood kame ng 3d na movie tas hindi nako babalik don. unless tipong sure na wala mashadong tao. hayy nakoh. kakaantok na.
~23h05~
bullcrap
ayy naman talaga. got the crs results today.. dalawa nalang kulang ko, m199 at isang mst. banaman talaga. dapat meron nako bio 1 e, kaso dahil sa kadayaan ng crs, it's gone. so ewan ko kung pano ako mghahanap ng mst at magaappeal ng case ko na kelangan ko as in really. sana pwede pa sa geol. in fairness lang nagrussian ako... bwehehehe. kulang nlang italian at spanish. oh and btw, kung sinong magaling at mighty outdated jan na may cd ng c programming i really really really need one.. naghanap sila atebem kanina kaso wala daw talaga. pano kase inaamag na yon. may c plusplus na nga and all. *sigh*
nga pla, c bean bean may two tiny teeth na. as in liit. as in li-eeeeet. 3/4 of a year old na sha. at malaki na sha in fairness. Nakakaupo na magisa tas madami na sha alam, thanks to us. :)
ugh anjan na si school ulit. how short the vacation. and i basically wasted it. well hindi nman.. trying to master the art of bumming around is not exactly wasting it. ayy shucks nkakagutom.
~20h25~
meine ente
Meine ente Taz hat heute sterben. Bale iksabihin nyan My duck Taz died today. Nakakalungkot lang. He's almost nine years old pero super malakas paren sha, although half blind na sha, kaya hindi na sha pinapalabas sa cage kase baka pumunta sha dun banda kanila Hunde tas baka magfiesta lang sila Bonbon at Cauchy. *sigh* naaawa din ako don, kay Taz i mean. Kase for 8 years ambait bait nya kahit im sure minsan malungkot sha kase wala nman shang kasamang duck. hayy nako. tas hindi ko naman din sha mashadong napapansin kase dami ginagawa... which made me decide to never have a pet ever again. ay hindi naman, siguro til im 30.. how sad.
~15h11~
summer classes
ugh.. hindi mo alam kung anong klaseng hell pinagdaanan ko this summer. grabbbbbbehhhh. kung di mo alam, (pinapaalam ko kase sa lahat para maging maintindihin sila sa mukha kong parang dawn of the dead) overload ako tas may pe pa. so bale 7-5 ako ngpapaka kawawa everyday. tas since camping ung kinuha ko, for two sets of weekends wala din akong tulog. and to think na last year makikipagpatayan muna ako bago ako gumising earlier than 10. well anyhow hindi naman ako nagrereklamo talaga, kase tapos na sha for one saka kelangan ko naman kase sha gawen. hinanakit lang siguro sa super kawawang nangyare sa mukha ko.
actually umitim pako and all dahil "beacheneering" ung dalawang camping trips. masaya nman and all kse may snorkel snorkel pa and surfing and stuff. kaso talagang nakakaitim plus naghike pa e malamang naka t-shirt ako. so ung tanline ko parang tanga. kase pang-tshirt. jusko. so anyhow tapos na yon. pero sa totoo lang ha, i swear on nicolas cage's grave na hinding hindi nako maghihike ever. talaga. isa ako sa pinakamukhang nalugi pagtapos ng hike. it would have been fun, maybe. kung hindi ganito kapathetic yung resistance ko sa init.. in fairness, habang naghhike namamaypay ako. mukhang tanga i know, pero id rather na malagay ako sa panganib dahil isang kamay nlang ung available for making kapit if ever mahulog ako than endure the veryveryververyvery cruel heat. jusko bow nalang talaga sa up mountaineers. bow talaga.
so anyhow masaya din german. as in really. what bothers me though is the fact na madami kame sa portuguese class ko, kung san ung teacher is like a major dalampasigan (i mean it. para shang si cruella) tas sa german na super magaling at mabait ung prof nmen, 8 lang kme. sandamakmak ung nagdrop nung first day kase. weird people, they couldn't tell that the class was going to be super fun. anyway, ung chem uhh whatever. pero ung portuguese ung pinaka sucky sa lahat. ung prof grabe. bawal magtanong. i swear. papagalitan ka. so kung magsspan or port ka, wag mo kunin ung kay verano. hate her. 7 am palang sirang sira na araw ko i swear. tas knina nung finals, tinapos ko ng maaga ung exam kse tatlo ung exams ko tas nung nagpaalam ako umuwe pinagalitan ako. banaman diba...? actually hindi ko naiintindihan.. hindi nman sha old maid. altho she looks like one. pero lamo un, nagimbento na nga ako ng story na ung next exam ko 9am e. (7-9 kse exam nmen sa portuguese) nagalit paren. pano daw kase mamimigay pa daw sha ng portuguese egg tarts sa class and stuff. wtf diba?? in fairness nung mga 905a inend na niya ung exam tas ako una niya pinapili ng egg tart. saka in fairness masarap ung portuguese egg tarts which were as she said, muito caro. hindi man lang niya chineck sa sched kung may exam nga ba tlga at 9am. wala nga ata e. sucker.
anyhow nakakahilo na talaga. last week i dressed as if the washing machine conked out on me. la na kase energy para intindihin pa ung suot kase pano ba naman wala na din nmang sense ung mukha.
so anyhow may bago kme puppy. at cauchy name nya. bwehehehe. this coming from me, na madami nang nireklamo sa math. e wala e. alangan naman cubby. un kasi gusto ni atebem. cauchy's better.
antawag dito, tas last week nagabsent pa pala ako. sa totoo lang, kaya ako nagabsent kse nakalimutan ko ung dapat isusuot ko for lastweek's wednesday. pero sa totoo lang din, masama na kase feeling ko tas feeling ko bka mahimatay nalang ako habang naglalakad or sumthing. e nakakahiya naman yon. pero actually kung iisipin mo din, it's the same baloney kase pwede nman ako bumili ng wednesday attire kaso mejo panget na ung feeling ko. or pwede nman ako hindi mahimatay sa daan kaso wala kong wednesday attire. ay nkakatanga. you're face is probably aghast already. kaya ka nga nagbblog para mas magiling ka magayos ng thoughts mo and stuff e. iba siguro talaga pag madaldal ka saka mareklamo. i don't think may effect.
so anyhow ayon, nagfound pla kami ng bagong org. (hhhwwwaaat....???) hehehe hindi nga. actually hindi pa naman sha super approved kse sa june pa ata yon or sumthing. kaso as good as approved naman na sha. thanks to ren. sha naman kasi talaga nakaisip as in talaga. um-oo lang kme. and besides, it's one org im sure na hindi pang socialan lang. pero actually magkakabonding activity kame pero i swear isa lang. just for the sake of having one. saka para mas magkakilala ung ibang hinde. diba? magulo na ulit ung sentence structure ko. anyhow kase andun ung circle, ilang math tas ilang pisay tas ilang frat tas ilang psych tas ilang friends pa nung lahat ng yan. so bale madami dami naren pala kame. ay what am i doing. blog ko pla toh. pwede pla ako magadvertise. oh shit, hindi ko papala nasabi kung anong org sha. bale UP Cradle, a child welfare org - Children's Rights Advocates League (how smart diba? thanks to Jerome) so malamang hindi ko na kelangan magexplain kase alam nyo naman kung ano iksabihin ng child welfare. tas madali lang makapasok kase napakasupergrabe mabait ung memcom head. at maganda. saka hazing at costume at initiation thingamajiggs..? asa ka. wala kame time for power tripping. saka we really need people kase we're aiming to raise funds agad for team building and being recognized at doing an outreach. bleh bleh. e shempre kelangan non ng man power. so yon. antawag dito, ung mga magagaling at mababait na sasali, sabihin nyo nalang. un nga lang required maging active. duh. san ba hinde. ay ang haba nman nito.
ay oo nga pla, ung stupidang crs mandurugas. may mga upperclassmen daw na babawian nila ng slots kse nagkamalimali sila ng stuff. goodluck nlang sa kanila pa ako kasali don. sana lang talaga makakuha ako ng aikido. im veryvery skeptical about bridge. bumagsak daw pala kase ung isa naming batchmate tas yon. pero kung wala na talaga, edi no choice. saka kadiri,til 530 ako pag fri. un lang kse sched ng m145. how poor.ui 1 am na pla. kawawa nman body clock ko. sabog na sabog na. sige ha. weird lang, parang andami kong nasabe tas ang quick ng closing remarks. oh well. ayan, napahaba ko by discussing it.
~01h11~
diet enforced
sa lahat ng taong pwedeng magkarestrictions sa food bat ako pa. my shark. may gall stones daw ako. or kidney stones or whatever the f*** it is. or magkapareho ba yon. *sigh* everything's just so sad. ewan ko.. unless.. they're lying to us again.. (previous post) well understandable din naman kase ibang usapan ung nuts saken, tipong isang upuan lang ung buong jar. lalo na pag tipong pistachios.. grabe. won't stop til hands are wounded. bwehe. hindi nga. anyhow and although im not fond of maalat foods i do eat a considerably large amount of salted candies... strawberry tape wow grabe. pero wala yon kumpara sa ddami ng ibang candies at chocolates na kinakain ko duh... i guess na shock lang ako. diabetes mejo maiintindihan ko. pero kidneystones like whatever. anyhow so last night kelangan pumunta hospital kase the pain was like pilipit worthy. tas as it turns out ayun nga. pero i swear hindi parin kapanipaniwala kase malakas ako sa water e. dammit. napakakagaguhan na si atebem at apol na hindi ever kumakain ng gulay at panay inom carbonated drinks ay mas healthy pa pala sakin. oh well. but then i'd rather it was me than them.
omg in fairness andaming bawal... nuts (un talaga ung masakit sa heart) condiments icedtea juice beans salty sour anything... wtf siguro try ko nalang to live on water and bread til i die. so anyhow mgpapaultrasound pa ako bukas to know how grave this diet-enforcing illness is. and ikinatutuwa ko lang ay bawal din ako sa atay at banana. hahahahhahahahah like im gonna eat any of that anyway.
so anyhow my room is halfpainted bright purple hahahahahaha ang ganda ganda to the nth power. kaso halfpainted kse dapat this morning itutuloy kaso kasalanan nung mga stupidang bato. so anyhow its the prettiest room in the world. kulang nlang talaga ung other half. bweh. hayy nako. well madali nlang siguro yon. classes are almost here. stupid summer inet.
~15h48~
horror over
thank God tapos na ung enlistment. bwiset nga lang kse ang gulo gulo nung sa math.. ugh. naapprove ung petition sa cryptography tas (although it will so totally ruin my sleeping time) 7-9am daw. tas SURE na daw. as in really. as in ten times nila sinigurado. edi sige. muwi kme early nung first day kase the next day pa raw magagawang official ung class. tas the next day, i was there by 9 am, pano kase un na lang ung kelangan ko tas bayad na. unfortunately magulo pa daw (so we were told) at hindi pa macontact ung dapat macontact (ung prof) at baka mabago bago pa ung time. and that was enormously horrendous for me kase nine units ako e. that meant tuloy tuloy na 7-5 ung classes ko everyday. so since un na lang inaantay ko, 7-9 na lang ung open timeslot sa sched ko. which i made a point to clear kase nga sinabe the day before that na un na ung time. so since id rather die than wait til 3 (at the earliest), napilitan nako kumuha nalang ng isa pang foreign lang. e since konti lang ung mga available 7-9 classes, portuguese na lang kinuha ko... hehehe :) ang cool noh.. romance language. masaya siguro. i mean masaya sana. kaso sa sobrang katangahan ng buhay at availability ng mga stupidang subjects na magsswack sa sched ko, may german din ako. so within a month or so dalawang euro lang ung kelangan ko matutunan. tingnan nalang naten kung hindi magkandaleche leche utak ko. at aba, may pe pako. at may chem pa.. so kung iisipin naten, since jargon ung chem saken, 3 languages ung aatupagin ko. oh darn. to think na roommates ko pa sila ren gcel at monch sa summer. so patay na. at may thesis pa akong sisimulan. patay na talaga. next time you see me, oh shit dawn of the dead na talaga ito ... ngrrrmfff.
anyway sumama saken si keiser magenroll nung monday. hahaha.. in fairness ambait nyang bata. twice lang sha nagreklamo. so since i banned him from playing ps at home (kase nabura nya ung pinaghirapan kong maperfect na tarzan... bweh) i lifted the ban off.. kaso ang kulet nakikiclose sha sa mga tao sa gym, nkikigamit ng pc and stuff. oh he's 9. he's staying with us for the summer. actually ewan ko. pinagpipilitan kase nya na hanggang may 19 sha dito, e sabi saken next week uuwi na sha.. so shempre mas papaniwalaan ko ung bata.
hayy nako this means no jujitsu for me. kelangan ko kse magising everyday ng 6. so kelangan ko matulog everyday at 7. hahahaha as if. hayyyy shit. talaga. hinde, kaya. five weeks lang ako maghihirap kayang kaya tiisin. bweh.
ay alamo ba bean bean has tb. i swear. ay hnde, primary sumthing sumthing daw. na pwede magdevelop into tb. pero duh, wala nman no. hayy nako. porke nagkukunwari silang may bago na silang medical devices dahil "mas advanced" na daw sila, magiimbento na sila ng kung anong symptoms tas may kung anong grave na sakit na daw. like whatever. feeling ko pagnagpacheck up ako sa kanila pagbibintangan nila kong may alzheimer at multiple sclerosis at adie's at kung ano pa e. duh. *whispers* never trust them.
hayy nako. guess hindi ako muna magppost for at least a month. *sigh*
~16h45~
a-churning
o, may kalechehan na nmang nangyare. nagssulat na nman ako ng to-post. kaso namatay na naman ung pc magisa. so cge, cge, cguro may sinusulat akong hindi ko dapat isulat. kaya blessing in disguise siguro yon. anyhow, antawag dito. kanina tungkol sa grades ung mga sinulat ko, and since (bwiset yan o, ay sorry issingit ko lang, kase to ginagawa ko ngayon.. kakasimula pa lang ng preenlistment puno na kagad ung demand ng 162.. ano ba namang kabulastuganan to...? online na nga bakawan parin.. is it just me, or super excited ang mga tao sa math..? pag ako naubusan ng slot sa 162 humanda manda sila.. oohh s*** magkasabay ung 162 at 128.. enlistment is indeed a very very revolting experience.) so anyhow ano na sinasabe ko... ayon. since im assuming na ung mga sinulat ko kanina ay hindi dapat isulat (i think i said the exact same words) edi hindi ko na isusulat. im sure you noticed how madami akong pinagsasabing hindi kailangan.
anyhow, antawag dito, ung wrestlemania pala, sa 21 pa ipapakita sa jack. how unfair... actually nung april 1 pa naman, sha, pero since napaka late ng buhay naten, 3 weeks later pa sha mpapakita sa philippines, kung kelan may pasok na. jusko. babalik na naman sa ilang. oh gush. well, hindi naman masama ang ilang, except sa certain obnoxious people lying around. hindi lang nya umm taglay ung comfort na deserve ng isang stressed out up student.
oh and speaking of ilang. alam mo bang may nangyaring super bad...? naalala mo ung ginawa kong masama sa mall na may kinalaman sa bubblegum..? (see karma) ay grabe.. hindi po sha small karma.. it's an enormously horrifyingly dreadful manifestation of karma. kase to continue the story, diba nakatapak akong bubblegum. edi kumuha lang ako ng kung anong paper sa wallet tas ginamit kong pantanggal. kase walang ibang available paper. tas actually, receipt sha sa dorm. napansin nga ni mumi e. kaso confidently sinabe ko hindi na sha kailangan. well, lo and behold, hindi narecord ng dorm ung isa kong pagbayad ng dorm fee. at kung sana may receipt, edi maayos. kaso well sa ikinagaling ng tadhana, ung pinangtanggal ko ng bubblegum ung kailangang receipt. so mga nakatatlong balik ako sa pnb (at take note, dahil ngmamadali ako, an ikot ride wouldn't do, i had to freakin walk) just to find out na wala silang record nung payment na yon. i dunno what gives, pero im really so overly totally sure na nagbayad ako. well sabi ni ren, nangyyare naman talaga yon, pero sa gitna ng susunod na sem, that payment usually turns up, tas mgkakaexcess na pera tas marerefund. sabe niya.
well anyway supposedly, wala nako ibang choice kundi magbayad ulit ng ilang libo kaso buti nalang napakabait na friend ni ren, kase since nagbabayad naman sha non ng mga kulang niya, binayaran nalang nya ung akin tas ibigay ko nalang daw sa kanya pag narefund na. hayy nako, forever ako magiging thankful. pero karma parin yon. kase wasted time, wasted effort, wasted pawis, plus muntik nako maheart attack. hayy nako. sabe ko na e.
anyhow kaya lang naman ako nagpupuyat kase natatakot ako sa room ko, pano tinanggal ko lahat ng posters at pictures at kung anu-anong kaartehan kase mum promised to have my room painted next week. shempre.. bright yellow...! ugh shempre bright purple. para mas gumanda paggising ko. at pagtulog. at paglaro. at pagkain. and stuff. e yon. so mejo mukha na shang hospital ngayon. freaky. pro since mejo naantok nako,i guess oks na bumalik don.
~01h58~
liar liar
Actually nagpost ako kgabe. bale thursday night. pero hinde, friday morning na pala yon (as i said, nasira ng exams ung body clock) tamo, one thirty am na. so anyhow, e ung tangang computer naghang. habang nagcchat pako. nagmukha tuloy akong bastos, plus nasayang pa ung paggather ko ng thoughts. well hindi ko na mauulit. kaya magppost nalang ako ulit. hayy nako how haba the intro. un lang pala sasabihin.
anyhow, ayon. attended jujitsu session last wed, and it was fine fine. kaso ung mga pasa, anjan na nman. hindi naman ako balat sibuyas talaga e. kaso siguro mayabang lang ako kaya nilalakasan ko ung hits kahit masakit na. which means tanga din ako. pero si sensei naman kasi patol din ng patol. naman ung repercussions ng mga pasa na yan. kase hindi pa alam nila mumi at dadi na nagenrol ako. actually i don't plan on telling them. (hello, til 12 midnight at the latest ung sessions ano) anyhow ayon, so since ung mga pasa sa makabilang braso ko ay mas malaki sa isang unused bar of soap (i swear.. nagmerge merge kse sila) i have to always see to it na hindi nila makikita. that means hindi ako sasabay kumain and stuff. oh gosh pano sa church bukas. well may conceiler naman. kaso mashadong malaki ung kelangan takpan. first rule, there's no conceiler that acts like a complete eraser. hayy nako bahala na. pag nakita edi nakita.
so anyhow un nga. paguwi ko nakita ni atebem. tas aba, ayaw maniwalang jujitsu ung may kasalanan. omg, my own sister diba? tas tipong mejo tinataasan nako ng boses. edi nabanas nako sabi ko anong pakelam nya. kaso sabe nya binilhan nya ko shirt at swim suit (kase stores sa town happened to be on sale when she went there) kaya since natakot akong bawiin nya, demonstrating jujitsu moves had to do. para maniwala man lang sha. unfortunately, although that kept her quiet, i mean that stopped her glaring, kanina binalik nya ung issue. super convinced ata talaga sha na nagsorority ako at na-haze. which is quite ironic, considering na kaya nga ako nageenjoy sa jujitsu kse im learning how to protect myself from holduppers and kidnappers and rapists and stupid people and such e. and God knows how id rather wait for hell to freeze over bago ako pumayag na may humampas saken habang nakapiring. hayy nako ung mga tao, weird. kung kelan ka nanloloko saka mabilis maniwala. tas pag totoo na sinasabe mo, saka naman sila magdududa.. how funny.
oh i forgot, BELATED 7th MONTHDAY BEAN BEAN!! :) you know how important seven is. ayy oo nga pla, Happy APRIL FOOLS naren..! ugh fools. they're so many and they're everywhere. mejo naiirita nako sa mga nangyayare ha, in fairness. ah bwiset. now's actually the time to just forget all the umm worries kse kakatapos lang ng classes! (i forgot to mention, kahapon, i mean nung thursday nag end ung saken... not that it's a matter na worthy makalimutan, kaso kase napost ko na to e, kaso nga naghang. -- see first statement) hayy abstract algebra, you don't know how elated i am to finally spit you out of my life. hayyy. oh i have to stop talking. this post is getting to be longer than planned.
~02h17~
last week
hindi "nakaraang linggo" a. iksabihin huling linggo. isa nalang... and it's hibernation for me. pwedeng pwede ko na itapon lahat ng 110 series na mga bagay. madadagdagan naren ung available space sa utak ko kasi pwede ko na kalimutan lahat.
o anyhow may dilemma pa pala ako. magffinals pa ba sa 110.3 o hinde. nakakaiyak na talaga. (pero shempre sino bang iiyak) actually naisip ko hindi nalang, tas sa 117 nalang ako magffinals. para at least tuesday pa yon. kaso may hinahabol talaga kase akong grade. so pag (much against my will) pinabayaan ko nang ganun ung grade ko sa .3, hindi talaga aabot. and it's a big sayang. hayy ewan ko. pag maya mayang mga 3am tas hindi ko pa naaaral ung .3, what the hell bahala na ung two seven na yon sa buhay nya. id rather sleep. grabe sa linggong to, ang summation ng sleeping hours ko ay hindi lalagpas sa 25. kaya wag ka magtataka kung biglang tumaba ako. kase san pa naman kaya ako makakakuha ng energy kundi sa food.. leche yan. tataba ka na nga pumapangit ka pa dahil sa eyebags at sa putla (na mejo mukhang nauseous na). oh well. ang alam ko naman this is the worst semester ever e. at least sana nga. so next sem pwede na ako gumanda ulit. (walang magrereklamo)
sa friday pupunta talaga akong spa. or sa sat. ang pangit na ng feeling kase e. kahit kakagising ko lang. pagod parin ako. pag ngwwork nako baka pagtawanan ko lang to. kase by then mas madami nako reklamo. i think. well depende sa line of work. oh shucks ano ba tong sinasabe ko. kelangan ko pa gumawa book review. kanina pakong umaga gumagawa. hindi pako lumalagpas ng 4 lines. bale two sentences pa lang. and it's already 11pm. how sucky can somebody get. mashado lang sigurong pagod. anyhow cge nga, eto na.
~23h27~
haggard
napaka deadly na talaga... bukas dalawang magkasunod na exams. tas sa tuesday isa. tas sa wed isa. tas sa friday in fairness tatlo. tas ung m117 and geol overlap pa. loser.. wala namang gustong magmove. habulin ko nalang daw. o diba the nerve. to think na mahirap tumakbo sa teletubby park. oh gush. anyhow kakatapos ko lang magaral for tomorrow. and actually im not quite done. kase ung exam sa tuesday it's a terrible terrible thing. bale kung umulan saken ng goodluck tas tama lahat ng sagot ko sa mga alam ko, ~30 percent lang ung score ko.. oh gush. my eyebags are taking over my poor face. (nkakatakot ung imagery). anyhow to pass pa book report sa p.i. at problem set sa m123.2. good thing is, next week, 3 exams nalang... that's heaven, considering this week i'm going to wring my brain (which is really not endowed with that many convolutions) seven times.
hayy anyhow napanood niyo ba csi? grabe ha, maganda ung episode kanina. well replay yon so that episode was last wed's. mas na-take (bweh) ako kesa dun sa season finale last ummm season. pero maganda din naman yon. hayy nako drugs. when will you leave this braindead world. ansakit na nga ng ulo ko sa kakapigil sa tears e. hehehe. pano kase dun ako kanila mumi nanood. e pag may narinig silang sniffle galing saken sa part naumiiyak narin si nick i'll be completely mortified.
actually nababangag nako e. wala pang twelve, kaso kase 9 ako nagising kanina. oh this is great. wala akong masabing kakwento kwento. nagpapalipas lang ako kasi ng resting time for my ummm brain (which again isn't that convoluted). oh my gosh.. feeling ko eto din mga pinagsasabe ko sa last post. napaka kawawa ko na talagang conversationalist.
ay alamo ba, kanina, robyn choked. e wala sila mumi at dadi. so bale ako si nana and atebem lang ung kasama ni bean bean. tas omg, pag emergency situation i swear hindi ako nakagalaw....! i friggin froze up. minsan sa tv pag may tangang hindi makagalaw pag dapat gumalaw tinatawag ko shang ummm tanga. ay redundant. anyway ayon. tas si nana, she made everything worse for my nervous system malfunction kase ba naman, nagpanic tas exagg na panic... tipong nangingitim na daw si robyn... (at pasigaw ung pagkasabe).. ? e duh, wala naman no. pero kahit nakikita ko really clearly na hindi naman pa nagbblue man lang si bean bean tumagal pa tuloy pagfreeze ko. record breaker grabe. bale if i was in a movie, hindi lang ako sisigawang tanga. babatuhin pako ng popcorn. or else wiwisikan ng iced tea. *shakes head* let's just pray na hindi ever magkakaopportunity na ako ang maging nag-iisang candidate to save somebody's life. so yon. eventually robyn caught her breath. well hindi naman talaga sha nagchoke. nagiinarte kase sha habang umiinom vitamins so nasamid ata or sumthing. tas yon. or baka arte lang niya kase ayaw niya ng vitamins. para may excuse sha para sumuka. that makes her really really cunning. wow... how clever naman my niece. :) good girl.
oops 110.3 time na. :) goodnight. at para sa college students, goodluck :)
~23h59~
exams
jusko. exams. a penny, o cge fine, a centavo (maging makabansa tayo) for each thought tungkol sa exams and i'll be filthy rich. hai nako. wala pako naiintindihan sa .3 kahit isang dot. to think na kelangan ko mabasa el fili by next week. 117 pa. oh who cares. sino ba gustong magbasa tungkol sa stressful, no fun, ddreeaddful stuff e lahat naman tayo may ganyan. unfortunately this is my blog so who's asking you. (joke lang. it's a girl thing) anyhow since summer naman at mainet, sige, pagbibigyan ko nalang ang mga hinaing nyo. *sigh* lagi nalang ako.
anyhow narinig nyo ung bagong movie ni tarantino.. grabe noh. saya sana. sumthing to help you stay awake at night (and hence study... di nga). hostel. grabe puro pangtotorture. and if you want the real deal, premiere ung panoorin mo. uncut. blechh.. mas gory pa daw sa final destination3.
anyhow andito si kuya sammy so bale may pretend kuya ako for at least a week, (five days of which wala naman ako sa bahay) so masaya. ang awkward lang na may tinatawag akong kuya. parang hindi sanay ung vocal cords ko. anyhow all's well.
hay nako. yang thesis pa pala na yan. maayos ko lang yon i'll be really happy. kahit ilang exams pa itapon mo saken. *sigh*
ang init no.. shucks. nakakahilo. lalo na pag asa up. grabe ang init. parang asa oven.
robyn's pretty. tinuturuan ko sha sabihin ung word na "lamig" (pronounced "la-meeeeeeg") kase malapit na nya masabi e.
the heat froze up that part in my brain which makes my statements coherent. as if nman coherent talaga ang mga sinasabi ko in the first place. anyhow ayun lang. nagpapalipas lang ng oras.. nakakasawa magmemorize ng chain rule at ift na hindi ko naman talaga naiintindihan or ever maiintindihan. para lang akong parrot. kapalaran ng isang guro chapter.
~22h02~
dagsaan
ng stuff ngayon. napaka wicked ng mga bagay bagay. to pass on thursday, problem set sa 123, powerpoint presentation sa p.i. 123 exam sa monday, 110.3 next tuesday, ung iba nakalimutan ko na. mga lima lang ung slots sa utak ko set aside for dddrreeaadful exams and such. andi have to keep one open. Jusko. ansakit na ng likod ko sa kakadecode ng mga errm codes for 117..
ay wait, nalaman ko, kung ayaw mo pala mag ojt (requirement ng dost) oks lang pala. madadagdagan lang ng 2 months ung required service mo for them when you finish school. e as if naman magsserve ako sa kanila (hello canada) so ewan ko. all's well.
~16h21~
stairs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABI!
hayy nako, painkillers, efficacent oil, salon pas, and mountains of bengay later, hindi paren ako makalakad ng maayos. dammit. pag nkakakita ako ng steps sa dadaanan ko, sumasakit talaga heart ko. (bweh) pano pa kaya ung stairs. omg. nagiging psychological na sha. hayy nako. kelangan ko gumaling by wed. or else i'll die.
so anyhow kagabe nanood ako last supper. ansaya saya. ay nung isang gabi pala yon. group sila of masteral students na nag-iinvite ng mga masasamang tao (e.g. priest na against homosexuality, guy na pro hitler and stuff) tas lalasunin nila. tas nag-ipon ipon ung bodies sa backyard tas super dumami ung tanim nila na tomatoes dahil sa fertilizer hanggang sa pinatay din sila nung tv person.. e hindi naman ako magaling magkwento ng movie e. basta ang funny. may sense sha e, diabolically. well i'm not evil (bweh...) basta funny lang. star studded pa.
ay shucks nakalimutan ko manood amazing race. ohh shucks may nalaman akong very very vveerrryy dreadful thing. ung wwe sa araneta hindi pala ipapalabas sa tv...! dernnit. akala ko today. no way out lang pala. and oh by the way, batista's back... kay batista nalang ako. hindi na kay cena... pano kase si maria e. anyhow apol's gonna kill me if she finds out. kase i threatened to kill her pag naisipan nya makishare kay cena. *sigh* anyhow antawag dito. i forgot to greet robyn last monday,. Belated "HALF"Y BIRTHDAY BEAN BEAN! :) apol's idea of the proper half year greeting.
oh sucks you noticed less than 3 weeks nlang? oh gush... time flies by so darn fast. tipong ayoko na magaral and i'll throw a big big bash pag tapos nako, kaso bago mangyare yon thesis muna. dernn. magdadasal nalang ako na pwede ako mag skate through that dreaded umm endeavor.
laban na ni undertaker at kurt angle maya maya.
~21h10~
reversed four of swords
hayy grabe.. kawawa talaga ako kanina. para akong lola, lalo na sa stairs. pero in fairness oks naman ung session. jujitsu nga pala pinaguusapan naten ha. don't get lost. ok so bale next week manonood sila ren and pam. to help them decide kung magjjujitsu naren sila or not. well actually kaya sila magoobserve kase they want to see if there are cute guys sa class.. errrmmm.
so anyhow i cut my p.i. nung thursday.. pano kase si karissa e. bad influence hahaha. actually wala naman ako 123 kase edi nagkita kame to make kwento and to make bonding kase it's been so long (like ages long) since naka-bond ko sha. so anyhow, 'twas fun. ay may utang pa sha saken shake. dern. tas nagcut nalang tuloy ako (with karissa's approval). so anyhow ayon. we walked around up for a while tas nung nafeel namin na mejo lumalagpas na sa hundred kms ung nalalakad namen, umupo nalang kame. i thought itd be good for my battered muscles (exagg lang) unfortunately nung friday, i mean today, nadagdagan ng mga 3 minutes ung time ko pag akyat at pagbaba sa stairs sa math. errm.
apple stole her friend's bamboo cd. what a kind sister she is. plus kase ung ninakawan niya ninakaw din ung yellowcard nya. kaya cguro oks lang. i haven't had the chance to buy one, e gagawin ko naman kasi talaga yon. so anyhow that's what's good about falling for local bands (local bands daw...), their cds are a whole lot cheaper.. daba. ang ganda pa ng black and white picture ni ira sa loob... oh dern.
~19h15~
no classes
hayy thank God. actually half heartedly i was praying na sana wala nga muna. in a split second nagkatransition sa sarili, apathetic to freaked out. (tipong "hindi pako umaabot sa power years ko...! bka kse magka martial law..") (demented loser) anyway, kaso nga lang mejo panget ung mangyayare sa sched kase tues am, may m110.2 exam. so bale may weekend hangover pa ko nyan. oh well. mabuti narin. nasayang naman ung pagkafree ng m123.2 classes this week. parang sa isang 123.2 class lang tuloy kame nakaligtas.
hayy nako i've got more bad news. si john cena na at si maria... dammit. maria as in maria outback jack hopeful-turned-wwe diva. pffft. as in. pero sige fine.. mabuti nang si maria kesa si victoria or c mickey james or sumthing. pero kung si maria lang pala, edi sana nag trish stratus nalang sha. mas may sense. napaka bad news talaga nito. kala ko tipong para shang si shawn na wala nmang pakelam sa divas and all. so next week pa nten mpapanood ung laban laban sa araneta. which happened friday night and last night. how sad. how sad.
mejo wala na nman bang coherence? halo halo na kasi pinagkakaabalahan ng utak ko e. hayyy nako. anyhow since bigla shang nagblock right after mamention ko sha (ung utak ko i mean), at wala ako biglang masabe, mgllog out muna ako.
~11h10~
open forum
(forum participants - abi, ren, gcel, elai, dianne(a little later pa))
abi asks: anong color butt mo?
ren says: hazel brown
ren asks: ano lasa poopoo mo kahapon?
gcel says: sweet
gcel asks: nasan butt mo?
elai says: asa harap
elai asks: e baket ba ha?
abi says: e kse pangit ka
abi asks: ano feeling mo pag kasama mo si elai at gcel?
ren says: hate
ren asks: ano color ng underarms mo?
gcel says: pink
gcel asks: bakit ka tanga?
elai says: pythagorean theorem
elai asks: ano funeral song mo?
abi says: chicksilog
abi asks: sino pinakamabaho sating lahat?
ren says: si elai
ren asks: sino long lost identical twin mo?
gcel says: si tweety
gcel asks: sino pinakamabaho mong roommate ever?
elai says: abi
elai asks: ano expression mo after poopoo mo?
abi says: "far out!"
abi asks: kelan ka last nagtoothbrush?
ren says: january 10, 2010
ren asks: sinong mas cute, ikaw o aso ko?
gcel says: ikaw
gcel asks: anong size ng shirt mo (american size)?
elai says: 85
elai asks: kaninong paa mabaho?
abi says: ren
abi asks: ilang beses ka nagpapalit ng underwear sa isang buwan?
ren says: 3
ren asks: anong diameter ng face mo?
gcel says: 9
gcel asks: in which animal's ass super eager kang pumasok?
elai says: (elai doesn't answer)
elai asks:anong huling food lumabas sa ilong mo?
abi says: clover chips
abi asks: anong ginagawa mo after poopoo?
ren says: nagppray
ren asks: anong color ng nose mo?
gcel says: white
gcel asks: kung part of the body ka, ano ka?
elai says: mouth
elai asks:anong part ni booger boy ipapaexchange mo sayo?
abi says: nose
abi asks: ilan butas ng nose mo?
ren says: 3
ren asks: sino papatay sayo in the future?
gcel says: chad michael murray
gcel asks: anong grade gusto mo sa thesis?
elai says: 27
elai asks: pag tumitingin ka sa mirror, ano nakikita mo?
abi says: tsunami
abi asks: ano ginagamit mong pangbooger?
ren says: ears
ren asks: ilang beses ka kumakain sa loob ng isang oras?
gcel says: 15
gcel asks: pangit si ira diba?
elai says: yes..
elai asks: ilang taon boyfriend mo?
abi says: 8
abi asks: ilan pilikmata mo?
ren says: 7
ren asks: kaninong ulo gusto mo pugutin?
gcel says: gcel
gcel asks: what's the color of your weewee?
elai says: green
elai asks: cino sa circle kamukha mo? as in ha.
abi says: elai
abi asks: ilang beses ka nagpapalit ng underwear sa isang buwan?
ren says: 3
walang maooffend sa mga nakasulat a.. sa isang group ng extremely close and true to the core friends, ganyang mga bagay ang mga nilalabas sa isa't isa. (bweheheheh) so anyhow, dianne joins the heart-to-heart discussions and the secrets continue to unravel.
abi asks: bakit ka ganyan?
elai says: e kasi mas pangit ka
elai asks: bakit magkamukha kayo ni booger boy?
dianne says: kase maganda ako
dianne asks: maging pwet o asawa ni booger boy?
gcel says: maging pwet ni booger boy
gcel asks: san mo gusto magrest?
ren says: sa bathtub
ren asks: san mo pinapasok kinakain mo?
abi says: sa hinaharap ko
abi asks: ilan buhok mo sa underarms?
elai says: 3
elai asks: anong gusto mong gawing shake ingredient?
dianne says: arms
dianne asks: boyfriend mo si booger boy noh?
gcel says: yup
gcel asks: sino may kasalanan?
ren says: dianne
ren asks: anong pinakamalaking part sa face mo?
abi says: eyelashes
abi asks: anong shape ng poopoo mo?
elai says: double helix
elai asks: sino ang talagang salot sa lipunan?
dianne says: p.gma
dianne asks: sino kamukha ng magiging boyfriend mo?
gcel says: me
gcel asks: sinong sinisisi mo kung bat ka ganyan?
ren says: Nostradamus
ren asks: kung ikakasal ka sa hayop, ano?
abi says: elephant
abi asks: madumi ba ass mo?
elai says: oo
elai asks: anong part kay abi matagal mo na kinasusuklaman?
dianne says: stomach
dianne asks: cute ba si booger boy?
gcel says: no
gcel asks: andaya ni dianne noh?
ren says: no
ren asks: sino pinagpapantasiyahan mo everyday?
abi says: si ren
abi asks: ano ginagawa mo before poopoo?
elai says: nagsasampay ng towel sa cr
elai asks: ano ginagawa mo bago matulog?
dianne says: jogging
dianne asks: ano ginagamit mo panlinis ng ass?
gcel says: paper clip
gcel asks: hindi ka ba naliligo?
ren says: hindi
ren asks: anong tawagan ninyo ni mac?
abi says: mickey mouse
abi asks: ilan lahat toes mo?
elai says: 27
elai asks: anong matagal mo mang gusto sabihin kay gcel?
dianne says: "shokoy! ang ganda ko."
dianne asks: sinamahan mo ba si ren pumasok sa nose ni da vinci?
gcel says: yes
gcel asks: so feeling mo madugyot ka? ha?
ren says: yes
ren asks: ilang inches mouth mo horizontally?
abi says: 8
abi asks: anong gusto mong song pag kinasal ka?
elai says: john jacob jingleheimer schmidt
elai asks: kelan ka manganganak?
dianne says: in the next ten years
dianne asks: who's your daddy?
gcel says: abi.
gcel asks: anong gusto mong complexion?
ren says: periwinkle :)
ren asks: ilang moles meron sa face mo, left side lang?
abi says: 8
abi asks: ilan lahat ng ngipin mo?
elai says: 77
elai asks: ano pabango mo?
dianne says: sweet mango
dianne asks: sino ex mo?
gcel says: c michael
gcel asks: anong size ng paa mo?
ren says: 0
ren asks: anong theme song nyo ni mac?
abi says: narda
abi asks: sino gusto mo sampalin dito?
elai says: ako
elai asks: pag kakainin ka ng crocodile, anong body part issave mo?
dianne says: heart
dianne asks: favorite music instrument?
gcel says: hands
gcel asks: last question na ba toh?
ren says: no
ren asks: sinong ipapasok mo sa bag mo?
abi says: si mr. brownman
abi asks: anong body part mo lagi mong inaamoy?
elai says: hands
elai asks: ilang kumpol ng earwax tumutulo galing sa ears mo?
dianne says: 63
dianne says: ilang beses ka nagpapalit ng sandwich pag meron ka?
gcel says: 8
gcel asks: anong part ng katawan ni ceazar gusto mong tanggalin?
ren says: neck
ren asks: bakit mo mahal si mac?
abi says: eh kasi nga makati!
abi asks: bakit ung underarms mo pink?
elai says: eh kse likas na maganda ako
elai asks: bakit daw ako tawa ng tawa?
dianne says: makulay lang tlga
dianne asks: anong favorite book mo?
gcel says: goal
gcel asks: sino pinakaengot sa circle?
ren says: iiko
ren asks: kung may papasok sa ass mo, ano makikita nya?
abi says: great wall of china.
ocge fine... just so hindi nyo isipin na mga tanga kme at sadomasochist at abnormally structured ung mga katawan nmen, actually hindi alam ng sumasagot ung tanong. kaya ganyan yan. ganyan open forum nmen. bawal tears of woe (pero pwede tears of laughter) at required na creative ka when it comes to formulating questions and coming up with answers. bale next time kumpleto na kme. wala pa kse si monch at lala nung ginawa nmen toh e... :) they missed out.
~01h18~
open house and stuff
and then there's the open house. just came home. i swear astig tlga sorority ko. ipopost ko mamaya ung mga napagusapan nmen na grabeng mga bagay. im sure walang confidential don kse nag"open" forum kme, so i guess open means really really open. bale iccompile ko ung "out in the open" things na yon tas gagawin nmeng book... tas kikita kme.. tas bibili kme ng chopper. o.
anyhow, unfortunately, nabitin ung saya kse sinundo ako mumi super like early tipong 430.which was actually ok, kase i really really wanted to go home and drown my sorrows... sa sandamakmak na chocolate at sandamakmak na oras sa tapat ng tv. at sandamakmak na playtime with beanbean. at marami pang ibang sandamakmak na stuff... (redundant na mejo mali na pala, pero cge). anyhow, twas a fun day... wala nmang nkitang ayaw makita maliban kay bubuli boy (how mean...) and booger boy... (awww meaner..) so kung nakita mo nga pla ung nadagdag na letter s sa sign sa washroom for men sa 2nd floor, that was my doing.... pano kase, nkakabother tignan na "for male only" ung nakasulat.. diba naman.... wrong grammar. plus ung police line do not cross na props around the concert area, bunga yon ng pagpupuyat ko til 3am last night... i mean kaninang madaling araw. inisa isang isulat... pero oks lang. ung committee head sabe nya i can have it after the concert. saya un ilagay sa room diba...? diba?
so anyhow hindi pako nkakapagdecide, pero i think its about like 80 percent sure. mag jjujitsu na ako.... teehee. pano kase, parang shang cocc. nainggit ako sa mga pinanggagawang mga rests ni tienne tas ngayon, naiinggit ako sa mga defense stuff ni girlie. e yon. and besides, maliit na nga ako e... pano pa ung magmukhang tangang hindi marunong lumaban.. achaka ayon. pero 80 pecent palang nman... ung 20 napunta sa fact na ill probably die when forced to do pushups. plus hindi ko abot toes ko. at nung pinanganak ako hindi saken pinagkaloob ung ability to do splits and cartwheels. stupid gymnastics.
oh you see ira sa taas? grabe noh....? hayy basta. mind your own business. :) this will wane soon i swear.
~22h57~
the fair
oh gush. it was the best up fair i ever went to. front row kay bamboo for only eighty pesos. oh gush. thursday lineup was the best lineup pa.. saka ko nalang ippost pictures. grabe, ansaya talaga. we were so crazy. actually ako lang ata ung crazy. pero fun paren. hayyy. oh gush. and ira.. oh gush.. hindi nako magsisimula kase baka hindi lang ako matapos. ah basta fun ung fair nung thurs. kahapon. kanina. 6am na kame umuwi ng dorm... hahahaha.
ung really really sad part lang ung fact na isambeses lang kame ride sa ummm rides. at hindi namin naabutan kjwan. i think they got onstage too early. we went there at about 10. left at about 4. at nawala pala hikaw ko. (well considering na cellphone yung nawala sakin sa fair before, this is ok) ano pa ba ung sad.. ahhh yon. never mind. let's not talk about that one.
ayyy gush. nakakasigh lang talaga, as in sigh na daydreamy stupid sigh. kase an lapit lapit namen sa stage. andame pa namin crazy antics para makadaan papunta sa pinakapinakaharap. dibale nang magmukhang kupal kase pag nasaharap ka na, and you get to take pictures of them (ayyy gush) rockstars, everything's worth it. ay nako si ira...
anyhow glad i spent it with them circle. san ka mkakahanap ng taong interesado pumasok sa nose ni leonardo da vinci? or taong pinagmamalaking mukha shang porcupine? or taong ung suject ng fantasies nya ay ang sarili nya? o gustong yellow nalang sana pimples nya? sa circle lang yan. anyhow gotta go. sleepy. really.
~21h07~
other jobs
hayy nako. hindi na talaga ako makakapag-aral kahit kelan. maybe i need to try yoga. pero actually magttry ako ng jujitsu next next week. that is kung hindi sasama ung isang taong sana lumipat na ng kwarto. (pffft :)..)
antawag dito.. pano kase mamili ka, laro kayo ni bean bean o math117 at geol stupid 11. diba. by the way antawag dito, magaling pala ako maging barfbag. mga six times ako sinukahan ni bean bean last weekend. pero ngayon hindi pa mashado. like twice palang. magaling din akong nail buffer saka sandpaper para sa nails niyang sort of hindi na nails kase they're more like talons.
pero one job im so not good at is taking pictures. ung photo coverage last last last sunday, kung hindi malabo, madilim. bwehehehe. baka epileptic ung kamay ko na hindi lang nahahalata. baka talaga kaseng acting ung calling ko... :) bwehehehe. malay mo.. oh shut up.
~16h56~
malapit na
...matapos ang sem.. and im so glad. ugh. sana ung isang tao jan lumipat na ng kwarto. kase nakakabanas e.. hehe. anywhoo lamo ba, nung tuesday fashion show sa ilang. e tas as usual tinamad ako pumunta. so bale 730 daw yon. nung mga 745 mejo wala nang tao sa floor, edi naghugas nako ng plates. (oo... naghuhugas nako ng plato) o anyhow, as fate would have it, kinulang ng model para sa fashion show tas nacorner ako sa banyo. you know how it goes. i mean you would think na iron clad na yung argument ko na kulang ako sa height. pero wala e. although in fairness fun sha, kase samurai ung outfit kya balot na balot. like pag mejo revealing yung costume magwwalk out talaga ako. plus balot na balot equals fun kase oks lang kahit bachoy ako and all.. ang pandak ko nga lang talaga, hindi matago. (like what a surprise). pero ung konting pride at time na ginugol ko pati acting ability (sabi ko na tlga may future ako sa acting e), may kabayaran naman and all. fifty percent off sa ilang shirt. :) plus the fun of it.
oh and its fair week next week. so bale sa thursday kame ng circle. yes ang saya ng bands non. panget nga lang ng title. sis fire (whatever) (no offense).
~18h22~
secrets
actually wala namang secrets to. duh.. (im not that stupid) much to a nosy person's dismay. stupid moronic gatekeeping programs. found a way para gumana sha, pero duh, dami na nakakita. oh well. at least may idea ako who they are. buti nalang wala mashadong names mentioned. wala naman ata ako nilagay.
i might have... owel too late. :)
anyhow super grabe napaka madaya ng pi prof ko as in grabe really ultra grabe. nung thurs, nagannounce sha may exam kame sa mon. o diba. napaka unfair. buti sana kung tipong wala lang na exam.. kaso hinde. ung coverage ay ung uong librong makapal at mabigat at hindi mashadong kasha sa bag ko. at madami pa kame hindi ndidiscuss na chapters. so bale my weekend's ruined. my .3's ruined. everything's ruined. *sigh*
actually the good thing is, ang ganda ganda ng lesson sa 117. ugh nerd. why do i even talk about math. wala nakong kwenta kausap. :) hehehe. kaya why talk at all.
~22h32~
procrastination
ugh...hai nako, im so convinced na college is not there para tulungan ka sa field na kukunin mo. it's primary function is to stress you out. til you get used to it (if you're lucky) or til you go crazy and waste away and die. kagabe actually dapat matutulog nako when the clock struck ten kaso i ended up bonding with my best friend the tv til 3. tas kanina dapat homework na. kaso nagsalon nalang kme at nagbayo. at ngayon kelangan ko magnet. kase tinignan ko kung si kip pardue ba ung sa movie ni sly. (feeling close). and i was right. napanood ko kase khapon at 12 ung devil's pond. scary movie by the way. babbling again (babbling ang blabbing... they're actually synonymous.. galing diba?) mas masaya magbabble kesa pumiga ng utak na totally desiccated na. anyhow where was i. ayon. ung devil's pond. freaky. which was surprising, kase there were only five people through out the movie (three of them are on screen for about two minutes lang), isa lang namatay and you don't even get to see it, plus wala namang monster or multo or whatever. from the sound of it mukhang exorcist stuff or lake placid thing kse sha. fortunately hinde. kaso freaky paren. nagiging appealing tuloy ung pagmamadre.
anyhow tomorrow i've got to shop. hanggang 31 nalang ata ung sale sa town. plus it's gonna be robyn's first official shopping trip. so obviously there'd be no time to study. bad person. kelangan ko pa man din catchup sa 117. nkaka3 absences nako. the last one, i didn't mean to. nkakatuwa tlga. apparently the iced tea served nung reception sa binyag was umm poisoned (yeah... so to speak.) and everyone who drank it (almost everyone) got umm poisoned (so to speak).. stupid sentence but it made sense nonetheless.
ay loser. kelangan ko pla imend ung tear sa mahal kong pantalon.
~21h02~
absence
oh sorry. wasnt able to write kase i took my exams seriously. (yeah right) actually right. unfortunately the exams didn't take me seriously. ay nako. at least alam ko i did what i needed to do. hindi nga lang enough.
anyhow si mankind at jason mraz may sarisariling appearances sa malls tomorrow. whats with january and famous people going to manila? anyhow ano nga yon. ayon. binyag ni robyn sa sunday. bale that's one day of studying that goes to trash. ung reception sa bahay i think its gonna go til 5am on monday. feel ko lang. pano ba nman kse, 150 guests. hello. 52 jan godparents ni robyn. o diba. exaggeratory. (<--hindi yan pagkakamali sa english. hybrid lang ng words) anyhow. plus bukas, aattend ako seminar sa binyag. kunwari daw ninang ako, which im not. nagmagandang loob lang ako kay atebem. plus hottie daw kase yung aattend na ninong for the seminar. after that, shopping kase super sale daw sa town. so wala na ulit aral aral pa. bale ang natira nalang tonight. and im too tired. id rather dig my way to china with a teaspoon than open a notebook.
so anyhow may ikkwento dapat ako e... ah sa kabilang room nalang. dernnn gusto ko talaga manood ng wwe. gusto ko makita si john cena. hhhrrrmmmfff. ay nako.
sabe ko na talaga seven talaga lucky number ko e. un talaga lage. walang agawan a.
ugh papayag ba ung dost kung ung ojt next time nalang? as if naman itutuloy ko ung pagttrabaho as they require diba. plus sana payagan ako mag 9 units sa summer. para lang sa october wala nako problema. anyway, it's no skin off my nose if i don't graduate early, pero sayang lang diba. im tired of having to fix my things sunday evening than fix it again thursday evening. nakakastress lang talaga minsan.
andame nang movies na pinapadaan ko lang. underworld na. hindi ko pa napapanood narnia at rumor has it at family stone.
haii nakoh, ngayon ko lang napansin na mas masaya ang life kung hindi mashado lumalabas pag weekdays tas pag hindi nagbabaraha. wala lang. mas nakakapagmeditate ka..maglalaro pala ako muna. hindi ako mkakapaglaro bukas and certainly not on sunday.
~20h15~
first week 2006
first things first, mejo lucky ako this week kase basta (uhhh very very bad account) tas ang malas din kase dinapuan ako ng panget na sakit. antanga ha. tingin ko allergic na talaga ako sa sumthing. may allergy ba sa alikabok? un ata e. kung hinde, baka dahil lang sa changing weather. ugh.. tas nung mon, may class pala sa 117. nung tues, may class sa .2 at .3. nung wed, may 197 at cw. at kahapon lang ako pumasok. so kung itatally ko, sa lahat ng classes ko may tig-iisa nakong cut.. yuck delingkwente. plus very bad ung exam ko sa 117 at geol. ayy nako nevermind them acads. hate em. ansagwa.... two days lang ako pumasok sandamakmak kagad nangyare... i think its a sign.
may concert pala ung backstreet boys tas may concert din ung queen, although hindi ko mashado gets yon. super tiny lang kase ung ad sa newspaper tas nakalagay, "we will rock you manila" e duh, patay na si freddie mercury diba.. e wala namang nakalagay na tribute lang yon sa ultra great band.. siguro ung tatlo lang. ewan... so anyhow hindi pako nakakapili kung saan ako pupunta..... bweheheheheh hinde joke lang. excuse me a. nung grade four ko lang ever nagustuhan ung backstreet. anyhow hindi rin pla ako mkakapunta sa queen. kase ayoko na pumunta sa mga concert na pwede magkamoshpit. kase nakita ko sa news may namatay sa moshpit...goodness.
ay nako si apol ten hours nang katelebabad sa phone yung boyfriend nya. hindi ba sila nauubusan ng pinaguusapan...? i wonder. good grief naman ano, ten hours.
anyhow, birthday ni atebem next week. (actually kaya ako nagpigil sigawan sha kanina e... ginamit nya kase damit ko ng walang paalam.. achaka mabait naman kase sha these past few months) tas si robyn bibinyagan na sa 22. hayy pretty pretty niece. hindi ko pa sha pwede lamutakin today kase may sakit pako. dammit. nakakapagusap na kame ng matino minsan. (caution: robyn blabbery coming up) marunong na kase sha dumapa at magcrawl mag-isa. kya minsan pag kinakausap ko sha lilingon sha tas sasagot. four months in fairness. tas isambeses sabi ko sa kanya baka nagsasalita na talaga sha habang tulog kame tas hindi lang niya sinasabe... tas tumawa sha ng malakas... freaky.. :) hehehe. tas kaya naren kumapit ng clip sa hair nya. mukha kase shang boy minsan kase may mohawk ung buhok nya. at least macclip na. ayyy nako. ang cute pa nya ngayon kase nkapjs sha. hayy nako. si bean bean. she's just sooo precious.
anywhoo matulog na daw. kase bawal daw magpuyat pag may saket.
~23h48~
back
just got back from vac. hah. ansaya. tamang timpla. bwehehe. :) hayy nako, nakakaupset na two weeks lang sha in fairness. pero kung tumagal nakakaupset din, kase nawala ung cable don so im stuck with two channels. in fairness alam ko ung mga ngyayare sa only you at anghel na walang langit. leche. hirap tanggalin sa system ung tv time. hayy nako. mga one year ulit bago ko makita sila mai saka bing. in fairness kay maimai araw araw sha asa bahay... wait lang.. hindi nyo sila kilala. nonetheless, ay damage. nagkakanda hulog hulog na mga gamit ko dito. kakagulat them fireworks. (akala ni keiser pag sinasabi ko dammit, damage ung sinasabi ko... mabuti na yon. ) omg, hindi ba sila concerned sa welfare ng fingers nila sa lakas ng mga paputok na yan...?
belated merry christmas at happy new year in a while! in fairness sa ibang tao jan, hindi nambate. *rolls eyes* oks lang. *smirks*
ayyy si robyn how ive missed her. babawiin ko ung seven hundred thousand kisses sa kanya mamaya. grabe, lumaki sha at naging ultra cuter. at nagpapierce na rin yan. sa ears. dalawa. although i bet after like ilang months nadagdagan na yon. *shakes head* ugh magpupuyat talaga kame ng bestfriend kong tv mamaya. sisimutin ko lahat ng pwede masimot na tv time. i swear.
gusto ko bumalik don... (mejo) masarap food masaya people presko air e. wala nga lang tv. im tired.
ay may good news pala ako para sa sarili ko. si auntie heidi kase na paborito ako (bweh) nalaman ko close pala sila ni sir lope na chairperson ng math sa up. bale si sir lope kase same province din sa kanila. tas yon. edi sabi ko kay auntie sana gamitin nya powers nya, kaya nung fiesta, ininvite nya samen ung family ni sir lope plus si sir lope and guess what... tinanong ko si sir kung pwede sha maging adviser ko at pumayag naren sha shempre.. pero since tatanga tanga ako, hindi ako nagtanong kung anong branch ng math ba ung pwede. feel ko 123 stuff ung kay sir e. at hindi ko kaya yon excuse me. basta bala na. basta may adviser nako.
im tired.
~21h52~
christmas
hahaha... ang galing si danni saka ung linz ung mga nanalo. bati kame ng reality shows this time, last time mgkaaway kme. anyhow, as i said im gonna be spending the rest of the season sa province, far enough to leave all the craziness and disappointment and confusion and worries,.... (mahaba pa ung list) ayon. so anyhow learned some very dreadful things. very very. kaya kelangan ko ng time to get used to it. so pag dating ng pasukan, nkalimutan ko na sha and it wont matter anymore. so timing is good. punta kme town sisters and i tomorrow to buy christmas gifts... ugh good luck sa wallet ko. it's gonna be tattered and burned and gaunt and basically dead when christmas is over. *sighs* oks lang. arrrg i have to do really impt stuff. arrrggg ayoko gawen. what the heck.
oh by the way, alam mo naman na ung house nila lola (naku bahay ni lola... freaky) is like twenty million light years away from civilization, so unfortunately, walang phone lines don. consequently, hindi nako mkakapagnet for like two weeks. by then the season's over. kaya, merry christmas nalang. :) tandaan, season for giving. kaya if u can, sponsor a kid sa world vision. 372-7777. :)
~21h27~
tests
sandamakmak tests ulit. and you know what's really bad about it...? Finale na ng survivor at amazing race next week. iksabihin hindi ko sila mpapanood on time kase bawal naman magcut noh. ugh iksabihin madami makakaalam ng nangyare before i do. hrrmmffsrmrgrmmf. kung baket ba naman kase... never mind.
at sinse kulang ang time ko para pag-aralan ung lahat at magbasa ng madaming madaming readings sa p.i. kase mejo wala naman pa akong natututunan tas exam na monday at pinapagawa pa kame ng essays, mag-nnet muna ako to figure everything out. diba... logical naman e.
does anybody know what kulturkampf is? dammit. ay asa net pala ako. stupid.
oooh change topic. kanila auntie heidi ako magcchristmas...! nothing beats cold december air sa province. plus fiesta pa so that means a whole lot of chow. un nga lang ako lang mag-isa sa plane. sana lang hindi ako maligaw sa airport. or manakawan. or makidnap. or anyhow...
sana din makasama ako kanila tita mimi sa boracay. please oh please sana after december 18 na sila pumunta don.. its been years since like nagbangka ako. :)) oh wait lang. alam ko na. uunahin ko na ung 110.3. ok bye.
~22h40~
a perfect circle
Happy Anniversary sa Circle!! :) hayy grabe two years... Never thought na ung siyam na taong dinaan-daanan ko lang nung first sem first year magiging kasama ko sa circle. Ung closed curve everywhere equidistant from a single point. as fate would have it though, parepareho kameng may crush sa kalai at nagka brilliant idea na magkriskringle kame to celebrate our pagkalandi.
napaka thankful ko talaga kay God na nakuha ko ung isa sa ten coveted seats ng circle. (and i mean coveted. Daming inggit sa dorm na nagppost pa nang kung ano anong reklamo sa kaingayan namen. Mga inggit) hindi naman sa ino-overrate ko sila (duh, wala ka naman talagang mapupulot samen kundi murahan at bagong vocabulary na totally unacceptble sa society), (saka sinasabi ko lang na 'coveted' kase for optimism's sake, inassume nalang namen na kaya madaming naaasar pag maingay kame kase inggit sila) pero basta. i just value them really much. ewan ko nalang. like anybody else, may iba pa naman akong group of friends, pero sa lahat ng yon, circle lang ang consistent sa pagiging 'anjan' when i need rescuing. hindi naman sa kailangan ko sila kaya sila precious (eww :) ) pero the very fact that they're never not there (fyi iba yan sa 'always there'), diba, that's worth being happy about. buti nalang we get updates once in a while (brilliance of "monthsaries").
anyhow to celebrate our second year of 'being there' supposedly magppicnic kame kanina sa track oval, but the stupid grass was wet. Edi sa court nalang ng IC kaso it stupidly rained. (at ano na naman kasalanan namin sa sky?) Edi dun nalang kame napadpad sa tambayan ng isang org sa vinzons. Ok naren, may table and chairs just enough for ten people. kaya i suppose it was meant to be. Basta ultra enjoy. Dianne picked Iiko picked Ren picked Hani picked Elai picked Lala picked Gcel picked Monch picked Chin picked Abi. Ang pretty nga e, one full circle ung kris kringle.
unfortunately ung dami ng happy moments ganun din ung mosquitos kase mejo candlelit ung celebration namen e. Kaya shit, pag-uwi namen my legs my legs. kamusta naman mga kagat ng lamok saken. as in binilang ko, ha. twenty freakin eight. Pasalamat nalang ako walang dengue sa gabe. or tsetse flies. Pano na mgsskirt nyan bukas.
sorry, im digressing again. ayon. as expected si lala paren number one sa lying. fortunately naloko ko din sha and stuff. pero mas madame paren naloko nya. unfair. pero perfect ung kris kringle kase may ganyan. may liars, may innocents accused of lying, may kawawang naniwala sa liars, at shempre may gifts...! Ansaya talaga ng everything. except sa onting away history (pero sa totoo lang ha, parang gusto na magbati ng dalawa jan)
hayy canada. Kung itutuloy ka sana hindi mo pinapadami ung mahirap iwanan. Sleazebag. At kung hindi ka itutuloy edi sabihin mo ng maaga. Sleazebag.
anyhow nakakalungkot lang kase supposedly one-week celebration to, kaso them exams. kaya one day lang tuloy. oks lang. we'll take what we can get. :) christmas is coming up fast...!
anyhow tend ko muna them bites. Happy Anniv Circle ulit. :)
~23h33~
wax?
atebem bought some wax so we tried it.grabe ha, nako i swear first time users grabe ha. freakin hurts. nag red red na tuloy binti ko. hehehe. pero at least natry naren. alam ko na pala kung asan ko nkita si house before. asa sense and sensibility sha saka sa home alone at sa stuart little. diba diba diba.?
nakalimutan ko na kung pano gamitin ung taylors theorem kaya ako asa net when everybody's asleep. unfortunately, everybody who knows na may such thing tulog naren so everything starts to become pointless. zzz.
im probably gonna do sumthing very very sinful tomorrow. mag ttv-fasting ako. ugh . pano kase kelangan ko na talaga as in mag aral. or else im dead. ay matutulog nalang pla ako, late na pla.
~01h21~
in fairness
ugh.. alam mo ba as time goes by lalong sumasama loob ko kay sir viloria. sinayang nya kase talaga ung 900 pesos ng napakaraming tao. kase ba naman. baket kelangan nya ituro ung 110.2 in such a cruel way. tamo, kay sir felix ngayon masaya ung 110.2. i hate to say this, pero sa totoo lang, natutuwa ako sa 110.2. it's been years since tumama lahat ng sagot ko sa isang math exercise. diba... ang enjoy talaga. unfortunately, wala paren ako naiintindihan sa 110.3. too bad. magpapaturo nalang ako siguro or sumthing. kahit kanino. i need to pass every single subject, kelangan ko din magover load either sa summer or next sem, tapos kelangan ko matapos ung mga p.e. ko to graduate sa october. not to mention the fact that i have to pass my thesis sa first try ko.
talk about happier stuff. nag kris kringle na kame ng circle. in fairness nagkris kringle din kame sa math. kahit apat lang kme. tapos magbbirthday pa sina jerome, cha, at girlie. then im gonna have to give mr sakay a fruit basket and a gift. plus c mr. gonzales pa. tapos shempre ung buong pamilya ko pa. buti nalang, wala ako dito sa christmas.. oh yes, oh yes, pwedeng sa january nalang gifts ko for them.
nga pla, im happy to tell you that robyn has finally spoken. sabe nya, "aya"... wow diba...? shempre alam naman nating lahat na it's an acceptable word. napaka gifted nya talaga. three months palang sha. at kaya naren isupport ng neck nya ung ulo nya.. and take this, mahilig sha manood ng tv. basta nakaon ung tv itataas nya talaga ung ulo nya tas manonood sha. :) its so friggin funny. magkakasundo talaga kame i swear. anyhow she's sick now. ininjectionan kase sha. plus alam mo ba bawal sha magswimming sa pool ever in her life? hai nako. kawawa naman sha. pero sa beach pwede. tita mimi and company just arrived from canada. they're gonna leave at 3am later for igbaras. pinagkakaguluhan na nila si robyn ngayon kase she just woke up. naweiweirdohan na ata si robyn to some extent. hehehe.
ugh buti nalang hindi ko na tinuloy ung sea games. madame pala gagawen good grief. im just so glad magccanada kame. iksabihin hindi ko na mashado kelangan magpaganda ng resume. kase malamang magaaral pako don. not to say that im glad about the whole thing. ofcoursenothowdareyou.
~22h33~
blabbery
ugh hindi mo talaga ever maiimagine magkalife na constantly burdened by migraines. eto lang a, pag sasara ko na eyes ko lagi ko naiisip ung stuff na napanaginipan ko dati nung nagkadelirium ako, basta freaky. crumpling paper tas naging tao ung paper and stuff. basta. anyhow after that, sasakit na naman yan si head.
anyhow as most of you may know, magttwo years na ung circle! :) aheh. heh. and naturally pag anniv, one whole week ung celebration. like last time. and of course nobody should forget the good old kris kringle. labasan ng galing sa pagsisinungaling. pati naren ung skill sa pagchange topic pag mejo nahuhulaan na ng baby mo na ikaw ung nakabunot sa kanya. fun diba.. anyhow, the overly-prepared names are ready, glittered paper at may drawing pa ng christmas tree plus may two stickers pa. :) manda manda lang pag may nagtapon non right after bunutan.
anyhow kelangan naten mapansin malapit na ung christmas. which is good. para bumait bait naman ung mga tao.
by the way, lahat ng mga plans ko to busy up my november, they're gone. :)) ewan ko, ung iba i chose not to do anymore, ung iba tinatamad lang ako talaga tas ung iba, tapos na. and now that november's almost over, edi everythings ok.
~19h07~
worst week yet
have you watched eternal sunshine? luma na sha at matagal ko na sha napanood, pero sinasabi ko lang na gusto ko din mgpaerase ng memory. uhhh. ocge, harry potter week and all, but that was the sole thing that made this week great. mali, this week was far from great. uhhh pano ba. that was the only thing good about the week. ayon.
first nadapa ulit ako. sa math naman. dati sa physics, tas ngayon sa stairs sa math. buti nalang isa lang nakakita. kaya nagtawanan nalang kame. pero hindi ko sha kakilala. good grief.
a few days before that ewan ko nalang talaga a, i caught some kind of flu. pero pumasok paren ako tas after class makyat kame ni sandy sa room ni sir para changemat. e talagang hindi ko na ma-take. (gay) anyhow sabe ko nalang sir may kukunin lang po ako sa baba. tas pagkaclose ko ng door, i threw up. as in chicken curry talaga. it's sort of funny like hehehe, pero sucha humiliating experience. pero before non hindi naman ako nasusuka, nanghihina lang.
wish ko lang talaga walang nakakita. hindi ko kase sure kase tumakbo nako directly sa cr, where as luck would have it mahaba pa ung pila. at kahit naging green na ung mukha ko i had no choice but to wait for my freakin turn. anyhow after that ok na naman. sinamahan nlang ako ni sandy linisin ung, ummm, puddle sa labas ng room ni sir.
aside from that madami pang ibang traumatic experiences, pero wala nalang talaga akong magagawa. sa mga magaling na magbabasa, don't ever mention this to me ever again. sinusulat ko lang kase gusto ko ishare na one, wag ka magbasa ng book habang umaakyat sa stairs ng math. two, kung may sakit ka wag ka pumasok. three kung may alam jan ng kahit anong way to erase certain memories, cge na, paturo. ayun lang.
~13h23~
karma
always wondered kung hanggang saang extent ako kakarmahin. pero unfortunately hindi pako kinakarma... nyer... which is bad. kase baka lamo na. we take karma for granted and just keep piling up mistakes. ung tipong mistakes na may repercussions. pero in fairness. depende naman kase kung naniniwala ka sa karma e. mejo. kase small karma's never failed to remind me that it's there. small karma's when pag tapos nako sa gum itatago ko nalang sha sa gitna ng mga body scrub sa isang kikay store tapos pag labas sa sa store, nakatapak ako ng bubble gum. and i was wearing my favorite pair of slippers.
anyhow this is my last free day. i mean last day before classes start.. pero not technically, kase enrolment palang nman sa tues, pero bukas punta nako school. at hindi ko to nagamit ng maayos kase hindi pako nagpapack. pero at least may schedule nako sa errrmm clothes. not to mention na ang ingay ingay ingay ng tv nila atebem ngayon, kaya hindi ako makapag tv. alamo yon, tv ethics. some of which would be *one* pag may nanonood ng tv sa isang enclosed space (like a room), don't ever ever forget to close the door when you come inside that enclosed space and when you go out. *two* when somebody's watching tv, you shouldn't watch tv or play music or talk loudly unless you're out of the enclosed space that the tv and the viewers are in. (unless shempre pag emergency) *three* don't ever ever pass between a viewer and the tv unless that's the only way to pass. diba nman...?
anyhow madami pang rules. pero tinatamad nako isulat. hayyy pero some people don't know them yet kase hindi pa nila naeexperience ung mga consequences na dala ng unethical behavior. ay magpapack pa pala ako noh.
~20h13~
busy november
shempre baka mag sea games pa pala ako... hindi ako maglalaro a. pero sort of parang tutulong ata ako maghandle ng events. kaya much to my despair, kelangan ko pumunta don sa nyc kaninang 7am. well actually 930, pero 7 din ako gmising. *sniff* hindi mo lang alam kung ilang bag ng suka ung nagthreaten lumabas sa bibig ko. (haha... disgusting ba) kakahilo.
anywho bka dun daw ako sa football sa marikina or sa rowing sa novaliches (where that is, i have no idea). ung basket sa ateneo hazy pa. so for about ten days wala munang tulugan and worst of all, wala munang tulugan. bale two weekends ang tinapon ko sa kawalan, imbis na gamitin pang tv at tulog. bale ung weekend before that mageek kame for apple's birthday treat. tapos weekend before pa that, nana's birthday plus may plano pa ang circle para sa 23rd month. siguro sa mga free time na mapipiga pa jan, bibigay ko pa sa sigma alpha nu. *frowns* saka nalang naten isipin kung ano nang mangyayare sa mga exams at academic requirements. *snickers*
~16h15~
halloween
tatanga tanga na naman ako.. instead of watching taurus world stunts, magandang gabi ung pinanood namen. leche. nakakasad... kase just when natuto nako matulog with just a nightlamp on. i mean three nights ago i decided, since five am na naman ako natutulog kase nagbabasa ako, edi nightlamp nalang diba. sayang kuryente e. saka by then wala nang moomoo. tapos ayon. mgb was wretched enough to make one moomoo look like sadako. or ung sa grudge.. ewan basta freakshow. shempre pano nako maya-maya diba. natapos ko pa man din na ung book. ugh.
i tried putting geckos sa friendster. fortunately, it doesn't work.
anyhow, happy halloween...! :) although iksabihin nyan more hours of active imagination pati ung fact na malapit na pasukan. ugh.
oohhhhh holy moly. I swear. Namatay yung tv magisa. I really swear. wait.
may napindot lang siguro ako or something. before i left the remote three meters away. or it could always just be techcnical problems. alis nako sa computer verrry slowly. nope i can't. type lang ako ng type diredirecho. kase you know sa movies.. when you start to move and turn around... wait. im going to chat for a while. para maalis takot.
~00h02~
reg woes
hmf. one day lang ung reg. like yeah right. eh andame ko pang kulang e... dammit. kung hindi lang kase pabago bago canada plans edi sana kinuha ko na ung cwts at mga pe nung second year. naoccupy tuloy ung wed ko. this is gonna be hopeless. kelangan ko matapos ung enlistment in one day. kase magpprerog ako sa wed. or wait lang. baka pwede magprerog kahit hindi pa tapos ung form5. ill see.
dame gagawin sa november. first off app ako sa ean. then nobody should forget, harry potter & tgof. tapos nana's birthday. tapos circle's ek plan. tapos apple's debut. tapos robyn's gonna be quarter of a year old. plus of course, anjan ung preparation para sa christmas gifts. *sighs* long long month. pero at least half of that's gonna be fun. ung panget at panget at panget lang talaga ay ung part ng acads. wala talagang pwede ikasaya dun. if i don't get 110.2 and 110.3 at the same time, everythings gonna be *whisper* bad...
~15h41~
one potato
two potato three potato four, five potato six potato seven potato more. parang mejo mali ung grammar. or pwede rin syntax. (i mean baka may "or" between potato and more) anyhow im straying. point ko lang ay nagiging isang tamad at walang kwentang couch potato nako. not that i want the sem break to end. actually kulang nga e. kase it's like 1.5 weeks til enrolment tas ive wasted most of my time trying to break guiness's record on number of hours bumming around. hanep. wake up, tv habang brunch, tv after ubos kain, bath, tv habang snacks, tv, tv habang dinner, tv after dinner, tv til like 2. after then imonna read til like 5? pinaka late kong stay up is 630 am. that was last night. shit ilang unburned calories din ung napapadpad sa katawan ko nyan. which is why magjjogging na talaga ako next sem. hahaha. sama ako sa roommate ko. where was i... i lost a thought.
ayon. i was going to say not really. i mean dun sa time wasted part. kase for about three days i just whipped clean my whole room. simula sa closet hanggang sa mga kandila. in fairness. inayos ko naren ung debut collage, ung nothing collage, pati ung likod ng pintong punong puno ng pictures. nakaubos din ako ng isang buong roll ng scotch tape. at nagkandasugat sugat naren ung mga kamay ko. pero at least gumanda na ung room. it's so purple now.
so i watched corpse bride. not that early pero at least not that late. nakakatuwa sha... hahaha. (wow obvious a..) anywho mejo weird nga lang kase ung "hoo-woahh" voice ni johnny is not that fit for victor, who is a rather clumsy and awkward boy. oh well. still nice.
oooh dernn sti-nunner ni stone cold ung buong mcmahon family. in fairness. anywho im straying again. so bukas ng gabe malalaman ko na kung may hiya pa bang natitira ung crs for me. good luck. and ive got a bit of news. im happy to tell you that robyn has finally learned how to speak... :) hahahahah less than two months palang sha a. well actually wala pa nman shang sinasabeng recognizable words pero pag tinatanong sha, she actually answers. at least i think she does... baby talk man lang diba.
~01h16~
lecheng crs
ugh.. napaka grrr na talaga. wala nakong patutunguhan dito. first of all ung math 110.2 at math 110.3, if ever kukunin mo sila, which happens to be true for me, isa lang ang pwede maging sked nilang dalawa. second of all, since kakaopen palang ng 110.2, ngayon ko lang nalaman na mali ung 110.3 sked na pinre-enlist ko. that would have been fine... kung hindi pa full ung parehong classes ng 110.3. unfortunately... *stares pensively* ...
third of all, ung tanging paglalagyan ng .2 at .3, un lang ung available sked ng bridge. so im gonna have to cancel that one. too bad nlang kase, like, kulang pa ako ng dalawang pe...? leche na talaga toh. plus, kulang pa ako ng mst at isang math elective. 162's full, and all mst's have no freakin slot for anybody. pero in fairness sabe ni darryl baka makuhaan nya ako ng slot sa eee. pero shit. im really really stupidly bummed about this. looks like hindi ko na kailangan mag overload, just so ggraduate ako a sem earlier. kase for one thing, kulang pa nga ako e. leche. *sighs* breathe out the bad karma. *fans herself*
yan its gone. have you watched numb3rs..? ang talino.. grabe. pati minesweeper na-relate sa bank robbery. anyhow ang tanging panira ay ung fact na si frankie sa ed, ung frankie that i really really really hate, sha ung girl cop sa numb3rs. sa lahat ba naman baket sha pa. anyhow after that 50 first dates was on hbo and i decided, ang ganda ng soundtrack. ansaya kumuha. pati soundtrack ng oc. manghihingi nalang ako nun sa kung sino. oooh igotta go.
~23h05~
robyn fattie
tignan mo si robyn, she's a super fattie batchoy... *GIGIL* hay nako, pag kunware hawak ko sha or nilalaro ko sha, nag-iingat talaga ako. kase nakakagigil tas hindi malabong mapisat ko sha sa super gigil. she's so fat..
para shang cabbage patch kids, pero shempre, she's a lot prettier. in fairness, ngayon lang ako hindi nadiri, well nadiri as much as mandidiri ako usually sa mga bagay na usually kadidirian, i.e. sa poopoo at suka at booger at nudity. hahaha.
and by the way, 1.5 months old lang sha, pero she's really really jumbo fat. well hindi naman. pero para shang tomato. pero pretty tomato. you just have to see her.
anywhoo kinuhaan na sha ng passport. so i guess makakasama talaga sha sa canada, duh.. tas sa november bibinyagan na sha. hah. she'll be the prettiest baby sa church. (mean..) well actually hindi ko alam kung sure na ung november. sabe ni atebem e.. pero kase dapat sa january pa e. i don't get. a basta.
anyhow gusto ko lang magpaalala, if you have time, offer ur prayers to the victims of the ruthless calamities. or if you want to be really really passionate about it, andame dame namang places where you could donate stuff. there's direct relief. or sa star. wherever.
~13h56~
old news
2nd running for preenlistment ends tonight. para sa mga taga-up-- just so you know. anywho nanood kame kahapon sa town ng 40 yr old. :)) friggin funny. hahaha. pero sana dapat talaga corpse bride e. kaso its gone. sa greenbelt nalang ata meron. whatever.
anyhow, kagabe, wala nako mashado mapanood sa tv and i ended up with oprah. apparently, there was sumthing biggie na wala man lang ako kaalam alam - i was three weeks outdated..? ung katrina thing sa new orleans, kahit pano i heard. ung riot sa superdome which ultimately developed into a massacre, so they said. ewan ko lang. devastating. wala nang ibang pwede. hrmmm i sincerely wish i could help. kaso pano ba naman diba, when im lightyears away.. kahit alam kong america made philippines look like a friggin jackass history-wise, wala lang. nakakaawa. pero in fairness naman kase, sabe sa news (yeahhhh, i read the news. *smirks* that catastrophe really pushes you na magbasa ng balita, na never mo naman ginawa before) some of the accounts tungkol sa riot inside the superdome were exaggerated. pero still. half of it's bad enough. *sighs* all you could do is pray, huh.. so pray.
~15h59~
at last
sem break na... grabe, bad sem. very very bad sem. anywho at least tapos na. pwede na kalimutan lahat ng natutunan tas pwede na ulit magpuyat sa cards. at least for a while. im really really tired.
natuklasan ko naren ung pinakaeffective na pampagising. an apple before 9pm, coffee na walang milk or cream before 10. i swear. pinaka maagang tulog ko jan 4am. at pilit pa yon, kase nagbasa ako ng book. pero pag umabot ka sa 12pm na hindi natutulog, ayun na. your head's dead. at least tapos na at least tapos na at least tapos na. ampapanget nga lang ng grades ko, but still. at least im still alive. whoopie.
like i said, ung panget lang talaga ung pag-anticipate sa stupidang enrolment. duh.
ugh napakasama. next sem i swear. aayusin ko na talaga. nakakaguilty, sabi ni mumi bbigyan daw nya ako prize kase pumapasa ako. uh hindi niya daw alam ung 110.2. dern.
~17h50~
friendster
kahit ung whos viewed me thing sucks, ang fun fun paren. :) (by the way, sa solution din pala sa whos viewed me thingie. dapat lahat ng tao mag anonymous nalang. mas masaya un.) anywho, enjoy iba ibahin ung color sa profile. hehe. ansaya saya. :) patatagan sa purple. pero sige, para wala naman masuka, nilagyan ko naren ng blue.
paper monday, dalawang exams sa fri, exam ulit next week mon and wed. loser.
hayy shush.. buti nalang responsible ung mga groupmates ko sa kas. kunde im dead.
ay ancute cute.. doll na ngiging leprechaun!! :) ay. hehe. wala lang. hey by the way feng shui, may sakit pala kameng lahat. meron kame g6pd. glucose6 hydrogesumthing deficiency. hereditary sha e. tas si robyn din meron. bale bawal pala kame sa kahit anong may soy or kahit anong blueberry stuff or kahit anong legumes. uhhh oks lang. wala naman akong hilig jan, except sa blueberry cheesecake. some form of anemia sha, or cause ba ng anemia. actually hindi ko alam e. at hindi ko rin sure. ay male, hindi pala sure na meron kame, pero most probably lang. kase nagmmanifest pa daw un pag mejo tumanda na or sumthing. anyhow ang ikinasasama lang naman ng loob ko is that kelangan namin kumain ng ampalaya saka atay. blech...
~17h46~
first game
which sucked, by the way. Kaasar talaga... Kasalanan tong lahat ni Santos. pa-three three pa kase sha. Pero i don't hate him enough to call him names. Di tulad ni atebem, sabe niya half-goat half-gecko daw si arwind. Mejo harsh, kase oks lang ung goat, pero ung gecko (na isang napaka kadiring panget kadiri yucky na malaking lizard), i wouldn't go that far. that's way too ugly. yucky ugly. very. mas pangit pa yun kay jeepers creepers e.
anyhow, mas ayoko kay isip. mukha shang guyabano. Hindi ung fresh guyabano ah, ung mejo seven months nang nakastock. kase hindi naman sha green e. his face is brown.
ugh.. grr talaga. malas malas. so lasalle has to win twice.. leche. nanood nood pa man din ako at hindi natulog nalang, tas talo din naman pala sila.
sabe ko na sign ung pagkadelete ng ringback ko e.
~21h19~
impossible things
andami na may myspace ngayon a, in fairness. pano kase may music na and stuff don. kaso nakakatamad pa lumipat. 'swy ung account ko parang hospital room pa. saka nalang.
anyhow before church kanina, may gusto ikwento si dad tungkol kay mum pero ayaw ni mum. after church naman naggrocery kame, and i couldn't be any stupider, kase nagpaiwan ako sa car kasama si dad, tas si apol sumama kay mumi sa store.
so naturally, knwento ni dad na super nalulungkot na daw si mum kase ung friends daw nya super malalambing daw nung mga anak. at aba nman, he exaggerated the story so much na may nadawit nang mga luha at abnormally illogical actions on my mom's part, like going home in tears (??? i mean, come on, mum would never do that just because diba...???)
anyhow, then he cornered me, hindi daw ba namen pwede gawen un kay mum, as in lambingin sha like other children. shempre nagbingi bingihan ako. tas aba, nangulit paren. tas konting paguilty jan. *sighs* shempre asar na asar ako. and i made it a point to show him that. kaya tumigil na sha.
im not being a bitch about this or anything, pero it was really unfair of him to do that. peaceful relations at home, maintaining that's already hard enough. and that's not entirely my doing. i couldn't friggin control that. if i could edi we'll all be friends. at kung titignan nyo ung sitwashon dati, napaka magiging thankful pa lahat ng hindi bingi. achaka i swear, hindi naman na kame mean e.. constantly engaging in casual conversations is a start, pero ung lambing na hinihingi ni dad, that's impossible. siguro after five years or sumthing possible na, pero definitely not now.
siguro mostly our fault, pero sila din naman e. if me and my sisters are all that way, then it couldn't be all us. plus alam naman nila kung ano na napagdaanan ng family e. it wasn't one way. parang sinabe mong pakasalan ko si botbot (ung walang kwentang kaaway namin ni express nung kinder na lagi nanghuhulog sa swings). just impossible.
shempre gusto ko din ganun kame, malambing or whatever, kase masaya din tignan ung ibang tao na ganun, kaso hindi ako ganun e. they made me that way. or they made us that way. actually we made us that way. *sighs* . ewan ko. ang point ko lang kase, we would just have to deal. with what we have. or at least take it a step at a time. i mean each of us doesn't need any more stress than we already have diba.. *sighs again*
ay gush (<-- ndi yan bisaya or sumthing a. ayoko lang ng gosh.) ang haba na pla. :) hehe.
ay pasingit lang ng totally ibang mood. ittry ko pala ung bridge ni caces. toinks. i can take her, any time of the week. pfft.
~22h32~
babble babble
grabe, antagal na since i slept for not more than 2 hours on a school night.
ampanget ng feeling. as in spend energy big time just to walk, tas the best you could come up with is still zombie-like..
at kaya pala nangyare yan kase sinamahan ko si gcel sa ipis getaway nya. that was nung thursday night. sabe ko na lumipat na sha ng room e. mejo unfair yon, she pays pero ung roommate nyang jeepers creepers (ipis c jeepers creepers diba?) may tendency na itulak sha na magovernyt sum place else.
oh gush (<-- para lang maiba.. mejo gay ung gosh e.) mageend na ung sem... i mean this coming week is the last week. wow diba kase at last like hindi nako magpupuyat for boring stuff.. instead, tv nalang o kaya phone o basta masayang stuff.
on the other hand, iksabihin malapit naren ung enrolment. which is hellish. kind of.
alam mo, like my cards predicted, mum and dad have learned to leave me alone. hindi na nila ako ginugulo mashado e. minsan uuwi nalang sila from their date na hindi ko nalalaman. or aalis nalang sila bigla para magdate without letting me know. everything iv always wanted. kaso in fairness, nakakapanibago sha. or baka what i wanted wasnt what i needed. (fix you, katoinks :) ) yan kase. parati nagrereklamo. well ill see. baka kulang pa kase ung time for me to get used to it.
~22h46~
bigger picture
hrrrrmm si mumi dapat ibibili kame ng shoeses today.. kaso si atebem asa hospital ulit, kaya kame nalang ni apol. tas ang corny corny kase wala akong makitang shoes na masaya. tas nakakalungkot din, kanina punta kame ni apol sa hospital, tas si atebem, she's really like scary. nakakaawa na kase ayoko lang na sha makitang may sakit. hindi naman kase sha sakitin dati e. kakaopera lang kase na naman sa kanya, tas yon. it's really sad. kase she's so weak and all that.
hindi din kame pwede ihatid sa mall for some reason, kaya nagbus nalang kame, (like as if papayagan kami magtaxi ever) kaya mas nakakalungkot.
hrmmmngggrrrmmff. then there i was, self-meditating, see the bigger picture, see the bigger picture. but i couldn't find it. nagchikahan nalang kame ni apol tungkol sa mga boys nya para mejo nakakatawa. haay nako.
tas bukas super maaga tuloy ako papasok kase dad's gonna stay sa hospital. to think four to five hours later pa non ung first class ko.. *see the bigger picture, see the bigger picture*
high up above or down below... nye. ohhhh no ohhh no. may isang napakaimportanteng bagay as in really really na nakalimutan ko bilhin sa mall. *smacks head* sayang... andun nako e.
~19h45~
sack of complaints
im sorry, i've been a gloomy sack of complaints lately. e ewan ko. nakalimutan ko lang talaga tignan ung bigger picture. hehe..
anywhoo, happier things, happier things. In fairness kay robyn, im glad she has commendable taste sa music. i figured, coldplay ung favorite music nya. omg, i swear. kaya sha patigilin umiyak ni chris martin.. ang galing.. sabi ko na e. coldplay has a knack for getting me to sleep also, so it's no wonder. :) haaay si robyn. life's much more exciting with a pretty baby niece around.
sharks hindi na naman ako makakanood desperate housewives... (manlilibre si mumi shopping mamaya :) ) for the second time na to i swear. *whisper* and that's really really bad.
by the way, iv decided to join ean. :) ewan ko, sa lahat kase, parang kitang kita mo na sha ung hindi just for soshalan achaka pasikatan. plus nung orientation, they were impressive tas their principles were exhibited well. halatang hindi fake. so siguro next sem para mejo maluwag. :)
ay darn, wala pa plang 12....ngayon ko lang napansin. kaya pala masama pakiramdam ko e. tulog ako for thirty.
btw, i just have to say, UP, kahit hindi ka nanalo at kahit hindi ako laging kampi sayo at kahit hindi ako nanood ng cheering kahit sa tv man lang, alam ko mas magaling ka paren sa ust. sa lahat. :)) and im sure nandaya ung judges or sumthing.
(monday, 09-19) ay nye joke lang pala.. hindi naman pala daw talaga maganda ung sa UP. :) sabe ko na nga ba e. pero either way, up paren kesa ust.
~11h30~
furious kc i dunno
grabe, how come one day lang ung duration ng good luck ko..? minsan lang talaga ako magalit ng ganito.... over nothing. well hindi nothing, basta over sumthing mababaw. tipong kahit aftermath na sha, konting tulak lang saken i swear kaya ko na basagin ung buong monitor ng pc. i hate this.
oh darn napunit ko ung tupperware. ayaw kase nya masara e. it's not my damned fault.
i swear, ni hindi nga man lang alam ng kung sino man yon na asar na asar na asar ako as in grabe (ugh, you won't even be able to imagine how much). pero pag iniisip ko kung baket ako galit, naaasar lang ako lalo. kase unreasonable at immature pala talaga ako. pero ganun naman kase talaga diba. so we're just gonna have to deal. :(
eto palang ata ung day na it's raining tigers and werewolves na napaka bad trip. *sighs*
robyn took her first bath kanina. 'swy now shes mabango. :)
~17h38~
lasalle paren
aheahaheheahahhahahaa..... ahahahha.
ahahahhaahha ahahhaha
72-55... ahahahehhehehaha... o sige na tama na. :)
hahahahh hahahahha.hahaha.
nakalimutan ko ibalita, mahal ako ng world. nawalan kase ng class nung monday (see previous post) e iyon. kaya ung m123.1 exam, nung tuesday na... ahahahha. plus nanalo pa ung lasalle. plus kanina 30 mins late ako sa kas, e dapat ako ung magrreport, e hindi napostpone next week ung reporting. :) everything's so nice. ayan na, suddenly everything's looking up. (nye, antanga ambabaw babaw) (pero mabuti naren mababaw ung joy kesa mababaw ung tears... i think)
72-55 ahahahahahahha hahahahah... joke lang. tama na. stop.
~18h11~
ignoramus
how stupid can you get.... oh darn gusto ko umiyak. kaso nakakatawa nalang e. umattend ako binyag where all the other ninongs and ninangs are like fifty plus years old. (at least may malaking probability na im gonna outlive them all).
tas since im running out of time to try and pass the exam (i didn't get to study math 123 kase nanood ako fight club kagabe), dinala ko daw ung mga notes ko sa car... ALL OF THEM.
stupid moron. shempre kelangan ko umuwi ng maaga kase kelangan ko magaral (everything's just so ironic) tas naiwan sa party sila dadi at mumi.
so un. you know how it goes. i left ALL my notes sa car. tas sabe nila hanggang like midnight pa sila don. and im dead. im really really really dead. im really really really dead. e kung makapag aral nga ako im still gonna be half dead pano pa kaya kung hinde... oooh darn nahihilo ako kakaisip. buti meron ako reviewer sa definitions na asa pocket ko. leche talaga. stupid moronic idiot. ako.
bagsak nako nung first exam nyan a. *smirks* oh shit... and my report's also in the car. omg alam ko na. matutulog nalang ako mamaya tas pag umuwi sila mumi saka ako magaaral until like 5am... diba..? that's if i manage to wakep.pero in fairness worth it naman ung fight club... mashadong mentally demented to the point na nakakatawa naren sha. tas at least some disturbing philosophies could really get you thinking. *sighs*
~15h17~
kwento kwento
wow mgkakabago na ulit akong inaanak. si sean paul. (that name sounds familiar.... parang wrestler..? o rnb person or sumthing). anywho uso na kase babies nowadays. i noticed.
kaso im gonna have to attend his binyag sa sunday, which is really really detrimental for my math health. e birthday party pa pala ni austin (isa ko pang inaanak) like bukas. diba... double double toil and trouble. e exam ko na sa 123 sa monday. (kung san zilch palang ung gets ko. as in null nil nada) plus magrereport pako sa kas bago nung exam so definitely mallate ulit ako.
hindi talaga ako cut out for college. i swear. pero at least im having fun. not like some people i know. *smirks*
so anyhow tinulungan ko si gcel bumili gamit for camping (i swear, naiinggit ako. gusto ko din magcamping.. nyerrrmf) tas nagamit ko ung extraordinary talent ko when it comes to choosing the best pears. hah. kaso since mangmang kame pareho pagdating sa grocery stores, hindi namen alam kelangan pa pala i weigh weigh and stuf. so hindi din namen nabili ung good pears. kawawa naman talent ko... nabasura. :) and just so you all know, talent ko din magpiga ng ketchup sa isang almost empty ketchup container. :)
~18h15~
the perfectest things
hayy grabe, hindi na ata ako makakapag aral buong weekend. robyn's here and she's like totally adorable. ewan ko nalang a.. ung mga babies kahit helpless sila at suka ng suka at tae ng tae, they still manage to be the prettiest perfectest things ever. naku, isspoil yan ni atebem as in grabe.. i bet.
tas nakakatuwa sha titigan lang forever. tas habang tulog sha sisimangot sha na tipong parang ni-nnightmare, as if madami na shang napagdaanan sa buhay nya... :)
ay dinrop ko na ung 110 ko. it's the unpleasantest thing na nangyare saken buong week. well kung iisipin mo, buong life ko pala. ang horrible kase ng ibang tao jan e. *glares* pero at least nadrop ko na sha... sana lang hindi magalit sila rents when they find out.
tas ansaya, after like ten million years, nagkita kita naren ung circle. nakumpleto kame nung wed evening, kase pinilit ko silang lahat. :) mejo sad lang ung fact naanjan paren ung rifts, tas actually nadagdagan pa. harrumpf. baka ganun lang talaga... baka some people arent meant to be friends for too long. owel. well anyway, antanga tanga. kase picnic yon, at hindi kame nakapag picture picture kase like sobrang dilim, nagmmukha kameng coal kahit hindi naman dapat. tas naglayout kame ng plans... na umabot hanggang singapore at indonesia. pero nagsimula yan sa puerto lang a... which is gonna happen after the sem ends. hah... can't wait. :) ay shngrkkk antok nako.. gnyt. (haha biglaan daw)
~00h02~
buti nman.
hah. i saw robyn kanina and she's purty. :) pretty pretty talaga. at least i think she is. pero malamang naman noh.
~21h42~
robyn's here!
ahehe... my ultra pretty niece is finally here. finally makikita na nya ko. :) (pffft) although they're not yet home. fate's agreeing with me. kase kung may pasok bukas, edi baka hindi ko makita si robyn. lo and behold, wala na daw classes. :) plus may exam pako bukas so that's really sumthing.
so anyhow, kamukha daw ni atebem ung baby. sheesh. so cge fine, iksabihin maganda sha. hayyy nako gusto ko na talaga sha makita.
un nga lang, ceasarian delivery sha. naawa ako kay atebem, hindi na sha makakapag two piece ever. and this is sort of my fault. hindi nyo lang alam kung gano karaming beses ako nagwish na wag muna sha manganak (nung saturday) para hindi ako mgkakaroon ng ka-share sa birthday ko. e na-super wish ko ata, hence, nadelay ung birthday ni robyn. unfortunately, it was so delayed talaga, kaya un. hindi na pwede normal delivery. *sighs* sorry talaga, hindi ko naman sinasaja.
when are they coming home...? antagal na nila sa hospital a. lagpas 30 hours. (nagddawn na ba sa inyo na mag-isa ako dito for most of my birthday..? :) hahaha. Good grief) naaawa ulit ako kay atebem, nagovernyt sha don. e you know naman how creepy hospitals can be. lalo na kung tipong gabe... i for one hate the smell inside. at hindi pako ever tumatagal sa kahit anong hospital ever. kaya yon. im babbling.
so anyhow ayon... thank God everyone's safe n healthy. robyn's super healthy, she's actually heavy. at least tingin ko heavy ung 6.8. at buti wala shang kahit anong facial defects. :) hayyy many thanks talaga.
~16h44~
it's happening
naku, atebem's in the hospital na i swear. pinaiwan na daw sha ng doctor don and stuff.... oooh gosh. it's happening. kabirthday ko na ata tong swerteng batang to..
kase wakeup ako maaga kase shempre excited sa mga birthday greetings (pffft :) ) tas un, papunta na si atebem sa hospital kase her tummy kinda looks like robyn's like ready to meet her pretty aunt... 40th week na nman ata nya kase.. oh no oh no. hindi naman siguro ngayon no...? cguro bukas no...? wow gusto ko na makita ung toes ni robyn.
ay nakalimutan ko batiin sarili ko dito. Happy birthday saken..! :) yuck omg, im really old like OLD.
hah. pwede ako magskirt for the whole week. walang may karapatan mangealam kase it's my birthweek. hah. :) wala din may karapatan magsabe makapal face ko kahit makapal face ko.
wait lang, hindi parin ako over. manganganak na si atebem. jeez. weird isipin na pareho pa sila nung dating atebem na nakikipagkalmutan saken til chunks of flesh fall on the floor. :) tas dahil pa yun sa isang sira sirang stapler. hayyy ay nako. Let's pray.
~10h13~
jinx-free week
ayh buti na lang one text away lang si tito james. parang consultation for one mimistulang peso. kase ba naman nagkamalubhang sakit ako.. hahaha. as in malubha. really. :) o cge, exagg. pero para saken malubha yon i swear. buti nalang talaga wala ako pasok wed and thurs. tas sakto ung medication for three days lang... swishh thats so convenient. kaya thank God. kundi hindi ako makakapagskirt kanina.
so anyhow, nakalimutan ko ikwento sa last post, nagcompost na pala ako, officially. (compost ng basura talaga a. as in basurang mabaho a.) i mean nakapagcompost nako dati, pero hindi naman un ung schedule ko talaga magcompost. wrong timing lang ung dating ko sa cwts. tas ako ung nautusan... to think.
so anyhow ayon. bale tues pm kame nagcompost ni millie. and this time, mabaho talaga yung basura. kase may adobong squid ata sa trashcan.. blech.. i never knew trash could be that fetid. at umulan pa kaya mas yuck ung feeling. pero oks lang, at least tapos na. saka at least hindi ako natapunan ng basura or whatever.
kaya so far maayos pa ung week. ikosabihin wala pa naman nangyyaring totally masama. at totally detrimental para sa outlook ko sa life. kase i know soon may mangyyaring bad. i can feel it. toinks :) pero di nga, my clairvoyant nature senses it. (nye, sinong niloko ko.)
ay may nangyari na palang bad. pero minor lang. nakalimutan ko kumuha dropping slip achaka magpasticker sa id.
~17h48~
lightning and red
ayy friendster... when i made an account hindi ko ever inisip na may mga tao don na kelangan maghanap ng asawa (kahit hindi nila kilala) (kase siguro chainsaw murderer sha tas kelangan nya ng addition sa collection nya) kaya sila nagfriendster. yeeeww...
anywhoo alam mo ba panget panget panget weather ngayon... super napaka grabe ng init, as in over init sa umaga tas biglang uulan ng super dooper lakas. Hindi mo tuloy alam kung ano ba talaga dapat outfit mo for the day, kung ung pang mainit or ung pang malamig. tas nasisira tuloy ung getup. :) tas nung monday sheesh talaga, nagsuper ulan, tas nag super lightning talaga. as in kita ko may pumutok talaga sa loob math bldg.
tas in fairness, nakared pako non... e alala ko sabe saken ni nana nung bata pa ako hinahabol daw ng lightning ung mga naka red... e malapit pako sa window non and all that..tas nung nag lightning na infairness nakakabingi talaga, una kong naisip nakared ako tas mamamatay talaga ako.. :) stupid lass.
pero in fairness baka tinatakot lang pala ako ni nana dati, kase red ung uniform ng bene.
so anyhow since mabagyo pa pala iksabihin may chance na hindi ko makita ung mars sa sat midnight. *sighs* but that was for me.. (feeling... yaan mo, malapit na birthday ko e.) so masasayang lang tuloy ung once in a lifetime opportunity. pero oks lang, 19 days naman ung birthday ko e. (which is wrong, kase dapat birthdayS pala). kaya til september 15, birthday ko pa.
~20h58~
very bad day
wow grabe so malas talaga forever. hmf. nagtown kame paul kanina. tas after like thirty seconds we realized, nakalimutan ko wallet ko. friggin moron. e town is like an hour away from home, kase traffic pa and all that. sheeesh. edi pinadala ko kay lalay. tas while waiting edi nagfit fit na kme ni apol tas yon.
edi dumating si lalay an hour later. edi spend spend na... aba naman. nagmax out ung card.. ugh. talk about malas. napakamortifying talaga forever. kelangan ko pa mag-antay ng matagal before i could go back to town. ewan ko nalang talaga a. siguro kase sa sobra dame na fit fit while waiting for the wallet pumalpak ung estimate. sabe ko na hindi ako meant for math e.
at eto pa.. natapakan pako ng isang bata.. *sighs* to think.
by the way, pagpasok ko sa 110 sa tuesday, pag wala si sir sinabe about a makeup exam, iddrop ko na sha. i swear. i swear. hindi naman ata malalaman nila rents siguro noh... unless they read my blog. pffft. fat chance. e unless magka singko ako, id rather prolong my agony. :) haha. healthy.
~22h44~
*static*
omg grabe may problema na talaga ako. ikosabihn may mali na talaga saken. tulog ako buong day. i swear. i tried flipping thru ung 123 ko pero *chenks*. hindi ako tumagal ng 2 pages. tas paggising ko kain tas tulog ulit.e like tulog din naman ako for most part of kahapon. jeez. good luck nalang sa math. i was even pathetic enough to schedule my activities para sa 3-day weekend. well good luck. walang natupad kahit isa. hindi ko nga nsimulan ung lost e.
at hindi rin ako nagtown today. bukas nalang pala. and atebem's gonna come with apol and me, kase nakalimutan ko ung term, pero basta kelangan daw nya maglakad lakad. jeez ha, robyn's kinda late.
this is so wrong. i could barely keep my eyes open.... mgllog out muna ako. sulat nalang ako ulit later.
~22h17~
chicken pox
Nope, i dont have chicken pox, duh... :) pero i have some really Weally really exciting news. Well baka hindi exciting para sa inyo, pero saken really overly grabe. hehe. sabe ni mom isa daw samen sisters nagkachicken pox na....! omg, would you believe. since sabe ni atebem sure shang hindi sha ever pa nagkachicken pox, edi as of now, nag-aagawan pa kame ni apol sa "The one who would never have chicken pox again" title. so may 50% chance na ako yon.... wow... imagine hindi nako ever magiging mukhang umm twin ni jeepers creepers. *sighs contentedly* ...
wala na makakasira ng mood ko today. especially since nakuha ko na ung alternative cd ko... ung kulang nalang mahanap ko sa files ko kung ako nga ba talaga yung "the one". i mean ung immuned. kase kame ni paul at atebem may tig-iisang fat folder na nakatago dun sa may taas ng pictures sa living room. well supposedly medical saka academic files yon. plus ung mga certificates sa kung san san. e si mumi parang ewan.. pati ung mga corny cheesy birthday letters namen sa kanila ni dadi dun nalagay. kaya tuloy, mas plenty cheesy letters kesa important documents. nahihirapan tuloy ako hanapin kung nagkachicken pox nako or not. dern.
plus i can't help but read em letters. ang ccorny. ang sarap pagtawanan yung batang nagsulat. kung hindi lang kasi ako. hehe.
so anywhoo ayun lang. gusto ko lang sabihin na maganda na ang mood ko. baka isipin nyo kase suicidal nako or sumthing kase parati ako may reklamo at depressed at angst-ridden. na hindi naman talaga. mareklamo lang talaga ako. kase im a girl.
~23h40~
mars
dadating na naman ang mars sa birthday ko. :) when i turned 17 anjan sha e. pero di ko sure last year. at least diba. pretty swell for a gift. :) ummm wala pren ung baby ni atebem. well, duh... antagal nya in fairness. nakakaasar pag ineexpect mo na dumating tas nakapagmeditate ka na and all just so alam mo kung pano icontrol ung sarili mo at hindi mo sha ma-squish dahil ultra cute sha... :) well wala pa sha.
so anyhow, si dad nga pala may problems na sa heart. last week kase, hindi nya ako nasundo sa math kase hinimatay sha sa cr sa fc. would you believe. it was pretty scary. buti nalang hindi tumama head sa kung ano man, tas buti nalang malinis ung cr nila don.... imagine kung sa as sha nagcr..sheesh.. tas yon. ginising sha ng isang prof tas dinala sha sa hospital. tas yon. saka buti nalang pala hindi sha nahimatay while driving. nagsstart na pala daw kase magclog ung veins or arteries or whatevers nya. 'swy. we're gonna have to be careful na hindi kame makapagbring about ng isang face-to-face combat. hay nako. alam ko naman na siguro one third nito kasalanan ko, duh. lumalabas na naman ung repercussions ng pagiging bitch ko. im really sorry. *sighs* really sorry..
~21h39~
bloody jihad
exagg... alamo score ko 110.2 exam? hah. 0.5 out of 30. t*******g p*****t. to think na ineexpect ko talaga na may 3 points man lang ako. good grief. may namiss kase ako na as in totally teeny-weeny stuff lang i swear, pero tama naman ung sagot. tama ba yon, 0.5 lang binigay saken...
dapat ginagawa jan magset up ng isang bloody war against ung mga immoral professors who feed from the students' despair. n*********a talaga. so leche pinoproblema ko pa tuloy kung pano na gagawain ko sa buhay ko. ruined are the plans. 3.5 years my ass. at kasalanan tong lahat ni sir viloria. walang na ngang gana magbigay ng partial points, grabe na nga magbawas ng points, tas wala pang pakelam na wala talaga pumasa, kahit isa. wala talaga samen. yung universal henyo ng batch ko sa math 15 nga lang e. *mumbles a train of curses* well, the only sensible option is to drop it. F****** ***** *****.
sorry, alam ko blog to, tas posts should really be limited to blog-worthy things (well blogworthy para saken). e nagiging math-caused angst blog na sha, much to my dismay. e sorry na nga e. pero sa totoo lang ha, wala ka nang magagawa kase blog ko to e. kung di mo feel makiramay sa pain, edi shoo. :)
so anyway, after ng kas ko bukas, wala na akong exams for a while so pwedeng pwedeng pwede nako watch charlie please..... and that imonna do. on saturday. when the shops scream sale.
bruisecount :12. ano ba yan. kala mo madali ung buhay kung ganyan kataas ng numbers tas puro skirt ung laman ng closet mo tas wearing a skirt is the most reasonable thing to do kase mainit tas di mo sure kung uulan ba talaga o hinde. *frowns* gaddemit.
so anyhow malapit na matapos second to the last teen year ko. monday ililibre ko roommates ko saka kapitroomates ko. tuesday ung ibang friends sa math cguro. tas wednesday ung circle. kulang pa yan ng 2 sets of friends. tas the week after that imonna look like a friggin tomato na naman kase shempre kung araw araw ka ba naman magpig out. oks lang. at least nakapagtago ako sa facade na happy ako sa fact na nag-19 nako. :) blehbleh.
hay nako... sana may lumapit saken na nagpapasign sa mga willing mag-take part sa isang jihad against sir viloria. well actually pang-Muslim ung jihad. pero pwede narin un.
~16h25~
robyn
shheeesh atebem could give birth anytime soon. nakaready na nga ung things na dadalhin nya sa hospital. good news is, malabo na aug27 ung birthday ni robyn, kase sabi saken usually the babe comes earlier than the expected date. pero in fairness, mejo natatakot ako for my sister. wala lang.
2 inches (or cm..?) na daw ung kung ano mang cervix opening mumbo jumbo whatever nya, and when it becomes 3, manganganak na daw sha. oh that's gonna hurt like hell.. so im thinking next week. pero hindi pwede, sale sa town, at kakatapos lang ng exams ko. at manonood dapat kame ng movie ni apol. *self-centered bitch alert*. e well wala lang, feel ko i deserve some shopping time din diba.. pero sige fine, mas importante yon.
did i mention, robyn xyrene na ung name? which is weird, kase pag may tumawag sa kanyang rx, wala kame magagawa, magmumukha lang talagang gamot niece ko. pero sige, carry. at least gamot, not some form of bacteria o kung ano man. pero sayang, mas gusto ko robyn haley. pero sino ba ko. (sayang, may pwede pa tuloy sana shang angkinin na comet.. diba). pero ako din naman nagsuggest ng xyrene kaya sige, maganda parin yon.
which brings me to my next point, kelangan naren magisip ng nickname na pretty. gusto ni atebem bo. pero pano kung may kaaway si robyn tas tinukso shang bobo. magiging matalino naman daw sha kaya di daw mangyyari yon, pero wala lang. i dont want any pamangkin of mine to be called bobo. ever. kelangan magisip ng bago.
which brings me to my other point, hindi ko pa alam ung feeling na may newborn babe nextdoor. omg. baka pagtaniman ko ng galit si robyn kase iba talaga galit ko sa mga nanggigising saken, lalo na pag wala naman talaga ako balak gumising. e atebem's room is right next to mine. sana nalang may gazillion akong exams pag crying season na. alarm clock.
which brings me to my next point. wala pako gift. sabe ni atebem dati ako nalang daw dun sa mittens and feetens pero nung nagshower sha she received like a hundred of those. *sighs*.
in fairness nakakaexcite din sha. cute cute cute. malamang cute yon noh. there's no possible way na hinde.
we all just have to hope for a very very very safe delivery. very safe.
~21h12~
it's waning
Nadepress ulit ako kanina i swear. :)) haha. napaka weird na talaga ng weather. as nana says, "ansungit ng panahon". ewan ko lang. she maybe pertaining to me for all i know. siguro sinisimot ko lang lahat ng pwede ko ikadepress. baka yan na ung waning period nitong stupidity ko.
nagaral kase ako sa terrace kagabe, so i was mejo sortof overlooking the garden. Dramatic talaga i swear. Pag ibang tao yung nagddrama sa terrace i swear tatapunan ko sha ng eggs. I know. Pero you know, I wanted to be one with nature kase. *smirks* de joke lang. Mejo hindi ko lang natagalan ung roomate ko, di ako makaaral 196 while she was singing the cheesiest love songs ever at the top of her lungs (none of which i could swallow). e alangan naman pagbawalan ko sha.
so anyhow ayon. nun ko lang na feel, sa seven years (well, 6.5) na pagddorm ko na sandamakmak din kaming little kids na iniwan sa kawalan. Sortof parang retreat nung highschool, pero a lot longer.
naturally bubblegum its for our own good, kase para makaadapt later on bleh bleh independent bleh bleh. pero its also bad. kase if you really think about it, no matter how much fun we have with our friends, each of us is in a lonely situation. napaka solitary ng joys, ng problems, pati ng stress, kelangan mo pa pagkashahin sa napakaliit mong katawan (well, saken). hindi mo naman masasabi na sa lahat ng moments of happiness and pain and angst and stress karamay mo ung friends mo e. hayy nako.
pero depende din pala. baka meron din palang mga apathetic jan sa fact na limited na ung help and comfort na pwede namin matanggap. Well i'm not. and im sad. *munches on chocolate* yahuh, i bought one.
~01h54~
sulks
alam mo ba, acquaintance party namen sa ilang kagabi, tas in fairness, nanalo ako best costume. :) may cash prize pa and all that...kaso nga lang tatlo kame nanalo, kaya hati-hati pa kme sa cash. derrrrn.
to think na rumampa pako at nagpacute at nagmukhang gago. pero oks lang, kahit pano, it was fun.
kaso kaya lang naman nasama ako don kase super accurate ung britney costume ko, down to the pink fluffy ballpen. dern nman. un ung masakit don e, britney ung costume ko.
tas napaserve tuloy ako ng food ng di oras, kase naguilty ako kase mali intindi ko sa committee head, tas pinababa ko sila rummates. t-shirt (<--mura yan) grrr na talaga.
tas kagabe, narequire si ren makipaglaro saken cards til 330 am, kase depressed ako for no apparent reason... talk about pathetic. pero in fairness, may reason naman talaga.. hindi ko lang mapinpoint. ang hypothesis ko, sa dame ng mini-reasons, naging isang ultra-enormous reason na. tas pag magssulk ako bigla tas tinanong ako kung baket, wala ako masagot. greatly disturbing.
plus wala pakong dalang chocolates...! hindi tuloy ako pwede mag-over indulge. pero pag naging bola ako bigla baka lalo lang akong madepress.
hindi nako pumasok nung tuesday nyan a.... buti nalang hindi ako umuuwi everyday... kunde never ko magagawang mag-absent just because tinamad ako magalarm. ang aga naman kase ng 830 am e.
pero in fairness hindi naman ako talagang depressed as in really.. ung tipong mas reasonable lang para sa face ko na magsulk at magfrown at magstare sa nothingness. tas ambigat bigat ng weight sa shoulders ko. kelangan ko na daw ng shrink. ahahaha. funny. *frowns*
~17h19~
spero meliora
omg namatay si speedy sa csi miami. ngggrrrkkk oks lang. basta wag lang ever si eddie cahill sa new york. :) oh dernn i started writing kaninang mga 11h45. one am na.,..! *static* saturday na tuloy. pano kase ung tv e. distracting.
charlie charlie charlie... why be in theaters sa time na sandamakmak na bluebooks ang laman ng bag ko...? ughh wala pa ever nangyyaring maganda sa buhay ko. wala pang compensation lahat ng bagsak saka malas saka headaches and stuff. lahat ng mukhang compensation sa una, hindi pala. (no offense) il just have to keep hoping for better things.
change of tone, may lizard sa likod ng pc, kaya kelangan ko na umalis. verrry slowly.
~01h22~
asinine matters
ayh nako. nagiging weekly na ung pagbblog ko. dapat magbblog ako like decades ago. kaso down ung internet sa ilang for three days or sumthing. thus, the delay.
as expected expected expected, sira sira exams ko so far. hmf. hmf. grabe. ung sa 123, wala. it's mea culpa. hindi ako nagaral tas nakipagdaldalan pako nung day before nung exam, which was a wednesday. kaya wala talagang excuses. and besides, matataas ata ung scores nila classmates. hmf. hay nako them. they manage to make you feel ashamed to your toes kahit hindi nila sinasaja.
ung 110, gaddemit. isa pa yon. ung possible points ko, like 10% lang. grabe na tlga. *sighs* math when will you end.
so anyhow ayon. happy things. naglagay na pala ako pics dito. nakakabore na kase puro post lang e. as if puno ng excitement life ko as in ung tipong dapat subaybayan. malay mo..
so anyhow ulit alam nyo ba na ung due date ni atebem aug 27? dati aug 26. tas naging aug 31. tas aug 27 na. guhhhreat. so malamang-lamang walang tao sa bahay pag birthday ko. or dun ako sa hospital magccelebrate or sumthing. whatta sad little girl. pero ung good part, magiging super pretty and great and smart and nice (a well, baka hindi nice) si robyn (it hasn't changed pa ata, at least wala pa shang sinasabe) kase malamang-lamang sa malamang magmamana sha saken :) aherrm herrm herrm :)
~18h23~
fat ass
aba nman. kanina when we were dressing up for church tinanong ko si "paul" (like yeah right) if i looked fat... aba naman talaga naman talaga. napaisip pa daw sha. *frowns* some sister.
i swear kasalanan to ng fact na walang ibang pagkain sa bahay except dun sa cakes and chocolates. hhhhrffhggrrrmmmmfff. (nye anong sound yan)
wala ka talagang magagawa kung ung mga bagay na nagpapasaya sayo (chocolates i mean) have this uncanny ability to turn you into a lumpy fat sack.
hayy nakoh. since kahapon never pa tumaas ung mood ko swear. tas natalo pa ung lasalle. s
